I will be buying this cuz of Sony's ultra based move, lmao.
List of countries where people can't make PSN accounts:
Afghanistan, Albania, Algeria, Andorra, Angola, Antigua Barbuda, Armenia, Azerbaijan, Bahamas, Bangladesh, Barbados, Belarus, Belize, Benin, Bhutan, Bosnia Herzegovina, Botswana, Brunei, Burkina Faso, Burundi, Cambodia, Cameroon, Cape Verde, Central African Republic, Chad, Comoros, Democratic Republic of the Congo (Congo-Kinshasa), Republic of the Congo (Congo-Brazzaville),Djibouti Dominica, Dominican Republic East Timor (Timor-Leste), Egypt, Equatorial Guinea, Eritrea, Estonia, Eswatini(Swaziland), Ethiopia, Fiji, Gabon, Gambia, Georgia, Ghana, Grenada, Guinea, Guinea-Bissau, Guyana, Haiti, Jamaica, Jordan, Kazakhstan, Kenya, Kiribati, Kyrgyzstan, Laos, Latvia, Lesotho, Liberia, Libya, Liechtenstein, Lithuania, Madagascar, Malawi, Maldives, Mali, Marshall Islands, Mauritania, Mauritius, Micronesia, Moldova, Monaco, Mongolia, Montenegro, Morocco, Mozambique, Myanmar (Burma), Namibia, Nauru, Nepal, Niger, Nigeria, North Macedonia (formerly Macedonia), Palau, Papua New Guinea, Rwanda, Saint Kitts, Nevis Saint Lucia, Saint Vincent, Grenadines Samoa, San Marino, Sao, Tome, Principe Senegal, Seychelles, Sierra Leone, Solomon Islands, Somalia, South Sudan, Sri Lanka, Sudan, and Suriname.

Cuphead’s relentless difficulty and classic cartoon art-design is a recipe to really captivate an audience. The type of audience that hates themselves.

When a truly difficult game comes my way, I often go in with caution. I don’t need everything to be braindead easy, but I do much prefer a relaxed experience over constant enemy placement, boss attack, confusing platform fuckery. Where Cuphead is able to separate itself from the games we know today as “bullshit,” is its fast-paced cutesy style of play.

Too many times in a game like the first Dark Souls, Sekiro, or the hardest modes on most FPS games, enemies are delay merchants, or there’s too many brutal, high damage attacks. Cuphead throws all of this out of the window and says, “Yo, check out this exploding bomb okay now look at this bullet wait actually blue and red bullet okay pink balloon you can parry this hold on pal I wasn’t done it’s time for my ultimate move, a floating head that follows you around. Checkmate, bitch.”

Cuphead’s ability to keep a lighthearted environment while also murdering you in broad daylight is what makes it stand out from its competition. Similar genres like shmups often fail to give you a break, it’s just a constant hellfire for 2+ hours. Cuphead’s boss difficulty can vary, and it isn’t all required to be done in a linear fashion. It’s really like an open world game where you have the freedom of saying fuck this, I’ll come back later.

A few things can really hold Cuphead back for me, though. Hit boxes on certain enemies, like the spaceships in Dr. Kahl, never seem to be all that close to them. Sometimes I’m standing around in what I think is a safe spot, only for a random attack to fly above my head but actually hit me in the process, even though it didn’t look like it did at all. There’s also some awful attacks. Again, Dr. Kahl is a huge blame here. The exploding bombs that follow you around are just ridiculous. I know Cuphead’s whole shtick is that retro feel of NES bullshit design, but when the majority of the game doesn’t feel that way, it’s hard to excuse this one instance.

My absolute biggest gripe with Cuphead, is the fact that the easier difficulty is just there for practice. I have no idea who thought this was a good idea; to add in an easier option but just deem it obsolete in the endgame. It’s not even like it just slows it down, they are completely different attacks with different patterns. What’s the point of adding a “practice mode” if that mode isn’t practice for “Regular” at all?

Also, fuck King Dice. Too long, no heals after levels unless you land on hearts, dumb. Lame.

I think what makes Cuphead so special is the fact that it’s just boss after boss after boss, with killer soundtracks and a great visual design. The difficulty is for the people who love masochism, while the rest of the game is for the people who love good overall game design. 8/10.

When I think of the “Soulslike” genre, I never get eager. It is a genre full of no fun try-hards claiming to be above the rest of us peasants. What Another Crab’s Treasure does with the genre, is stick a pipe up its ass.

MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD

This was my most anticipated game of the year, legitimately. I had just finished Elden Ring when I found out about this, and I loved it. When I saw the… options… in this game, I immediately knew it could be something truly special. Yes, you are an animated crab with a fork as your weapon. If that doesn’t just scream “have fun,” then what does?

The idea of the difficulty setting in the soulslike genre has always sparked heated discourse. I’m all for it personally, but Aggro seems to have a much different approach to this complicated mechanic. While there are a plethora of available settings to increase or decrease difficulty, the main one is very obviously the gun. You have the ability to have a gun as a shell, that kills everything in a single hit.

Now, the gun doesn’t actually save you 100% of the time. The 2nd phase of the 2nd to last boss is an escape test, you don’t actually attack it. A few of the bosses start far away, and are incredibly fast, so the option to shoot immediately sometimes doesn’t pan out. Plus, you still have to do all the platforming, and can still take damage.

The end game gets absolutely ludicrous. There are 3 final bosses with 2 phases, with the first 2 being utterly mind-fucking. You’ll think, “Oh this must be the final boss!” Until you think that again, and then again… The bosses overall are also incredibly entertaining. A wide variety of designs, movesets, unique dialogue, you name it.

Speaking of dialogue, this is not just another goofy heartwarming story because it’s a cartoon style. Characters die, MAIN characters. The story really makes you feel like all of this senseless violence in the end is for nothing, because, well, it practically was. Kril’s entire mission was to just get his shell back, seemingly willing to do anything to retrieve it. Even if “anything” means putting people he cares about amidst a magnitude of harm. In the end, he attacks someone who was never exactly a friend to him, but didn’t deserve his fate, just to get his shell back. Then, the game just kind of ends… It’s an incredibly dark and depressing narrative, capped off with dark undertones through environmental storytelling.

Now, there are some serious bugs. I know that games on Steam are often complete jank, since PC is much different when it comes to developing games for it, but I’ve heard that these bugs occur on console as well. I had to restart the game a few times in the first day, but I can say that I never experienced anything major afterwards. I played for I believe around 20 hours. Keep in mind, this is a MASSIVE game from an indie studio with a single other game under their belt. The scale of this game, how great it looks, how funny it is, how solid the VA can be, I really have to give them credit.

This game has what I believe could be the best soundtrack of the year so far, too. Styles are constantly making drastic shifts from area to area, all fitting the world around them. The city is a cute upbeat sense of vacation, the electrical area is a wobbly synthesized amalgamation, the credits plays a melancholy song with a play on words, all crafted in such a well produced way. it’s, quite literally, music to the ears.

The little details of things like the writing on the “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter!” carton, the jokes written on hidden popsicle sticks, the references to things like Taito and CVS, I just can’t believe the scale of this game given the circumstances.

If it wasn’t for some serious camera flaw, or early game bugs, I think this would truly be up there with some of the best games ever. Regardless of my issues, this is still an absolute home run. 9/10.

Metroid Prime is the vital “mood” game. The atmosphere is what sells it, shootin’ shit is just a plus.

Straight out of the gate, boom, detailed planet in the distance whilst in the middle of space. It hooks you in with its stellar visuals and killer soundtracks, and keeps you sucked in with its atmospheric world building.

Curling up into a ball and rolling or bouncing around might be the absolute most fun thing in any game ever. Because, sure, it’s not the only game to ever have a playable ball, but it is the only one that looks, sounds, and feels like this while also racking up alien K/Ds. Bouncing off of morph ball bombs through the air, using the spider power up to roll around ceilings and walls, twisted columns, it’s so surreal.

Metroid coined the term “metroidvania,” and Metroid Prime 15 years later certainly shows why. Yep, there certainly is a whole lot of backtracking here. It’s not terrible since the goal is just collecting artifacts and the maps are extremely detailed. Colored
doors guide your way to understand the best path to advance from elevator to elevator.

Where Metroid Prime fails, though, is its endgame. Petrasyls may be my least favorite game enemy of all time. They are not fair and challenging, they are not a scary design, they are not cool to look at. They take way too many shots, and latch onto your face constantly for no other reason than to slow you down. So, when they start coming my way by the dozens after the Phazon Suit is acquired, I want to die. Especially when the final boss throws 2-4 of them at once, so you’re just scrambling to try and get them off of you.

There’s not a whole lot bosses here, since the focus is the vibe, but when you do come across a boss, it is very fun. I just kind of wish they’d had been more balanced out throughout the whole game, rather than really spread out.

