letshugbro
2022
After a dull opening act spent cleaning tables, the playpen made of WarioWare busywork gives way to la terreur when suddenly you're left to your own devices, combining the comte's mega-microgames into tangible thoughtlines that video games don't often afford us; now we're suddenly playing with the cards adults use!
Later sections often take a psychic toll upon the gamer's undeveloped brain, and it's only right that a game about the pyrrhic toll of cheating eventually becomes so mind-destroying that you end up looking at videos showing you how to cheat at cheating - any% WR for this game is just a guy turning on cheats and then letting the dialogue roll for 50 mins.
Don't want to spoil the potential endings for anyone (because this game is hinging quite a lot on its so-so-story), but I'm glad the developers were following my train of thought as it pulled into Epilogue Station. Bravo gentlemen! The first person to combine this gameplay with an existing card game is gonna clean out the gambling hall. I wanna slip-cut a Pot of Greed into a Yu-Gi-Oh draw deck while sipping a glass of Gamer Fuel.
Later sections often take a psychic toll upon the gamer's undeveloped brain, and it's only right that a game about the pyrrhic toll of cheating eventually becomes so mind-destroying that you end up looking at videos showing you how to cheat at cheating - any% WR for this game is just a guy turning on cheats and then letting the dialogue roll for 50 mins.
Don't want to spoil the potential endings for anyone (because this game is hinging quite a lot on its so-so-story), but I'm glad the developers were following my train of thought as it pulled into Epilogue Station. Bravo gentlemen! The first person to combine this gameplay with an existing card game is gonna clean out the gambling hall. I wanna slip-cut a Pot of Greed into a Yu-Gi-Oh draw deck while sipping a glass of Gamer Fuel.
2017
"I want to show you the truth, so you'll know how beautiful I am, and I'm trying to show you in a subtler way."
--- 我要大---
To play as a tribe warrior and a mysterious weirdo, adventuring in the world of gremlins.
You can have amazing experience in a fresh style.
It uses only excellent graphics for a new generation who seeks for the best taste enjoyment.
Good quality and great satisfaction guaranteed.
A new type of modified Unity-based product!
Don't hesitate to buy.
It will bring you happiness of gaming.
ᴹᴬᴰᴱ ᴵᴺ ᵀᴬᴵᵂᴬᴺ
--- 我要大---
To play as a tribe warrior and a mysterious weirdo, adventuring in the world of gremlins.
You can have amazing experience in a fresh style.
It uses only excellent graphics for a new generation who seeks for the best taste enjoyment.
Good quality and great satisfaction guaranteed.
A new type of modified Unity-based product!
Don't hesitate to buy.
It will bring you happiness of gaming.
ᴹᴬᴰᴱ ᴵᴺ ᵀᴬᴵᵂᴬᴺ
WE HAVE ACQUIRED TECHNOLOGY!
“We live in capitalism. Its power seems inescapable. So did the divine right of kings. Any human power can be resisted and changed by human beings. Resistance and change often begin in art, and very often in our art, the art of words.”
-- Ursula K. Le Guin, Datalinks
“We live in capitalism. Its power seems inescapable. So did the divine right of kings. Any human power can be resisted and changed by human beings. Resistance and change often begin in art, and very often in our art, the art of words.”
-- Ursula K. Le Guin, Datalinks
2024
https://i.ibb.co/6vLDK1S/Screenshot-2024-02-26-at-12-44-02.png
not morally egregious per se but rather a depressing culmination of two centuries worth of design trickery and (d)evolving cultural/social tastes and otherwise exists as insipid casinocore autoplaying bullshit that leaves you feeling the same way as you did moments after blasting rope to that fucked up mmm ice cream so tasty thing you found in the middle of a reddit doomscroll. this game should come with a contractual agreement binding its devotees to never speak prejudicially about mobile games or musou or vampire survivors or people whose lives have been ruined by industrialised gambling practices. you seen that casinos have RFID wristbands now that let you re-ante by just waving your hand across the slots? goes great with the simulated day/night lighting and complementary alcoholic energy drinks. endless hours of fun! fuck the review man let's talk the end of the world in the comments below
not morally egregious per se but rather a depressing culmination of two centuries worth of design trickery and (d)evolving cultural/social tastes and otherwise exists as insipid casinocore autoplaying bullshit that leaves you feeling the same way as you did moments after blasting rope to that fucked up mmm ice cream so tasty thing you found in the middle of a reddit doomscroll. this game should come with a contractual agreement binding its devotees to never speak prejudicially about mobile games or musou or vampire survivors or people whose lives have been ruined by industrialised gambling practices. you seen that casinos have RFID wristbands now that let you re-ante by just waving your hand across the slots? goes great with the simulated day/night lighting and complementary alcoholic energy drinks. endless hours of fun! fuck the review man let's talk the end of the world in the comments below
2022
Super Mario Bros. is part of my DNA. It's a Backloggd cliche to begin a review with an assertion that a multimedia franchise is a fundamental component of your soul, but I think it's worth prefacing this review with the knowledge that my first introduction to the concept of "video games" was playing Super Mario Bros. 2 on a black-and-white TV barely connected by exposed tin wire to a NES that had been confiscated from my dad's friend's deadbeat stoner son; I was electrified (both literally and figuratively) from the moment I first entered Subspace, and Mario and his posse have been a regular feature in my life ever since. Just recently my brother and I went to see The Super Mario Bros. Movie, and the first thing we talked about afterward was that it was cool that they kept the biddybuds walk cycle true to the games. That doesn't happen unless a Super Mario has fundamentally rearranged the genetic code you share.
Wonder’s greatest delight is its history, and in many ways, it’s the Ultimate entry in the 2D Mario series. Nothing is overtly categorised or labeled as it is in Smash Bros., but it’s all there for us, the fans, to see; at least a half-dozen character/istics from each prior entry make an appearance, and they often elicit the same brain tingles as my precious biddybud-based ASMR at the cinema last year. That’s a special sort of feeling that you can’t wrap in a Backloggd cliche, but basically what I’m trying to say here is that I pogged the fuck out when I got the Wonder Seed in High-Voltage Gauntlet.
The subtle art of referencing is not lost here, despite the relegation of Mario’s makers to “supervising director” roles in the credits (this children’s toy is an incredibly classy affair!). Like Ultimate, though, I think Wonder’s biggest strength is also the cause of an identity crisis - this is a buffet of all the other Mario games (and Rayman Legends) with no distinct flavour beyond talking to tiny caterpillars at great length about statecraft. Despite the intentionality of the hijinks, game mechanics, visuals and music are majority non-distinct, and the aforementioned Metal Mario sample only serves to highlight how little else the game has to offer of its own self beyond genteel appeals to the part of my hippocampus that remembers one particular kind of jump from Super Mario Bros. 2.
In Francis Fukuyama's The End of History and the Last Man, Fukuyama argues that with the end of the Cold War and the collapse of communism, humanity has reached the end point of ideological evolution. He suggests that liberal democracy, emphasizing individual rights, political pluralism, and free-market capitalism, represents the ultimate form of government and is the culmination of the ideological struggles that have characterised history.¹
The key message of the book² is that liberal democracy, as exemplified by Western societies, represents the endpoint of humanity's sociocultural evolution and that further developments in the political and economic realms are unlikely to result in a fundamentally different or superior system. Fukuyama contends that liberal democracy has triumphed over other ideologies, such as fascism and communism, and has become the universally accepted political and economic organisation model.
In 2024, Nintendo Co., Ltd.’s resounding triumph over its former rivals potentially represents the endpoint of Super Mario’s sociocultural evolution. What Super Mario Bros. Wonder proves to us is that developments in the realm of Super Mario Bros.-based gameplay are unlikely to result in a fundamentally different or superior video game. I contend that Super Mario has triumphed over his former foes, such as Sonic and Zool, and has become the universally accepted model for jumping on turtles.
Fuck it, at least they added a grappling hook.
-----
¹ Don’t worry. I haven’t read this book or even checked its Wikipedia synopsis. I was too busy collecting all the bonus Wonder Seeds in Super Mario Bros. Wonder.
