Alright, on to the next one! For the record, I’m playing the Master System version, not the Game Gear version, because I like having a fuller screen. Makes it feel more like a Serious Video Game.

I think I played this once when I was playing a bunch of the 8-bit games and the Sonic Advance games on an emulator, but I’m not 100% sure. And either way, I don’t have a lot of distinct memories about it so I don’t have a lot to say in this intro, so yeah! Hopefully that just means I’ll have a lot to talk about in my last entry!

One thing I did notice as I started playing this is there are a few times when it feels like the game is laboring when there’s too many things on the screen. Sometimes the framerate drops a ton, other times Sonic sort of blinks in and out of existence, which is a little existentially terrifying for me. I don’t know if that’s an emulation problem or a limitation that existed in the original game, but I suspect the latter. I definitely remember seeing artifacts like that in Mario games when I had an NES.

Also, I like the fact that shields carry over from one act to another! That’s a neat little mechanic. And the sound effects and stuff are pretty good approximations given the limitations of 8-bit systems. They still evoke similar feelings to the 16-bit version despite being drastically different.

Anyway! Yeah. Not as much to say about this one yet, so let’s just get to it.

GREEN HILL ZONE

Hey, this one’s familiar! The 8-bit version of the zone and its music still give me very strong home vibes, even if it’s not quite as striking as the 16-bit version. Having the little underground section in the second act with some water and waterfalls was a clever way to change things up! And you aren’t really underwater for any serious length of time so that’s good. (Don’t worry, I’m not gonna say it this time.)

The Chaos Emeralds are just hidden in the zones themselves this time around, and for this zone it’s hiding in this neat little waterfall area! So that was pretty cool.

The boss for this one is super easy. Robuttnik just sorta shows up in the Egg-O-Matic and flies out of reach until he slowly lowers and then zooms at you. You can actually easily beat him in two passes, four hits each, which is exactly what I did. I don’t expect the entire game to be this easy, but it’s honestly super validating to be this good at a Sonic game I’ve only played once at most!

BRIDGE ZONE

This one’s kinda an extension of Green Hill! So that’s neat. But as its name suggests it’s a lot of bridges over water! Some of those bridges have individual pieces that fall down and drop you into bottomless pits if you stand on them for too long, some are just normal bridges, occasionally with Choppers jumping at you. The second act is an auto-scrolling level, which was honestly kinda weird to see in a Sonic game! I guess it’s a way to keep things interesting given the limitations of 8-bit systems.

Despite the severe limitations of the 8-bit system, the background is lovely! You can see mountains and a forest, and the whole setting seems very serene. I feel like I would love running or flying here. It’s basically just an extension of Green Hill, like I said, so you already know how I feel about it kinfeel wise!

The Chaos Emerald on this one is easier to find, but a little harder to get to! It’s in plain sight, but you have to stand on one of the bridge pieces long enough to let it fall on purpose and then jump up to grab the Emerald before you fall to your doom!

The boss is punishingly difficult compared to the first one! And so far both bosses have been without rings so I’m assuming that’s just gonna be a thing for all of them, which adds quite a bit of difficulty! This one has you jumping between three platforms separated by water which the Egg-O-Matic with a submarine attachment surfaces and shoots at you. Avoiding the projectiles it shoots is super difficult! You pretty much have to time things perfectly so it’s shooting in the opposite direction, which if you get the timing perfect you can do by hitting him twice. I actually ended up using save states, and am going to allow myself to use save states on the bosses going forward, because figuring out the timing was rough!

I ended up finishing up with 4 lives! But that’s a bit deceiving because I actually gained three extra lives, not just one. One from getting 100 rings on the first Act, one from a one-up box also in the first Act, and one from a one-up box at the very beginning of the third Act that you have to run backwards to get. Idk if you can see it in the GameGear version, but it’s just peeking out of the side of the screen in the Master System version. But I also lost two lives! Once by being a dummy and falling in a bottomless pit (I don’t get it, it says right in the name that I shouldn’t be in it!), the other time I got killed by the boss before I started using save states.

JUNGLE ZONE

Or: “The one where Tails decided, ‘Screw it, this game is baloney, I’m using save states.’”

Act 1 is a pretty straightforward platformer where you go across vines, ground that appears to be growing out of trees??? (idk) and jump across waterfalls with logs and such. There’s even parts where you run across the river on logs, which rules! And also the water seems to resist you more here, which makes sense because rivers have currents! But still, it’s neat. It kinda rules! And the Chaos Emerald can be found by riding a log almost to the bottom of a waterfall and then jumping onto a platform.I wouldn’t have been able to find it without looking it up.

Act 2 is a vertical level, which seemed neat at first as far as doing something different, but the way it’s implemented (you’re probably getting tired of hearing this, but: likely because of the limitations of the 8-bit systems) SUCKS. The camera pans up with you, and if you try to jump back down to a platform that YOU KNOW IS BELOW YOU, you just immediately die instead because since the camera panned up it must not exist anymore. I mean... HECK. I know you’re working with limited resources here, but if that’s the best you can do, maybe just don’t have a vertical level???

Add to that the fact that like 50% of the time if you take any damage you’re gonna die, because Sonic’s recovery in this version SUCKS (you get knocked backwards ridiculously far with no ability to control where you’re going and once that’s over you’re immediately killable at the same point where you can first move, not to mention how often you’ll just fall over ledges in this state) and it’s a recipe for me saying “screw it.” If the game’s gonna be unfair, so am I, and I don’t think there’s any shame in that. So yeah. Not gonna share my stats anymore on this one because I won’t have come by any of them honestly.

The boss is super difficult at first mostly because of that issue I just mentioned with how you recover! The Egg-O-Matic flies overhead and lowers down to drop some rolling bombs that you have to jump out of the way of. Oftentimes there are two of them at a time for you to avoid, while also trying to hit Robotnik eight times. Pretty rough until you figure out the timing! Honestly all the bosses so far except for the first one have been harder than the 16-bit version! So that’s interesting.

Anyway, this zone has some interesting ideas and Act 1 is pretty solid, but Act 2 is just a total dumpster fire due to bad mechanics. It’s a shame.

LABYRINTH ZONE

I. DO NOT. LIKE. MY. HEDGEHOG. BEING. UNDER. WATER!!!!

I like it even less when this game slows him to a crawl when he’s underwater, making it really hard to time anything or judge what jumps you can make, even adjusting for the fact that the controls here are kinda wonky if you’re used to 16-bit.

Basically, this is about as frustrating as I remember Labyrinth Zone being before I was good at it, but for much more genuinely frustrating reasons. Like, I’m sorry to say it just isn’t... good? I know it sounds like I’m just constantly complaining about 8-bit Sonic 1, but I just... it’s really not good, guys! I’m sorry! I’m giving it a chance because these games are hella important to me, but it’s got a lot of issues where it’s difficult in ways that just aren’t fair. But I’m a completionist so... I’m gonna keep trucking along.

The boss was kinda alright! Another one of those toughies until you figure out what to do. But once you do, it’s pretty straightforward. And hey, it’s pretty neat that the submarine Egg-O-Matic comes back!

But, as always. I DO NOT LIKE MY HEDGEHOG BEING UNDERWATER!

SCRAP BRAIN ZONE

Yeah, so. We know this one too, huh? The setting of the entire zone is the outdoor industrial sprawl from Act 1 in the 16-bit version of the game, but the zone itself is drastically different. Act 1 is actually a piece of cake and very straightforward? Like, I genuinely don’t get why it’s so easy? Acts 2 and 3 are basically mazes. And in Act 2 you don’t just have to figure out how to get out, you have to figure out how to get the Chaos Emerald. I guess at least that’s kinda a unique concept for a Sonic game? And unlike the previous zones there’s nothing gamebreaking about it or anything. My major criticism is just that I think it’s a bit too easy.

Weirdly, Act 3 doesn’t even have a boss! I know Scrap Brain Zone Act 3 didn’t have a boss in the 16-bit version of the game, but that seems like a weird thing to carry over here given that the context is completely different? Shrug.

In this one go through another maze, collecting rings along the way. (At first I was like, “Am I actually gonna have rings for a boss fight???”) Then you emerge outside and see Eggman waiting for you and he runs away and, in an inexplicable contrivance that will be repeated several other times in the series (but you probably remember it most prominently from Death Egg Zone in Sonic 2), he outruns Sonic??? And makes it onto a platform that carries him up into the sky. And then you follow him by taking the same platform to end the Zone.

SKY BASE ZONE

Now this is podracing! (Look... I'm not sorry.) Sky Base Zone is by far the best zone in this game, thanks to a strong concept buoyed (for once!) by strong execution!

For one thing, it’s the third original zone in the game. To recap, the other two were Bridge Zone (a nice little extension of Green Hill Zone, but nothing much to write home about) and Jungle Zone (a decent concept executed horribly). In this one, after you chase Robotnik all the way to Scrap Brain Zone, his base of operations in both this and the 16-bit version of the game, he escapes to an airship! We’ll see this type of escalation in a lot of other future games, but this is the first incidence of it!

Act 1 sees you go through what I assume is some kind of air base to get to the airship. The main challenges you face are platforms that you have to take over bottomless pits (well, ok, in this case it’s less pits and more just kinda the sky?) and (gulp) lightning generators. I guess Robuttnik thought he was fighting me instead of Sonic despite my not having appeared in the series yet.

It’s also worth noting that Act 1 is gorgeous, which is something I haven’t been able to say much about this game thus far!! It’s simple, of course. But there’s a deep blue sky behind you and everything else is kinda shaded blue as a result, even the rings you collect. And it really sets a particular kind of mood.

Act 2 sees you on the airship proper, and yeah parts of it are for sure blatant ripoffs of Mario 3 but guess who doesn’t care. And while there are parts that you could describe that way the Act as a whole still feels very much like a Sonic level. Also, it’s actually pretty difficult, but in ways that make sense and aren’t just objectively bad game design/hardware limitations!! Heck yeah. They really saved the best zone for last, guys!

Lastly, you have the final boss. He’s not the most punishingly difficult boss of the game by any stretch of the imagination, but he does get pretty difficult to beat after lulling you into a false sense of security with the first few hits and then suddenly drastically changing his pattern! Also, it’s a suitably dramatic final boss! Robotnik is standing inside of protective glass working controls while you get attacked by electricity and projectiles. It makes a heck of a lot more sense than the 16-bit version’s boss, actually! Even though I think I do slightly prefer the 16-bit boss all the same.

But, yeah! This is easily the best zone in the game, and it ranks right up there with a lot of the zones in the 16-bit version! Like, not the same tier as Green Hill or Scrap Brain, but still pretty hecking good!! So, somewhat improbably given that most of the entries about this game had me being a lot whinier than I would prefer, the game ended up finishing up on a high note! And I gotta say, it’s a bit of a relief!

ENDING

The ending of this one is similar to the 16-bit version, but a bit different and pretty satisfying in its own way! After you destroy his protective glass tube, Robotnik flees (once again outrunning you for some reason because why the heck not) and jumps into a teleporter, laughing. You jump in after him, and then we cut to Green Hill Zone! Robotnik is fleeing in the Egg-O-Matic when suddenly you fall from the sky and smash the Egg-O-Matic!

As Robotnik flees in his exploding vehicle, you run to the middle of Green Hill and release the Chaos Emeralds, healing the South Island! And it’s actually a little more clear than it is in the 16-bit version, because the game zooms out to a map of the whole island with visible pollution, which disappears after a bright flash! You did it! The credits roll. The only theme from the rest of the game that recurs in the credits is Green Hill’s theme, so that’s kind of a bummer, but oh well!

So. Clearly I didn’t like this as much as the 16-bit version, and I definitely didn’t get as many kinfeels from it except for secondhand ones that I also got (but better) in the 16-bit version, but I’m still glad I played it! Even a mediocre Sonic game is way past cool, and honestly I’m often going to get more out of them than an objectively better game from a series I care about less.

