14 Reviews liked by jedishong


Letting Eastern Europeans make video games was a massive mistake

how will he play without a thumb

I guess the people who understand Kurosawa as "the guy who made vintage black and white Japanese movies" are the same people who understand video games as "SUISSSS SWOOOS PIUM PIUM HAHA... Wait I'll make this into real art"
On the other hand, our relationship with video games is as fucked up as that of these guys I'm commenting on

NO? well

this is literally the funniest game of all time nothing sends me into a laughing fit more often and harder than playing jank ass games held together with tape with my friends in a discord call and seeing them break apart in the stupidest ways

This... This game.
I'm still struggling to make a review out of it because it's a game where you can create and post games you make, wich means you can make a banger of a game or just trash. But as you might know already, it leans more into the second one.

The main page is infested by horrible games, the only game that actually its actually good is Doors and that's it. BUT (and this is a big but), there are some really good games in the platform, Phighting, Robot 64, Running from the internet, etc.
In this very long review, I'll be reviewing some of those games that I can recommend to people.

Phighting 4/5
Holy shit
Imagine overwatch but more chaotic... And that's the good part about it.
I've seen a lot of criticism to overwatch and a in general to the hero's shooter genre, and is understandable. The amount of chaos of those types of games can throw people off it, but Phighting does something weird... it embraces it.
The songs, characters, maps, everything screams Roblox and shitpost while being an actual great game. The gameplay is great, specially in tiny servers, and the characters have a very distinct gameplay. Plus, PLAYING SUPPORTERS ISN'T BORING, wich is weird to see. The reason of it is because you are actively part of the combat while not sitting behind your teammates all the time AND you work as a supporter, not like a tank that throws potions from time to time.
This game has its flaws obviously, like the fact that it's not beginner friendly at all, the servers can sometimes be very laggy (although that's more like Roblox's fault), playing in mobile is so hard, and some maps are not very well designed, but overall it's great!

Block tales 4/5
My second favourite game from Roblox. This game had to be in the classical event, but... Yeah, Roblox company doesn't know what a good game is.
Take a good portion of Paper Mario's gameplay, add a mug of classic Roblox style, and a pinch of actually good jokes and you have this game.
Just... Play it, you'll like it, I'm not gonna spoil it to you, it's just very fun.

Ghostly Manor 3.5/4
Top 3... Yeah it's very good.
This game it's not very well designed actually, but it's a really fun ride, specially with friends, it's fucking Luigi's Mansion, it's good.
This game is still in W.I.P, so expect some bugs (although I didn't find a lot, it's actually pretty well tested), the freaking camera in mobile is very hard AND it's more like an adaptation rather than an actual original game, it has the same problems with Luigi's mansion and the same good things, but I find this version more accessible because... Because it's Roblox.
Good game.

Running from the Internet 3.5/5
I'm fucking dying from epilepsy.
No joke, don't play this game if you have very sensitive eyes... But if you don't, prepare for one of the most fun gameplay loops you can play.
This game has a LOT of flaws, and I'm not talking like I don't know, I'm level 120 since January, I know how bad this game is balanced, but Jesus Christ is fun if you don't want to exploit the unbalanced part of it.
I can't really describe the gameplay, it's nothing like any game I've played, just, imagine ultrakill with Mario kart boxes... Yeah

Jesus Christ this is a big review, thanks for reading!

Buy if you like:
Horde shooters, killing cops, stealing loot, over the top weapons and customisations (because why not have a supressed shotgun with LOUD explosive pellets?).
You want to mod the shit out of everything
Don't buy if:
You don't want your shooter game to be built on a old racing game engine.

do you seriously care enough to see what this site thinks about fucking "goat simulator"?

new idea for an ending: instead of all the nonsense that happens, a giant bomb blows up the stupid town they live in. Mae goes "ugh? this is like painful??" and the credits roll.

this game is so boring if i wanted to watch the story of an anxious college dropout i would check myself on the mirror more often. Two stars because the gay couple is the only fun you get from this thing.

Night in the Woods is a game by all rights I should have liked, I wanted to like, even. 2 Months ago when I was utterly fixated on Pentiment I watched every interview and talk Josh Sawyer has ever given, kind of obsessively. It was from these talks that I got the recommendation to play Night In The Woods, cited as the main game inspiration for Pentiment, as well as Mutazione and Oxenfree. After Playing the game I can definitely see what he was talking about, the minigames, dialogue structure and format of the setting, even the subjects broached are all pretty similar.

