dimi
2018
Good for squirming.
2008
Funky Kong is immersion-breaking. He is too funky for the Mario canon.
Lacks real life baseball's cheat-code stat-gaming system as demonstrated in Moneyball; immersion suffers. Ideal for a high school senior lounge.
Possibly the most accurately titled crossover video game of all time.
2013
A game so impossibly perfect and all-encompassing that you shouldn't play it. Each game is an endless cascade of questions, both macro and intensely micro, each question morphing second by second as the nine other players start to try to answer their own questions, an endless, fractal, entrancing nightmare.
Beautiful in some ways, grotesque in others. Once you've seen its face it can never be unseen.
1994
One of the characters is named Poo.
The glaring flaw in this game is its historical inaccuracy. For example, when a great Artist is born in your country, some boring text gets shown and some weird purple numbers go up on the screen but that's it. You don't see the Great Artist enjoying his fame, getting tons of women and power and money and doing lots of drugs and stuff and being cool, like they would in history. Not only that, but the Great Artist is never made honorary king, and you can't even instruct your military to switch allegiances to him. You don't get a tour of the Great Artist's large estate where he has tons of cool horses and probably something crazy like a lion, because Great Artists are wild like that. Possibly most heinous of all is that your Great Artist does not go on wild, blow-out tours throughout every other players' civilization, leaving almost terrorist-like destruction in his wake, something legendary and awesome like that. Other than that it's pretty good.
2008
I saw this one gif of this game on the internet and it looked like who I thought was Dante was doing crazy teleport dodges and so I played it and it turns out that was Nero and it's not that hard to do but it still looks real cool. Fwoosh
If you don't pay attention to anything but how your guy looks when he does the cool sword moves, this is one of the best games for cool sword guys.
The actual best game for cool sword guys, because you have to really become one to enjoy it. It's just swordfights! You can probably run past the enemies, who cares, just go do the fun parry boss stuff. The story? I don't know it. There's a guy with a sword, you can do really fun swordfights. It looks epic and Japanese. It rules. There's monkeys
2003
Kicks extreme ass. Killer soundtrack playing, Bobbito Garcia yelling some old hip hop slang while you're doing all the shit you wish people could actually do in basketball.
A lollipop covered in mulch. An ice cream cone filled with liquid mercury. A syringe of milk to the carotid. Blue, red, yellow, white. Rainbows everywhere. Shit flying back and forth. Static of the eyes. Like swimming through cement. Explosions. More. Flashing and noises. Colors. Flashing and colors and noises. Noisescolourflashingcolourcolourexplosionssludgenoisecolournoisecolourflashingflashingflashingflashing
2014
Board clicking simulator. Queue ranked, let the time run out, enjoy those sweet tactile sensations.
2019
A poetic existence; by far the best Japanese mahjong client resides within this gloriously Ka wa ii skin.