² A book is a physical publication that consists of pages containing written or printed material, usually bound together along one edge. Books can cover a wide range of topics and genres, including fiction, non-fiction, poetry, reference, and more. They serve as a medium for conveying information, storytelling, and expressing ideas. Traditional books are typically made of paper, with ink or other printing methods used to display text and images.
-----
(Also the co-op mode is one hundred times more oppressive than New Super Mario Bros. and almost lead to my wedding getting cancelled, thanks Nintendo)
Wonder’s greatest delight is its history, and in many ways, it’s the Ultimate entry in the 2D Mario series. Nothing is overtly categorised or labeled as it is in Smash Bros., but it’s all there for us, the fans, to see; at least a half-dozen character/istics from each prior entry make an appearance, and they often elicit the same brain tingles as my precious biddybud-based ASMR at the cinema last year. That’s a special sort of feeling that you can’t wrap in a Backloggd cliche, but basically what I’m trying to say here is that I pogged the fuck out when I got the Wonder Seed in High-Voltage Gauntlet.
The subtle art of referencing is not lost here, despite the relegation of Mario’s makers to “supervising director” roles in the credits (this children’s toy is an incredibly classy affair!). Like Ultimate, though, I think Wonder’s biggest strength is also the cause of an identity crisis - this is a buffet of all the other Mario games (and Rayman Legends) with no distinct flavour beyond talking to tiny caterpillars at great length about statecraft. Despite the intentionality of the hijinks, game mechanics, visuals and music are majority non-distinct, and the aforementioned Metal Mario sample only serves to highlight how little else the game has to offer of its own self beyond genteel appeals to the part of my hippocampus that remembers one particular kind of jump from Super Mario Bros. 2.
In Francis Fukuyama's The End of History and the Last Man, Fukuyama argues that with the end of the Cold War and the collapse of communism, humanity has reached the end point of ideological evolution. He suggests that liberal democracy, emphasizing individual rights, political pluralism, and free-market capitalism, represents the ultimate form of government and is the culmination of the ideological struggles that have characterised history.¹
The key message of the book² is that liberal democracy, as exemplified by Western societies, represents the endpoint of humanity's sociocultural evolution and that further developments in the political and economic realms are unlikely to result in a fundamentally different or superior system. Fukuyama contends that liberal democracy has triumphed over other ideologies, such as fascism and communism, and has become the universally accepted political and economic organisation model.
In 2024, Nintendo Co., Ltd.’s resounding triumph over its former rivals potentially represents the endpoint of Super Mario’s sociocultural evolution. What Super Mario Bros. Wonder proves to us is that developments in the realm of Super Mario Bros.-based gameplay are unlikely to result in a fundamentally different or superior video game. I contend that Super Mario has triumphed over his former foes, such as Sonic and Zool, and has become the universally accepted model for jumping on turtles.
Fuck it, at least they added a grappling hook.
-----
¹ Don’t worry. I haven’t read this book or even checked its Wikipedia synopsis. I was too busy collecting all the bonus Wonder Seeds in Super Mario Bros. Wonder.
² A book is a physical publication that consists of pages containing written or printed material, usually bound together along one edge. Books can cover a wide range of topics and genres, including fiction, non-fiction, poetry, reference, and more. They serve as a medium for conveying information, storytelling, and expressing ideas. Traditional books are typically made of paper, with ink or other printing methods used to display text and images.
-----
(Also the co-op mode is one hundred times more oppressive than New Super Mario Bros. and almost lead to my wedding getting cancelled, thanks Nintendo)
2011
The original game came out when I was a compsci undergrad minoring in applied physics, so you can imagine how badly the patter stunk in the intervening time-space; the sequel only exacerbated the situation, and by the end of my degree I'd developed a debilitating cake-based neurosis. Not really the game's fault, but I still hold it accountable.
Replaying it again after all these years, I was prepared to hold my nose and dive through all that unpleasantness - but to my surprise, the Redditisms just felt quaint and harmless, a playful reminder of a time when that corner of the internet wasn't a testing platform for Mossad COINTELPRO programs. The simple joy of the game almost made me ashamed of all the ways I've blithely scorned the earnest energy of /r/ifuckinglovescience shit, but alas, there's still a solid hour where you're trapped in an industrial colouring book, dutifully shading wee squares of orange and blue in order to receive reward-pellets that take the form of a Stephen Merchant podcast recording; excruciating stuff from a developer that usually wedged narrative all the way down the back of their gameplay's comfy couch. It's no surprise that this was Valve's last single-player effort for a decade - as espousers of the "always step forward" philosophy, I doubt they could stomach any more competition with the succeeding decade's first-person rollercoasters.
The original game was far more merciful, and the co-op mode's main purpose here is to remind you of that fact. This was my first time through it, and I relished almost every moment - especially the parts where you can invite complex chain-reactions of misfortune upon your companion. Aside from a few sections where you're returned to the colouring book with four squares instead of two, there's a much tighter focus on the square pegs, round holes and triangular hammers, with concepts often being combined in far greater depth than they were in the single-player. Perhaps it's a limitation of this game's (unshowing) technical age, but I'm still disappointed that neither campaign offers a testing chamber that combines light bridges, gravity wells, colour goos and laser grids... I feel like you could - as Wheatley tries to do at the end - mash up some really cool shit with all the toys in this ̶o̶r̶a̶n̶g̶e̶ ̶ white box. It's still fun!
Replaying it again after all these years, I was prepared to hold my nose and dive through all that unpleasantness - but to my surprise, the Redditisms just felt quaint and harmless, a playful reminder of a time when that corner of the internet wasn't a testing platform for Mossad COINTELPRO programs. The simple joy of the game almost made me ashamed of all the ways I've blithely scorned the earnest energy of /r/ifuckinglovescience shit, but alas, there's still a solid hour where you're trapped in an industrial colouring book, dutifully shading wee squares of orange and blue in order to receive reward-pellets that take the form of a Stephen Merchant podcast recording; excruciating stuff from a developer that usually wedged narrative all the way down the back of their gameplay's comfy couch. It's no surprise that this was Valve's last single-player effort for a decade - as espousers of the "always step forward" philosophy, I doubt they could stomach any more competition with the succeeding decade's first-person rollercoasters.
The original game was far more merciful, and the co-op mode's main purpose here is to remind you of that fact. This was my first time through it, and I relished almost every moment - especially the parts where you can invite complex chain-reactions of misfortune upon your companion. Aside from a few sections where you're returned to the colouring book with four squares instead of two, there's a much tighter focus on the square pegs, round holes and triangular hammers, with concepts often being combined in far greater depth than they were in the single-player. Perhaps it's a limitation of this game's (unshowing) technical age, but I'm still disappointed that neither campaign offers a testing chamber that combines light bridges, gravity wells, colour goos and laser grids... I feel like you could - as Wheatley tries to do at the end - mash up some really cool shit with all the toys in this ̶o̶r̶a̶n̶g̶e̶ ̶ white box. It's still fun!
2023
-------------------------------------
𝙾𝙱𝙹𝙴𝙲𝚃 𝙾𝙵 𝙿𝙾𝚆𝙴𝚁
"𝙰𝚕𝚊𝚗 𝚆𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝙸𝙸" (𝙾𝙾𝙿𝟸𝟹-𝙰𝚆)
𝙲𝙾𝙽𝚃𝙰𝙸𝙽𝙼𝙴𝙽𝚃 𝙿𝚁𝙾𝙲𝙴𝙳𝚄𝚁𝙴:
𝙾𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚒𝚜 𝚒𝚗𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚍 𝚘𝚗 𝚊 𝚆𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚘𝚠𝚜 𝟷𝟶/𝟷𝟷 𝟼𝟺-𝚋𝚒𝚝 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚞𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚟𝚒𝚊 𝚊𝚗 𝚘𝚌𝚌𝚞𝚕𝚝 𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚞𝚊𝚕 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚊𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 "𝙴𝚙𝚒𝚌 𝙶𝚊𝚖𝚎𝚜 𝚂𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝙸𝚗𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚛". 𝙳𝚎𝚟𝚒𝚌𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚜 𝚊𝚗 █████ 𝚒𝟻-𝟽𝟼𝟶𝟶𝙺 𝚘𝚛 ███ 𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚒𝚟𝚊𝚕𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚖𝚒𝚌𝚛𝚘𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚌𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚘𝚛 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚊 𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚖𝚞𝚖 𝚘𝚏 ██ 𝚐𝚒𝚐𝚊𝚋𝚢𝚝𝚎𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚘𝚖-𝚊𝚌𝚌𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚢; 𝚊𝚗 𝚖𝚂𝙰𝚃𝙰 𝚂𝚂𝙳 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 ██ 𝙶𝙱 𝚏𝚛𝚎𝚎 𝚜𝚙𝚊𝚌𝚎 𝚒𝚜 𝚅𝙴𝚁𝚈 𝙼𝚄𝙲𝙷 𝚁𝙴𝚀𝚄𝙸𝚁𝙴𝙳 𝚝𝚘 ████████ ██.