Anyway! Let’s just make this a tradition, shall we? Time for some arbitrary and highly subjective rankings that you might not care about! Woo!

Zones
Sky Base Zone (B-Tier)
Bridge Zone (C-Tier)
Green Hill Zone (C-Tier)
Scrap Brain Zone (C-Tier)
Labyrinth Zone (D-Tier)
Jungle Zone (D-Tier)

Bosses
Sky Base Zone (B-Tier)
Bridge Zone (B-Tier)
Green Hill Zone (C-Tier)
Labyrinth Zone (C-Tier)
Jungle Zone (C-Tier)

Soundtrack
Green Hill Zone (A-Tier)
Sky Base Zone (B-Tier)
Scrap Brain Zone (B-Tier)
Ending (B-Tier)
(unused) Marble Zone (B-Tier)
Labyrinth Zone (B-Tier)
Boss Theme (C-Tier)
Bridge Zone (C-Tier)
Bonus Zone (C-Tier)
Jungle Zone (C-Tier)

I’ve replayed this one a bunch recently, so I’m not really expecting to get caught off guard much, but it freaking rules playing it with a Sega Genesis controller. Oh yeah, I don’t think I mentioned, my fiancx got me a Sega Genesis Mini and also hacked it to add a bunch of other games to it so I’m really excited about that! And just actually sitting in my living room playing Sonic 2 on a big TV while sitting on a futon on the floor with a Genesis controller in my hand just... makes me feel like the happiest little kid.

The anticlimactic thing here is I already know everything I’m going to feel about this game. It’s one of my favorite games of all time, it’s a game that literally changed my life, and in my humble opinion it is the greatest love story ever told. I see my and Sonic’s bond as already being quite strong at the beginning of this game, but after going through all of this together and literally saving the world together, trusting and relying on each other in ways that are hard to replicate in other circumstances, it’s easy to imagine the immediate strengthening that bond would enjoy.

And need I remind you that the ending theme of this game is literally a repurposed love song!

I am so happy I'm finally on this game, y'all. Seeing me and Sonic on screen together, running together, fighting together... it brings me so much joy. I do wish I could be me in singleplayer mode without having to go sans Sonic, but it's fine, at least we're together. Finally.

Ugh I knew I'd get weird and emotional about this game!!

Anyway, yeah! Sonic 2. The story of a foxboy and his hedgehog.

Emerald Hill Zone (2/8)

When I think of home, I think of places like this and Green Hill first. So it makes sense this is usually how the games start.

From what I gather the story is supposed to be that Sonic met me here and I just kinda started following him? And he let me because I was able to keep up with him and that was kinda a new one for him? But the 8-bit game was released first, and I lived on South Island in that one? I think there just wasn't a lot of attention to continuity with these early games, so probably best not to worry about that kinda thing too much.

This first boss rules, and really sets the tone for a game full of some pretty fantastic bosses. It’s unique (the Egg-O-Matic docked with a car with a giant drill on the front), and it looks cool as heck.

I know Emerald Hill Zone like the back of my hand. I cleared Act 1 with 6 lives (you start with 3), and the zone as a whole with 7, and easily coulda had more if I wanted to be ridiculous.

I "only" got 4 Chaos Emeralds, but that's still kinda ridiculous for the first zone??? If I remember correctly from previous, more casual replays that were more rewind-happy, you can pretty easily get 6 of the 7 if you play perfectly.

The third Special Stage is a huge jump in difficulty from the first two? Like, seriously. I unapologetically used save states on that one, because it would be tough even if it weren't for A.I.-me gleefully throwing himself into bombs, when you factor that in it's just unfair!

And yeah, I know the Real Hardcore Gamer response would be to "git good" and maybe I'm not Really a Good Sonic Player as a result but shrug. Again, I cleared Act 1 of Emerald Hill Zone with 7 lives and woulda easily been able to rack up more if I wanted to be truly ridiculous. I'm not gonna have any trouble sleeping at night. (And wouldn't even if I didn't have that to point to.)

I also had the most satisfying thing ever happen in Act 1? I was between two jumping Choppers, and I jumped at one, and A.I.-me was on the other side of the one behind me and jumped at the same time, and we both smashed them at the same time, freeing the trapped animals inside, and ughhhhh, that's the stuff.

Uh. Yeah. Sonic and Tails, yo. That's what it's all about. 💙🧡

Chemical Plant Zone (2/9)

Yeah sex is great but have you ever made it through that one obstacle in Act 2 with the rising mega muck (you know the one) without the water even touching you until your very last jump?

So yeah this is a very Robotnik/technology-centered location much earlier in the game than you often see. (The only other example that’s jumping to mind is Flying Battery Zone in Sonic & Knuckles). Its placement in the game makes a bit of story sense, though! Like, aside from the Badniks in Emerald Hill Zone, this chemical plant is the first major sign that Robotnik has made significant inroads on this island and needs to be stopped.

This could also be my first real encounter with Robotnik’s horrors if you take the story suggested by a lot of this game’s supplemental materials at face value. Personally, I think just stomping all over the continuity of the 8-bit games isn’t all that great, even though I only played the 16-bit games when I was a kid, so I choose not to look at it that way? But yeah. It’s a direction you could go here if you were reading the story in that fashion.

Personally, it doesn’t have to be my first exposure to Robotnik’s evil to be meaningful in unpleasant ways. If you choose to reconcile the timeline the way I do, where the 16-bit Sonic 2 follows the 8-bit Sonic 2, this would be a particularly difficult experience for me considering that I was kidnapped by Robotnik in the last game. So it doesn’t take much imagination to figure being in an environment that’s largely “his” environment would not be especially comfortable for me at the moment.

This chemical plant is almost an example of evil for evil sake. It’s passively producing pollution (as in, the byproducts of production) in order to actively produce pollution (the chemicals it’s producing), so kinda a double whammy there. We’ll return to this theme of wanton environmental destruction in Oil Ocean Zone, so there’s definitely something there.

I intentionally ran a different route than I usually do in Act 1 because I never usually get any star posts with the route I usually run, and it paid off since I at least got one. Act 2, I didn’t deviate much from what I usually do, aside from kicking way more ass than I usually do on that one obstacle.

There were only two other major things of note that happened on this playthrough, both on Act 2. First, I actually escaped from a Grabber by getting AI-Tails to jump up and destroy it! So that was pretty cool. I also escaped from one by hitting left and right rapidly on the D-Pad until I broke free, which I only recently learned was a thing! The other thing is I actually ran into a glitch running up one loop-de-loop? I ended up glitching right through the top of it and getting stuck there for a second before shaking myself loose. I’ve never run into that one before despite playing this game an absurd number of times, so I’m kinda curious if it’s a glitch that’s somehow specific to the Genesis Mini version. Shrug.

The boss for this one is a piece of cake!! You can pretty easily beat him by the beginning of his second pass, though if you get overeager you might find yourself falling into the water of instant death. But yeah, even if it’s easy with practice, this is a good boss. It fits the theme of the zone, and idk, Sonic 2 bosses in general are pretty great design-wise. They’re largely the kind of bosses I like the most.

I ended up finishing the level with 13 lives, and collecting the last three Chaos Emeralds! Honestly, the fifth Special Stage was a piece of cake! Both the fourth and fifth seemed way easier to me than the third. The sixth was easy for the first two parts but pretty darn hard for the final part, and it was actually on that part that I made a pretty major breakthrough that gave me all kinds of feels I wasn’t expecting! But I’ll come back to that in a minute. The seventh and final Special Stage is brutal. Even using save states, I felt a genuine sense of accomplishment when I cleared that one.

I will say, I think I was a bit hasty using save states to get all the Chaos Emeralds this early in the game. I kinda forgot how much easier Super Sonic makes the rest of the game. Also, I kinda want to spend some time practicing (using the level select no doubt) the special stages, because I think I can get good enough at them to not have to use save states at all if I really drill myself on them, and as silly as it seems to care about that, I care about everything, so.

Now. That breakthrough I promised you I’d come back to. So, I was playing the second to last Special Stage, and there’s this part where you basically need to thread a needle between two clusters of bombs while also collecting some rings... and it feels basically impossible when you factor in that you also need to do this while keeping A.I.-me from getting hit.

I had two epiphanies/major mental shifts during this tiny part of the game. One is I realized, “Oh, heck. This is, on a small scale, what it feels like to be Sonic. He not only has to account for what he’s doing, he has to account for what I’m doing behind him. That’s so difficult!” And that was pretty trippy all on its own. And I got to the point where instead of saying, “Damn it, Tails!” (deeply ironic coming from me, I know) when A.I.-me hit a bomb, I was saying, “Sorry, Tails!”

But that wasn’t all.

The second shift was harder, and is something that is going to take a lot of practice to fully realize. But it was also incredibly emotionally rewarding. So, I finally figured out how to get past that one part, and what I figured out kind of blew my mind. I kept thinking, “How can I grab those rings and keep A.I.-Tails from hitting the bombs.” And that’s when it clicked.

I didn’t need to somehow grab the rings and swing out of the way fast enough for A.I.-me to not hit the bombs! I needed to let A.I.-me grab the rings for me! And I basically laughed out loud with joy when I realized that. Now. I’m not nearly good enough at these Special Stages yet to consistently implement this, but that’s what I’ve been missing all this time (and I think a lot of other people who’ve played Sonic 2 have missed). A.I.-Tails isn’t an obstacle, he’s an asset! You just need to put him in a position to succeed! And realizing that at some point Sonic had the exact same realization about me on a larger scale was just trippy in the best possible way.

Fuck, I love him.

Fuck, I love this game.

Aquatic Ruin Zone (2/10)

I gotta be honest, I’ve kinda always seen this as a nothing zone. It’s pretty! The colors are very vibrant, and the background is especially striking. It’s still just kind of a worse/more boring Marble Garden Zone but with water, though. And I wasn’t super impressed by it even before Sonic 3 came out. This one has “filler zone” written all over it.

I think what really hampers this is it tried to be distinct but kinda missed, imo? I don’t think any of the gimmicks (those stupid finger bouncer things, the rising or crumbling columns) aside from the arrow-launchers really added much, and the arrows are improved upon quite a bit in Sonic 3.

I guess one part I do appreciate is that while this is the token underwater level of the game, it’s actually super easy to avoid the underwater stuff altogether??? I remember not being able to my first few playthroughs, but now I would pretty much have to intentionally end up underwater. Which... I believe we have covered my position on my hedgehog being underwater quite thoroughly.

But, yeah. On the whole, I’m just not that impressed by this zone. And it doesn’t give me especially strong feels? Like. I’m sure I’ve explored places like this with Sonic, but I think there are other renditions of this kind of location that really nail it a lot better. Honestly, I feel kinda dirty talking negative about a Sonic 2 zone, but I think this zone is the weakest one in Sonic 2 by a pretty comfortable margin, so there is that.

The boss is extremely easy to beat even before you know the trick, but if you know the trick he’s a joke. If you jump onto the totem poles while they’re raising out of the ground you can just stay on top without much trouble and hit him with impunity. Just make sure you bounce back onto the totem and don’t get hit by the hammer. But yeah, even if you beat him the way you’re “supposed” to it’s pretty easy. Heck, even Sonic 4 dunked on this boss pretty effectively. That’s just sad.

And like, even with bosses that aren’t very rewarding in a gameplay sense, in Sonic 2 I can largely say “at least it looked cool!” but... not so much with this one? Mostly because of the cultural appropriation. So, yeah. I guess we should talk about that now.