And yet I find myself wondering why does Pentiment work for me so well and NITW really doesnt? The protagonist, Mae Borowski is in theory the most relatable character in fiction to my life circumstances in pretty much every way except for our gender. I also had a complete breakdown when I moved out and utterly crashed spectacularly at uni and came back to try and go back to the stability of home. I also struggle with becoming a "proper adult" and finding meaning in existential questions. I also dread seeing a lot of people here back home cause of embarassing shit I did and feel kind of stuck at times. I also wonder if Im holding back my friends who seem to be making something of their lives unlike me. I am also Bi. I am an atheist, and yet somehow with all of this said and done I found myself relating to Andreas Maler, a deeply religious german renaissance painter 100 times more than Mae.

That's not to say that relatability is the be all and end all of storytelling, but I felt as if in the case of NITW I was SUPPOSED to be relating to her somewhat. Shes just really kind of unlikeable for most of the runtime and of course being a videogame you have to actively aid her in being shitty and doing shitty things at times. I was ready to abandon this game at the 2 hour mark although apparently that wasnt enough of a fair shake so I kept pushing through hoping maybe something would happen beyond the standard coming of age stuff and angst. I can say now that I finished it that something did eventually sort of occur.

Im not slapping this game with a 0.5 cause even though I disliked it, and it takes way, way, WAY too long for it, some good moments eventually do happen in the second/third act. Like 4 hours in this game actually starts (I could have watched Lawrence of Arabia in that time) and we get some kind of intrigue. Some character moments get some actual fucking payoff and one or two lines finally managed to get a light chuckle out of me. I like the gay bear dude, and I also like Angus. And look, I like Wayward Strand, which is a game in which bugger all happens, but that game was full of sympathetic (and unsympathetic too) and interesting characters with lovely dialogue. Being narrative focused with little mechanics focus is FINE, but you are riding on that narrative to hold up everything else and man this dialogue. I really dislike this dialogue, nobody talks like real people; which is fair enough I suppose given they are anthropomorphic animals but this Webcomic from the 2010s type dialogue just poisoned everything else especially for the first couple of hours.

There is some light platforming but its kind of a waste of space. Especially the dream sequences that scream filler to me. At the end of it all, all the existential stuff is the payoff for the game but Ive honestly seen it all before tackled better elsewhere (well, in Pentiment for one thing but I guess thats cheating given the timeline). Nothing is really tackled with much depth and it just makes me scratch my head when I see reviews being like "this is the first time I had played a videogame that explored these subjects" and like theres no way to say this without sounding like an asshole but what? You need to play more videogames then. I love EEAAO but if this is how that movie looks to people who dislike it then I'm sorry for recommending it to people. I think I'm just done with media about positive Nihilism (and yeah I get it, the Null Symbol, you are very clever Mr/Mrs writer), its unfair to rag on NITW for this reason, cause its from 6 years ago now but I have to be honest with how I feel. The art style and sound design/soundtrack are good though.

If you've gotten this far into this horribly written, mess of a review I ask you consider the fact that my life is a mess, which is coincidentally why its weird that I didnt like this game.

all lesbians know how to do is take picture, be depressed, eat hot chip and lie

I'm going to pretend I beat this game because I'm fucking scared of those fishes.

its a humbling feeling to find a game that feels bigger than you

i dont even know where to start describing it. at its core, its a game about not understanding. the gameplay revolves around trying in vain to learn about your surroundings - to piece it all together and find a solution to a problem - only to die not because of a lack of trying, but because we just dont have the time.

the beauty of Outer Wilds lies right there. its galaxy is small, yet feels huge and only gets bigger the more you dig. by all means it should feel like a hopeless venture to continue exploring, but its too engaging not to. there is no end goal, and it makes no promises other than the fact you will die.

and the magic is that we did anyway. even if i didnt know what for, i kept exploring its planets to find its secrets. i felt giddiness meeting every character and hearing their stories. i pat myself on the back after solving puzzles once i asked the guy at the starting campfire how to.

Outer Wilds - despite playing as an alien - is a deeply human game. a journey about facing adversity through sheer willpower despite not having all the answers, and knowing youre not alone in that.

i cant do this game a service with my $5 speak and someone else could do a much better job, and thats ok. because like i said, this game - like its setting - is big. theres so much to talk about, yet its message is so precise. its mysteries are so complex, yet so simple in retrospect. games like these remind me how special this industry is, and what kind of art it can produce. Outer Wilds is a profound experience i likely wont forget for a very long time.

this game made me less afraid of death. there is no higher review i can give it.