𝙳𝙴𝚂𝙲𝚁𝙸𝙿𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽/𝙿𝙰𝚁𝙰𝚄𝚃𝙸𝙻𝙸𝚃𝚈:
𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚒𝚜 𝚊 █████ ████ 𝚍𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚕𝚘𝚙𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚢 𝚁𝚎𝚖𝚎𝚍𝚢 𝙴𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚝𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝.
𝚆𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍, 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚘𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚘𝚠𝚜 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚞𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚊𝚗𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚊 𝚗𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚘𝚏 █████ 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗𝚝-𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚓𝚞𝚖𝚙-𝚜𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎𝚜, ███████ , 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚍𝚎𝚜𝚔𝚝𝚘𝚙 𝚌𝚛𝚊𝚜𝚑𝚎𝚜 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚗𝚎𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚛𝚞𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 ████ 𝚘𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚟𝚎 ██████████ 𝚘𝚏 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚜𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜. 𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚊𝚣𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚒𝚜𝚎𝚍 / 𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚜𝚒𝚐𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚜𝚌𝚊𝚙𝚎𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 ████ 𝚁𝚃𝚇-𝚜𝚕𝚒𝚖𝚎𝚍 𝚎𝚗𝚟𝚒𝚛𝚘𝚗𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚜 𝚒𝚜 𝚍𝚎𝚜𝚒𝚐𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 ████ 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚎𝚛𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚊𝚝 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚗. 𝙾𝚗𝚕𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚎 ██████ 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚗𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚐𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚕𝚍, 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚖𝚊𝚢 𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚘𝚠 𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚘𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢'𝚟𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚜𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚕𝚢 𝚋𝚘𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚎 █████ "𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖𝚎𝚜" 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝'𝚜 █████ 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚒𝚖𝚋𝚞𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚝 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚛𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚜 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚟𝚎𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐.
𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚒𝚜 𝚌𝚞𝚛𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚕𝚢 𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚘 ██████████.
𝙱𝙰𝙲𝙺𝙶𝚁𝙾𝚄𝙽𝙳:
𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚌𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚝 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙶𝙰𝙼𝙴 𝙰𝚆𝙰𝚁𝙳𝚂 𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟷 𝚋𝚢 █████ 𝙺𝚎𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚢. 𝙰𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝚊𝚕𝚜𝚘 𝚛𝚎𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚕𝚘𝚌𝚊𝚕 ██████ 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚜𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚊𝚝 ████████ 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚆𝙰𝙻𝙼𝙰𝚁𝚃 𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚙𝚊𝚐𝚎𝚜 𝚙𝚛𝚒𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚘 █████ 𝙺𝚎𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚢'𝚜 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚌𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢.
████ ██████ █████ █████ ██████████ ███████ █████████████ ██ ██ ████ █████ ██ █████ ██████████ ████████ ██████ ████████████ 𝙸 𝚜𝚠𝚎𝚊𝚛 𝚝𝚘 ███ 𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 ███ 𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚌𝚛𝚊𝚜𝚑 𝚝𝚘 𝚍𝚎𝚜𝚔𝚝𝚘𝚙 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 ███ ████ █████████ ████ ████ 𝙸 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 ███ 𝚢𝚘𝚞 ███ 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚙𝚒𝚎𝚌𝚎 𝚘𝚏 ███ █ ██ ██ █ ███ ███ █████████ ████ █████ ████ ███████ ████ ████ █████ .
𝙿𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚞𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚊𝚗𝚜 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚜 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚝𝚎𝚡𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚊𝚞𝚍𝚒𝚘 𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚢𝚗𝚌𝚑𝚛𝚘𝚗𝚒𝚣𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚍 "█████" 𝚋𝚎𝚢𝚘𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚔𝚢𝚋𝚘𝚡, 𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚕𝚢 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚟𝚎𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚒𝚝'𝚜 𝚊 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚞𝚍𝚘█████𝚗𝚊𝚛𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎.
𝙰𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚝 █████ 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚌𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚒𝚗 𝚊 ██████ , 𝚠𝚑𝚒𝚌𝚑 𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚌𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚜 𝚒𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚌𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚢 █████ 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚛𝚎𝚏𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚜. 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 ████ -𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚋𝚞𝚐𝚜 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚞𝚗𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠𝚗, 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚞𝚖𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚎 ██████.
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Hello, and welcome to the Letshugbro Backloggd Review Page. This week we will review the highly anticipated new video game by Remedy Entertainment called Alan Wake II. Alan Wake II is available on the Epic Games Store as an epic 90GB download file on your personal computer, or can be purchased for your Xbox Series X, Xbox Series S or PlayStation 5 games console in digital download or Blu-ray disc format. Remedy's brilliance is on full display here with a very cool box art that is both pleasant and tasteful to the eye; they have set a high standard with their previous video games, but I can say without hesitation that Alan Wake II has created the best and most compelling content for Ending Explained YouTube videos that I have ever seen. The Wikipedia synopsis is truly riveting, and will keep you on the edge of your seat from start to finish.
Thrilling, moody, and captivating - Alan Wake II is a contender for the Game Awards. It has a story that can't help but pull you in, a spell-binding tour de force that shines a light on Sam Lake's brilliantly dark mind. The game begins as a murder mystery, but pulls the rug out from under the player and turns into an all-out supernatural horror! The worlds and characters echo each other in unique and surprising ways, and the Overlap sections in particular are rich examples of the game's themes - the salt shaker story had me rolling on the floor! The stage fight scene from Alan Wake is one-upped by the mind-frying Dark Ocean Summoning scene, and the tragedy of Saga losing her family is a blatant commentary on a woman's struggle to achieve balance in their personal and professional lives - she and Casey will go down as gaming's best law enforcement duo! The Old Gods of Asgard are back too, so Lake clearly knows what his fans want to see! He deftly tricks the reader into believing the Cult of the Tree is the story-within-a-story-within-a-story-within-a-story's antagonist, and setting the trilogy's exciting conclusion at Deerfest makes Alan Wake II a genre-bending mixture of fact and fiction. The gut-wrenching ending is modern horror at its finest - this motherfucker is a home run! Alan Wake has done it again! I'll give it a score of █████ out of 5.
𝙾𝙱𝙹𝙴𝙲𝚃 𝙾𝙵 𝙿𝙾𝚆𝙴𝚁
"𝙰𝚕𝚊𝚗 𝚆𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝙸𝙸" (𝙾𝙾𝙿𝟸𝟹-𝙰𝚆)
𝙲𝙾𝙽𝚃𝙰𝙸𝙽𝙼𝙴𝙽𝚃 𝙿𝚁𝙾𝙲𝙴𝙳𝚄𝚁𝙴:
𝙾𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚒𝚜 𝚒𝚗𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚍 𝚘𝚗 𝚊 𝚆𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚘𝚠𝚜 𝟷𝟶/𝟷𝟷 𝟼𝟺-𝚋𝚒𝚝 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚞𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚟𝚒𝚊 𝚊𝚗 𝚘𝚌𝚌𝚞𝚕𝚝 𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚞𝚊𝚕 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚊𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 "𝙴𝚙𝚒𝚌 𝙶𝚊𝚖𝚎𝚜 𝚂𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝙸𝚗𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚛". 𝙳𝚎𝚟𝚒𝚌𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚜 𝚊𝚗 █████ 𝚒𝟻-𝟽𝟼𝟶𝟶𝙺 𝚘𝚛 ███ 𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚒𝚟𝚊𝚕𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚖𝚒𝚌𝚛𝚘𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚌𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚘𝚛 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚊 𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚖𝚞𝚖 𝚘𝚏 ██ 𝚐𝚒𝚐𝚊𝚋𝚢𝚝𝚎𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚘𝚖-𝚊𝚌𝚌𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚢; 𝚊𝚗 𝚖𝚂𝙰𝚃𝙰 𝚂𝚂𝙳 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 ██ 𝙶𝙱 𝚏𝚛𝚎𝚎 𝚜𝚙𝚊𝚌𝚎 𝚒𝚜 𝚅𝙴𝚁𝚈 𝙼𝚄𝙲𝙷 𝚁𝙴𝚀𝚄𝙸𝚁𝙴𝙳 𝚝𝚘 ████████ ██.
