Why did they do this? Why did they do any of this? Where is the residence, where is the evil? What is anyone talking about?

This game starts you off in Africa. Every moment you have in this game is the theoretical peak, because it's never gonna get better. From the first 6 seconds you spend figuring out how to control your character (the answer is you do not) it's all downhill from there. 10 hours of straight downwards spiral until the survival horror game eventually is completely lost in a sea of call of duty action slop. I don't know when you leave Africa. The sequence of events that occurred in this game both imply that you are no longer in Africa, but also never implies that you left Africa. At some point you go to a fuel factory that produces fuel, puts it in canisters, then promptly incinerates them. If you looked at this story with serious analytical eyes, you might be honestly inclined to believe it's genuinely meant to be presented as a dream sequence.

After 15 years someone from Capcom came back to this game on Steam and randomly removed all the quick time events, but all the cutscenes still look like they have them. This is very funny. I don't even know how they did that. It is the videogame equivalent of watching a sitcom with the laugh track removed. I laugh and I laugh. I stop laughing soon. It's not funny.

It genuinely feels like someone read a 1 page summary of Resident Evil 4, looked at the sales numbers and said WOW! WE GOTTA DO THAT AGAIN! MAKE EL GIGANTE AGAIN!!!! Then they gave it to the developers who were so excited that they could use the PS3's 1 trillion cores to render reflections in sunglasses that they forgot to code a videogame. It's absolutely everything I didn't like in 4 turned up to 11 and the rest of the game left behind in brackish swampwater to rot and fester for eternity. It's kinda RE tradition to have the last act be dogwater but this is even more piss than usual.

My friend and co-op partner played this many times before. I asked him why. He started staring at his hands, repeating the question. Why? Why? He stared at the sky. Why did he play it? I still don't know. He won't speak to me anymore. Just keeps replaying it. He spends 6 hours a day on the boss that only dies to the RPG, but he refuses to use the RPG. I hope he gets better soon.

While placing a giant spoonful of delicious cereal in my mouth I proudly declare that this series will never go back to its roots and become good again.

HOT TAKE OF THE CENTURY - METROID PRIME 2 IS JUST AS GOOD AS THE FIRST ONE.

Now granted - this is assuming some stuff about the way you're playing. There's three pretty massive issues that can stop plenty of people from enjoying this one.

1) AWFUL save placement in Agon Wastes - I just used save states during that part, but if you don't use them this is probably so much more painful.
2) Dark World draining your health - Don't wait until your health is all the way back up!! There's health pickups everywhere!! Don't be a coward!!
3) Both starting areas are pretty gray - If you can't have me at my Temple Grounds, you don't deserve me at my Sanctuary Fortress. 😙

But aside from the above? My GOD I loved this game. There's so many little improvements from the first.

Big open rooms that make the planet feel less claustrophobic, while still keeping things tight and tense when the devs want to mix things up. Dramatically more unique area theming, meaning you get way more than just the "ice area" or "lava area" of Prime 1. World design that uses ESPECIALLY creative vertical and interconnected maps compared to the "hallway" approach of the first game. Different beams that actually require some on-the-fly strategy to mess with. World progression that's convenient to navigate AND avoids having the solution be a room you forgot about on the opposite side of the planet (most of the time). Tons more focus on kinetic movement! Making Samus feel so much more powerful at the end compared to the start!! The Dark World genuinely making you feel powerless and spooked!! Actually fun bosses!!! (most of the time).

Even the ability to use mouse and keyboard on PrimeHack was such an improvement for my overall immersion...I wish I could use this control scheme for the first game's remaster. It's SO good.

I think there's some totally fair points against Echoes, like the Dark World's areas totally blending together, dimension hopping being fairly underbaked, the love-it-or-hate-it implementation of Zelda elements, and some pretty tanky enemies here and there. I also can't ignore the fact that emulation and some minor cheats - like automatically skipping the world transition cutscenes - definitely impacted my time with it, and in a more "vanilla" play-through I probably would be much more annoyed.

But even with those in mind...I still think Echoes deserves way more love. It's easily the most underrated entry in the Metroid series, and with some minor fixes, it's JUST as fun as the first Prime entry. IMAGINE what this game could look like with an official remaster!!

I'm eating SO good as a new-ish Metroid fan wowwww.

Temos aqui um joguinho que veio diretamente pelo nosso querido Akira, e sinceramente guys, foi um game que, no início, fica chato muito rápido. Tenho certeza de que vai ter muita gente que vai dropar dele já no início, pois em 95% do game você está dentro de um tanque, andando pra lá e pra cá, enfrentando os mesmos inimigos, cenários e situações.

Mas, olhando com outros olhos, esse game pode ser muito incrível. Eu sou muito fã de Akira Toriyama e amei todo o conceito visual que está presente aqui no jogo, que foi feito pelo próprio antes de morrer, e realmente é muito gratificante ver uma nova história desenhada no estilo através desse jogo. O design dos personagens, os gráficos e a história são ótimos! Porém, na gameplay, na minha opinião, ele peca demais.

Eu estava muito na dúvida se deveria ou não comprar esse game e, no fim, eu comprei. Para mim, não foi um arrependimento, porém tenho certeza de que para alguns vai ser de se pesar. Eu particularmente estou muito feliz por ter jogado ele. A jogabilidade dele de RPG é diferente dos outros jogos da Bandai, porém ainda puxa muito daquela fórmula de vai e vem dos RPGs mais tradicionais da distribuidora. A história é uma obra-prima absoluta, simples e direta, tornando-a fácil de entender, com algumas reviravoltas, o que me manteve totalmente focado na história e sempre querendo ver o que vem a seguir, e isso, na real, foi o que mais me prendeu no game, mais até mesmo que a própria gameplay. Os gráficos, como dito antes, são lindos. Deste ano, eu acho que foram os melhores que já vi em um jogo de estilo anime, com muitos detalhes, mas na quantidade certa, elevando a arte de Toriyama a outro nível.

