The original game came out when I was a compsci undergrad minoring in applied physics, so you can imagine how badly the patter stunk in the intervening time-space; the sequel only exacerbated the situation, and by the end of my degree I'd developed a debilitating cake-based neurosis. Not really the game's fault, but I still hold it accountable.

Replaying it again after all these years, I was prepared to hold my nose and dive through all that unpleasantness - but to my surprise, the Redditisms just felt quaint and harmless, a playful reminder of a time when that corner of the internet wasn't a testing platform for Mossad COINTELPRO programs. The simple joy of the game almost made me ashamed of all the ways I've blithely scorned the earnest energy of /r/ifuckinglovescience shit, but alas, there's still a solid hour where you're trapped in an industrial colouring book, dutifully shading wee squares of orange and blue in order to receive reward-pellets that take the form of a Stephen Merchant podcast recording; excruciating stuff from a developer that usually wedged narrative all the way down the back of their gameplay's comfy couch. It's no surprise that this was Valve's last single-player effort for a decade - as espousers of the "always step forward" philosophy, I doubt they could stomach any more competition with the succeeding decade's first-person rollercoasters.

The original game was far more merciful, and the co-op mode's main purpose here is to remind you of that fact. This was my first time through it, and I relished almost every moment - especially the parts where you can invite complex chain-reactions of misfortune upon your companion. Aside from a few sections where you're returned to the colouring book with four squares instead of two, there's a much tighter focus on the square pegs, round holes and triangular hammers, with concepts often being combined in far greater depth than they were in the single-player. Perhaps it's a limitation of this game's (unshowing) technical age, but I'm still disappointed that neither campaign offers a testing chamber that combines light bridges, gravity wells, colour goos and laser grids... I feel like you could - as Wheatley tries to do at the end - mash up some really cool shit with all the toys in this ̶o̶r̶a̶n̶g̶e̶ ̶ white box. It's still fun!

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𝙾𝙱𝙹𝙴𝙲𝚃 𝙾𝙵 𝙿𝙾𝚆𝙴𝚁
"𝙰𝚕𝚊𝚗 𝚆𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝙸𝙸" (𝙾𝙾𝙿𝟸𝟹-𝙰𝚆)

𝙲𝙾𝙽𝚃𝙰𝙸𝙽𝙼𝙴𝙽𝚃 𝙿𝚁𝙾𝙲𝙴𝙳𝚄𝚁𝙴:
𝙾𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚒𝚜 𝚒𝚗𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚍 𝚘𝚗 𝚊 𝚆𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚘𝚠𝚜 𝟷𝟶/𝟷𝟷 𝟼𝟺-𝚋𝚒𝚝 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚞𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚟𝚒𝚊 𝚊𝚗 𝚘𝚌𝚌𝚞𝚕𝚝 𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚞𝚊𝚕 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚊𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 "𝙴𝚙𝚒𝚌 𝙶𝚊𝚖𝚎𝚜 𝚂𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝙸𝚗𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚛". 𝙳𝚎𝚟𝚒𝚌𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚜 𝚊𝚗 █████ 𝚒𝟻-𝟽𝟼𝟶𝟶𝙺 𝚘𝚛 ███ 𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚒𝚟𝚊𝚕𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚖𝚒𝚌𝚛𝚘𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚌𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚘𝚛 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚊 𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚖𝚞𝚖 𝚘𝚏 ██ 𝚐𝚒𝚐𝚊𝚋𝚢𝚝𝚎𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚘𝚖-𝚊𝚌𝚌𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚢; 𝚊𝚗 𝚖𝚂𝙰𝚃𝙰 𝚂𝚂𝙳 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 ██ 𝙶𝙱 𝚏𝚛𝚎𝚎 𝚜𝚙𝚊𝚌𝚎 𝚒𝚜 𝚅𝙴𝚁𝚈 𝙼𝚄𝙲𝙷 𝚁𝙴𝚀𝚄𝙸𝚁𝙴𝙳 𝚝𝚘 ████████ ██.

