11 reviews liked by alcamoth


The global release of this is my most anticipated game of all time because I have a new job with a long train commute starting on exactly June 1st, 2024 so it’s going to be awesome having something to play on those commutes

This review contains spoilers

ngl 80% of this game was an absolutely exhausting and miserable experience. however, i'm giving it one full star by technicality because it went through with the only decision i would've needed a sequel to ai:tsf to make - no longer denying pewter his god given right to flop around and make a fool of himself in the state-mandated silly gay ending dance scene

uchikoshi step away from the "teenage girl is stalked by a significantly older man and it's treated as an endearing sign of love" trope and nobody gets hurt

being a xenoblade fan is the jrpg equivalent of cult indoctrination, which is saying a lot because being a jrpg fan is like joining a cult in and of itself, so really it's like separating into an extremist faction of a larger cult that simultaneously infights at every given opportunity while taunting non-members for not finding Dunban "being over there" ticklingly hysterical even after the 167th time it's referenced in deeply brainrotted twitter circles.

I am allowed to say this and mean it endearingly because I am myself an unfathomably deranged xenoblade fan far beyond the brink of salvation. this game has irreparably changed me. I have been ruined. my brain is broken. I'm not sure it ever worked right, but my xenoblade fandom experience has ensured that it will always work wrong. otherwise innocuous terms such as "44 seconds" or "bestest" have pavloved me into laughing forever. when I see shulk take a bite of a sandwich and that bite does not animate on said sandwich, I emphatically applaud. the mere sight of Juju, a child whose only crime is loving his people, makes me black out with vitriolic rage. anytime I slice a hot knife through butter, I cry. anytime I walk on ice, I scream. when I check the time, all I see is Reyn's face on the clock - it is always Reyn time in my world now.

the other day around Reyn time (lunch) I was slicing open a bagel with a freshly sharpened serrated knife in order to make myself a toasted chicken salad sandwich. delicious. yum. bestest. unfortunately, the bagel slipped out from underneath my hand and I ended up slicing my own thumb instead. despite the alarmingly large amount of blood and even more abundant visceral pain, I luckily did not end up needing stitches. was I relieved? no. grateful? no. all that could cross my mind in that moment was that "your blade... it did not cut deep enough."

I mained Shulk competitively in super smash bros. for wii u because of my love and loyalty for this damned game. for those of you unfamiliar with Smash 4 - Shulk is booty buttcheeks doodoo dogass tier in Smash 4. he is fundamentally fucked. hopelessly hoed. maining Smash 4 Shulk is like marathon training for months only to tie a boulder to your ankle at the starting line, or maining Sharla in xenoblade 1. for four whole memorable-but-not-wonderful years I would mosey to local tournaments having extensively practiced my Arts Landing Lag Cancels and Monado B-Reversals and Purge 50-50s and Airslash Ledge Snaps (in AND out of Jump Art!) only to get utterly dicked and shitted and pissed and vomited on by some iron-deficient 14-year-old Kirby player who sucked the monado into his disgusting mouth hole and used Jump and Speed arts to Run The Fuck Away for 6 minutes. all that suffering to appease the cultish urge to remain steadfast in my xenoblade chronicles brainrot. peak fiction. I hate myself. I live for this game, and therefore want to die.

I am a shattered man. I come to you as a cautionary tale. I love xenoblade 1. it is a good game. some might call it a great one. I could even wager that it's a classic. but it is not worth a total fundamental collapse of the self. this game has significant faults that time has further illuminated. sidequests are trash. the game's third act is a disaster. characters have chemistry but very few have arcs. women don't exist in this game. why doesn't unfinished battle loop in that one fight. juju. I have heard it all. it is no longer cool or trendy or tasteful to praise xenoblade 1 as the jrpg bastion it once was.