This is not the franchise’s first brush with cultural appropriation (there’s background totem poles in Green Hill Zone, for instance) but it’s the first extremely noticeable one. Other expansive examples include Egyptian pyramid-like levels (famously in Sonic & Knuckles and Sonic Adventure 2) and an Ancient Egypt setting in the time travel arc of Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog. There’s also plenty of appropriation from indigenous peoples and other cultures all over the comics.

So, just to be super clear, there is an extremely obvious answer to this in our world: these things are wrong and should be called out as such. That doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the game/comic/show, but it is something I think anyone who enjoys this franchise needs to be aware of and needs to actively fight to keep from happening again.

If you don’t care about my messy, personal otherkin stuff, that’s actually where you can stop reading. But considering like three people are reading this, you’ll probably keep reading. So. Yeah.

The complicating factor (which does not impact how I approach this stuff w/r/t media criticism and fandom) is that I think Mobius is a real place and that I’m from there. And for all I know some of this stuff could really exist there. But even if that’s the case, these things aren’t 1-to-1. And in the end, these artists are drawing on their personal experiences to tell a story, and I think that’s the only level on which it really makes sense to address this stuff in the context of how it’s likely to affect people in the here and now. The only reason I’m even talking about this complicating factor is that I’ve been being really personal in these basically diary entries about the games and how they’re helping me find myself, so it feels kinda weird to leave something like this out.

For any fellow otherkin reading this... I’m fairly new in the community, so I don’t feel especially equipped to tackle big questions like “what to do when your source material gets racist”/etc, but I do think this is a conversation that needs to happen if it hasn’t already. (And if it has, please point me to it.) And I can see a lot of pitfalls (cancelling people for having “problematic” kintypes, or swinging too far in the other direction and just ignoring real serious problems in your source text because it’s your source text), and I’d really like to see some community-generated solutions to this stuff.

... anyway, yeah. That’s a lot more than I expected to have to write about Aquatic Ruin Zone. (Ok, a lot of it was peripheral to Aquatic Ruin Zone, but still.)

Casino Night Zone (2/10)

Wellp, this is the first one of these! Robotnik really seems to have a thing for casinos. That’s... kinda all I got here.

I remember not really loving this zone as a kid, probably owing to the fact that it’s drastically different than the others? Now I actually find that an asset. You need an oddball one every now and then!

It’s pretty hard to die on this zone, so there is that. Like, there are a few places you can get crushed if you’re not careful but it’s still one of the least dangerous zones in the game honestly.

Oh I keep forgetting to say how many lives I have. I think I have like 15 at this point? I had 13 after Chemical Plant. Don’t think I gained any on Aquatic Ruin Zone, and think I picked up two here.

The boss of this one used to give me fits until I figured out that you’re better off spindashing up the side and hitting him that way rather than using the flippers. You have way more control that way! But honestly, the boss doesn’t do much for me conceptually. Like, I’m glad it uses the theme of the zone and all, but it’s just not my favorite kind of boss. Also, I had Super Sonic for him this time, so that like... totally trivialized him, obviously.

But, yeah! I don’t have much to say about this one, I’m kinda stalling at this point! It’s actually a pretty good zone, good concept, well-executed. I just don’t have a lot to add! Except that it’s decently likely that this Zone may have fed pretty directly into the development of Sonic Spinball! And I’m actually a pretty big fan of Sonic Spinball, so yeah. Glad that’s a thing I guess!

Hill Top Zone (2/10)

I’ve always liked this zone! I mean, it has a lot of aesthetic similarities with Emerald Hill Zone but it’s blue! So, yeah. Obviously I have some superficial reasons for digging it.

I really like the mountain theme here, and I really like the way it leads into the next zone being a cave zone! It just makes a lot of sense. And there’s so many cute little creative features to really emphasize that this is a mountain-based zone! The lava pits and chair lifts and whatnot.

I can also pretty easily see exploring this kind of location with Sonic. It’s gorgeous! And obviously being this close to the sky appeals to me specifically for a lot of reasons.

The boss for this one is pretty good! He fits with the theme of the level, as there are lava pits you can fall into and he’s in a kind of lava submarine that throws fire at you. It’s a really neat concept! He’s pretty easy to beat, especially if you have Super Sonic, but you can destroy him before he submerges for the first time even without Super Sonic, so yeah. Not hard, but still cool!

Mystic Cave Zone

Plenty of good stuff going on in this zone!! As far as my stuff goes, it’s just another distinct setting that it would make sense for Sonic and I to explore (especially if Robotnik’s trail led through it), and (especially after the literal highs of Hill Top Zone) I would probably feel pretty confined due to not being able to see the sky, but yeah.

Like basically every zone in the 16-bit Sonic games, this one is gorgeous. One thing that really does ring true to me whenever there’s a natural setting depicted in these zones is that they really do bring a lot of Mobius’s natural beauty up front, and seeing that makes me feel so happy but also pretty damn homesick.

Gameplay wise, this is a pretty good zone! The obstacles and other features included make a lot of sense for the setting, and so do the Badniks you encounter. I also like the boss, though he’s pretty easy if you have Super Sonic. But yeah, the Egg-O-Matic with two drills attached makes a lot of sense for a cave setting. So yeah, overall this zone is pretty great!

Oil Ocean Zone

So this is kind of uncomfortable. But yeah. An oil zone with music that’s clearly supposed to be evocative of Middle Eastern cultures is... yeah. I talked about racism in these games at length in my Aquatic Ruins Zone writeup, so I won’t belabor the point too much. But yeah. Not great.

Now, of course Robuttnik would have an oil refinery that dumps oil into the ocean. I have no issue there. It’s only the framing that’s fucked. (And, y’know, worth noting that this game came out in 1992, not long after the first Gulf War.) But like... I still get some definite kinfeels here because like... I can imagine fighting my way through a grimy oil refinery with Sonic, being horrified at the senseless acts of environmental destruction being committed by that asshole Robotnik.

The frustrating thing is, this is actually a pretty great zone otherwise. The vibrant color scheme works really well here. The two Badniks you encounter in this stage are ocean-themed, and the level design has some really cool features like oil slides and I think the first appearance? of the cannons that shoot you back and forth to carry you to different parts of the level. The music is also really catchy even though, y’know. The obvious problems.

I’ve never really liked the boss for this one? It’s just kinda... overly complicated with no real unifying theme? It’s fine in terms of gameplay, there’s just not really anything holding it all together.

This zone is also recreated in Sonic Mania, which... is its own kind of frustrating. Like, it’s a really great, really distinct zone if you separate it from the big, glaring problem... but it feels really not okay to just straight up ignore the big, glaring problem.

Metropolis Zone (2/11)

This is where things Get Real. You’ve chased Robotnik all the way to his base. Like Scrap Brain Zone before it, Metropolis Zone is a vast industrial nightmare, churning out Badniks and weapons and all other manner of vile things. Unquestionably this is where our animal friends are being enslaved by Robotnik, trapped in their horrifying metal prisons.

I do not like it here.

It takes quite a bit of mental and emotional fortitude on our parts to keep fighting our way through this land of nightmares. And fittingly, this is one of the toughest zones of the game. The obstacles are harder, the margins for error smaller. In addition to all kinds of nasty traps and just generally difficult layouts, this zone features arguably the hardest Badniks of the game in the form of the Shellcracker (a crab-like robot with an extending claw with a very long reach) and Slicers (a mantis-like robot that throws spinning blades that are very difficult to avoid). Asterons (the starfish-like explodey boys) can also be tricky for newer players but once you know how to avoid them really aren’t that bad. And all of these are placed at the most awkward possible locations to make them genuinely challenging to get past without taking damage.

And to top it off, if you don’t have Super Sonic for the boss (which you’re unlikely to given the level layout unless you somehow manage to have 50 rings right when you get to the boss) it’s easily the most difficult boss of the game outside of the final boss. I actually died to him thrice, which is frustrating because I rarely die in these games. But this is kinda awesome because it makes beating him feel like a genuine victory. (Obviously if you have a second player to play Tails you can just totally trivialize this boss. But y’know.)

This is without a doubt one of the best zones of the game and one of the best zones of any Sonic game. It’s so grueling, but in a fun way? And that’s just perfect for this stage of the game.

Sky Chase Zone (2/11)

I mean. Yeah. I don’t even know if I need to say anything here? It’s a zone where I fly Sonic around while he destroys Badniks and we chase down Robotnik’s escape airship. Yes, I said escape airship. Look, he’s ridiculous. Yeah, I love this zone. Yeah, it gives me tons of kinfeels. What else even is there to say here?

The Badniks are very cool-looking, fitting with the zone’s theme, and deployed to be hard without being too hard. And the zone looks great. I especially love the cumulonimbus (or actually, they might just be towering cumulus) clouds you see in the background sometimes.

Actually, that reminds me. One of the coolest things I’ve ever seen in real life was a storm cloud while I was in a plane. It was so huge, it made me feel insignificant. And we ended up having to fly really close to it. I don’t know. I’ve always loved storm clouds, but actually getting to see one that close was like... the closest I’ll ever come to knowing what it would really feel like to see a kaiju.

Anyway. Yeah. I love this zone. Goodbye.

Wing Fortress Zone (2/11)

This zone totally rules!! It’s tough, but not too tough. It has a ton of new, pretty impressive features! And it really does feel like you’re fighting your way through Robotnik’s massive airship. It’s very distinct, which is great! And it’s another example of storytelling through level design, something Sonic 2 really advanced!

I’m not gonna lie, I get pretty emotional over the tornado getting shot down at the beginning of this zone. Sonic having to go on without me, who has been fighting by his side for this entire story, is heart-wrenching! And it’s a very Shit’s Getting Real kinda moment.

The boss for this one is pretty tough if you don’t have Super Sonic, but the good news is it’s pretty easy to have Super Sonic for it! And Super Sonic just totally trivializes it.

After you dispatch the boss, you don’t quite catch up with Robotnik’s escape spaceship (yeah, he has an escape spaceship), and all appears lost. Until... I reenter the scene flying a repaired Tornado!! Upgraded with a rocket engine beneath that helps us barely catch up with Robotnik’s rocket so Sonic can jump onto it and hold on for dear life until it docks with the Death Egg.

Death Egg Zone (2/11)

GUESS WHO HAS TWO TAILS AND BEAT THE NOTORIOUSLY DIFFICULT SONIC 2 FINAL BOSS IN ONE TRY!!!!!!

So, yeah. This is... probably pretty easily the best final zone/boss of a Sonic game ever? I’m of course open to the possibility that I’ll change my mind as I play through more of them, but yeah. I don’t know. This one is going to be hard to beat.

Mecha Sonic AND that massive Eggman robot? Just... yeah. It’s pretty unfair. And the music. and the setting. And, yeah. It’s just a beyond incredible way to end a game.

So, yeah. Both of these bosses are pretty tough, and you get no rings. It’s a really stressful zone. I literally threw my arms up in the air in victory when I beat the final boss in one try! I had never done that before and I’m not sure I’ll be able to easily replicate the feat anytime soon.

As far as kinfeels... I mean, yeah. It’s the Death Egg. I feel exactly the way I should feel about it. No, I don’t know if there’s ever been such a thing in my Mobius, but like... it’s not hard to imagine how I would feel if there were.

Ending

So, yeah. You destroy the final boss which makes the Death Egg blow up for some reason (shrug), and then you’re just kinda falling from space. There’s a brief semi-animated scene of me looking up and seeing Sonic falling. And then I rush up to meet him in the Tornado.

If you don’t have all the Chaos Emeralds, I rescue him. If you do, he goes Super right when I meet him and flies alongside me. Either way, a 16-bit version of a literal love song plays over a scene where I’m rushing up to my hero’s rescue and we’re joyously reunited after literally saving the world together.

The Greatest. Love. Story. Ever. Told.