𝙳𝙴𝚂𝙲𝚁𝙸𝙿𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽/𝙿𝙰𝚁𝙰𝚄𝚃𝙸𝙻𝙸𝚃𝚈:
𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚒𝚜 𝚊 █████ ████ 𝚍𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚕𝚘𝚙𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚢 𝚁𝚎𝚖𝚎𝚍𝚢 𝙴𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚝𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝.
𝚆𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍, 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚘𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚘𝚠𝚜 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚞𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚊𝚗𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚊 𝚗𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚘𝚏 █████ 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗𝚝-𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚓𝚞𝚖𝚙-𝚜𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎𝚜, ███████ , 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚍𝚎𝚜𝚔𝚝𝚘𝚙 𝚌𝚛𝚊𝚜𝚑𝚎𝚜 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚗𝚎𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚛𝚞𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 ████ 𝚘𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚟𝚎 ██████████ 𝚘𝚏 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚜𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜. 𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚊𝚣𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚒𝚜𝚎𝚍 / 𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚜𝚒𝚐𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚜𝚌𝚊𝚙𝚎𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 ████ 𝚁𝚃𝚇-𝚜𝚕𝚒𝚖𝚎𝚍 𝚎𝚗𝚟𝚒𝚛𝚘𝚗𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚜 𝚒𝚜 𝚍𝚎𝚜𝚒𝚐𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 ████ 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚎𝚛𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚊𝚝 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚗. 𝙾𝚗𝚕𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚎 ██████ 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚗𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚐𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚕𝚍, 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚖𝚊𝚢 𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚘𝚠 𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚘𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢'𝚟𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚜𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚕𝚢 𝚋𝚘𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚎 █████ "𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖𝚎𝚜" 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝'𝚜 █████ 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚒𝚖𝚋𝚞𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚝 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚛𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚜 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚟𝚎𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐.
𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚒𝚜 𝚌𝚞𝚛𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚕𝚢 𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚘 ██████████.
𝙱𝙰𝙲𝙺𝙶𝚁𝙾𝚄𝙽𝙳:
𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚌𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚝 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙶𝙰𝙼𝙴 𝙰𝚆𝙰𝚁𝙳𝚂 𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟷 𝚋𝚢 █████ 𝙺𝚎𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚢. 𝙰𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝚊𝚕𝚜𝚘 𝚛𝚎𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚕𝚘𝚌𝚊𝚕 ██████ 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚜𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚊𝚝 ████████ 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚆𝙰𝙻𝙼𝙰𝚁𝚃 𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚙𝚊𝚐𝚎𝚜 𝚙𝚛𝚒𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚘 █████ 𝙺𝚎𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚢'𝚜 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚌𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢.
████ ██████ █████ █████ ██████████ ███████ █████████████ ██ ██ ████ █████ ██ █████ ██████████ ████████ ██████ ████████████ 𝙸 𝚜𝚠𝚎𝚊𝚛 𝚝𝚘 ███ 𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 ███ 𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚌𝚛𝚊𝚜𝚑 𝚝𝚘 𝚍𝚎𝚜𝚔𝚝𝚘𝚙 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 ███ ████ █████████ ████ ████ 𝙸 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 ███ 𝚢𝚘𝚞 ███ 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚙𝚒𝚎𝚌𝚎 𝚘𝚏 ███ █ ██ ██ █ ███ ███ █████████ ████ █████ ████ ███████ ████ ████ █████ .
𝙿𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚞𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚊𝚗𝚜 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚜 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚝𝚎𝚡𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚊𝚞𝚍𝚒𝚘 𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚢𝚗𝚌𝚑𝚛𝚘𝚗𝚒𝚣𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚍 "█████" 𝚋𝚎𝚢𝚘𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚔𝚢𝚋𝚘𝚡, 𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚕𝚢 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚟𝚎𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚒𝚝'𝚜 𝚊 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚞𝚍𝚘█████𝚗𝚊𝚛𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎.
𝙰𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚝 █████ 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚌𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚒𝚗 𝚊 ██████ , 𝚠𝚑𝚒𝚌𝚑 𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚌𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚜 𝚒𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚌𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚢 █████ 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚛𝚎𝚏𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚜. 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 ████ -𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚋𝚞𝚐𝚜 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚞𝚗𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠𝚗, 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚞𝚖𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚎 ██████.
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Hello, and welcome to the Letshugbro Backloggd Review Page. This week we will review the highly anticipated new video game by Remedy Entertainment called Alan Wake II. Alan Wake II is available on the Epic Games Store as an epic 90GB download file on your personal computer, or can be purchased for your Xbox Series X, Xbox Series S or PlayStation 5 games console in digital download or Blu-ray disc format. Remedy's brilliance is on full display here with a very cool box art that is both pleasant and tasteful to the eye; they have set a high standard with their previous video games, but I can say without hesitation that Alan Wake II has created the best and most compelling content for Ending Explained YouTube videos that I have ever seen. The Wikipedia synopsis is truly riveting, and will keep you on the edge of your seat from start to finish.
Thrilling, moody, and captivating - Alan Wake II is a contender for the Game Awards. It has a story that can't help but pull you in, a spell-binding tour de force that shines a light on Sam Lake's brilliantly dark mind. The game begins as a murder mystery, but pulls the rug out from under the player and turns into an all-out supernatural horror! The worlds and characters echo each other in unique and surprising ways, and the Overlap sections in particular are rich examples of the game's themes - the salt shaker story had me rolling on the floor! The stage fight scene from Alan Wake is one-upped by the mind-frying Dark Ocean Summoning scene, and the tragedy of Saga losing her family is a blatant commentary on a woman's struggle to achieve balance in their personal and professional lives - she and Casey will go down as gaming's best law enforcement duo! The Old Gods of Asgard are back too, so Lake clearly knows what his fans want to see! He deftly tricks the reader into believing the Cult of the Tree is the story-within-a-story-within-a-story-within-a-story's antagonist, and setting the trilogy's exciting conclusion at Deerfest makes Alan Wake II a genre-bending mixture of fact and fiction. The gut-wrenching ending is modern horror at its finest - this motherfucker is a home run! Alan Wake has done it again! I'll give it a score of █████ out of 5.
Y̵a̵k̵u̵z̵a̵ Like A Dragon Mission: “ K̵i̵r̵y̵u̵ Joryu, we need you to save the cancer-riddled children of Sunflower Orphange from the Big Baby Breakdancing Gang! I’ll give you 5,000 Bronze Dragon Points if you can finish them off with this flaming dildo shaped like a copyrighted anime character and livestream it all on Snitch.tv!”
Y̵a̵k̵u̵z̵a̵ Like A Dragon Cutscene: “I’ve survived past the point of death so many times, often in the place of others who meant so much more to me than I could have known in the moment. Only now, as I face my own end, do I understand the true pain of feelings left unsaid. I tried to live without regrets, but the consequences of a life left living are inevitable.”
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Long - though comparatively short by franchise standards - periods of drama wholly contingent on the viewer's pre-existing knowledge of plot and history from Yakuza 0, Yakuza, Yakuza 2, Yakuza 3, Yakuza 4, Yakuza 5, Yakuza 6, Judgment and Yakuza: Like A Dragon exist in tandem with tutorials for complex game systems like "using the map" and "doing a kick", highlighting the epic contradictions this saga repeatedly unfolds and upholds upon itself. If you're an insane member of this subcultural phenomenon and have played through all ten games in the series, there is no spiritual need for anything beyond Kiryu's story, but ultimately all the Level-Up Daily Login Bonuses are in service of this game's overarching theme of going through the duties while you watch the exterior world move further away from you and begin to accept life in the interior world built for you by the actions of your past. Either you're new to this and woefully out of your depth (don't worry, Joryu will help you), or you've always known the man who erased his name and are now compelled by brotherly honour to remain with him until the end.
