it's pretty fun for the most part but not to the same extent as the Wii Sports games. not nearly as intuitive as those were either and the aesthetic feels pretty uninspired. wish there were more than 6 sport options considering Wii Sports Resort had like double that like lol come on man. i read that Nintendo is adding golf to this game in the fall and like, i'm just sick to death of this shit companies keep pulling where they knowingly release games that are basically incomplete compared to how they'll look down the line with DLC added (that people will probably have to pay even more for). remember when DLC consistently expanded on already fulfilling games? now it's THE fulfillment, if that. shit is so embarassing lmao

alright I may have (probably needlessly) defended the ET game as something that gets way too much criticisms than it rightfully deserves, but even I'm struggling to think of what exactly can be defended over this port of Pac-Man.

I'll have to read more into its development but from a quick read, despite having a six-month period, it still faced issues cause Tod Frye didn't get any sort of specification about the arcade classic, and so had to spend 80 hours a week over the course of previously stated six months, not helping was having the 4KB cart being chosen for manufacturing reasons, meaning an already watered-down port was getting more bitten off cause of the limitations of the 2600's CPU and RAM. I'll admit, it's still exactly hard to call it a "bad" game considering the circumstances once again, but even still I kind of wonder how much could've been avoided and how much was unfortunate circumstances. Granted, I am theorizing early 80s development and design philosophies with my modern upbringings as well as my inexperience with the console and its full history, so the truth may be deeper than I think.

Now as for the game itself... I mean it's just a shoddy port of Pac-Man. Controls are sluggish and laggy, the AI is random rather than easy to figure out, it's even more repetitive due to the stage layout staying the same each time, and visually it's just boring and, cause of the constant flickering from the ghosts (which in fairness, was probably done so you'd figure out where they are exactly), a bit nauseating. Again, probably not one of the worst games ever cause even as borked as it is, it's still the arcade classic at the heart, but I will say I understand the claim concerning this game more than I ever will for ET.

i have a fondness for games where you get what you paid for. within two minutes of opting for a 'new game' in rogue warrior, your squadmates - thinly-veiled samuel l jackson and thinly-veiled robert de niro - are blown to bits by grenade shrapnel. dick marcinko, voiced by mickey rourke, both of whom are somehow channeling the greatest, paunchiest, and most inebriated of steven seagal, is the only man left alive. your commanding officer tells you you've gotta pack it in and come home, the operation's a bust. dick sweatily rejects this proposition and offers a sound rebuttal; fuck no, he's got commies to kill. not ten seconds later dick 'stealth' kills someone and, verbatim, says 'lights out, motherfucker.'

so at the low cost of 0 dollars, i pretty much immediately got what i wanted. quintessential self-aggrandizing, vulgar, lunatic digital autofiction for SICKOS. you clear a cramped room full of baddies and mickey rourke gravelly mutters 'the soviet fuckin union can fondle my hairy nuts'. you prepare to rappel and he claims 'like my ex-wife used to say, you go down before you can get in.' you snap some poor DRPK dudes neck and he practically yells 'suck my balls, my hairy fuckin big balls, wrap em around your fuckin mouth, im gonna shove it up your ass.'

on top of this - and im not sure if this is just rpcs3 or not - the game has easily the fastest boot-up-to-gameplay time ive seen in the seventh generation, perhaps not surpassed until the current gen. skip past everything and you clock in at 10 seconds. what the fuck, how is dick marcinko utterly trouncing fighting games at what they should already be doing and never accomplish, this is insane.

it goes without saying i only discovered that after the game crashed like, easily over ten times. it crashes more than i do after a night on the town. i thought it was just rpcs3 acting up but no, it's rogue warrior, mickey rourkes alcoholic rage is too fuckin much for the console to bear with. so my 3/5 here is a bit tenuous, i really wish it didnt freeze up so often - it forced me to restart a few levels. i also think it could have been a better game if dick had emphatically refused to use ak-47s because they were too marxist. even so, it ends with a mickey rourke rap, guys. certified western kusoge, more of a searing indictment on america than anything wolfenstein has to offer.

gameplay? it's quick and dirty. mastery of stealth? get the fuck out of here, what the fuck are you talking about. dick marcinko might have borrowed venom snakes trademark greasy ponytail, but that's not the only thing he borrowed from one of the snakes; your supressor-equipped pistol has infinite ammo. you actually die surprisingly easily, but so do your foes, and you heal every bit as quickly too - mix that with breakneck pacing and you have a rhythm and tempo seldom seen in these first-person shooters. it was also vaguely refreshing to play - as ardwyw pointed out in his duke nukem: forever review, we've largely moved away from this understanding of first person shooters into a more arena-centric take on the formula. extrapolating from this trend, i think it reflects a broader movement in games to center their cores around their systems and mechanics. i cant exactly fault this - to design a game and design it well is a noble endeavour and remains one of the best ways to ensure a title has lasting legacy. but there's less of an inclincation to preserve a spark of adventure in games these days, and i think if doom eternal's anything to go by, there's such a thing as reducing expressiveness by tightening design so much it it may as well act as a vice crushing your ribcage. rogue warrior isnt exactly the kind of thought-provoking game that should prompt these ideas, but maybe that's part of the point as well. as rourke hurls yet more insane obscenities, i cant help but feel entranced over its appropriate two-hour runtime. we didn't know how good we had it back then.

also, the 'i want games that are shorter with worse graphics that are developed by people who are paid more to work less' crowd is being awfully silent on this game 🙄 makes you think

This game's PC port is a fuckin' piece of shit. It crashes like a goddamn motherfucker. It is a total goatfuck of a game and I love it. Dick Marcinko's dialogue is a riot. Holy fuckin' shit. This is so shoddily put together to kingdom fuck. There was meant to be this big epic setpiece in the 2nd level, but it lasts as long as chad Richard Marcinko fucking his wife; a few seconds. I was only able to kill one commie motherfucker in the process. This is the level of ball sucking that I'm talking about. It is glorious. Go play this beautiful shitstain. It's as short as a commie's dick.