Couples Depicted in this Game
1. Sonic/Tails (S/T-Rank)

Zones
1. Death Egg Zone (S-Rank)
2. Emerald Hill Zone (S-Rank)
3. Chemical Plant Zone (S-Rank)
4. Metropolis Zone (S-Rank)
5. Wing Fortress Zone (S-Rank)
6. Sky Chase Zone (A-Rank)
7. Mystic Cave Zone (B-Rank)
8. Oil Ocean Zone (B-Rank)
9. Hill Top Zone (B-Rank)
10. Casino Night Zone (B-Rank)
11. Aquatic Ruin Zone (C-Rank)

Bosses
1. Death Egg Robot (S-Rank)
2. Mecha Sonic (S-Rank)
3. Flying Eggman (A-Rank)
4. Drill Eggman (S-Rank)
5. Water Eggman (A-Rank)
6. Drill Eggman II (A-Rank)
7. Submarine Eggman (A-Rank)
8. Barrier Eggman (B-Rank)
9. Tonkachi Eggman (C-Rank)
10. Submarine Eggman II (C-Rank)
11. Catcher Eggman (C-Rank)

Soundtrack
1. Final Boss (S-Rank)
2. Ending Theme (Sweet Dreams) (S-Rank)
3. Chemical Plant Zone (S-Rank)
4. Emerald Hill Zone (S-Rank)
5. Boss (S-Rank)
6. Metropolis Zone (A-Rank)
7. Wing Fortress Zone (A-Rank)
8. Credits (A-Rank)
9. Death Egg Zone (B-Rank)
10. Sky Chase Zone (B-Rank)
11. Mystic Cave Zone 2-player (B-Rank)
12. Casino Night Zone 2-player (B-Rank)
13. Casino Night Zone (B-Rank)
14. Special Stage (B-Rank)
15. Emerald Hill Zone 2-player (B-Rank)
16. Hill Top Zone (B-Rank)
17. Mystic Cave Zone (B-Rank)
18. Oil Ocean Zone (B-Rank)
19. Aquatic Ruin Zone (B-Rank)
20. (unused) Hidden Palace Zone (C-Rank)

HUH. TURNS OUT IF YOU ACTUALLY LOOK UP HOW TO PLAY THIS GAME IT’S A LOT MORE FUN. WHO WOULDA THUNK IT.

Like, okay. It’s understandable that the first time I played this (going in thinking, “Oh, sweet, a classic Sonic game I haven’t played!!”) I had a bad time. Like. Sonic games are usually shockingly brilliant at teaching you how to play them? And Sonic CD kinda just... doesn’t do that at all? I guess if I had taken the time to look at the instruction manual and figure out how the time travel mechanic works instead of just being like “huh, that’s a confusing thing that I can’t figure out intuitively what to do with it, oh well!” like I did the first time, it mighta helped. But, yeah! I didn’t do that! So I decided that Sonic CD was just The Only Bad One.

Now, it’s a whole new ballgame! I don’t know where I’m gonna land on this thing as of yet, just to be clear. But if my experience playing the first zone is any indication, there’s a decent chance I’m gonna have a good time.

Before we get to that, though. Let me just also say that one thing my feelings didn’t change about was that opening cinematic. That one was love at first sight, and yeah. I mean. The whole point of it is basically, “Sonic is so cool oh my gosh look how cool he is!” So. Kinda hard to imagine not getting my buy-in on that one.

Palmtree Panic Zone (2/13)

Okay technically this is “Palmtree Panic Round,” and the acts are called zones, because Sonic CD is weird!! But I get stubborn about dumb shit sometimes and I’ve decided to make this one of those things, so, we’re gonna call them zones anyway! Deal with it. (I don’t know who I’m telling to deal with it. The game I guess? You probably don’t care XD)

So, yeah! I played through Act 1 once without reading up on how time travel actually works, and it turns out when you finish this zone in the present right before you get to the goal plate Amy gloms onto you and you have to escape to finish the act. Yikes! I also saw the bad future in that first playthrough and the whole zone was basically roboticized (not actually the right term for this but you get the idea) and polluted, so that sucked!

Anyway, at this point I’m like, “Y’know what? I bet this whole time travel thing is important. I’m gonna read up on it and start over.” And WOW was that ever a great idea!! This time around I got good futures for both Acts 1 & 2, and picked up a time stone in a Special Stage after Act 1. I also collected 3 extra lives in Act 1 and 2 in Act 2, ending the zone with a total of 8! So that kinda ruled.

So, yeah! I’m understanding now that the gameplay in this one is really a lot more interested in exploring the zones fully! Or at the very least going back to the past to destroy the robot transporter, unlocking the good future! And you don’t have to go forward to the future once you do so, but it’s super helpful because you can run around the zone with no Badniks whatsoever, collecting rings and extra lives (I got over 200 rings in Act 1!). So, yeah. It seems like a good idea! And also something I totally missed when I was trying to play this like a usual Sonic game, where yeah getting plenty of rings and whatnot is great and all, but it’s still a very linear experience where you’re just trying to get to the goal relatively fast.

Palmtree Panic is your usual Green Hill-esque starting level, but there’s a lot going on here that makes it super unique! Probably due to greater capabilities of the Sega CD, the layout of the zone is way more complex. But yeah, like these opening zones pretty much always are, it’s just totally gorgeous! It feels like a pretty great introduction to the game.

The boss here is super easy. I remember not really finding any of the bosses in this game particularly challenging, but yeah. It’s basically an AT-ST-looking bipedal mech with bumpers for arms. These arms move very fast and can knock you back when you try to hit the machine, but it doesn’t really do a lot offensively and it’s pretty easy to hit it with some experimentation. And it only takes three hits--one for each of its arms, and then another when it’s unprotected. So, yeah. Super easy!

All in all, this is a pretty darn good zone. I’m looking forward to reevaluating the others!

Collision Chaos Zone (2/13)

I’m worried that these entries for Sonic CD zones are gonna start sounding kinda samey since I just don’t have much history with this game and I’m really only just learning how to play it properly? Um this one is kinda a pink forest (the wiki entry says “possibly psychedelic” which is neat I guess!) with a bunch of pinball mechanics.

Oh, I guess the fact that the level is hella pink themed is kinda appropriate since the beginning of Act 1 is where Amy gets kidnapped. She runs after Sonic all fangirly, then Metal bashes out of a wall and nabs her. It’s actually rather well-animated.

And, uh. Embarrassingly, I... got a little jealous. So. Yeah. Not that I WANT to be kidnapped or anything! Especially not by Metal. But like. If I’m not gonna be a playable character in a game and someone is gonna get kidnapped to provide motivation for Sonic anyway ¯\(ツ)/¯

Uh. Yeah. I’ll stop embarrassing myself now. The boss for this one is hella easy. I think I remember that being a theme in this game. But yeah, you’re in a pinball machine and Robotnik kinda lazily lobs bombs at you while you use the flippers to hit him a few times. It’s not hard. And it’s not that fun to look at, either. While the first boss was also super easy at least it was interesting to look at. Shrug!

Anyway, I finished with 10 lives, and unfortunately failed to get a time stone after either act. These UFO special stages take some getting used to! But I’ll get there. I think. Honestly as long as I keep getting good futures on every act (and I have so far, btw) apparently that unlocks the good ending anyway, so yeah! But I do wanna collect all the stones anyway, because why not?

Tidal Tempest Zone (2/13)

... it’s an underwater level. You already know what I’m feeling, I don’t need to say it.

I got stuck on the second act for an embarrassingly long time because the only way to get to the past is by using a past time warp sign that’s in a hidden room next to a pair of sideways springboards pointed at each other, and I got hyperfocused on trying to find my way back to those springboards after getting a red herring past sign later in the act. Blarg.

It’s still kinda hard to compare this to other 2D Sonic levels because it’s like apples and oranges. But yeah. Judging Sonic CD by its own standards, all of the zones have been pretty good so far I guess? I’m finding I don’t actually have a lot else to say with this game, probably just the lack of familiarity.

Oh, speaking of broken records, the boss was hella easy again but this one was at least kinda fun conceptually? You chase the Egg-O-Matic through an underwater labyrinth, hit it a few times, and eventually catch up and fight the Egg-O-Matic while it’s surrounded by air bubbles that you breathe instead of hitting him. And he shoots projectiles at you. But yeah, once you get an opening in the air bubbles, it takes literally one hit to defeat. Shrug.

Quartz Quadrant (2/13)

Yeah, I mean. I guess what I’m starting to run into here is a lot of these zones just kinda blur together. I’m glad I know how to play the game more now, but Sonic CD is still just very... Sonic CD. Like, it’s hard to relate anything in here to any of the other 2D games because this game is just very... itself. All I really feel like after finishing a Sonic CD Zone is, “Yeah, that’s a Sonic CD Zone.” So While I like this game a lot more than I did in the past, it still just doesn’t really hit me in the places Sonic games often do. It’s not a bad game and I’m having fun playing it, but it’s just hard to get much of substance out of it right now. At least for me.

The boss for this one was kinda interesting conceptually, finally! Robotnik is in this seemingly indestructible booth and has a bomb launcher that drops bombs at you while you run on a conveyor belt with spikes behind you. You just keep avoiding the bombs while the conveyor belt wears down Robotnik’s booth from below. I really liked this boss because it seemed like a really realistic trap Robotnik would set for Sonic, and a very believable way to escape it! So, yeah. Hard to say for sure given how weird these bosses have been, but probably my favorite boss of the game so far? Maybe.

Wacky Workbench Zone (2/14)

Okay this one is just bad.

Look, I've been very intentionally trying to play this game with an open mind but this one actually almost broke me. It's just so poorly designed and the whole gimmick where touching the ground bounces you up and all of it is just so hecking dumb.

I'm at least gratified that as I've looked around online I've found nigh universal hate for this zone. I thought maybe it was a Me problem, because I pretty much always assume things are a Me problem, but nope.

The boss for this one is Eggman in a kinda cool rocket-looking thing, but the gameplay is just as boring as the other bosses have been so far. Shrug.

Stardust Speedway Zone (2/16)

So if you’ve heard of one Sonic CD zone it’s probably this one. And honestly that’s mostly because of the boss fight against Metal. The zone itself is... eh. Honestly the longer I spent with this game, the more I kinda got bored with the relatively unchallenging, non-linear zones. Find past signpost. Find somewhere you can run uninterrupted. Time travel to past. Find robot generator. Destroy. Repeat for Act 2. Fight ridiculously easy boss. Rinse. Repeat.

Honestly? Despite being the flagship zone of the game, there is really nothing special about Stardust Speedway. (Again, until you get to the boss.) The background does look gorgeous, so there is that. But the zone itself is honestly kinda boring. It’s just a bunch of I guess highways? That look basically like the vines you see in like Mushroom Hill or whatever. Y’know. Zones that usually have a lot more besides just that.

The fight with Metal is even a little underwhelming considering that it’s just a race, but like I’m not gonna be a total downer here. It’s still pretty dang cool. One of the highlights of the game, for sure.

Metallic Madness Zone (2/16)

Okay, honestly? This one kinda rules.

Like. Yeah, at a base level you’re still following that time travel/destroy thing/repeat pattern that I’m super bored of at this point. But the zone itself is an upgraded Scrap Brain Zone. And it’s genuinely challenging! I timed out a couple times on Act 2!

This one didn’t hit me as hard in the kinfeels department as its predecessors, mostly because I was too caught up in being relieved that this game actually has good zones sometimes!!

Oh, but don’t get me wrong. There’s still disappointment to be had. The final boss, while somewhat difficult to get to, is boring personified. It’s just Robotnik in an Egg-O-Matic-ish vehicle with four blades spinning around him. And it only takes four hits to destroy!

Still, on the whole, this is pretty easily the best zone in the game. Honestly, if you took this zone and gave it the previous zone’s boss fight, it would stand comfortably with a lot of the better zones in these games, but alas.