Y̵a̵k̵u̵z̵a̵ Like A Dragon Cutscene: “I’ve survived past the point of death so many times, often in the place of others who meant so much more to me than I could have known in the moment. Only now, as I face my own end, do I understand the true pain of feelings left unsaid. I tried to live without regrets, but the consequences of a life left living are inevitable.”
------------------------
Long - though comparatively short by franchise standards - periods of drama wholly contingent on the viewer's pre-existing knowledge of plot and history from Yakuza 0, Yakuza, Yakuza 2, Yakuza 3, Yakuza 4, Yakuza 5, Yakuza 6, Judgment and Yakuza: Like A Dragon exist in tandem with tutorials for complex game systems like "using the map" and "doing a kick", highlighting the epic contradictions this saga repeatedly unfolds and upholds upon itself. If you're an insane member of this subcultural phenomenon and have played through all ten games in the series, there is no spiritual need for anything beyond Kiryu's story, but ultimately all the Level-Up Daily Login Bonuses are in service of this game's overarching theme of going through the duties while you watch the exterior world move further away from you and begin to accept life in the interior world built for you by the actions of your past. Either you're new to this and woefully out of your depth (don't worry, Joryu will help you), or you've always known the man who erased his name and are now compelled by brotherly honour to remain with him until the end.
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You sit before the computer again; a bone-numbing chill blankets the air between you and the screen, as if the monitor itself bordered on some other, colder space. This is the portal to your Fortress of Regrets... now all you need do is inscribe your feelings upon the website.
> 𝐓𝐚𝐩 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐭𝐲𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐛𝐞 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐉𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐄𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐲 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮.
- 𝐋𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐉𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐄𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐲 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞... 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐧𝐨𝐰.
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This thought of yours has been peeled from the back of your mind. Its rough gray surface reminds you of a zombie's hide; it looks more like another piece of worn-out novelty writing than a legitimate video game review.
-----------
> 𝐄𝐱𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐭.
- 𝐋𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞.
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You clench your teeth and dig your mind into your soul; with a dry, tearing sound, you peel off a strip of yourself. The chill between yourself and the monitor becomes stronger, almost hungering, as if the screen has opened a crack in your mind...
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> 𝐊𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐭𝐲𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠; 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝.
- 𝐏𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲...
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You finish the review. Before your thoughts can escape, you press 'Create Log' and let forth several paragraphs of bullshit. As you prepare to save your work, a series of images float across your mind...
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> 𝐑𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐭: "𝐈 𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬..."
- 𝐑𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐭: "𝐈 𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐭..."
- 𝐑𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐭: "𝐈 𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐮𝐩 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐭..."
- 𝐋𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲.
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You whisper the words to yourself, but the regret echoes through your mind:
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> 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐮𝐞
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'I regret...'
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> 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐮𝐞
-----------
"I regret that I played this game."
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You sit before the computer again; a bone-numbing chill blankets the air between you and the screen, as if the monitor itself bordered on some other, colder space. This is the portal to your Fortress of Regrets... now all you need do is inscribe your feelings upon the website.
> 𝐓𝐚𝐩 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐭𝐲𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐛𝐞 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐉𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐄𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐲 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮.
- 𝐋𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐉𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐄𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐲 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞... 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐧𝐨𝐰.
-----------
This thought of yours has been peeled from the back of your mind. Its rough gray surface reminds you of a zombie's hide; it looks more like another piece of worn-out novelty writing than a legitimate video game review.
-----------
> 𝐄𝐱𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐭.
- 𝐋𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞.
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You clench your teeth and dig your mind into your soul; with a dry, tearing sound, you peel off a strip of yourself. The chill between yourself and the monitor becomes stronger, almost hungering, as if the screen has opened a crack in your mind...
-----------
> 𝐊𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐭𝐲𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠; 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝.
- 𝐏𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲...
-----------
You finish the review. Before your thoughts can escape, you press 'Create Log' and let forth several paragraphs of bullshit. As you prepare to save your work, a series of images float across your mind...
-----------
> 𝐑𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐭: "𝐈 𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬..."
- 𝐑𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐭: "𝐈 𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐭..."
- 𝐑𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐭: "𝐈 𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐮𝐩 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐭..."
- 𝐋𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲.
-----------
You whisper the words to yourself, but the regret echoes through your mind:
-----------
> 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐮𝐞
-----------
'I regret...'
-----------
> 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐮𝐞
-----------
"I regret that I played this game."
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2023
As I enter the Bourntyverse™, a wave of anticipation washes over me. I’m about to enter a digital world dedicated to coconut delights and dark, bitter adventures. I can't wait to immerse myself in an all-new chocolate experience.
The entrance is a virtual portal that resembles the iconic Bournty® bar wrapper, inviting me to unwrap and reveal the wonders within. As I step through, I find myself standing in the heart of the Bournty® landscape. Below, a coconut river flows gracefully, glistening in the digital sunlight. It's a rich, velvety sort of coconut that makes my digital mouth water. As I look to the horizon, I can see a Bournty® fans dressed as Master Chief paddling on dark-red boats and taking selfies on the dark chocolate shore. Bournty® trees stand tall around me, their branches offering a canopy of fluffy white coconut. The air is filled with the sweet scent of coconut, and I can't resist making my avatar reach out to lick a piece. I imagine that it's delightfully soft and chewy, just like the real thing!
I begin my journey with a visit to the Virtual Bournty® Chocolatiers. It's a place of real creativity and indulgence. I design my very own Bournty® bar, choosing the perfect blend of coconut and dark chocolate. I think about adding a sprinkle of digital sea salt for that extra flavour punch, but ultimately decide that I should keep my 600 Bournty® Bucks for other lifetime digital collectibles that I may want to purchase license agreements for later. Watching the digital chocolatiers craft my bar in real-time 14FPS is mesmerizing. I can almost taste it.
After creating my custom Bournty® bar, I head to the Bournty® Bar Cafe. The aroma of dark chocolate and coconut fills the air as I pretend to sip on a virtual Bournty® Bar milkshake. The walls are adorned with larger-than-life Bournty® bar wrappers, and there's a sense of nostalgia that makes me feel like a kid in a Bournty® store again. Things are just like I remember them, and I like that.
As I explore the Bourntyverse™, I encounter Bournty® games. The Bournty® Strike 2 course proves to be a thrilling challenge that sends my Apple Watch's heart-rate monitor straight into the light-orange zone. I navigate through dark chocolate tunnels and jump across coconut bridges, all the while racing against other Bournty® enthusiasts who are enjoying the Bourntyverse™ just as much as I am. It's a fun and competitive experience that leaves me craving more Bournty®.
In the Bournty® Bar History Museum, I immerse myself in the story of the beloved Bournty® chocolate bar by learning about its inception, the secret to a perfect piece, and the undeniable impact that Bournty® has had on the world. The digital displays and holographic presentations that I can afford to look at make brand history come alive in ways I never imagined were possible before the advent of the Bourntyverse™. In the Bournty® Bar History Museum Gift Shop, I purchase a digital collectible: a limited-edition Bournty® wrapper for my custom-made Bournty® chocolate bar. It's a virtual memento of my time in the sweet, sweet Bourntyverse™ that I now wish I could call home.
In the designated social space at the Bournty® Bar Bar, I strike up conversations with fellow Bournty® bar enthusiasts from around the world. We discuss our favorite Bournty® memories, exchange tips on customizing the perfect Bournty® bar, using the Bournty® Bar Bar Advertmotes we bought in the Bournty® Bar History Museum Gift Shop to express the way we feel to each other.
One of the highlights of my journey is visiting the virtual Bournty® NFT Consumption Spaces (formerly the Bournty® Art Galleries). The media products within provide fascinating twists on the Bournty® brand identity. I now understand the undeniable speculative commercial value that conditional ownership of an NFT grants me. The unique blockchain identifiers - that can in no way be replicated, subdivided or copied - allow my avatar to look at exotic dark-red landscapes and engage in simulated ogling of videos of women dressed in clothes that look like Bournty® bars. It is a non-fungibly beautiful reminder of the real and virtual love that we all share for Bournty®.