I do not care. It is far too late for me to view this game objectively, yet I find I am more grateful to have loved a game to an extreme degree beyond objectivity even if it has cost me an entire lifetime of mental fortitude. I wish Dunban was my real dad and was "over there" instead of "forgetting me because of dementia." Riki eats your favorite jrpg mascot character for breakfast and still has time to canonically fuck his probably-smokin-hot-by-nopon-standards wife before lunch. expert worldbuilding dares to ask "what if we were all on A Guy and we climbed up his ass" and thats raw as fuck. expert OST dares to ask "what would it feel like if ears could cum" and then made my ears uncontrollably bust jumbo nut wads for over a decade running. I am one of the deranged freaks who mained Melia and therefore thinks the combat is Pretty Sick Actually. stop maining Shulk, losers. stop cradling that milquetoast monado like a security blanket and get in Melia's pain train, we're starlight kicking god in his Klaussy.

I don't care if this game is "overrated," or if i'm "scaring the hoes." I don't care if xenoblade 1 is "too anime" or "predictable" or "nonsensical" or "boring" or "not a replacement for proper nourishment." I love this game. I eat it up. I consume it in its totality - characters, world, combat, music, fandom, memes, merch, a decade of irreparably damaged culture and identity. like Shulk, it changed my future. Xenoblade Chronicles ruined my life, and I am forever thankful.

This review contains spoilers

Before I get into it, vague spoiler warning for most other Xeno series games in this review (especially Xenogears).

Xenoblade Chronicles 3, as any game, has a lot of different aspects to it. Some parts hit hard, and some parts are a miss. I don't want to sound too negative about a game that I genuinely enjoyed my time with, especially being part of my favorite series in the world, so I'll go over some positives first.

The cast of characters were all highly lovable and enjoyable. The Xenoblade series in particular often has some aspect of its main party lacking; in Xenoblade 1, the party were all united in their feelings of revenge and felt like a team, however as individual characters some are not as fleshed out as they could have been; in Xenoblade 2, most of the cast feels three dimensional with great writing, but the dynamic between them was simply lacking. Xenoblade 3 rectifies this by taking the best of both worlds: the strong interparty dynamic of 1 and the great character writing of 2. All of the flavor text present in 3, the dialogue when entering a new area, unique interactions with NPCs, banter with the hero characters, serves to make the cast feel that much more alive and like a real group of friends. The post-battle dialogue is a little lacking, but everything else more than makes up for it. Even throughout the story, it truly feels like everyone gets some chance to shine. Of course, there are some that get the spotlight slightly more than others, but Takahashi did not lie when he said that he intended for the final script count from the main six to be about equal. I think the only other game(s) in the Xeno series that have a party which nails both of these points is Xenosaga, especially since we have multiple protagonists throughout it, so it’s certainly impressive that 20 years later we finally get something similar.

I'm also very glad that the story does not seem to be very pushy about its romantic pairings. Xeno has had issues with that in the past (we do not talk about the photograph of the cast of 2 at the ending, that is proof enough of the problems), but in this game that's very much a nonissue. Taion and Eunie only have a couple throwaway lines that could be interpreted as such, and Lanz and Sena have practically nothing at all. It's just nice to see everyone as friends instead. Noah and Mio, the main romance, have a genuinely good dynamic as well. I'll admit, they aren't my favorite canon Xeno romance (Fei and Elly FTW, plus I consider Shion/KOS-MOS to be real as hell), but for what they are they're very cute; much better than whatever was going on in XBC1 and 2, to say the least.

On the topic of Xenogears, I also want to make a side note that I absolutely adore the callbacks. N and M paralleling Grahf and Miang to Noah and Mio's Fei and Elly was awesome. Chapter 5 revealing that they are alternate versions of each other, with M having Miang's body hopping powers (albeit executed differently) and N retaining his memories from his past lives made me super excited; the Contact and the Antitype much, anybody? Even at the end, when N and M sacrifice themselves to protect the party/the world, I was reminded of Grahf's sacrifice. (I might be a little biased though because Grahf/Lacan and Elly are some of my favorite characters, haha).

I briefly also want to mention the gameplay. Gameplay is usually not make-or-break for me, as I find the story and its characters to be what I care most about, but I just can’t not praise it. Genuinely, this is the best gameplay that the Xenoblade series has ever had. It is a perfect combination of 1 and 2’s battle systems which takes the best aspects of both. The hero system is really fun, a much improved version of the Blade system from XBC2 without the infamous gacha, and the classes are super fun to mix and match and experiment with.