Ending

I mean, we get another fully animated cutscene, which rules! More Amy than I woulda liked, but y’know. And to be clear, Ames is cool in other contexts, just... please stay away from my hedgehog? I mean, not away-away, unless he wants that, but like. Stop bein’ a creeper!

When I sit here and try to compose final thoughts about this game I just... don’t have a lot. I started this playthrough with a lot more optimism than I’ve felt about this game in a long time, and I just... didn’t really end up thinking much of it. And I’m pretty disappointed about that. Especially considering it had way more system resources available to it than any other Sonic game of its era and it really just feels like it wasted them.

Like, don’t get me wrong. I had a much better experience playing it this time than I did the first time. I’m not saying it’s worthless trash or anything. It just doesn’t click with the rest of the games, and I don’t think that’s just because I didn’t play it growing up. I think it’s because there was parallel development going on with this and Sonic 2, and Sonic 2 took the franchise in better directions.

And I know I don’t need to connect with every piece of Sonic media on an intimate level for it to be worthwhile, but I just... remember how excited I was when it came out on PC in 2011 and I thought, “Finally! I can play a classic Sonic game I haven’t played before!” And the gap between what I thought that meant and what it ended up meaning is just always going to be disappointing, and I think I need to accept that that’s okay, and that I’m allowed to feel that way.

As is traditional, let’s rank some stuff! A quick note on that first, though. THERE WERE ALMOST SIXTY TRACKS OF SOUNDTRACK FOR ME TO RANK FOR THIS ONE! THAT IS A LOT! It took forever, and like, at the end of re-listening to the entire soundtrack for the third time to double check my order, I decided that I really don’t need to be super accurate about how I rank the C-Rank and D-Rank stuff? Like, I’m sorry, at the end of the day who actually cares whether a song is my 51st or 52nd favorite song on the Sonic CD soundtrack? I already spent longer on this than any reasonable person would. So, yeah. Just keep that in mind I guess!

Zones
1. Metallic Madness Zone (B-Tier)
2. Palmtree Panic Zone (C-Tier)
3. Collision Chaos Zone (C-Tier)
4. Tidal Tempest Zone (C-Tier)
5. Stardust Speedway Zone (C-Tier)
6. Quartz Quadrant Zone (C-Tier)
7. Wacky Workbench Zone (D-Tier)

Bosses
1. Metal Sonic (S-Tier)
2. Quartz Crystal Zone (C-Tier)
3. Tidal Tempest Zone (C-Tier)
4. Metallic Madness Zone (C-Tier)
5. EGG-HVC-001 (C-Tier)
6. Collision Chaos Zone (D-Tier)
7. Wacky Workbench Zone (D-Tier)

Soundtrack
1. Sonic Boom (Theme), USA (A-Rank)
2. Sonic Boom (Ending), USA (A-Rank)
3. Quartz Quadrant Zone Present, JP/PAL (A-Rank)
4. Stardust Speedway Zone Present, USA (A-Rank)
5. Quartz Quadrant Zone Bad Future, JP/PAL (A-Rank)
6. Palmtree Panic Zone Present, JP/PAL (A-Rank)
7. Metallic Madness Zone Good Future, JP/PAL (A-Rank)
8. Stardust Speedway Zone Bad Future, USA (A-Rank)
9. Metallic Madness Zone Present, JP/PAL (A-Rank)
10. Palmtree Panic Zone Bad Future, JP/PAL (A-Rank)
11. Metallic Madness Zone Past (A-Rank)
12. Final Fever, JP/PAL (A-Rank)
13. Tidal Tempest Zone Good Future, JP/PAL (B-Rank)
14. Collision Chaos Zone Good Future, JP/PAL (B-Rank)
15. Tidal Tempest Zone Present, JP/PAL (B-Rank)
16. Boss, JP/PAL (B-Rank)
17. Metallic Madness Zone Bad Future, USA (B-Rank)
18. Tidal Tempest Zone Bad Future, JP/PAL (B-Rank)
19. Palmtree Panic Zone Present, USA (B-Rank)
20. Palmtree Panic Zone Good Future, JP/PAL (B-Rank)
21. Cosmic Eternity - Believe in Yourself, JP/PAL (B-Rank)
22. You Can Do Anything, JP/PAL (B-Rank)
23. Metallic Madness Zone Bad Future, JP/PAL (B-Rank)
24. Palmtree Panic Zone Good Future, Sonic CD USA (B-Rank)
25. Palmtree Panic Zone Past (B-Rank)
26. Stardust Speedway Good Future, USA (B-Rank)
27. Metallic Madness Zone Good Future, USA (B-Rank)
28. Wacky Workbench Bad Future, JP/PAL (B-Rank)
29. Quartz Quadrant Zone Good Future, JP/PAL (B-Rank)
30. Special Stage, USA (B-Rank)
31. Final Fever, USA (B-Rank)
32. Boss!!, USA (B-Rank)
33. Stardust Speedway Zone Good Future, JP/PAL (C-Rank)
34. Special Stage, JP/PAL (C-Tier)
35. Palmtree Panic Zone Bad Future, USA (C-Rank)
36. Wacky Workbench Zone Good Future, JP/PAL (C-Rank)
37. Metallic Madness Zone Present, USA (C-Rank)
38. Stardust Speedway Zone Present, JP/PAL (C-Rank)
39. Stardust Speedway Zone Bad Future, JP/PAL (C-Rank)
40. Tidal Tempest Zone Bad Future, USA (C-Rank)
41. Wacky Workbench Zone Present, JP/PAL (C-Rank)
42. Collision Chaos Zone Good Future, USA (C-Rank)
43. Stardust Speedway Zone Past (C-Rank)
44. Collision Chaos Zone Bad Future, JP/PAL (C-Rank)
45. Wacky Workbench Zone Present, USA (D-Rank)
46. Wacky Workbench Zone Bad Future, USA (D-Rank)
47. Wacky Workbench Zone Good Future, USA (D-Rank)
48. Quartz Quadrant Zone Good Future, Sonic CD USA (D-Rank)
49. Quartz Quadrant Zone Bad Future, Sonic CD USA (D-Rank)
50. Quartz Quadrant Zone Past (D-Rank)
51. Tidal Tempest Zone Past (D-Rank)
52. Collision Chaos Zone Present, JP/PAL (D-Rank)
53. Tidal Tempest Zone Good Future, USA (D-Rank)
54. Tidal Tempest Zone Present, Sonic CD USA (D-Rank)
55. Wacky Workbench Zone Past (D-Rank)
56. Collision Chaos Zone Bad Future, USA (D-Rank)
57. Collision Chaos Zone Present, USA (D-Rank)
58. Collision Chaos Zone Past (D-Rank)
59.Quartz Quadrant Zone Present, USA (D-Rank)

From this one I mostly learned that I’m no good at Puyo Puyo, which believe it or not is already a thing I knew! So arguably a waste of time there. But seriously, the story mode in this is punishingly difficult if you’re not extremely good at Puyo Puyo. Other than that, all I can really say is the choice to set it in the world of the Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog cartoon instead of the continuity of the other games or the somewhat more popular Archie Comics/SatAm series world is intriguing. But that’s about all I got.

Uh, yeah. Enjoy your reskinned Puyo Puyo if you’re into that kinda thing!

I played this on Master System. I pretty much always go with Master System when there’s a choice between that and Game Gear, as you may have noticed. And yeah, this game was... fine, I guess? The Chaos Emeralds are a lot easier to get than in other games, which is a bit of a relief. But the zones themselves aren’t really all that interesting gameplay-wise. This is masked somewhat when you need to really dive deeply into them to get 100 rings and get to the Special Stages, but once you knock that out they’re really easy to breeze through. If you stick to the high path you can usually just skip most of the obstacles.

This game does have a couple noteworthy firsts! It’s the first 8-bit title where I’m playable, and it’s also the first first time I can fly as a controllable in-game thing! So that’s pretty cool.

Given the relatively low scope of this game (I played through it in one sitting without much trouble) this is another one where I don’t think it makes much sense to have separate entries for each zone, so let’s go ahead and get into them.

First up is Turquoise Hill Zone, and boy does this ever scream, “We barely tried!” I’m fine with just having the opening zone be a Green Hill clone--in fact, I kinda prefer it--but I don’t even get why they called this one Turquoise Hill! There’s nothing turquoise about it! It’s like they were planning on naming it a synonym of green and decided “no wait” at the last second. I don’t know. I don’t want to be overly critical here.

We once again get Robotnik’s “Master Robots” like in 8-bit Sonic 2, and Turquoise Hill starts us out with a giant Boing-o-Bot that’s extremely easy to defeat and doesn’t even really have any offensive moves unless you stand still and let it run over you or something. Shrug!

Next up we’ve got Gigalopolis Zone, or Gigapolis Zone according to Game Gear’s smaller screen. This is kind of reminiscent of Starlight Zone, and is one of the better zones in the game imo. It introduces a new mechanic in the form of those lego-ass-looking bridges you can fall off of, and it also has all those tunnels to walk through, so that’s pretty dope! It wouldn’t be anything special in most games, but it shines here largely due to lack of competition. The boss for this one is a giant worm made up of a bunch of different large balls that you have to knock apart and avoid taking damage from. Honestly? It’s alright as far as these kinds of bosses go. Glowing endorsement over here, I know.

Sleeping Egg Zone is... kinda weird and unchallenging? Like, at least it’s different, I guess? But I don’t know.. There isn’t a lot to it. You’re just kinda bouncing around on springboards a lot and occasionally bashing floor or ceiling blocks. Shrug. The boss for this one is pretty alright, at least! It’s a robotic facsimile of Robotnik and the Egg-O-Matic with a giant spring on the bottom of it. So yeah, honestly one of the better bosses in the game! Though it still wouldn’t be much in any other game.

Mecha Green Hill Zone... WOOF. Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t the worst zone in the game or anything. But what a gap between concept and execution. This is one of the better ideas I’ve seen in any 8-bit Sonic game, and I find the entire concept viscerally terrifying on a level that’s difficult to put into words... but this zone just doesn’t live up to that at all, and it’s just so easy and so short. A huge disappointment. The boss for this one is alright I guess especially judging by the standards of this game, and it’s actually a little challenging which is nice, but that’s about all this zone has going for it. What a waste.

Aqua Planet Zone is the obligatory underwater level and it’s similarly just totally phoned in. I’m not even gonna bother with my usual schtick about my hedgehog and whether or not I like him being underwater, though honestly there’s so little peril from being underwater in this stage that it’s surprising they even bothered. There aren’t even any air bubbles, you just can pretty much always access the surface. And the boss is pretty okay aside from bearing far more of a resemblance to the previous boss than is necessarily advisable.

Electric Egg Zone would be a lot better if it weren’t for that darn tube muze gimmick they’re so enamored with, but yeah. The boss actually gave me trouble when I played through as Sonic because I didn’t find the hidden rings towards the very end of Act 3 on that playthrough, so I had to fight the final boss without rings! I just kinda figured you weren’t supposed to have rings for it, but I found them on my Tails playthrough. Whoops. Anyway, yeah. Not great, but not a terrible final zone. And a pretty decent final boss fight!

So, yeah. This game is pretty aggressively mediocre. It’s not terrible or anything, but yeah.

So, yeah! Let’s rate some stuff! Only some of the zones have two different soundtracks for the Master System and Game Gear releases, so I’ll rate those separately when they come up but otherwise just one entry for both games. Get it? Got it? Good.