As my simulated day comes to an end, I make my way to the Bourntyverse™ exit. I can't help but admire my Bournty®-themed avatar - the coconut helmet and dark chocolate cape make me feel like a superhero in the Bourntyverse™'s Bournty® world. I make my avatar smile. It's been a truly immersive and positive-engagement-generating experience, a digital journey through a boardroom-imagined world of coconut wonders and dark chocolatey dreams. The Bourntyverse™ is a place I look forward to revisiting for many years to come.
The entrance is a virtual portal that resembles the iconic Bournty® bar wrapper, inviting me to unwrap and reveal the wonders within. As I step through, I find myself standing in the heart of the Bournty® landscape. Below, a coconut river flows gracefully, glistening in the digital sunlight. It's a rich, velvety sort of coconut that makes my digital mouth water. As I look to the horizon, I can see a Bournty® fans dressed as Master Chief paddling on dark-red boats and taking selfies on the dark chocolate shore. Bournty® trees stand tall around me, their branches offering a canopy of fluffy white coconut. The air is filled with the sweet scent of coconut, and I can't resist making my avatar reach out to lick a piece. I imagine that it's delightfully soft and chewy, just like the real thing!
I begin my journey with a visit to the Virtual Bournty® Chocolatiers. It's a place of real creativity and indulgence. I design my very own Bournty® bar, choosing the perfect blend of coconut and dark chocolate. I think about adding a sprinkle of digital sea salt for that extra flavour punch, but ultimately decide that I should keep my 600 Bournty® Bucks for other lifetime digital collectibles that I may want to purchase license agreements for later. Watching the digital chocolatiers craft my bar in real-time 14FPS is mesmerizing. I can almost taste it.
After creating my custom Bournty® bar, I head to the Bournty® Bar Cafe. The aroma of dark chocolate and coconut fills the air as I pretend to sip on a virtual Bournty® Bar milkshake. The walls are adorned with larger-than-life Bournty® bar wrappers, and there's a sense of nostalgia that makes me feel like a kid in a Bournty® store again. Things are just like I remember them, and I like that.
As I explore the Bourntyverse™, I encounter Bournty® games. The Bournty® Strike 2 course proves to be a thrilling challenge that sends my Apple Watch's heart-rate monitor straight into the light-orange zone. I navigate through dark chocolate tunnels and jump across coconut bridges, all the while racing against other Bournty® enthusiasts who are enjoying the Bourntyverse™ just as much as I am. It's a fun and competitive experience that leaves me craving more Bournty®.
In the Bournty® Bar History Museum, I immerse myself in the story of the beloved Bournty® chocolate bar by learning about its inception, the secret to a perfect piece, and the undeniable impact that Bournty® has had on the world. The digital displays and holographic presentations that I can afford to look at make brand history come alive in ways I never imagined were possible before the advent of the Bourntyverse™. In the Bournty® Bar History Museum Gift Shop, I purchase a digital collectible: a limited-edition Bournty® wrapper for my custom-made Bournty® chocolate bar. It's a virtual memento of my time in the sweet, sweet Bourntyverse™ that I now wish I could call home.
In the designated social space at the Bournty® Bar Bar, I strike up conversations with fellow Bournty® bar enthusiasts from around the world. We discuss our favorite Bournty® memories, exchange tips on customizing the perfect Bournty® bar, using the Bournty® Bar Bar Advertmotes we bought in the Bournty® Bar History Museum Gift Shop to express the way we feel to each other.
One of the highlights of my journey is visiting the virtual Bournty® NFT Consumption Spaces (formerly the Bournty® Art Galleries). The media products within provide fascinating twists on the Bournty® brand identity. I now understand the undeniable speculative commercial value that conditional ownership of an NFT grants me. The unique blockchain identifiers - that can in no way be replicated, subdivided or copied - allow my avatar to look at exotic dark-red landscapes and engage in simulated ogling of videos of women dressed in clothes that look like Bournty® bars. It is a non-fungibly beautiful reminder of the real and virtual love that we all share for Bournty®.
As my simulated day comes to an end, I make my way to the Bourntyverse™ exit. I can't help but admire my Bournty®-themed avatar - the coconut helmet and dark chocolate cape make me feel like a superhero in the Bourntyverse™'s Bournty® world. I make my avatar smile. It's been a truly immersive and positive-engagement-generating experience, a digital journey through a boardroom-imagined world of coconut wonders and dark chocolatey dreams. The Bourntyverse™ is a place I look forward to revisiting for many years to come.
Completed this over the course of a rainy weekend with my partner and I don't think I could have asked for a better environment to experience the game in. Being the Watson to someone else's Holmes as they spend an oppressive autumn experiencing this genre is so bloody fun.
The Thinking Panel is the chief innovation here, and now all I want is for this game to somehow fall into the laps of Ace Attorney's design team. The Thinking Panel places the onus of investigation thoroughly on the player, but doesn't cast them adrift in a world of deductive overload - an incredibly brain-pleasing achievement that even the best mystery-focused detective fiction often fails to do well. Agatha Christie has been put on notice post-mortem; gone should be the days of Phoenix railroading us down conversational flowcharts that hurtle towards a linear, factual truth.
At one point during our playthrough, it was suggested that this gameplay could be imposed upon existing mysteries (e.g. a Hounds of the Baskervilles DLC pack), but I think the world that Andrejs Kļaviņš and Ernests Kļaviņš have created here is rich enough that we don't need to go raid our old pile of Ian Rankin novels for inspiration. The way each murder builds from a comedy to the singular tragedy of absolutist "virtue"-driven Modern England is just too deliciously timely to ignore. We are all coming down with a Case of the Golden Idol.
The Thinking Panel is the chief innovation here, and now all I want is for this game to somehow fall into the laps of Ace Attorney's design team. The Thinking Panel places the onus of investigation thoroughly on the player, but doesn't cast them adrift in a world of deductive overload - an incredibly brain-pleasing achievement that even the best mystery-focused detective fiction often fails to do well. Agatha Christie has been put on notice post-mortem; gone should be the days of Phoenix railroading us down conversational flowcharts that hurtle towards a linear, factual truth.
At one point during our playthrough, it was suggested that this gameplay could be imposed upon existing mysteries (e.g. a Hounds of the Baskervilles DLC pack), but I think the world that Andrejs Kļaviņš and Ernests Kļaviņš have created here is rich enough that we don't need to go raid our old pile of Ian Rankin novels for inspiration. The way each murder builds from a comedy to the singular tragedy of absolutist "virtue"-driven Modern England is just too deliciously timely to ignore. We are all coming down with a Case of the Golden Idol.
2016
In life, we rarely get a chance to follow an art from its genesis to its conclusion. At the arse-end of history, we're often doomed to look at such things retrospectively - surrealism, rock & roll, postmodernism, the New York School of Poets, wild west movies, whatever - and wonder what it was like to evolve and ultimately ascend to atrophia in tandem with a creative movement.
Titanfall 2 is, therefore, a rare privilege. A game that has, with the retrospective power of its seven-year existence, definitively marked the end of an era that was carved out by Call of Duty thirteen years prior. Halo, Modern Warfare, Bioshock, Borderlands, Wolfenstein, the lot - I feel like it's fair to say that Titanfall 2 encompasses its own movement, the nature of its existence, and all the reasons it could not continue - where do you go beyond time? If you'll forgive the incredibly fucking pretentious analogy, Titanfall 2 is not unlike Let It Be, the final Beatles album that put the cap on a half-century of rock. (You could probably extrapolate this complete nonsense further and suggest that the corporate self-awareness of popstars popping up in Warzone and Fortnite mirrors the ironic MTV garage grunge of Kurt Cobain, but hey! - that would probably sustain an equally stupid Backloggd essay of its own.)
What makes Titanfall 2 rarer still is that it’s an ending to a now-lost artform that began with the same creator years prior. Infinity Ward may have respawned, but they were, at this conclusive point in time, the same unit of creation from 2003. Impressionism was started by guys like Claude Monet, but was drawn (painted?) to a close by Van Gogh, a conscious will that passed down a century, their art thankfully/tragically unaccelerated by lack of commercial interest. They say an artwork is never finished, but fortunately for us the future is far more financial than we originally projected - artistic movements can now be efficiently condensed into a decade of fiscal quarters. We can watch an artform rise and fall upon the plateau in the time it takes to finish a high school diploma, and that's neither a good thing nor a bad thing; just a thing that happens now. Let it be.
