I think Sion should have never been reworked. Imagine all these shonen protatgonists running around getting one-shot by a guy who looks like Klungo from Banjo Tooie. It would have been the funniest shit in the world.

I am going to confess something that will forever change our relationship: I love League of Losers. I started playing in 2013 and it was the most exciting multiplayer game I had ever played. I played a shit ton of games as Shen and Skarner and with friends it was electric. Eventually I went to college and, living in the corn fields of Iowa, the internet conmection on these Iowa campuses was so rotten that playing League online was simply not a possibility.

So, I spent a few years Not playing League, working full-time jobs that meant that after a brutal 9 hour shift I was NOT even interested in getting screamed at by a 16 year old Udyr in my chat. I briefly tried going back to the game in 2021, but this was the time Akshan was released and I found his kit despicable. Which is nothing new: every new champion is released hideously broken and able to solo games because that is how you sell them. But that overloaded kit? Give me a break.

But, you know what, you can't stop me from playing Renekton, so I have been playing it the last month and I have a couple thoughts about the game that made me reflect on it. My first thing is: How do new people get into League? It seems impossible. If you show even the slightest competency in a win you will instantly get paired against Team Smurf who will make you go 0/15/4 as fucking Kennen or something. If I was brand new and I saw Yasuo owning my team while my team unearthed ancient slurs to tell me to kms, I would say, "Ah, this game is for fucking morons." The fact Riot is so incapable or disinterested in figuring out the smurf problem or actually banning people who abuse chat is insane. It has been a problem since the day I joined the game and has not even moved an inch.

Riot's general ineptitude is it's own essay entirely. They are a poorly run Boys Club that fails at even the simplest of tasks when it comes to operating one of the largest games of all time, and half their financial model has to be based around smurfs buying Yasuo skins on new accounts because it seems impossible to me that new people successfully are retained. It's like the Burger King that is ALWAYS hiring because the pay is shit and customers are fucking morons.

The amount of rage in this game is kind of astonishing. For the record, I think shit talking opponents is fine. They are your enemy! Shit talking teammates is insane to me. No one's play has ever improved because they got told to hang themself in the most grammatically alien way every written. I had someone rage at me in ARAM once! The fucking casual mode! What is wrong with this playerbase?

So, my recommendation for any new player is: mute EVERYONE. Do not assume that something someone types in chat will be worthwhile. It won't be. Pings can do enough. Watch good players online play, and they will regularly communicate their thought process during objectives and team fights, and a lot of those thought processes can be applied to your own game. Do NOT pay for a fucking course for the love of fucking God. The game is about map awareness it is not rocket science save your money. You should also avoid bot lane, as bot lane in this game is the most useless role I have ever seen in a Moba.

Historically, the ADC was great at pushing lanes and snagging kills, but now EVERY champion is hyper lethal and mobile, so the fucking Ezreal dinking around bot lane is just a relic of the past. He will never help nor hinder your game; he is just a sitting duck fr. Your Zed or Lee Sin or K'sante are the ones who will carry you to the finish line due to their ability to explode enemies and not die doing it. Supports are also the whiniest, most pendatic fucking crybabies in the history of gaming. If you, as a level 1 Vayne, don't engage in the most brainded fight in history, they WILL rage and probably AFK. Botlane needs a severe rework because it is such a useless and not fun lane.

So, after ALL this crying, how can I possibly like League? The thing is that sometimes it all works. Sometimes it comes together and you get the kind of excitement and thrilling plays that define great multiplayer games. Sometimes you'll lane against bloated characters like Yasuo and Yone as Renekton and just blow them the fuck up with your empowered W. 200 years of game design vs. a Pissed Off Crocodile. I wish there more beast characters being made, as every new champion is designed to appeal to Main Character Syndrome in ways we haven't yet seen. So just shutting those Main Characters down with really simple characters like Ren and Garen? M'wah, perfecto.

Other complaints: Voice actors are terrible anime dub actors. Mute them instantly. Nasus and Renekton sound awesome though. Unmute them. Whoever designed Akshan should be sent to a prison camp, and I'm not just saying that because my Akshan mid the other day AFKd after dying once since it prevented him from being the Main Character. Riot is so bad at making a game that they are still making it 10 years later.

Play it if you dare.

Reviewed on May 21, 2024


9 Comments


24 days ago

This comment was deleted

24 days ago

I miss Sion's old Arnold voice, I miss old Gangplank's stereotypical spongebob flying dutchman voice, I miss Nasus' old voice actor, I miss the N64 graphics rift map, I miss when ARAM had to be played in custom games, etc, etc.

Made friends off this damn game.

24 days ago

I dont really have problem with ADC's being useless, or I haven't. I play Quinn top and I usually go crazy and could fight most people after I got my items. I havent played enough of her with the new marksmen items update but it feels weaker because killing tanks feels harder to do(?). I have been getting insanely good Jinx games with this update so idk.

24 days ago

kind of a traumatic read cuz seeing all these champion names is like a nuclear barrage of horrible memories, but renekton is so cool they should put him in a game that doesn't make people hate themselves

23 days ago

'If I was brand new ... I would say, "Ah, this game is for fucking morons."'

Just to confirm your hypothesis, I've tried to get into this game at least once every two years for the last decade and have had this exact experience every time. It is not friendly to first timers!

23 days ago

@HenryVines: it definitely doesn't help that the fucking idiot developers are seemingly incapable of implementing even a half-decent tutorial whereas DOTA 2 has a suite of features to make starting the game as simple as possible.

23 days ago

i must've put thousands of hours in dota between wc3 and dota 2 so I can't judge anyone for anything

23 days ago

re: old "Get On My Choppa" Sion, I miss him so much. back in 2013 I had a 1v1 with a disgusting person on Howling Abyss when we were both new and I managed to somehow keep nuking them 10+ times with three doran's rings and no deaths until they ragequit LOL

I agree with your review and then some. Renekton's sick. go figure nearly all of my favorite characters were exclusively played top and bot, the two most insufferable roles in the game, so I just stuck to ARAM. once I dropped this game my quality of life improved significantly, which is an absurd thing to have to say about a video game

23 days ago

I don't fully agree with a lot of the points but man is it nice to read an actual review of this game, esp from someone who actually likes it. You're absolutely right about the onboarding process being fucking abysmal tho, the tutorial sucks so bad and I'll never forget when I started this game (having played other esports), got stomped by smurfs and said something like "they're just gonna get banned" to my friends and they just laughed

When things go well though it's unbeatable. Has the texture of an actual-ass team sport

22 days ago

@jobosno: completely agree. as someone who watches football religiously, League can sometimes scratch that same itch despite being very different games. my complaints with the game mainly stem from Riot's inability to actually moderate their game, and how everything is balanced exclusively around pro-play, which is just really annoying if you are one of the peons who enjoy those champions. the actual GAME itself is really fun!

also, when I first played, I built AD Lux because I assumed more damage must be a good thing without a clear understanding of AP or AD ratios. is that unique to new players or am I a different breed of dumb? much 2 think about.