However, the game is not without its faults, as I'm sure you can gleam by my rating of it. In particular, it is the story itself that falls flat for me. Some aspects of it hit truly hard, like the fact that it looped back to the opening cutscene is fucking cool as hell. Others though, not so much.

This game was banked upon being the culmination of the numbered Xenoblade games, a combination of both 1 and 2. I don't mind it not being a direct sequel, I actually vastly prefer it that way, but I do feel somewhat cheated out of what I was expecting. After waiting for 5 years after 2's release, with the lore it expanded upon the Xenoblade series, this just feels like a let down. Where are any mentions of the Conduit? the Trinity Processor?

Furthermore, Future Connected was said to tie in directly to the future of the series, and aside from Melia having World Ender, seeing the Monado Replica EX, and hearing the remixed battle theme when in battle with her as a Hero (which is really amazing, might I add), there is barely any mention to it at all. What about the Fogbeasts? the Telethia research? It makes sense that this is not a perfect combination of the worlds given that it is stuck in a timeloop, but that conclusion is unsatisfying to me. While it does capture the Xeno vibes perfectly, if it were not a numbered Blade game I would have liked it that much more. It just feels like a tease after all that we were expecting for so many years, and the hype leading up to it.

The villains especially, I find, were largely uninteresting. Some were cool (I absolutely adore Joran, his narrative really hit hard for me), but most were very one note. Moebius in general were not as fleshed out as I would have liked them to be and left me with more questions than answers. They are the culmination of the peoples’ anxieties about the two worlds remerging, but how is it that the people even knew about the two worlds merging to begin with? As far as we know, it is only the party of XBC2 that knew the world was cut in twain, due to hearing this from the man that started it all directly. Not even in XBC1 does the party find out that there is a parallel dimension to theirs, only that Klaus reset the universe to create a new one in his hubris (I blame this on Alvis’s bastardly tendencies, but that is beside the point). Moebius—and Z, by extension—are interesting in theory, but are truly lacking in execution. They are a far cry from Xenoblade’s other villains.

This could just be my personal take, but I find that Z did not feel quite as all-encompassing as neither Zanza nor Malos. By the end of both XBC1 and XBC2, you truly feel as though you are fighting the culmination of all of your efforts in order to set things right. This is true in XBC3 as well, but it feels much more self-contained as opposed to the astronomical scale the Xenoblade series has done before. Saga and Gears have had “conceptual” final bosses as well, but the stakes did feel higher; again, it makes sense within the plot the scale on which Z is the villain, but I take issue with that in of itself. Regardless, as a character, Z had next to no substance to him aside from being what he is.

With all my criticism, I do not want to come across as too harsh. I did still tear up at the ending of the game, particularly the thematic significance of Noah throwing away Lucky Seven and moving on with his life just as he had been advocating for throughout the story (though it does bother me we do not know much of the lore behind it, still). Some parts of the game truly felt like coming home, finding the Distant Fingertip again in this game made me more emotional than anything—almost replicating the wonder I felt when I first played XBC1 as a young teen. The message XBC3 aims to convey, about moving on from trauma and looking forward to the future regardless of whatever may come, is a beautiful one. This thematic significance certainly does fit with the rest of the Blade games, what with XBC1’s narrative about seizing one’s own destiny and XBC2’s finding value in one’s life. However, as a conclusion to this sub trilogy of game, I do not find it satisfying. At its core, the numbered Xenoblade games follow the story of what happens when a mad scientist seeks the divine and destroys everything in the process, and XBC3 lacks the final conclusion by being set right before it would have happened. I definitely would have enjoyed it more if it either lost all reference to the previous games to stand on its own, or bridged that gap properly. What we are left with is a flimsy suspension connecting the two, rather than the iron road I had imagined. Perhaps it is my fault for having expectations that were too high, but Takahashi has proven time and time again that his works deserve it.