𝙳𝙴𝚂𝙲𝚁𝙸𝙿𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽/𝙿𝙰𝚁𝙰𝚄𝚃𝙸𝙻𝙸𝚃𝚈:
𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚒𝚜 𝚊 █████ ████ 𝚍𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚕𝚘𝚙𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚢 𝚁𝚎𝚖𝚎𝚍𝚢 𝙴𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚝𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝.

𝚆𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍, 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚘𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚘𝚠𝚜 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚞𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚊𝚗𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚊 𝚗𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚘𝚏 █████ 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗𝚝-𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚓𝚞𝚖𝚙-𝚜𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎𝚜, ███████ , 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚍𝚎𝚜𝚔𝚝𝚘𝚙 𝚌𝚛𝚊𝚜𝚑𝚎𝚜 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚗𝚎𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚛𝚞𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 ████ 𝚘𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚟𝚎 ██████████ 𝚘𝚏 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚜𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜. 𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚊𝚣𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚒𝚜𝚎𝚍 / 𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚜𝚒𝚐𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚜𝚌𝚊𝚙𝚎𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 ████ 𝚁𝚃𝚇-𝚜𝚕𝚒𝚖𝚎𝚍 𝚎𝚗𝚟𝚒𝚛𝚘𝚗𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚜 𝚒𝚜 𝚍𝚎𝚜𝚒𝚐𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 ████ 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚎𝚛𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚊𝚝 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚗. 𝙾𝚗𝚕𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚎 ██████ 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚗𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚐𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚕𝚍, 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚖𝚊𝚢 𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚘𝚠 𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚘𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢'𝚟𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚜𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚕𝚢 𝚋𝚘𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚎 █████ "𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖𝚎𝚜" 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝'𝚜 █████ 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚒𝚖𝚋𝚞𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚝 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚛𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚜 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚟𝚎𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐.

𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚒𝚜 𝚌𝚞𝚛𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚕𝚢 𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚘 ██████████.

𝙱𝙰𝙲𝙺𝙶𝚁𝙾𝚄𝙽𝙳:
𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚌𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚝 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙶𝙰𝙼𝙴 𝙰𝚆𝙰𝚁𝙳𝚂 𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟷 𝚋𝚢 █████ 𝙺𝚎𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚢. 𝙰𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝚊𝚕𝚜𝚘 𝚛𝚎𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚕𝚘𝚌𝚊𝚕 ██████ 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚜𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚊𝚝 ████████ 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚆𝙰𝙻𝙼𝙰𝚁𝚃 𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚙𝚊𝚐𝚎𝚜 𝚙𝚛𝚒𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚘 █████ 𝙺𝚎𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚢'𝚜 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚌𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢.

████ ██████ █████ █████ ██████████ ███████ █████████████ ██ ██ ████ █████ ██ █████ ██████████ ████████ ██████ ████████████ 𝙸 𝚜𝚠𝚎𝚊𝚛 𝚝𝚘 ███ 𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 ███ 𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚌𝚛𝚊𝚜𝚑 𝚝𝚘 𝚍𝚎𝚜𝚔𝚝𝚘𝚙 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 ███ ████ █████████ ████ ████ 𝙸 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 ███ 𝚢𝚘𝚞 ███ 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚙𝚒𝚎𝚌𝚎 𝚘𝚏 ███ █ ██ ██ █ ███ ███ █████████ ████ █████ ████ ███████ ████ ████ █████ .

𝙿𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚞𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚊𝚗𝚜 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚜 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚝𝚎𝚡𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚊𝚞𝚍𝚒𝚘 𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚢𝚗𝚌𝚑𝚛𝚘𝚗𝚒𝚣𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚍 "█████" 𝚋𝚎𝚢𝚘𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚔𝚢𝚋𝚘𝚡, 𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚕𝚢 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚟𝚎𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚒𝚝'𝚜 𝚊 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚞𝚍𝚘█████𝚗𝚊𝚛𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎.