Sure, other militaristic first-person dual-weapon wall-running action shooters with automatic health recovery have come after Titanfall 2, but they're essentially invalid imitations, impressionist postcards that we pick up in the lobby of the Van Gogh Museum. They're the consequences of something that's gone for good. Never to return, for better and for worse.
Titanfall 2 is, therefore, a rare privilege. A game that has, with the retrospective power of its seven-year existence, definitively marked the end of an era that was carved out by Call of Duty thirteen years prior. Halo, Modern Warfare, Bioshock, Borderlands, Wolfenstein, the lot - I feel like it's fair to say that Titanfall 2 encompasses its own movement, the nature of its existence, and all the reasons it could not continue - where do you go beyond time? If you'll forgive the incredibly fucking pretentious analogy, Titanfall 2 is not unlike Let It Be, the final Beatles album that put the cap on a half-century of rock. (You could probably extrapolate this complete nonsense further and suggest that the corporate self-awareness of popstars popping up in Warzone and Fortnite mirrors the ironic MTV garage grunge of Kurt Cobain, but hey! - that would probably sustain an equally stupid Backloggd essay of its own.)
What makes Titanfall 2 rarer still is that it’s an ending to a now-lost artform that began with the same creator years prior. Infinity Ward may have respawned, but they were, at this conclusive point in time, the same unit of creation from 2003. Impressionism was started by guys like Claude Monet, but was drawn (painted?) to a close by Van Gogh, a conscious will that passed down a century, their art thankfully/tragically unaccelerated by lack of commercial interest. They say an artwork is never finished, but fortunately for us the future is far more financial than we originally projected - artistic movements can now be efficiently condensed into a decade of fiscal quarters. We can watch an artform rise and fall upon the plateau in the time it takes to finish a high school diploma, and that's neither a good thing nor a bad thing; just a thing that happens now. Let it be.
Sure, other militaristic first-person dual-weapon wall-running action shooters with automatic health recovery have come after Titanfall 2, but they're essentially invalid imitations, impressionist postcards that we pick up in the lobby of the Van Gogh Museum. They're the consequences of something that's gone for good. Never to return, for better and for worse.
2023
𝙼𝚊𝚛𝚌𝚑 𝟷𝟾, 𝟸𝟶𝟶𝟻...
𝙸𝚝'𝚜 𝚊 𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝙸'𝚕𝚕 𝚗𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚐𝚎𝚝.
𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚙 𝚒𝚗𝚜𝚒𝚍𝚎 𝚖𝚎 𝚍𝚒𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚍𝚊𝚢.
𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚜 "𝚊𝚜𝚔𝚎𝚍" 𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚘 𝚓𝚘𝚒𝚗 𝚊 𝚝𝚘𝚙-𝚜𝚎𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚝 𝚐𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚗𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚖.
𝙽𝚘𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙸 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚊 𝚌𝚑𝚘𝚒𝚌𝚎.
An old woman stumbles towards you with a raised pitchfork in her hands. You stab in her in the face. She does nothing. You stab her a few more times. Maybe she'll do something. She does nothing. You stab her in the face a few more times. Maybe she'll do something? She relents. Now there's enough distance to shoot her kneecap with a 9mm bullet. She does nothing. Her head would now be at the perfect height for you to spin-kick it into the piranha-infested waters like a toxic football, but she's still walking towards you; it's time to parry. When the game gives you permission to do so, you press the button and bat away her pitchwork. She stumbles back in impressive pain, and the sheer force of your kick causes her husband to stumble, tripping a landmine in the process. The mine incinerates the dock you're standing on in a shower of beautiful sparks - one for every pound you spent on this Nvidia GeForce GTR 4090XL graphics card - and you remark on how far video games have come since Pac-Man. In a past life this display would have immolated the rest of the woman's family too; they would have melted away into chicken eggs and pesetas. But they're still here now, waiting for their turn in the same sanitized digital ballet you saw in John Wick 4 the other night. Time to do the same old thing again.
You return to Resident Evil 4 for a lot of things, but I think the paragraph above succinctly describes the core loop that we all keep coming back for on the PlayStation 4, the PlayStation 5, the Xbox One, the Xbox Series S, the Xbox Series X and the PC. The scenario might change (slightly), the enemies might change (significantly), the weapons might change (substantially (fuck you for what you did to the TMP)), the graphics might change (definitely). But you are, despite it all, controlling a baying mob in the cleanest, nastiest, most efficient way you possibly can. Bonus points if you can make it look cool as Hell in the process.
Playing this right after resident evil 4 (2005), it's plain to see how this game was a forking point for the series - both games are essentially the same implementation of a core idea, but choose to tackle combat from different angles of genre. At their best, they emphasise close management of an advancing enemy pool using a fairly limited toolset that flows naturally into the other aspects of itself: Knife to pistol. Pistol to kick. Kick to grenade. Grenade to egg. The movements feel primitive, awkward and unintuitive at first, but soon reveal themselves to be expertly crafted for natural achievement of a precision-flow state, racking up minor-yet-satisfying hits to keep a crowd under control while setting up scenarios where bigger and badder moves can be unleashed at the appropriate time. Put Leon in resident evil 4 (2005) and I bet he could manage at least a few rounds of The Mercenaries.
This replay of the game was inspired by a re-release of the game that recently came out. As someone who spends a lot of time talking shop to people about people like Shinji Mikami and Hideki Kamiya, it's easy to fall into the trap of evaluating these games as beautiful little puzzle boxes to be mechanically solved and understood - but spend ten minutes with someone who likes Resident Evil 4 because they simplified the water room, and you'll discover that there are actually people out there who think Resident Evil 4 (in its current remade form) is as much stupid greatness as your average A24 film. I hate these people, but I do understand where they'e coming from - when this game came out, I bought it for myself despite knowing I was deathly afraid of time's perpetual march forwards; even worse, I was the type of person who said things like "you can't improve on this in any way" when Leon told Saddler to stick around at the end of the castle section. Resident Evil 4 (in its current remade form) is essentially my worsetest nightmare. It’s Resident Evil.
𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚞𝚗𝚒𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚗𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚕𝚢 𝚔𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚍 𝚖𝚎.
𝙱𝚞𝚝 𝚊𝚝 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚔𝚎𝚙𝚝 𝚖𝚢 𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚘𝚏𝚏 𝚘𝚏 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐.
𝙸𝚝'𝚜 𝚊 𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝙸'𝚕𝚕 𝚗𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚐𝚎𝚝.
𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚙 𝚒𝚗𝚜𝚒𝚍𝚎 𝚖𝚎 𝚍𝚒𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚍𝚊𝚢.
𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚜 "𝚊𝚜𝚔𝚎𝚍" 𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚘 𝚓𝚘𝚒𝚗 𝚊 𝚝𝚘𝚙-𝚜𝚎𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚝 𝚐𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚗𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚖.
𝙽𝚘𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙸 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚊 𝚌𝚑𝚘𝚒𝚌𝚎.
An old woman stumbles towards you with a raised pitchfork in her hands. You stab in her in the face. She does nothing. You stab her a few more times. Maybe she'll do something. She does nothing. You stab her in the face a few more times. Maybe she'll do something? She relents. Now there's enough distance to shoot her kneecap with a 9mm bullet. She does nothing. Her head would now be at the perfect height for you to spin-kick it into the piranha-infested waters like a toxic football, but she's still walking towards you; it's time to parry. When the game gives you permission to do so, you press the button and bat away her pitchwork. She stumbles back in impressive pain, and the sheer force of your kick causes her husband to stumble, tripping a landmine in the process. The mine incinerates the dock you're standing on in a shower of beautiful sparks - one for every pound you spent on this Nvidia GeForce GTR 4090XL graphics card - and you remark on how far video games have come since Pac-Man. In a past life this display would have immolated the rest of the woman's family too; they would have melted away into chicken eggs and pesetas. But they're still here now, waiting for their turn in the same sanitized digital ballet you saw in John Wick 4 the other night. Time to do the same old thing again.