Sand Land é um jogo de anime competente e ocasionalmente excelente. Ele é um game que pode ser um pouco fácil demais para jogadores mais hardcore, mas para jogadores mais jovens, parece ser uma ótima introdução ao jogo de mundo aberto, RPG no estilo de anime.

Pontos Positivos:
- História e personagens

Pontos Negativos:
- Gameplay repetitivo
- Mundo aberto vazio
- Jogo fácil demais

Versão utilizada para análise: XBOX

Veredito: Navinha 3D de fliperama bonzão, antes de existir 3D.

Cara, eu sou fã de jogos com espírito de arcade e de jogabilidades caóticas baseadas em reflexos. Gosto muito de Star Fox, de Kid Ikarus Uprising e de ambientações lisérgicas viajadas. Não é nenhuma surpresa que eu ia gostar de Space Harrier.

É um jogo de navinha 3D focado em conseguir chegar o mais longe possível. Só que não tem muito foco em navinha. Você é um cara voador com um canhão debaixo do braço e os inimigos são insetos gigantes, mamutes caolhos e estátuas saídas direto da Ilha de Páscoa que jogam bolas de fogo em cima de você, tudo enquanto tu desvia de dados D20 que a fase te joga do nada pra te matar e de postes indestrutíveis que parecem uma fusão de coqueiros com cogumelos gigantes. Apenas mais uma terça-feira na Zona da Fantasia.

Infelizmente só cheguei na 8ª fase por enquanto. Quando descobri que eram 18 no total... É, joguinho, um dia eu volto pra você. Por enquanto ainda não gitgudei o bastante pra te zerar, assumo minhas limitações. Mas um dia eu consigo!

THE BINDING OF ISAAC WARP ZONE: S H A R D S O F I S A A C

"Bum-Bo Got Coin!" is the Isaac equivalent to "Don't Trust Them New _________ Over There" from The Boondocks.

The Legend of Bum-bo is a fucking WEIRD game. It’s the prequel to The Binding of Isaac, but I never fully played it, and I couldn’t say I would recommend it, but I kind of liked it at the same time? It’s complicated. This one’s gonna be pretty “”quick”” because of that, so buckle up. This is my pretty brief review for The Legend of Bumbo.

Okay, so Bumbo is some guy with Mii Hands, who gets his shit stolen. And then he descends into the depths below, only to fight all of the monsters in his path. There’s not much to overarching story itself; Bum-bo kind of just goes through the motions, and upon clearing a new floor, the run ends, the next character is unlocked, and you get another new floor. It’s pretty straightforward, but The Legend of Bum-bo adds some important pieces to the story of The Legend of Bum-bo. In the 5th ending of the game, the ending is suddenly interrupted by Isaac’s mother, storming in and taking the cardboard set from Isaac. It’s revealed that The Legend of Bum-bo was made by Isaac’s father, and the Mom threw it out. It’s such a well done scene, with the voice acting and music really selling the fear that Isaac goes through. And, in the end, the cutscene points to The Binding of Isaac’s title screen. A great way to segway into the game. But, if you 100% the game, and get 10 Jackpot endings, which are endings you get at random, Bum-bo creates an underground society where he is king. Bum-bo goes on all kinds of adventures, with monsters to fight. And then, the game pans out once again to reveal that Isaac’s dad is the narrator of the game. He made The Legend of Bum-bo as a way to escape from the real world for Isaac. The Dad taught Isaac the power of his imagination, in order to make this world a reality for him. But, this very action would cause Isaac’s downfall, no matter how good it seems. Is that a good storyline, or what? I absolutely love it when Edmund reveals new elements into the storyline. It makes the story feel so open, and interpretation heavy. I’ve already explained why Isaac has a phenomenal story, so if you’d like a full explanation of why I think it’s amazing, check out the Rebirth review.


But on the game itself, does it stand up on its own? It’s a match-4 puzzle game, where each tile does something different. Activated items are the main focus of the gameplay, and they alter the board or damage enemies. Bum-bo has 3 HP, and if he dies, it’s Game Over, back to the start. Each enemy is on a grid based system, but at times battles can get pretty overwhelming. The game is simple dumb fun, but I wish there was a little more variety to each individual run, like The Binding of Isaac. Bum-bo gets a little more stale than Isaac and FAST. Sure, each individual character adds some variety, but in the end, you’re doing the same thing ad nauseam. Match, use item, repeat. What if there were passive items that added all new tiles, or items that expanded the board? Or perhaps allow the player to pick up different weapons to spice up their attacks? I feel like there’s a lot of missed potential with Bum-bo’s kit here. Oh, and the boss fights... Yeah, not the greatest to say the least. They’re just too tanky for my liking. Each boss just has too many enemies, and making one mistake too easily leads to a dead run, in my opinion. But after that, the game just kind of goes on...? It doesn’t really change up the formula much. And while it was fun for a few hours, it did get pretty stale, so I just ended up dropping the game. One thing I can praise The Legend of Bum-bo on is its PHENOMENAL presentation. Everything in the cardboard world is so animated and colorful, and the soundtrack is pretty solid to boot. A good effort all around, but the game kind of falls short for me otherwise.

The Legend of Bum-bo is fucking WEIRD. I don’t think it’s really a bad game, but it’s not all that great either. A solid effort, but not all that fun, unfortunately. It has good production values, and amazing music, but I couldn’t bring myself to finish it. Consider it on a sale, and not much else.


“"I want coin" I say / In reality I lay / in grim thoughts all day” - “Bumbo” by zeusdeegoose, Written on 4/22/24