Metroid Prime Remastered takes the cake of an already amazing game, and adds some icing to really boost its replay-ability. This is one of the best looking games on the Switch, the source material was already there. Thanks Reggie, you did it this time. 8/10

Although I don’t think Pikmin will ever get the credit it truly deserves, I will always see it as arguably the most consistent game franchise of all time.

Pikmin 4 is a celebration of Pikmin 1 and 2. They brought back caves, and my god did they absolutely nail them. The caves are so fun, so pretty, so addicting. Everything in this game is so beautifully detailed. This is without question the best looking game on the Switch.

When you’re not in awe at the appealing visuals, you’re constantly losing focus on the task at hand, exploring a world amongst giants. The classic Pikmin creatures are what really makes the enemies so fun. The uniqueness, the unsettling, and the Pikmin just add to the atmosphere.

The main game is fairly simple, just progress in whatever way you please to get to Olimar. I feel like they could’ve added a few more required boss fights like Pikmin 3 did, but the caves are almost as interesting and detailed as the main areas, so I’m not too upset about it.

Where Pikmin can really lose you though, is how nobody knows when to shut the fuck up. For the first hour, it’s nothing but handheld walkthroughs, bombarded with dialogue after dialogue, with only a semi-interesting story at that. It happens when the night missions start too, and kind of lurks around for the rest of the game. Sometimes I got irritated because I was having fun until Yonny had to open her annoying ass mouth and pause my gameplay.

There’s a fairly lengthy post-game too, if you didn’t feel like you had enough Pikmin in your diet for 17 hours before. Plus, the entire game is unique enough to really strive for a high completion percentage. After the game “ends,” there’s another mission to cure Oatchi, and you kind of just go from there. Oh, and Oatchi… is a cute little dog… that you can ride around on… and he can swim… half the people playing this just gave it 5 stars for that.

I feel like Pikmin 4’s focus was very obviously how it looked, rather than the challenging bosses and different ways to control your game from the previous entries (The Wiimote, the Wii U GamePad). There’s nothing wrong with that, because it made a damn good game. I just wish sometimes they would SHUT THE FUCK UP. 8/10.

Ubisoft may be a steaming pile of horse shit, but always remember, they made Rayman.

Grow Home is a cute, short little game about a wonky robot traversing upwards to bring a seed to their ship. That’s, uh, that’s really all it is. It takes about an hour - an hour and a half to beat.

Sometimes B.U.D (the robot) can feel a little iffy with the grabbing, especially trying to do it upside down to get on top of a mushroom or flower. I fell pretty far down a few times towards the end of the game, because my leaf straight up just kept disappearing. Mrs. Syrem walked in and saw it happen, so I got da receipts.

If you just want a quick semi-relaxing game that’s bordering between fun and a challenge, I’d say give Grow Home a go. Or should I say, give it a grow HHEEHEHEEEHOHOHOHOHHOHEHOHOHHEHEHEH

6/10.

Katamari Damacy might be the pinnacle of video games. It is all things that are complex while also being extremely simple.

Thanks to Sony, early 2000s analog controls are phenomenal, and Katamari Damacy is atop of the mountain of them. I haven’t enjoyed controls in a game this much since the first Ape Escape (for real this time.) A plethora of moves you can pull off all at the movement of two sticks, immaculate.

An unbelievably, beautifully sounding game. From the text sound effects to the final credits song, there is no piece of music in this game that wasn’t crafted with love. Intimate love. Straight up sex to the ears brother.

Probably the funniest story in any game, rivaled by only Undertale, with a heartwarming message to wrap things up at the end. After every level you complete you're interrupted by cutscenes of a family talking about outer space slowly being pieced back together, by you. The young girl constantly says, “Oh! I feel it! I feel the cosmos!” and it’s both the cutest and funniest thing ever. I love it. I just love it.

The king has some of the best dialogue in gaming history, too. Namco should hold their fists high in celebration of what I think might be the best game ever made.

There’s so much to say about this game, but I want you to go play it yourself. Let this review be a guide into another dimension of gaming. Writing this review made my eyes water, because you just don’t play games like this anymore. Games aren’t made with the same kind of passion and creativity, and it’s really something to behold.

During my play through, my PS2 crashed at “Make a Star 7” and I hadn’t saved since the first level. So I immediately went back and did all that shit again, no hesitation, and enjoyed every second of it. If that’s not enough to get a perfect score, then I don’t know what is. 10/10.

Sonic Generations is a quintessential culmination of what made Sonic so great up to that point. Fast gameplay, goofy story, and a bangin’ soundtrack all brought together with colorful visuals.

