The first time I played Bloodborne I had an incredibly difficult time getting over the muscle memory of attacking and using items from Monster Hunter Rise.

I just beat Bloodborne in December, and figured I should give Monster Hunter Rise another shot, since I never played the Sunbreak DLC, and it has much smoother performance on PC as opposed to the Switch (like with every other game ever ported to the Switch).

Now that I have the muscle memory for Bloodborne, I am having an extremely difficult time re-learning Monster Hunter Rise.

Nobody could have seen this coming.

I remember my mom getting this game for my younger brother when he was a toddler and I always wanted to play it. My parents are convinced that it was because I just wanted to play whatever he was playing at the time.

Nah. Reader Rabbit's Toddler goes hard.

I watched a "playthrough" of it, and like most games from my childhood, it looks a lot different from how I remember it. But it's still a cute "click with the mouse and stuff happens on screen" game featuring abc's, 123's, and coloring.

You can't tell me coloring doesn't rock.

Really all I wanted to do as a five-year-old was play computer games on my parents' Windows 95 and click on stuff with a mouse, and I had very limited access to games. Magic School Bus Explores the Solar System was a banger. Zoo Explorers ruled (it was bad). Pretty sure there was some game called "Waterworks" that just flat-out refused to work. There was a demo for some Tiny Toons Adventures game that my mom hated for some reason.

Reader Rabbit's Toddler worked. My bare-minimum requirements were reached.

I'll take it.

In 2019, my younger brother Paul tells me, "Hey brother, you should play Bloodborne. It's great, and I think you'd like it a lot." I don't play Bloodborne, for I am hopelessly addicted to Splatoon 2.

In 2020, Paul tells me, "Hey brother, you should get Bloodborne. It's $15." I don't get Bloodborne, for I am still hopelessly addicted to Splatoon 2.

In the summer of 2021, Paul tells me, "Hey brother, since you're here and you don't have anything else going on right now, you need to play Bloodborne right now. And then you should get it because it's $15. Also, I'm in a blood feud with Martyr Logarius." I try out Bloodborne, but have difficulty getting used to the controls due to Monster Hunter Rise-induced muscle memory and I keep healing myself instead of attacking. I do not get Bloodborne, despite it being $15, for I am still hopelessly addicted to Splatoon 2.

On Christmas day of 2021, after going to a local video game store, Paul gives me a neatly-wrapped video game-sized gift. I open it and see this box. Paul tells me, "Hey brother, you don't have an excuse anymore."

In 2022, Paul asks me, "Hey brother, you should play Bloodborne." I hadn't.

On Christmas day of 2022, Paul gifts me Stranger of Paradise: Final Fantasy Origin. He tells me, "Hey brother, people are saying that this game is genuinely enjoyable because the combat is good, and the dialogue is so over-the-top bad that it goes full circle into hilarious. Enjoy! Also, play Bloodborne."

If my backloggd daily journals that I keep are accurate, I played Bloodborne exactly one time in 2022, in August, and then didn't try it again until May of 2023, where I also only played one day, online, with Paul.

On December 9th 2023, I boot up Bloodborne. I create a new character, and make a deliberate point of making it my "main game I am playing at the moment" until I beat it.

It is January 14th 2024, Bloodborne was an outstanding video game, and Paul is correct about Martyr Logarius.

Also, I am no longer addicted to Splatoon 2.

Here's a link to the trailer for this game. By watching it, you have effectively played the entire game.

I have a little bit of a reputation in my main friend group for buying a lot of shovelware on the Switch eShop, thanks to the early days of the eShop's lifespan showcasing games on sale for like, what, ten cents? It was hard for me to pass up. I look back on that time with fondness and laugh, having gained Astro Bears as a staple of parties and hangouts. Every so often I still find myself browsing the eShop in hopes of finding something weird or out-of-the-ordinary that might leave some kind of lasting impression, or at the very least entertain me for a few minutes before I decide that it's not worth getting to the end of some low-effort quick-buck schlock just to say that I finished it. Life is short. My backlog of games I have easy or immediate access to is enormous.

This ain't my first rodeo.

I bring this up because it should be clear that I gave Tyd wag vir Niemand a genuine chance. I watched the trailer, thought "wow it sure would be neat to play a game where the levels are kinda like the weird inter-dimensional sequences in the Doctor Strange movies," saw it was on sale for a couple bucks, and said why not. It's in a language I don't understand, it's eerie enough, it's got realistic monoliths moving in ways that they should not be moving. Maybe this could be secretly peak.