Zones
Gigalopolis Zone (C-Rank)
Turquoise Hill Zone (C-Rank)
Electric Egg Zone (C-Rank)
Mecha Green Hill Zone (C-Rank)
Sleeping Egg Zone (C-Rank)
Aqua Planet Zone (C-Rank)

Bosses
Laser Walker (B-Rank)
Bouncy Boss Robot (C-Rank)
Bead Worm (C-Rank)
Sphere-o-Bot (C-Rank)
Tree Crawler (C-Rank)
Lady Bug (D-Rank)

Soundtrack
Mecha Green Hill Zone (B-Rank)
Gigalopolis Zone, Master System (C-Rank)
Gigalopolis Zone, Game Gear (C-Rank)
Electric Egg Zone Act 3 (C-Rank)
Turquoise Hill Zone (C-Rank)
Laser Walker (C-Rank)
Boss (C-Rank)
Aqua Planet Zone (C-Rank)
Electric Egg Zone (C-Rank)
Sleeping Egg Zone (C-Rank)
Special stage (C-Rank)
Special Stage 2 (C-Rank)
Bad Ending (D-Tier)
Ending (D-Tier)

Here we go.

If you ask me to pick a favorite, and don’t let me count Sonic 3 & Knuckles as one game, this is probably it. It’s just everything I love about these games turned up to 11. It’s SO FREAKING GOOD, guys. Aaaaaaaaa I am so excited I finally got to this game!! I love it so much!!

This is the first Sonic game I distinctly remember being uber excited to come out. I remember devouring magazine articles about it. I remember playing a demo at some department store. I remember being so, so excited that the game had a Mobian baddie! Ugh I can totally still feel the hype for this thing and it’s making me grin like a little kid.

I love this game!!

Angel Island Zone (2/25)

Talk about starting out on a high note! Angel Island Zone is one of the best opening zones of any Sonic game. The lush rainforest is distinct from the other Green Hill-esque openers while still maintaining the same theme. And like the rest of this game, it’s just absolutely gorgeous. The developers have clearly had a lot of time to master creating these games, and I just can’t get over what a leap forward Sonic 3 is in every way.

The game opens with me and Sonic flying together in the Tornado and spotting the floating island. Sonic is excited to explore, and goes Super, zooming ahead of the plane while I smile fondly and shake my head, murmuring, “Showoff.” (Okay that one’s not explicitly portrayed in the game but you KNOW it happened.) No sooner has Sonic made landfall than the (at the time) mysterious Knuckles explodes from the ground and collides with him, somehow knocking all the Chaos Emeralds out of Sonic and forcing him out of his Super form! (IDK.) Rude!

I remember being so excited to have a new Mobian character, and for him to be an antagonist at that! Little did I know I would like him way better as a giant dork who acts tough but has a soft, squishy core that he doesn’t want anyone to know about.

Ahem. ANYWAY. Yeah, this zone rules! The mini-boss and main boss, both fire-based, are pretty great! And I love the way Knuckles is given a very impactful role both in stealing the Chaos Emeralds and in sending us plummeting to the next zone at the end of this one!

So, I kinda intentionally decided to show off as much as I could in Act 1, and the result was 227 rings, two Chaos Emeralds (with a perfect on both Special Stages), and 10 lives (as always you start with 3). Soooooo yeah. I might be kinda good at this game or something.

My performance on Act 2 wasn’t quite as impressive. For one thing from here on out I won’t really be going for perfects on the Special Stages, I kinda did that just to prove to myself that I could. Anyway, I lost all my rings like halfway through Act 2 so only ended up finishing the first zone with 12 lives. I also hecked up on one of the Special Stages in Act 2, so only added a third Chaos Emerald. Still, not bad for the first zone!!

Onward!

Hydrocity Zone (2/25)

Alright. So. I know you think you know what I’m gonna say here, and in fairness I’ve basically conditioned you to expect it at this point. But OMG THIS ZONE IS SO GOOD I kinda don’t even want to say it.

Also, like. The fact that you can get a water shield and stay underwater for an unlimited amount of time helps! Once I had one of those bad boys, I actually still found myself stopping at air bubbles, but to make sure A.I. Tails could get a breath! One time he celebrated this by spindashing off in the opposite direction, which, good job buddy. (Yes it is surreal to be patronizing towards an A.I. version of myself. Shrug!)

Oh I should say that from this point on (so, other than playing Angel Island before work) I played the entire game in one sitting last night because I just couldn’t force myself to stop playing to write these entries. So, yeah! Didn’t really keep track of lives and Emeralds and stuff. Know I finished the game with better than 20 lives and I got my last Chaos Emerald in Act 2 of Ice Cap Zone, but we’ll get to that story later!

So, yeah! Hydrocity Zone. It’s pretty! And there are so many cool features and traps and stuff! And I don’t know, it just rules! Also you get to see a ton of my swimming animation, which, HI? I think might just be the best visual representation in any of these games of how my entire deal is just TRYING REALLY HARD YOU GUYS.

The bosses for this one are pretty great! The mini boss is alright, and the major boss is iconic! Just such a great concept and execution for a water level boss.

I’m very tempted to say this is pretty easily the best water level in any Sonic game, and it honestly very well might be!

Marble Garden Zone (2/25)

This is the kind of zone in these classic Sonic games that usually bores the crap out of me! But this one doesn’t!! They took the ancient ruins theme that they usually phone in and made a genuinely interesting zone out of it with a lot of unique gameplay features! I’m hella into this!!

I think this gets into one of the biggest strengths of Sonic 3 (and Sonic & Knuckles, and Sonic 3 & Knuckles). There is just so much variety to the level design! And it really makes all the different zones pop!!

Also, I freaking love the boss for this zone!! The mini boss is good too, but the major boss is a flying boss and I fly and carry Sonic and IT RULES!!! and I’m kinda upset that we don’t get more bosses like that, it’s such a great concept!!

I don’t have much else to say about this zone, except that I’m sure me and Sonic have definitely explored ruins like this one and the previous zone. Specifically on Angel Island, even, I’m sure. Those Echidnas left a bunch of mysterious stuff behind!

Carnival Night Zone (2/25)

Another theme that often gets phoned in, and another genuinely terrific zone! Like a lot of people, I got stuck on Act 2 FOREVER the first few times I played this game, and when I was listening to the soundtrack on YouTube it was hella validating to see tons of comments from people being like “THAT DAMN BARREL” (the puzzle that took me forever to figure out back then). Also, Act 2 is just hella LONG! I actually timed out during the boss fight this time! And saw a lot of comments from others suggesting this is a pretty common experience.

So, yeah, Eggman is obsessed with amusement park/casino/etc type dealies, so yeah this felt familiar. It’s frustrating because like... I like amusement parks etc too, but you can’t really let yourself enjoy them here or you’re gonna fall into some kind of trap. (Yes, I’m absolutely sure this has happened to me at least once.)

Can’t say I’m too impressed with either of the bosses in this one!! The major boss is fine, I guess. The mini boss is one of those really annoying ones where it just sorta destroys itself and you just have to facilitate that, and honestly I’ve never been a fan of that kinda boss! Although, this is the first time I’ve had occasion to look up the thing’s official name, and finding out that it was called the “Self D-Struct Machine” gave me a good chuckle. Hey Eggy, you kay?

IceCap Zone (2/25)

THIS ZONE RULES.

YOU START OFF SNOWBOARDING, AND THE MUSIC IS SO GOOD, AND THE THEMING IS SO GOOD, AND EVERYTHING IS SO GOOD. WHAT THE HECK. THIS IS SO GOOD.

I don’t really know what else to say! This is one of the best zones in any Sonic game. I love it so much.

Oh, hey! Actually! I promised y’all the story of collecting my last Chaos Emerald! So, there’s a giant ring basically right before the major boss of this zone. And I got there with over 200 rings. And I got my last Chaos Emerald.

So, yeah. To reiterate. Right before the boss, I collected my Final Chaos Emerald and came out of the Special Stage with 200 rings and the ability to go Super.

Yeah. It really sucked to be that boss.

Launch Base Zone (2/25)

This is a pretty good final zone! And Act 2 ends with an A-Rank boss and TWO S-Rank bosses! So I had to be careful not to go overboard and rank this one ahead of other zones in the game that overall impressed me more, but like, don’t get me wrong! The zone itself is pretty great too. It’s just that this game is an embarrassment of riches. Like. This is the FOURTH best zone in this game! What! That’s ridiculous!

And yeah, as far as kinfeels it just does the usual “ugh Robotnik’s base, anxiety” stuff. Nothing more specific than that. Oh, the Death Egg, though. There is that. Yeah. Ugh.

Ending

Although it doesn’t have clips from the various zones like some classic Sonic games do, which is kind of tragic, it has easily the best end credits music, so that’s not nothing!

But, yeah. I love this game! I mean heck, scroll down! OVER HALF OF THIS GAME’S ZONES ARE S-RANK! Sonic & Knuckles might put up similar or better numbers, but if you play Sonic & Knuckles by itself THERE’S NO TAILS you guys! NO TAILS! So obviously if I have to pick one, Sonic 3 is gonna be my favorite. (Sonic 3 & Knuckles is my true favorite, obviously, but if I had to pick just one.)

Oh, also, I’m gonna have to abandon my “couples depicted in this game” joke from here on out, because I don’t wanna disrespect any of the Mobian polycule by actually ranking relationships!! It was a cute little joke when it was only me and Sonic together in these games, but yeah. From Sonic & Knuckles on, you at least have Knux in the mix, and then Shads joins later, and yeah. Don’t wanna be rude.

Couples Depicted in this Game
1. Sonic/Tails (S/T-Rank)

Zones
1. Ice Cap Zone (S-Rank)
2. Angel Island Zone (S-Rank)
3. Hydrocity Zone (S-Rank)
4. Launch Base Zone (S-Rank)
5. Marble Garden Zone (B-Rank)
6. Carnival Night Zone (B-Rank)

Bosses
1. Big Arm (S-Rank)
2. Flame Craft (Act 2) (S-Rank)
3. Beam Rocket (S-Rank)
4. Waterspout and Depth Charge Machine (A-Rank)
5. Jet Drill Pod (A-Rank)
6. Ball Shooter (A-Rank)
7. Flame Craft (Act 1) (A-Rank)
8. Iceball (B-Rank)
9. Swing ‘m Spikez (B-Rank)
10. Tunnelbot (B-Rank)
11. Freeze-O-Matic (B-Rank)
12. Whirlpool Machine (B-Rank)
13. Energy Ship (C-Rank)
14. Self D-Struct Machine (C-Rank)

Soundtrack
1. Final Boss (S-Rank)
2. Ice Cap Zone Act 1 (S-Rank)
3. Ice Cap Zone Act 2 (S-Rank)
4. Ending (S-Rank)
5. Major Boss (S-Rank)
6. Angel Island Zone Act 1 (S-Rank)
7. Angel Island Zone Act 2 (S-Rank)
8. Hydrocity Zone Act 2 (A-Rank)
9. Hydrocity Zone Act 1 (A-Rank)
10. Special Stage (A-Rank)
11. Launch Base Zone Act 1 (A-Rank)
12. Launch Base Zone Act 2 (A-Rank)
13. Endless Mine Zone (A-Rank)
14. Bonus Stage (A-Rank)
15. Azure Lake Zone (B-Rank)
16. Marble Garden Zone Act 1 (B-Rank)
17. Marble Garden Zone Act 2 (B-Rank)
18. Minor Boss (B-Rank)
19. Carnival Night Zone Act 1 (B-Rank)
20. Carnival Night Zone Act 2 (B-Rank)
21. Desert Palace Zone (B-Rank)
22. Chrome Gadget Zone (B-Rank)
23. Balloon Park Zone (B-Rank)

(This review refers to the 8-bit version, which I would have given a 1 star rating but since the vastly different 16-bit & 8-bit versions are filed under the same game, I cannot do that.)

The development meeting for this one:

“Hey guys, you know how we usually put a little bit of effort into our 8-bit ports so they have some new and different stuff in them and aren’t just the exact same game but worse in every measurable way?”
“Yeah?”
“What if we didn’t do that this time?”
“Heck yeah! Sounds great. Can we make some of the bosses way less cool, though?”
“Yeah, for sure! Make sure we keep the nightmare fuel boiler with the floating Robotnik heads, though!”
“Obviously!”