What’s better than taking some of the best levels from previous Sonic entries and modernizing them in a quick and fun game? This revamped soundtrack is fantastic, I can’t praise it enough. Sonic games have always had some of the best OSTs for me but this one is truly something special. It’s up there with Sonic 2.

The colors here are so vibrant, ironically even more than its predecessor, “Sonic Colors.” Whoever worked on the art design on the levels really needs some praise. I’m talking 3D Mario levels of popping colors. It’s great.

Sometimes during the cutscenes there’s a weird lack of music that seems off, especially when classic Sonic is just nodding his head or making a facial expression. Even stranger, they didn’t do this for the final cutscene, and it came out fantastic, so I’m not sure why they skimped on music for the majority of the rest of the story.

The ability to pick and choose what challenges you want to do is a big plus, because sometimes you’re just not feeling one of them. The 1 ring challenge was a dumb stupid piece of shit, so I just did something else. There’s so many to choose from, it feels like an open world game that allows you to progress in any way you please. Until of course, the required rival battles pop up for the Chaos Emeralds. I hate the Shadow one, fuck Shadow. At least he likes getting peed on though. Bonus points for anyone who can figure out what that’s referencing.

I’m also not a huge fan of a lot of 3D Sonic games from the 7th generation, because the platforming can often feel wonky and the sudden shift from left-and-right to an open environment throws me off. I just end up falling off of a platform way out of the way of the main area. I much prefer the side-scrolling 2D levels.

Sonic Generations is probably one of the very few Sonic games I can say will always stand the test of time, because as much I love Sonic 2, and enjoyed Sonic Colors, this really feels like a love letter to both of them specifically, rather than the franchise as a whole. If you missed out on some Sonic games and this is one of them, definitely give it a go. 8/10.

It had been far too long since I played Super Mario Galaxy, and I fear the in-between time hurt my original perception of this game.

Sometimes a game is so good, you play it once and never go back to it because there’s really no need. It’s the greatest game ever, everybody knows it, everybody says it. That’s how I remembered Galaxy, the untouchable holy grail of games. The best 3D Mario, a near-impossible task, and yet… my return proved me otherwise.

I will say that out of any and every Wii game, you’ve probably got the best looking and sounding one on your hands. An incredible visual appeal backed by booming strings, glaring synths, somber piano, it has it all. This colorful, expansive world Nintendo built in this game is beautiful. Damn near brings a tear to my eye thinking about how perfectly crafted it is.

However… I feel like anyone giving this game a mass amount of credit for its soundtrack and level design has not played Ape Escape 3, because I legitimately think there are ripped off ideas all over. The way the toy levels play out, the music in them, the doors and their opening animations, the style of beach levels, I can’t help but wonder if Nintendo also knows that Ape Escape 3 is arguably the best 3D platformer of all-time. They saw the space levels and said, “Yep, let’s make a whole game with that idea.” At least they used a phenomenal game to take inspiration from.

I also despise this fixed camera at times. Playing as a shadow for 1/4th of the entire game is not appealing to me, just let me move the camera on my own without any help. Sometimes I got knocked off of platforms because of weird enemy placement and poor camera work. Plus these enemies have some straight up bullshit animations that kick you all over the place on tight platforms and send you into a black hole. Not really sure what was going on with that throughout the game, because I don’t recall any other 3D Mario game being like that. Or the slow feeling movements of all of the water levels, and the confusing controls of pressing A or spinning to gain speed. Even Mario 64 felt smoother with its water controls.

What I do love is the fact you can leave a level or straight up just an entire galaxy to get a star elsewhere, because some of these levels are some real work to get through. During some of the second half of the game my enjoyment plummeted and I felt like I was just tasked with chore after chore of beating a bunch of levels I was no longer having fun in. Luckily it wasn’t the whole B side, but it was enough to make me sit back and evaluate if I’m just playing too much, or I actually don’t like what’s going on.

When I think of Mario Galaxy, I don’t think of largely problematic game design, but on my replay of it, certain areas of this game definitely could’ve been made better. Still, Mario Galaxy remains one of the best Wii platformers to this day. While I can’t say I love it as much as I used to, I’d go back to it without hesitation. It’s definitely flawed, and not the masterpiece everyone claims it to be, but even the worst 3D Mario game is in a league of its own. 8/10.

⏰ In a rush? Don't worry, I gotchu'! ⏰

What Works:
✅ Gorgeous Art Style: Stunning visuals reminiscent of Vanillaware's previous hits.
✅ Deep Strategy: Addictive gameplay with customizable squads and tactics.
✅ Meaningful Choices: Decisions impact the story and character relationships.
✅ Replayability: Multiple paths and consequences keep things fresh.
✅ Accessibility Features: Difficulty options, battle speed control, and story summaries.

