The "It's Not Nepotism If It's Genuinely Great" Award

I don't do ranked awards like everyone else but if I did this would be a strong contender for #1 and it's not just because I know some of the people that worked on it! I really really like the shape of this thing, with how it has you navigating pages like you're falling down a Wikipedia rabbit hole! It's such a fun concept and while I doubt it's the first or only to do it, it's done very well here! I love seeing how both sides frame the conflict and how they choose to write history their own way and how that leaves you to piece together What Happened. It's a game that has been stuck in my mind and kept me Thinking all throughout the year since I played it back in July and that is more than I can say about almost anything else on this list or that I even played this year!

The "Why The Fuck Am I Still Playing This" Award

I am occasionally an Open World Sicko who likes big maps with lots of Meaningless Things to collect/do. Every so often I just need One Of These. I have played many and they are all terrible. The genre has had a largely negative effect on AAA games specifically and the video games community as a whole. And this has got to be one of the worst ones I've ever played. I will probably end up writing a "review" where I dump all my thoughts after I've finished it but here's some quick highlights:
-it plays worse than AC Odyssey did
-it looks worse than AC Odyssey did
-England sucks ass
-the main plot is so tedious and none of the writing is good and there is SO MUCH of it
-Eivor is so fucking boring!! my gay ass should be fawning over her but I simply Do Not Care about because she has all the charisma and charm of a pile of rocks

The Isle of Sky DLC(?) questline was the best bit so far but that might just be my Kassandra Bias coming in to play because it was nice to see her again and also for them to be willing to actually play with one of the things set up at the end of Odyssey!

I have played for over 80 hours so far and feel like I am maybe halfway through. I fear I may be playing this game until the end of time.

Best Game That Is Laser Targetted At Me, Specifically

Narrative Picross! Cute girls! Witches!! What's not to love. I adore this lil game. I feel like this is going onto the list of games that I will take any chance I can to yell about because I want more people to play it because it's just such a charming lil adorable thing. It's cute!! I love it!! Play it!!!

The "I Participated in Capitalism and it felt Gross" Award

I started playing like a week and a half ago so I am still an absolute little baby. The first thing that happened when I launched the game for the first time was that it notified me that I had unlocked Radiohead lobby music. And then when I went into my first match it was utterly overwhelming with all the sound effects and shooting and dancing and constant quest progress updates and meters filling and things happening, meanwhile I was just trying to figure out what the buttons do because there's not really any tutorials and it was one of the most stressful 10 minutes of gaming of the entire year. I think the actual movement and shooting feels Fine and is just Good Enough because the actual good thing is playing this with other people. The shop is egregiously bad. The battlepass system is also horrific. We all know this. I spent eight dollars on the battlepass because the punk catgirl skin is cute. I hated how I felt when I did it. I will continue playing because fuckin whatever who gives a shit. I hope Epic Games crashes and burns but for the foreseeable future I will continue to have fun playing this with people. If you are a person who think it might be fun to play with me and see first-hand just how bad I am at video games, hit me up because that sounds like a fun time to me.

Lady Maria Presents: The Lady Maria of the Astral Clocktower Award for Best Lady Maria of the Astral Clocktower

YES I played Bloodborne again this year, YES I will probably do it again in 2024. I finally beat Orphan of Kos!! The last time I played BB I smashed my head against Orphan for something like 10 or 12 hours and eventually gave up but this time I did it! I spent time grinding out as many blood vials as I could and making sure my weapon was as upgraded as was reasonable and then I beat Orphan of Kos in like 30 minutes of attempts!! What the fuck!! Easily one of the best feelings of triumph I've ever gotten in a Soulsborne game.

The "What The Fuck Am I Doing Here" Award

I feel like I need to preface this by saying that I believe everyone; I take all y'alls word that this thing is incredible and amazing and everyone needs to play it ASAP without knowing anything about it because it is just incredible. I completely believe you all. But when I played this, I ran down a hallway for ten or fifteen minutes and nothing happen. I don't get it. I read every sign (as best I could, since it's mostly in Japanese anyway). I pressed every button on my keyboard. I tried to interact with the doors. I tried to interact with that guy that walks by. I found a sign that said to turn around if I see an anomaly. I don't know what an anomaly looks like and I can't tell if I've seen one. I ran down the hallway in one direction. Then I thought maybe I need to walk. Then I turned around and went the other way for a while. I don't get it. I can't get the game to work. I am too stupid to figure out the first puzzle(?) of the game. If I had a brain and could figure that out I bet this would be sick.