The thing that’s even more frustrating here is that the fact that the 16-bit version of Sonic Spinball is good (and it is, eat me haters) is actually kind of a miracle??? Lilke, the game is the result of Sega realizing way too late that they weren’t going to have Sonic 3 in time for the holiday season and then frantically looking around like, “Uhhhh, what do we got?” And someone nervously offering, “Uhhhh, people liked that pinball stuff in Sonic 2?” and Sega saying “Perfect!! Let’s build a whole game out of that in a very short amount of time with most of our resources still (correctly) committed to Sonic 3!!” and that somehow resulted in a great game? (Again, eat me haters.) Improbable, to say the least.

I’m just not even gonna talk about how I looked in my one appearance in the opening cutscene. (This port doesn’t show me saving Sonic, so what happens to him when he falls back to Mobius from space? Shrug!) Or the fact that they just couldn’t even be bothered to have BOSS MUSIC? A feature that checks notes literally every single other game in this series (that has bosses) has???

Just play the Genesis/Mega Drive version. There is NO REASON to play this version unless you’re a completionist or just very morbidly curious. It’s BAD.

Anyway let’s rank some stuff and get the heck out of here.

Zones
1. The Machine (D-Rank)
2. Toxic Pools (D-Rank)
3. Final Showdown (D-Rank)
4. Lava Powerhouse (D-Rank)

Bosses
1. Veg-O-Machine (B-Rank)
2. Final Showdown Boss (D-Rank)
3. Toxic Pools Boss (D-Rank)
4. Roboboiler (D-Rank)

Soundtrack
1. Final Showdown (B-Rank)
2. The Machine (C-Rank)
3. Bonus Level (C-Rank)
4. Toxic Pools (C-Rank)
5. Lava Powerhouse (C-Rank)

So yeah, this was my favorite video game of all time until Mass Effect 2 and later Undertale came along, and honestly it regained its throne on this replay. There's just SO MUCH here, and so much replay value. And it's so rewarding to get better at the game with practice.

I played with me & Sonic first, then Knuckles, neither of which really had anything new content other than Hyper Sonic and Hyper Knuckles, but were still a lot of fun to play through in their complete forms and it was nice having me with Sonic for the Sonic & Knuckles levels.

But saving my playthrough as myself for last was absolutely the right decision. Being able to fly, even just in a video game, is so satisfying, especially after playing through literally the same stuff as other characters who can't fly. It felt so good! Probably a fraction of what it would feel like to suddenly be able to fly in real life.

Oh, and yeah, I don't know why I need all the Chaos Emeralds and Super Emeralds to go Super? I have joked that I was being pedantic like "Wait why do the Chaos Emeralds make you go Super? Wouldn't the Super Emeralds make more sense?" and the Emeralds were like, "You know what, you little know-it-all? FINE. That's how it works for you. Happy???" But yeah. My Super form is pretty great!

I also love that all of us have different final bosses, even though mine is just a truncated version of Sonic's playthrough. But even that makes sense, right? Because I was fighting by his side the whole time.

I love this game so much.

I know this is gonna come as a huge shock but I’ve been really looking forward to the two Tails Game Gear games. But I can’t say this was a very satisfying experience, considering? For one thing I cannot imagine playing this thing without save states, that would be punishing. For another, it is CLEARLY a completely unrelated game that I was just grafted onto. It does have some nice little nods like the fact that your flight power is refilled by mint candies and you score points by collecting emeralds. Guessing both of those were something different before this became a Tails game. But, yeah. Other than that this has really nothing to do with other Sonic games, and unless you’re a serious completionist in my opinion there’s really not a lot of point to playing this one except to satisfy curiosity.

I’m kinda torn about this one!! On the one hand, it’s still not really delivering what I would want out of a solo adventure starring me. (Heck, at this point I think my story in Sonic Adventure 1 is the closest I’m ever gonna get.) But on the other hand, the main mechanic of the game is me unlocking various gadgets (sorta Metroid-esque) and using them to progress, which is I think the first time the series has really suggested that I’m the resourceful gadget guy! Plus the Sea Fox makes a return which I’m extremely here for.

I just wish so many of the gadgets I use weren’t various forms of bombs!! What am I, Bean the Dynamite???

But, yeah. This is at least something! When I first started playing it I was rolling my eyes at it as hard as I did at Skypatrol, like, “Ah, yes, running around slowly and throwing bombs, precisely what I’m known for.” But the longer I played it, the more it grew on me, and the more it really did start feeling less weird.

Except for the freaking bombs!!

I remember this series totally ruling, but I want to say it gets drastically better in Advance 2? Because this one is actually pretty pedestrian. Like, it’s not BAD. It’s a classic-style Sonic platformer and you get to play as four different characters. The level design is pretty comparable to the Genesis era, though not the Genesis era at its best necessarily. But yeah. Mostly this just ain’t half bad.

I do like that you have to play through as all four of us (me, Sonic, Knux, and Ames), and that we all play way differently. Playing with Amy is ANNOYING, playing with me is joyous and freeing and kinda breaks the game, etc.

The zones are all pretty simple, and not really much of a strength. (This is something I remember improving in Advance 2, so hopefully my memory is correct there.) Like, there’s nothing wrong with them, but they just don’t add much. They’re just fine.

I know it sounds like I’m really down on this game, but I’m not! I think it’s a worthy successor to the classic 2D games, but that means I’m comparing it to them. And that’s a really high standard to be judged by. That’s all. This game honestly rules, even if I don’t have as much to say about it as I do about the Genesis games I grew up with.

Speaking of judging, let’s rank some stuff! Not ranking The Moon Zone under zones because it’s just a boss fight.

Zones
1. X-Zone (B-Rank)
2. Cosmic Angel Zone (B-Rank)
3. Egg Rocket Zone (B-Rank)
4. Angel Island Zone (B-Rank)
5. Ice Mountain Zone (B-Rank)
6. Neo Green Hill Zone (B-Rank)
7. Secret Base Zone (C-Rank)
8. Casino Paradise Zone (C-Rank)

Bosses
1. Egg Mobile-H (A-Rank)
2. Egg Mobile-D (A-Rank)
3. Mecha Knuckles (A-Rank)
4. The Moon Zone (B-Rank)
5. EGG X (B-Rank)
6. Egg Hammer Tank (B-Rank)
7. Egg Snake (B-Rank)
8. Egg Spider (B-Rank)
9. Egg Ball (B-Rank)
Egg Press (B-Rank)

Soundtrack
1. X-Zone Boss 2 (S-Rank)
2. X-Zone Boss 1 (S-Rank)
3. X-Zone Boss 3 (A-Rank)
4. Boss 6 (A-Rank)
5. Mecha Knuckles Part 2 (A-Rank)
6. X-Zone (A-Rank)
7. Mecha Knuckles Part 1 (A-Rank)
8. Cosmic Angel Zone (B-Rank)
9. The Moon Zone (B-Rank)
10. Egg Rocket Zone (B-Rank)
11. Boss 1-4 (B-Rank)
12. Angel Island Zone Act 1 (B-Rank)
13. Ice Mountain Zone Act 2 (B-Rank)
14. Secret Base Zone Act 2 (B-Rank)
15. Ice Mountain Zone Act 1 (B-Rank)
16. Neo Green Hill Zone Act 2 (C-Rank)
17. Credits (C-Rank)
18. Special Stage (C-Rank)
19. Angel Island Zone Act 2 (C-Rank)
20. Secret Base Zone Act 1 (C-Rank)
21. Neo Green Hill Zone Act 1 (C-Rank)
22. Casino Paradise Zone Act 1 (C-Rank)
23. Casino Paradise Zone Act 2 (C-Rank)

This used to be my favorite game.

Yeah, I knew Sonic 3 & Knuckles was better, but this was new and in 3D! And it had Shadow in it!! I had such an embarrassing crush on him. (I now have a much less embarrassing crush on him.)

One trope I have always loved is a hero having to fight an "evil" version of themself. So Shads was my favorite villain (even though he isn't a villain for long), the Green Ranger was my favorite Power Rangers villain, I ate up Batman vs new Batman, Dark Link was my favorite baddie in Zelda, Venom was my favorite Spider-Man villain, I liked the idea of Wario as a baddie in Mario (though in retrospect WOW Bowser is better), etc etc ad nauseum. So this game is kinda entirely built around that idea, with Sonic vs Shadow, Knuckles vs Rouge, and me vs … sigh Eggman. So yeah, as a kid I was all about that.

Now… yeah, this still totally rules! Don't get me wrong. But I can already tell that Sonic Adventure 1 is my preference.

First of all, Sonic Adventure 1 just feels like Home, and you can't really beat that. It just really Gets It, at least for me. On top of that, I really like its structure! Having separate, coherent stories for all the major characters really makes it feel like a true ensemble piece where everyone gets to shine. While weaving their stories in and out of each other’s like Sonic Adventure 2 does does certainly make the story less confusing, it also makes each individual feel less important.

Worst of all, I really don’t like my parts in the game! They decided that me and Eggman are counterparts, so all my gameplay has me stuck in a mech. And the result is that I just don’t look forward to my own gameplay at all. I get that this is a hella specific and selfish complaint, but yeah. It bears mentioning.

Again, this game is still amazing and I love it. Just saying, there’s a reason I prefer the first one even though this one is hella more polished and introduces a very important cutie.

Hero Story

Yeah, so, aside from the mech thing which I already complained about, this kinda rules. You mostly play as Sonic which makes sense (and is fine because like I said I prefer his levels to mine, and when you get right down to it I prefer Knux’s too, Emerald hunting ain’t half bad). Not only is City Escape iconic, it is blatantly modeled after San Francisco which I love now that I live in the Bay Area. And I guess that makes sense as the Capital City of whatever country this takes place in, because it’s the gay capital and we’re all hella gay.

Although this doesn’t feel quite as close to Home as Sonic Adventure 1 did (mostly because of the writing), it still feels about right? And there are some pretty choice character moments in here. When Eggman traps Sonic and is about to launch him into space and he gets a moment to say something to both me and Amy, he tells me he’s counting on me (essentially leaving me in charge) and tells her “take care of yourself” (“uhhh idk” basically), which… yeah. That one’s about right.

Ugh, Amy… y’know what? We’ll come back to her.

That moment was extremely hard, because it isn’t hard to feel what I would feel in that situation, thinking I had just seen Sonic die. (Oh hey, Sonic Forces writers!! Notice how what I did next, despite being less experienced than I am by that game, is KICK EGGMAN’S ASS? Not, y’know, curl up into a sad ball and abandon all my friends? WEIRD. Almost like I’ve been learning from my hero and am more inclined to fight than to give up. WEIRD!!!)

Anyway. This game is full of emotional terrorism. Like, when I get defeated I say “Sonic…!” in a scared or sad voice. Yeah. Uh. Yeah. THANKS FOR THAT NIGHTMARE FUEL, GUYS. (Accurate, though.)

So, yeah, we were gonna get back to Amy. Much earlier in the game, me and Amy break into GUN’s prison to save Sonic (well, mostly I break in and then Amy kinda shows up), and then she ends up getting to Sonic’s cell first because I’m busy smashing all the defenses. And she tries to trap Sonic into marrying her in exchange for freeing him??? Which at least turns out to be a halfhearted attempt that she abandons immediately when he’s like, “Uh, NO?” but STILL, not cool Ames. (Also, like… she literally told Sonic that she came here with me, so obviously if she did decide to be a dick about it he’d just… wait for me?)