TL;DR: This is a great game, but not a great sequel. I really enjoyed my time with it (and I’m not done yet! I’m still doing the postgame, which has some really amazing content), despite all of the criticisms I have, and perhaps with time my thoughts will change. I do highly encourage anyone to play this themselves and form their own opinion on it, though. This is just my own opinion, after all. :)

I’d also like to add that I’m very excited about the upcoming story DLC. Perhaps I should temper my expectations lest I be disappointed again, but after what TTGC did to XBC2, it’s difficult not to be. If the DLC addresses that which was lost, especially given its breadth, my opinion of this game will most certainly improve. Here’s to hoping it’ll be good!

Let me just start by saying this. Xenoblade has been a series I’ve had a weird experience with. Xenoblade 1 was once the game I thought perfection was, but over the years I’d find my tastes change and would soon find it lacking in many areas.

Xenoblade X was my first game I ever properly played in the series and it took me a while to warm up to it and it’s differences. Xenoblade 2 was a game I kind of avoided for years before being convinced to check it out. It soon became my second favourite game of all time.

So…for all I know, this opinion could change within the next few years. But for now, this game holds a special place for me. And I feel confident in calling it a masterpiece.

This is not something I could say for any of the games before it. Xenoblade 2 had a great story, but was held back by rushed aspects and divisive artstyle which I can understand, if not as bothered by it as most.

And Xenoblade 1, for how impressive it was on a technical level, unfortunately doesn’t hold up as well as I remembered in how it handles its story. And the gameplay would only be improved from this game forward.

So Xenoblade 3 feels like the best of all these games, just about. The story, in my opinion at least, was well made and had me genuinely emotional at several moments. That’s mainly due to the writing being much better than ever before, feeling like the English localization was given free reign to mold the characters into people who feel real and relatable.

It’s an emotional core that attaches you to the struggle these characters deal with, experiencing their happiness, sadness, relief, regrets…it was hard not to crack a smile at every charming thing they said.

The gameplay was also super fun to get into. It was a lot at first, but the game for the most part is balanced enough to give you breathing room, as long as you know how the classes work and how best to use them.

It’s a battle system that evolves as you grow stronger, giving more options throughout and leading to a result that’s chaotic, but understandable cause of how much you’ve learned about every single part of it. Organized chaos, if you will.

The world at first felt very linear, but I found by just going off the beaten path it can open up a ton and reward you with so many amazing sights and hidden goodies. It’s insane how many cool stuff you’re allowed to just…never see in this game.

That goes doubly for side content. The side quests in this game are similar to the main story. Well written and charming to go through. The characters don’t just stand and nod to what’s happening, they actually interact and have witty lines talking about what’s going on.

The music is probably the part that’ll grow on me the most as time goes on. It’s not as bombastic or energetic as 2 or even 1’s, but I don’t think it’s trying to be. This isn’t a world with a bustling society. It’s a land of war and barren lands made up of ancient relics from past games. It has a melancholy feel that gives the game weight to its narrative, which is already very heavy in its subject matter.

If I had any issues, it’s three main things.

1. There’s a weird lacking of post battle dialogue. In every past game, you’d sometimes have the party members have a small exchange after battling an enemy which can be pretty fun. This game though has none of that, so you’ll often hear the same recycled lines countless times.

2. The chain attack theme, while great, is unfortunately a bit annoying during specific story fights where the tone is supposed to be much different. It caused me to often avoid activating it cause of that fear of losing the tension. Thankfully, this is something that could easily be fixed with an update, so hopefully this ages badly.

3. And, not to spoil anything, but the final boss has a big issue with how it’s designed. If you lose at any point in it, you have to do the entire boss over again. It’s not bad, but it’s obvious the first phase wasn’t meant to be replayed multiple times, and I really hope this is something addressed in an update as well.

At the end of the day though, this game still hit me harder than any other has to my memory. It’s an insanely well crafted experience taking the best of the series and bringing it together into a definitive package. Xenoblade 3 is a masterpiece, and I’m so glad it got the chance to exist in spite of the series rough beginnings.

Has any other MC worn a hoodie with "FUCK RACISM" on it?

No? That's why Travis is the GOAT.

boooooo rex we hate your pussyyyyyyyyy

Video games were invented in 2007 with the release of Super Paper Mario.