I played it for a few hours.

It's not.

Tyd wag vir Niemand is not peak.

I'd still vouch for the cool imagery going on in this game, but between the bland writing and the uninteresting level design I was pretty thoroughly let-down. This is one of those "just watch a playthrough of it on YouTube" situations, if anything.

Personal note though, I'm 99% sure my actual glaring issues with this game are only felt because I played the Switch version, which runs at a consistent well-below 30-frames-per-second. This makes sense, given that it was very obviously made in the Unity engine with a clear emphasis on the graphics present in the imagery, but the game wasn't released on Switch with this fully in-mind. Level 4 is this auto-move level where you have to watch this sailboat float around through the air in a cave, and you complete it by stopping time for these moving monoliths that would otherwise crush the sailboat with their momentum alone. This specific bullshit end section took me god knows how many tries to complete because the speed of your boat and the speed of the sailboat aren't properly synced to the framerate of the Switch version, resulting in the sailboat being left behind inside the end part of the cave that you still need to stop time for at specific moments to make sure it completes its journey to the end so that you can trigger the actual end of the level, none of which you can fucking see because of the draw distance obscuring everything in the cave once you exit it before you're supposed to. (Not pictured in video clip: the fucking sailboat TURNING AROUND TO GO BACK INSIDE OF THE CAVE to wander around in there for a bit before finally reaching the end of the level on its own)

I wish no ill will upon Skobbejak Games, as I think they have some very cool ideas going on here that I'd love to experience in an actually well-constructed game, but I think as it currently stands with me having played the Switch version of this game, for putting me through that Sailboat level, you are cordially invited to eat my shorts.

A silent film that I wish would shut up.

After playing a ton of indie projects on itch.io and having recently played through the ZX Spectrum cult classic Deus Ex Machina, I like to think I've gained some much-needed insight into the whole "video games as art" thing, more specifically, the whole "playable music video" thing. The Longest Road on Earth does a decent enough job with its theming, being a perspective piece on life and loneliness presented from different angles and characters. With its black-and-white pixel art and anthropomorphic style, the idea of this game is cool on-paper, but it's not cool enough in its execution to warrant playing through it. The "engagement" this "game" actually gives you boils down to holding down a button and waiting until a song is over while you watch as your character walks the slowest pace imaginable. One could say that this was done as a means of forcing the player to relate to a character's perspective and take in the most of the world while fully embracing the grayscale ambience of modern life. Personally, I think it's just fucking boring.

When I was in high school I spent a lot of time playing through all of the tracks on Mario Kart DS and listening to Hospice by The Antlers on repeat. I only bring this up because if I ever wanted to hold down the A button while listening to whiny indie music again, I would just pull my old DS off the shelf.

This could have just been a music video. It should have just been a music video. Hell, it should have just been a movie. Or an email. To a therapist.

This is by no means horrible or offensive or anything. You might even enjoy it yourself. There are plenty of films and albums I love with similar theming, and I deeply value self-expression via art as a whole, but I don't think this particular one works that well as a video game. I hate to tear into what feels like a small passion project described as "deeply personal" from what I can only assume to be a small team, but I hate actually playing The Longest Road on Earth much more.

I'm not interested in this as a reflection piece, I hate it as a video game, and I'm falling asleep listening to the music.

I really hate this. I hate how it takes important and relatable themes and drags them out as long as it can. I hate it's shitty slow pacing. I hate how non-interactive this is as a game while pretending to absorb you into this absolutely nothing of a story for the sake of "feeling." I hate how I actively stopped playing this a couple of times, just to turn it back on with the sole purpose of seeing if it gets better, only for it to simply end by saying "life sure is something."

I know that. I'm fucking living it.

This reeks of "art student ennui and self-pity" and I'm tired of everything like it.

Go to therapy.

The sfx and music of this are bad, so I decided to mute it and blast Drukqs by Aphex Twin through my speakers instead. It was absolutely worth it.

I found Majin and Sacrificial Girl to be a surprisingly okay experience. I don't consider myself to be the biggest fan of deckbuilder/card battler games unless there's some kind of trick to give it a pull.