Anyway, yeah. I get to kick Eggman’s ass a bunch, Knux gets to have a rivalry with Rouge that comes to blows but he ends up saving her (from the peril of… falling??? when she has WINGS??? and can FLY??? shrug), and Sonic fights Shads a few times. I’m kinda annoyed about being stuck with Eggy as a direct antagonist even though it makes perfect sense, but all the Sonic/Shads stuff rules and yeah the fact that this game came out right around the tail end of when I was going through puberty sure was a thing.

Anyway! Again, the Hero Story rules, it’s like a slightly less perfect version of Adventure 1 but it’s okay because Shads is there and he’s hot. And now I can ogle all three of my boys. (And watch them fight over me. Okay fine, watch them fight for completely unrelated reasons. But still.)

And the last cutscene for this RULES and even though it’s kinda abrupt I almost wish it were the game’s actual ending. Because it focuses on me and Sonic, because DUH. I thought he was dead, and I saved the day, but it turned out he saved the day too! And he tells me I did an awesome job and AAAAAAA. Yeah. Extremely good.

Dark Story

Compared to the Hero Story, this kinda blows.

Instead of Sonic’s counterpart being the focus character, Eggman is. So that means you have to play a lot of stages as Eggman. And I mean a LOT. If this had been more of a mirror image of the Hero Story and you had been playing as Shadow most of the time, I think I woulda had a lot more fun with it. But then again, I get that they were kinda trying to save Shadow’s mystique and have the stuff with him feel more special.

But seriously. You’re having me play most of these stages as Eggman, AND fight myself twice, AND one of those fights is the one where I think he killed Sonic and I’m out for blood but I have to defeat myself in that context? I’m gonna complain about that a bit, yeah!!

I’m not saying this is the Worst Thing Ever, or anything like that. I just remember being way more into it as a kid, and now I’m like yeahhhhhhhh the Hero Story is WAY better, dang.

Last Story

Chaos is a better final boss than Finalhazard and I’m gonna tell you why.

Like, okay. Finahazard is actually a much better boss FIGHT, but Chaos is a much more nuanced character and you spend the whole game learning what his deal is and he ends up becoming an increasingly sympathetic figure even as he becomes more imposing to the point of being pretty terrifying. And he starts out (when he has no Emeralds) as a vaguely Mobian-sized character. He’s cool!

Having all the characters (except Shadow) have to team up for a level and then have the other character (Shadow) have a boss fight right after is kind of the perfect concept for this kind of game. And it’s hard as HECK which feels right for a final challenge. So, yeah. Big ups there.

And I do really love the scope of the final boss fight, and the fact that Shadow and Sonic are both in their Super forms just feels right. I know pretty much all these 3D games escalate to a fight where Super forms are used, but I still think it’s rad as heck and this one blew my mind when I was a kid. And I love that it has the badass “Live and Learn” by Crush 40 blaring the whole time.

Alright, with all that out of the way, it’s time for me to bitch about a few things.

Imagine being Knuckles and seeing Sonic go Super with Shadow instead of him even though he’s standing right there. Hmm. Guy who’s become a hard-won ally and who has a steadfast sense of duty? New guy who tried to kill me a bunch? Hard choice, that! I mean, yeah. It fits the entire structure of the game for it to be Sonic and Shadow, and I like seeing them fight together. It’s just kinda funny when you zoom out and think about it for a second.

(Heck, why not zoom back to the control room and share your super form with ME. I’m by far your most trusted comrade here. And it’s not like I’ve got anything better to do.)

So, yeah, okay, that’s a half-serious complaint because it doesn’t quite track if you think about it from the characters’ POV, but I kinda understand why it HAD to go this way in this particular game, regardless of whether it makes sense from our POV.

What REALLY gets me is the ending credits.

I kinda like the whole, have everyone talk during the credits thing. I think that’s pretty great, honestly. And most of the pairings of people talking together make sense. EXCEPT FOR ME AND EGGMAN??? Like, first of all, okay WOW you’re gonna give Sonic and AMY screentime together, but not ME and Sonic??? REALLY?????? And the one person you DO have me have a conversation with is Eggman??? The guy who’s kidnapped and/or tried to kill me on countless occasions, tried to kill Sonic on countless occasions, and just tried to kill Sonic right in front of me???? And I’m on FRIENDLY TERMS with him???? Because he helped ONCE???? C’mon, guys!!!! This ain’t it!!!!!

I know this is a very small part of a much larger game, most of which I happen to love, actually. But WOW does it ever irritate me!!

But, yeah. Like I said, in spite of all the reasons I like this one a little less than Sonic Adventure 1, I really do love it. So, yeah. As is customary, let’s close by ranking some stuff.

I’m only gonna rank Sonic and Shadow’s stages, because it’s kinda hard to compare the others and those will be the ones that will fit the most neatly into my big ratings of all the rest of the games which of course you know I’m gonna do when I finish this lmao. I’ll do everyone’s bosses, though, because why not.

Oh, and I don’t hafta rank Amy’s theme this time because they just reused her SA1 theme even though the rest of us all got new versions! Because even the soundtracks knows “fuck Amy,” I guess XD. (Look, again, I love Amy on a good day but these games are VERY MUCH NOT HER FINEST HOUR. Did I mention she TRIED TO TRAP MY HEDGEHOG INTO MARRYING HER? Who DOES that?)

One thing you’ll notice in these rankings is that there are a lot of stages that are way more highly rated than in SA1! This game was way more polished and had way more memorable stages on the whole. Like, I’m still tempted to say that it’s a better game even though I like SA1 better for deeply personal reasons, but also idk. It’s such a different experience, and I really do think having each character’s story be a separate, coherent story worked so well that it’s just hard to compare them. Like, SA2 feels like one long game, and SA1 kinda felt like you got to play a bunch of separate games. It’s just a totally different experience so they’re hard to compare.

Oh, since I’m not ranking Knuckles’ stages, let me also just say: PUMPKIN HILL RULES I LOVE IT SO MUCH IT IS ONE OF THE BEST THINGS IN ANY OF THESE GAMES IT IS SO COMPLETELY MY AESTHETIC AAAAAA I LOVE IT.

Zones
City Escape (S-Rank)
Radical Highway (S-Rank)
White Jungle (S-Rank)
Green Forest (S-Rank)
Final Rush (S-Rank)
Cannon's Core (S-Rank)
Final Chase (S-Rank)
Pyramid Cave (A-Rank)
Metal Harbor (A-Rank)
Sky Rail (B-Rank)
Crazy Gadget (B-Rank)

Bosses
Finalhazard (S-Rank)
Sonic vs. Shadow 2 (S-Rank)
Tails vs. Eggman 2 (S-Rank)
Sonic vs. Shadow 1 (A-Rank)
Egg Golem (Sonic) (A-Rank)
King Boom Boo (A-Rank)
Biolizard (B-Rank)
Knuckles vs. Rouge (B-Rank)
Hot Shot (B-Rank)
Bigfoot (B-Rank)
Flying Dog (B-Rank)
Tails vs. Eggman 1 (B-Rank)
Egg Golem (Eggman) (B-Rank)

Soundtrack
Live and Learn (S-Rank)
Won't Stop, Just Go! (Green Forest) (S-Rank)
A Ghost's Pumpkin Soup (Pumpkin Hill) (S-Rank)
Escape from the City (City Escape) (S-Rank)
E.G.G.M.A.N. (Eggman’s Theme) (S-Rank)
Highway in the Sky (Final Rush) (A-Rank)
The Supernatural (Final Chase) (A-Rank)
This Way Out (Prison Lane) (A-Rank)
Masters of the Desert (A-Rank)
It Doesn’t Matter (Sonic’s Theme) (A-Rank)
Space Trip Steps (Meteor Herd) (A-Rank)
Mr. Unsmiley (Sky Rail) (A-Rank)
Suitable Opponent (A-Rank)
Vengeance Is Mine (Radical Highway) (A-Rank)
Believe in Myself (Tails’ Theme) (A-Rank)
On the Edge (Eternal Engine) (A-Rank)
Trespasser (Lost Colony) (B-Rank)
Crush 'Em All (Weapons Bed) (B-Rank)
I'm a Spy (Security Hall) (B-Rank)
Soarin' Over the Space (Cosmic Wall) (B-Rank)
That's the Way I Like It (Metal Harbor) (B-Rank)
GUN Mobile (B-Rank)
Cooperation (Cannon's Core) (B-Rank)
Scramble for the Core (Cannon's Core) (B-Rank)
Deep Inside Of... (Cannon's Core) (B-Rank)
Throw It All Away (Shadow's Theme) (B-Rank)
Deeper (Death Chamber) (B-Rank)
Rumbling HWY (Mission Street) (B-Rank)
Kick the Rock! (Wild Canyon) (B-Rank)
Fly in the Freedom (Rouge's Theme) (B-Rank)
Unknown from M.E. (Knuckles’ Theme) (B-Rank)
Rhythm and Balance (White Jungle) (C-Rank)
Shut Up, Faker! (C-Rank)
Chasing Drive (Kart) (C-Rank)
Way to the Base (Sand Ocean) (C-Rank)
Down in the Base (Hidden Base) (C-Rank)
34°N, 12°E (Mad Space) (C-Rank)
Dive Into the Mellow (Aquatic Mine) (C-Rank)
For True Story (C-Rank)
Supporting Me (C-Rank)
Unstable World (Crazy Gadget) (C-Rank)
Keys the Ruin (Pyramid Cave) (C-Rank)
Lovely Gate 3 (Egg Quarters) (C-Rank)
Remember Me? M.F.M. (Iron Gate) (C-Rank)
The Mad Convoy Race (City Escape) (C-Rank)
Can't Stop, So What? (Metal Harbor) (C-Rank)
Bright Sound (Dry Lagoon) (C-Rank)

A fun little diversion!! I’m not a huge fighting game junkie or anything. I had Street Fighter II for Genesis and Virtua Fighter for Saturn and that was about it until Smash Bros came along, so I can’t really speak to the gameplay (which from what I’ve read is considered uninspiring), but idk! I had fun!

Anyway, I don’t have a lot to say about this one, so let’s talk about how I felt about fighting each character!

Knuckles: I did not feel great about kicking his ass! And I did kick his ass, btw. He was a huge pushover. I’m gonna assume it’s because he didn’t feel right hurting me. I’m sorry, cutie!

Amy: I have a bit of an embarrassing crush on her but I also hate how she used to creep on Sonic, so yeah I guess I felt a bit less conflicted! She almost KOed, me though! ... and I kinda didn’t hate that? Again, embarrassing crush.

Bark: He kinda cute but I don’t have any particularly strong feelings about him!! He big. I like big!

Espio: I’ve never really had any strong feelings about him! He’s cool and I like his whole ninja-esque deal, but yeah.

Myself: Oh no, the dreaded mirror match!! Honestly my clone gave me the hardest match by far until very late in the game!! He took a couple tries to get past!! Getting knocked out by myself gave me, uh, feelings.

Nack: What a freaking pushover lmao!!!

Bean: I have the randomest crush on this little bomb pervert!!! I love how hyperactive he is, and I bet he’s such a little sadist!!!

Sonic: NOOOOOOO! WHAT A FORESEEABLE PROBLEM!!! Yeah, I know it’s just a silly fighting game but I was genuinely distressed to fight my big bro!!! I’m gonna blame that for the fact that he kicked my ass the first time I faced him (but it was very intense and competitive and I almost got him both rounds) and I barely beat him on my second attempt (had to go all three rounds), lmao. Seriously, though. DO NOT LIKE FIGHTING MY HEDGEHOG. Sparring? Sure. But straight up actually fighting? DO. NOT. LIKE.

Metal: He terrifies me, and appropriately enough he threw me around like a training dummy a bunch of times before I figured out a strategy to beat him.

Eggman: lol, whatever Eggman. Yeah I have quite a bit of trauma from being tortured by this asshole, but I’ve also been kicking his ass for as long as I can remember.