𝙰𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚝 █████ 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚌𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚒𝚗 𝚊 ██████ , 𝚠𝚑𝚒𝚌𝚑 𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚌𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚜 𝚒𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚌𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚢 █████ 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚛𝚎𝚏𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚜. 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 ████ -𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚋𝚞𝚐𝚜 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚞𝚗𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠𝚗, 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚞𝚖𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚎 ██████.
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Hello, and welcome to the Letshugbro Backloggd Review Page. This week we will review the highly anticipated new video game by Remedy Entertainment called Alan Wake II. Alan Wake II is available on the Epic Games Store as an epic 90GB download file on your personal computer, or can be purchased for your Xbox Series X, Xbox Series S or PlayStation 5 games console in digital download or Blu-ray disc format. Remedy's brilliance is on full display here with a very cool box art that is both pleasant and tasteful to the eye; they have set a high standard with their previous video games, but I can say without hesitation that Alan Wake II has created the best and most compelling content for Ending Explained YouTube videos that I have ever seen. The Wikipedia synopsis is truly riveting, and will keep you on the edge of your seat from start to finish.

Thrilling, moody, and captivating - Alan Wake II is a contender for the Game Awards. It has a story that can't help but pull you in, a spell-binding tour de force that shines a light on Sam Lake's brilliantly dark mind. The game begins as a murder mystery, but pulls the rug out from under the player and turns into an all-out supernatural horror! The worlds and characters echo each other in unique and surprising ways, and the Overlap sections in particular are rich examples of the game's themes - the salt shaker story had me rolling on the floor! The stage fight scene from Alan Wake is one-upped by the mind-frying Dark Ocean Summoning scene, and the tragedy of Saga losing her family is a blatant commentary on a woman's struggle to achieve balance in their personal and professional lives - she and Casey will go down as gaming's best law enforcement duo! The Old Gods of Asgard are back too, so Lake clearly knows what his fans want to see! He deftly tricks the reader into believing the Cult of the Tree is the story-within-a-story-within-a-story-within-a-story's antagonist, and setting the trilogy's exciting conclusion at Deerfest makes Alan Wake II a genre-bending mixture of fact and fiction. The gut-wrenching ending is modern horror at its finest - this motherfucker is a home run! Alan Wake has done it again! I'll give it a score of █████ out of 5.

Y̵a̵k̵u̵z̵a̵ Like A Dragon Mission: “ K̵i̵r̵y̵u̵ Joryu, we need you to save the cancer-riddled children of Sunflower Orphange from the Big Baby Breakdancing Gang! I’ll give you 5,000 Bronze Dragon Points if you can finish them off with this flaming dildo shaped like a copyrighted anime character and livestream it all on Snitch.tv!”

Y̵a̵k̵u̵z̵a̵ Like A Dragon Cutscene: “I’ve survived past the point of death so many times, often in the place of others who meant so much more to me than I could have known in the moment. Only now, as I face my own end, do I understand the true pain of feelings left unsaid. I tried to live without regrets, but the consequences of a life left living are inevitable.”

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Long - though comparatively short by franchise standards - periods of drama wholly contingent on the viewer's pre-existing knowledge of plot and history from Yakuza 0, Yakuza, Yakuza 2, Yakuza 3, Yakuza 4, Yakuza 5, Yakuza 6, Judgment and Yakuza: Like A Dragon exist in tandem with tutorials for complex game systems like "using the map" and "doing a kick", highlighting the epic contradictions this saga repeatedly unfolds and upholds upon itself. If you're an insane member of this subcultural phenomenon and have played through all ten games in the series, there is no spiritual need for anything beyond Kiryu's story, but ultimately all the Level-Up Daily Login Bonuses are in service of this game's overarching theme of going through the duties while you watch the exterior world move further away from you and begin to accept life in the interior world built for you by the actions of your past. Either you're new to this and woefully out of your depth (don't worry, Joryu will help you), or you've always known the man who erased his name and are now compelled by brotherly honour to remain with him until the end.