To compare with some others from the small handful I've actually played, Inscryption draws me in with its art direction, presentation, and the way it handles giving the player power-ups in subtle, fun-to-acquire ways that I cannot talk about any further at risk of spoiling the game. It's great, go play Inscryption.

SteamWorld Quest: Hand of Gilgamech got me simply by being a SteamWorld game. I can't recommend it too much (I also gave it a 3 out of 5), but it was an enjoyable enough time. What can I say, I'm a sucker for robot characters. Look at my dang username.

The last one I'm gonna bring up is Slay the Spire because if you're into deck builders at all, you've played this. And if you haven't played this, you are lying to me. And if you're not lying to me what the hell stop reading this review and go play Slay the Spire but actually go play Inscryption first because I like it more but after you're done with Inscryption go play Slay the Spire jeez

Anyway, while Majin lacks the depth of Slay the Spire, the simple charm of Steamworld Quest, and the overall presentation and polish of Inscryption, it does have a very cool art direction that pairs well with Aphex Twin. I can't say that about most games, and for that it barely passes into "I liked it enough" category. Cold_Comfort mentions that you might as well just look at the itch.io page itself for the full experience, and I'm in agreement for the most part.

I can't recommend actually playing this.

But overall I'm glad I did, and I'm really grateful to have an extra motivator play these kinds of games through the Game of the Week on the Backloggd discord.

Maybe the real Majin was the Sacrificial Girl we met along the way. :)

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Semi-related, I know everyone uses ratings on this site differently but I think this game presents a really good example of how I've been having more fun rating games on here. I don't use half-star ratings these days because it's just much easier on the brain and it's a waste of time to be nitpicky about whether Zombies Ate My Neighbors is actually just a 3.5 because it's a little repetitive and difficult, or if it's a little bit higher than a 4 because of the doofy protagonist character with his 3D glasses mowing down zombies with a weed-whacker. Who cares, I'm rounding up, it's a 4. Whatever.

Majin was an interesting example for me to rate, because the game itself works okay. There are some things that I found to be a little off/unexplained, like how when some enemies have a glowing background it means that your card cost increases. It never tells you this outright, and it took me a few tries to understand what was actually happening. Navigating the maze itself is easy, and I appreciated this more than anything. I genuinely enjoyed the progression of deckbuilding as it happened, while there was never much reason for me not to immediately add a new card to my deck (except for maybe the Fruit card, idk). There's not too much depth to it, but I appreciate that about it. The music sucks, the effects are a little weak, and the plot is lackluster, but given that it's also an itch.io game presumably made by one person, it's hard for me to hate this, and I'd feel actively bad giving it a negative rating after genuinely enjoying my time with it. Plus, because I don't use half-stars, it forces me to commit to a concrete positive or negative, which I actively need to do for my mental health.

Most importantly, watching the little mushroom guy dance while Drukqs played in the background genuinely made me smile more than once. Easy 3.

Anyway, here's my personal very generalized way in which I categorize game ratings. Thanks for reading.

1 = Trash. Either flat-out does not work, or morally reprehensible. Possibly both.

2 = Mid and I don't like it, or there's just something holding it back from being actually good.

3 = Good video games and experiences worth merit begin here. I hesitate to blanket-recommend these for some reason or another, but just like with Majin here, a 3-star generally means that it has clear flaws or problems, but I truly enjoy it for what it is.

4 = Very good video games. Easy recommendation. They hold out as strong examples as to why I love the medium so much.

5 = This just hits different. Play these.

Free Smash clone with characters locked behind a paywall ("hero shop") and a battle pass. Seems mechanically sound, but who cares.

Play Rivals of Aether, Slap City, or even fuckin' Rushdown Revolt instead.

Fuck it, just play Smash Bros. That's why you're here. I know it. You know it. Everyone fuckin' knows it. Just set up Melee online with rollback and stomp-knee nerds with Captain Falcon instead.

Fuck I hate video games.

I'm stunned at the amount of troll game design going on with this game.

Between the unkillable helicopter-droplet enemy that homes in on you when using an animal friend and the auto-scroll levels in world 7 where you have to take wild guesses which paths to take or else you'll die, I don't know which caused more psychic damage to me.

As a complete experience though, Kirby's Dream Land 2 is good. If I'm being honest with myself I think it's the weakest Kirby game. But it's still good.