Best Game to Fistbump Your Homies To

What a cool fuckin video game!! Proof that Final Fantasy can still be good in the year 2023. I kind of hate how much this game gets memed on with all the "here to kill CHAOS!!!" stuff and people laughing at the Sinatra needle drops and fistbumps and whatever because while, yes, that stuff is objectively funny when you see it in the game, I think the game then does a lot of work to make you take that shit seriously and attaches emotional weight to it all that works in a truly sincere and honest way that I think the memes make people completely ignore. Jokin' around on twitter or whatever is all fun and good but please remember to engage with games on their own and actually think about the thing you are playing! It feels like this game is going to go down in history as some big meme when it's probably one of the best Final Fantasies in quite a while and I think that is absolutely fucking tragic.

Most Videogame

I never did write out a full review of this game and maybe I'll go back and do that at some point but basically it comes down to this: All the parts of this that are Pathfinder are atrocious tedious garbage and all the parts that are Wrath of the Righteous are wildly inconsistent in quality but the absolute best parts of it are barely better than mediocre. Pathfinder, as a system, is really only for the sickos who enjoy planning out their character and everything they will do at every level-up because the actual act of playing it and engagin with the combat is miserable. God bless the difficulty menu for letting me turn it down to the point of not having to give a shit about any of that. Also shoutouts to whoever at Owlbear said "hey maybe we shouldn't have the final dungeon suddenly bombard the player with negative levels and attribute damage" because that was a truly awful part of Kingmaker. Oh and the Crusade mode sure does suck ass, huh? I hope someday Owlbear makes a good video game.
The thing in CRPGs that I love the most is meeting all the cool companions and hanging out with them and helping them solve their problems (or sometimes making them worse). And this game barely has that. There's like a dozen companions and I think I could name three or four of them and could only really tell you much about two of them Daeran and Arueshalae save this game from being completely devoid of anything good. Arueshalae is my sweet babygirl and Daeran is a twink in need of obliteration.

Best Game I Didn't Actually Play

I am not a Celeste Enjoyer because I am not a Platformer Enjoyer but I did watch my friend Carrie play through this and it's a genuinely incredible thing to see!! I really strongly suggest people check this out (either first-hand or watching videos) because it's wild to see how much work the Celeste community put into this thing. Custom art, new music, wholly new mechanics, and it's all arranged by difficulty so you can start at the beginning and work your way up! And they even added in tutorials so you don't have to know what a Ceiling Pop or whatever is because they'll just teach it to you! And, anyway, Celeste's assist mode is robust and people should be willing to turn that stuff on just to content tourism their way through what I think is one of the most impressive community endeavors I've seen in quite a long time.

The "I Swear To God I'm Going To Finish It If It Kills Me" Award

I have started this game like eight different times in the past and it never clicked for me so I never got more than an hour or two into it but finally FINALLY this year it is working for me in terms of my brain but no in terms of my fucking computer!! I built a new computer very recently and when I reinstalled the game, the cloud save was empty! Every time I saved it told me it was syncing the save file but it was lying to me!! Luckily, I had my old computer around still and was able to find the save there, so my meagre amount of progress was not wiped out. But then! My DS4 was absolutely haunted! Everything was configured the same as the old computer, everything is set up the same, but all the button mapping was wrong and nothing I did fixed it! I had the controller unplugged for a couple days for unrelated reasons and then worked up the energy to troubleshoot this and when I plugged it in it Simply Worked! So now I am determined. I WILL play this game and I WILL finish it in 2024.

The "I'm Tired Of Writing This List But Want To Add This One Too" Award

I played quite a bit of Tabletop Sim this year and had a lot of fun doing it! I've never been able to really get into board games or tabletop games because of a lack of friends to play with but this year I got to check some stuff out and have had a lot of fun with it! Even just loading into one of those big board games with a trillion pieces is fun just to look around at all the lil 3d models and flip through the cards. A lovely game that has given me a lot of lovely memories.