You return to Resident Evil 4 for a lot of things, but I think the paragraph above succinctly describes the core loop that we all keep coming back for on the PlayStation 4, the PlayStation 5, the Xbox One, the Xbox Series S, the Xbox Series X and the PC. The scenario might change (slightly), the enemies might change (significantly), the weapons might change (substantially (fuck you for what you did to the TMP)), the graphics might change (definitely). But you are, despite it all, controlling a baying mob in the cleanest, nastiest, most efficient way you possibly can. Bonus points if you can make it look cool as Hell in the process.
Playing this right after resident evil 4 (2005), it's plain to see how this game was a forking point for the series - both games are essentially the same implementation of a core idea, but choose to tackle combat from different angles of genre. At their best, they emphasise close management of an advancing enemy pool using a fairly limited toolset that flows naturally into the other aspects of itself: Knife to pistol. Pistol to kick. Kick to grenade. Grenade to egg. The movements feel primitive, awkward and unintuitive at first, but soon reveal themselves to be expertly crafted for natural achievement of a precision-flow state, racking up minor-yet-satisfying hits to keep a crowd under control while setting up scenarios where bigger and badder moves can be unleashed at the appropriate time. Put Leon in resident evil 4 (2005) and I bet he could manage at least a few rounds of The Mercenaries.
This replay of the game was inspired by a re-release of the game that recently came out. As someone who spends a lot of time talking shop to people about people like Shinji Mikami and Hideki Kamiya, it's easy to fall into the trap of evaluating these games as beautiful little puzzle boxes to be mechanically solved and understood - but spend ten minutes with someone who likes Resident Evil 4 because they simplified the water room, and you'll discover that there are actually people out there who think Resident Evil 4 (in its current remade form) is as much stupid greatness as your average A24 film. I hate these people, but I do understand where they'e coming from - when this game came out, I bought it for myself despite knowing I was deathly afraid of time's perpetual march forwards; even worse, I was the type of person who said things like "you can't improve on this in any way" when Leon told Saddler to stick around at the end of the castle section. Resident Evil 4 (in its current remade form) is essentially my worsetest nightmare. It’s Resident Evil.
𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚞𝚗𝚒𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚗𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚕𝚢 𝚔𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚍 𝚖𝚎.
𝙱𝚞𝚝 𝚊𝚝 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚔𝚎𝚙𝚝 𝚖𝚢 𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚘𝚏𝚏 𝚘𝚏 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐.
2019
Today, I completed exercising.
--------------------------------------------------
DIFFICULTY LEVEL
30
RING PRESS
14026 times
ABDOMINAL PRESS
4462 times
FRONT PRESS
3840 times
OVERHEAD PRESS
3699 times
RING RAISE COMBO
3343 times
SQUAT
3150 times
KNEE LIFT
2409 times
ABDOMINAL PRESS & TWIST
2473 times
STANDING TWIST
2313 times
TREE POSE
1935 times
BACK PRESS
1733 times
SEATED RING RAISE
1616 times
KNEE-TO-CHEST
1546 times
OVERHEAD ARM SPIN
1489 times
LEG SCISSORS
1371 times
BOW PULL
1118 times
THIGH PRESS
1078 times
PLANK
1073 times
PUSH & PULL RUSH
987 times
OVERHEAD HIP SHAKE
968 times
RUSSIAN TWIST
945 times
LOW RING PRESS
928 times
LEG RAISE
914 times
PEDAL RUSH
844 times
REVOLVED CRESCENT LUNGE POSE
836 times
FLUTTER KICK
802 times
SIDE STEP
792 times
WARRIOR I POSE
764 times
MOUNTAIN CLIMBER
740 times
WIDE SQUAT
733 times
ABDOMINAL TWIST PRESS RUSH
702 times
CHAIR POSE
608 times
ABDOMINAL PRESS SIDE BEND
584 times
TRICEP KICKBACK
543 times
HINGE POSE
514 times
RUSH LIFT
499 times
KNEE-LIFT COMBO
470 times
WARRIOR II POSE
469 times
OVERHEAD SQUAT
459 times
OVERHEAD HIP SHAKE RUSH
458 times
OVERHEAD KNEE LIFT RUSH
449 times
SWING CLIMBER
433 times
OVERHEAD BEND
421 times
OVERHEAD LUNGE TWIST
387 times
KNEE LIFT RUSH
387 times
PENDULUM BEND
335 times
SEATED FORWARD PRESS
313 times
UPPER BODY TWIST
266 times
OVERHEAD SIDE BEND
264 times
THIGH PRESS RUSH
251 times
ABDOMINAL PRESS & TWIST SQUATS
221 times
BOAT POSE
220 times
HIP LIFT
208 times
RING PULL
147 times
WARRIOR III POSE
140 times
ABDOMINAL PRESS & TWIST
125 times
SHOULDER PRESS
80 times
STRETCH & BEND RUSH
70 times
WIDE-SQUAT RUSH
58 times
STANDING FORWARD FOLD
32 times
FAN POSE
28 times
ABDOMINAL PRESS SQUATS
19 times
THIGH SQUEEZE
4 times
TREE POSE HOLD
4 times
DASH
42,771 yards
JOGGING
26,457 yards
KNEES LIFTED
4352 yards
WALKING
3 yards
TOTAL DISTANCE TRAVELLED
65km
TOTAL TIME EXERCISING
43:38:21
--------------------------------------------------
DIFFICULTY LEVEL
30
RING PRESS
14026 times
ABDOMINAL PRESS
4462 times
FRONT PRESS
3840 times
OVERHEAD PRESS
3699 times
RING RAISE COMBO
3343 times
SQUAT
3150 times
KNEE LIFT
2409 times
ABDOMINAL PRESS & TWIST
2473 times
STANDING TWIST
2313 times
TREE POSE
1935 times
BACK PRESS
1733 times
SEATED RING RAISE
1616 times
KNEE-TO-CHEST
1546 times
OVERHEAD ARM SPIN
1489 times
LEG SCISSORS
1371 times
BOW PULL
1118 times
THIGH PRESS
1078 times
PLANK
1073 times
PUSH & PULL RUSH
987 times
OVERHEAD HIP SHAKE
968 times
RUSSIAN TWIST
945 times
LOW RING PRESS
928 times
LEG RAISE
914 times
PEDAL RUSH
844 times
REVOLVED CRESCENT LUNGE POSE
836 times
FLUTTER KICK
802 times
SIDE STEP
792 times
WARRIOR I POSE
764 times
MOUNTAIN CLIMBER
740 times
WIDE SQUAT
733 times
ABDOMINAL TWIST PRESS RUSH
702 times
CHAIR POSE
608 times
ABDOMINAL PRESS SIDE BEND
584 times
TRICEP KICKBACK
543 times
HINGE POSE
514 times
RUSH LIFT
499 times
KNEE-LIFT COMBO
470 times
WARRIOR II POSE
469 times
OVERHEAD SQUAT
459 times
OVERHEAD HIP SHAKE RUSH
458 times
OVERHEAD KNEE LIFT RUSH
449 times
SWING CLIMBER
433 times
OVERHEAD BEND
421 times
OVERHEAD LUNGE TWIST
387 times
KNEE LIFT RUSH
387 times
PENDULUM BEND
335 times
SEATED FORWARD PRESS
313 times
UPPER BODY TWIST
266 times
OVERHEAD SIDE BEND
264 times
THIGH PRESS RUSH
251 times
ABDOMINAL PRESS & TWIST SQUATS
221 times
BOAT POSE
220 times
HIP LIFT
208 times
RING PULL
147 times
WARRIOR III POSE
140 times
ABDOMINAL PRESS & TWIST
125 times
SHOULDER PRESS
80 times
STRETCH & BEND RUSH
70 times
WIDE-SQUAT RUSH
58 times
STANDING FORWARD FOLD
32 times
FAN POSE
28 times
ABDOMINAL PRESS SQUATS
19 times
THIGH SQUEEZE
4 times
TREE POSE HOLD
4 times
DASH
42,771 yards
JOGGING
26,457 yards
KNEES LIFTED
4352 yards
WALKING
3 yards
TOTAL DISTANCE TRAVELLED
65km
TOTAL TIME EXERCISING
43:38:21