What Doesn't:
❌ Generic Plot: Familiar story for RPG veterans.
❌ Repetitive Battles: Combat visuals can become monotonous.
❌ Overwhelming Mechanics: Steep learning curve with a lot to absorb.
❌ Cluttered Interface: Menus can be confusing with numerous features.

🎮 Vanillaware Strikes Again

Vanillaware, company responsible for hits like 13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim and Dragon's Crown, is back dueling for our wallets, and surprising absolutely no one, fires another shot across the bow of the video game industry. It's astonishing how the team's quality and mastery in game design shines through title after title, with this latest one drawing heavy inspiration from Fire Emblem and, even more blatantly, Ogre Battle. Unicorn Overlord injects a drop-dead gorgeous art style, already considered the company's trademark, popularized since Odin Sphere.

👑 Journey of Prince Alain

With that said, Unicorn Overlord explores the journey of Prince Alain, heir to the kingdom of Cornia and leader of the Liberation Army, in a world under the tyrannical control of the Zenoira Empire, led by Emperor Galerius. While I won't spoil any surprises, despite the plot delivering a generic and familiar rhythm for fans of the genre, it unfolds progressively, battle by strategic battle, with dialogue choices and moral dilemmas taking center stage during intense narrative moments, resulting in unlikely alliances, well-written betrayals and mysteries, and phenomenal voice acting.

💬 Impactful Choices and Consequences

For example, in one of the first dilemmas, Alain has the power to decide a character's fate. After making a choice and facing the consequences, I hopped online (thanks, internet!) to see the outcome of the opposite option, and the result couldn't have been more different! However, what truly enriches Alain's main quest, which is a bit weak in comparison and focused on weakening Galerius' dominion, are the characters and companions that make it up, each with their own motivations, desires, and personal story, just like the decisive moments exemplified above.

⚔️ Immersive Gameplay Experience

Although the plot holds our interest to a certain extent, the real draw of Unicorn Overlord lies in its gameplay, where its progression cycle satisfies from start to finish. After the first few hours, we freely explore the world surrounding Alain and company, completing minor side quests, liberating towns, and using various resources to enhance gameplay mechanics, such as increasing the number of units in a formation or the number of available squads.

This, along with the plot, pushes us from objective to objective, making Unicorn Overlord's progression system robust and rewarding, with ample opportunities in each battle to increase the strategic intensity, meticulously preparing the appropriate tactics to face each challenge. I understand this might sound like marketing speak, but the truth is that every choice, whether it's for the narrative or the gameplay, has (almost) always an impact.

🛡️ Master the Tactical Squad System

Inherent to the gameplay, both in the overworld and in battles, is the aforementioned expansive and experimental squad system with two rows, each composed of up to five units. The beginning of the adventure limits the quantity to ease the player into this system. That being said, all members of the Liberation Army have a class associated with them, like Thief, Knight, or Soldier (among others), loaded with strengths and weaknesses, passive or active abilities, and thanks to this mechanic, the possibility of adopting a personal playstyle becomes a reality. Of course, like all tactical RPGs, there's always one unit or another within a class that's more capable than another.

Having said that, I mentioned earlier that the plot is enriched by the cast that composes it, and that is due to its Fire Emblem influences. When building a squad, it's important to consider who to pair the units with. This is because as units fight or have meals together, a relationship grows between them, where each milestone can unlock a special event between them or increase their passive battle stats when together.

📚 Learning Curve and Accessibility

However, this whole web of mechanics, exposed right from the beginning of the game, can be intimidating even for the most experienced players in the genre, with tutorials frequently bombarding players with the sheer number of concepts to consider. This carries an inevitable consequence: too many concepts and mechanics are introduced, and the video game, even with various difficulty options available, ceases to be accessible, especially for those who enjoy taking long breaks between sessions. Nevertheless, on the other hand, Unicorn Overlord tries to mitigate the experience and learning curve with a gradual introduction of these issues, finding success to a certain point.

🌌 Dynamic and Visually Stunning Battles

On the other hand, while the battles are impressive eye-candy for the first few dozen times, they become repetitions of visually monotonous spectacles. However, their usefulness shines when the outcome goes south, and as these battles occur in a specific order, dependent on the initiative (the most important stat) of each unit, it's always worth paying close attention to the flow of troops to understand where, strategically, the approach can be improved. It's also noteworthy to mention that any unit can be customized with a list of actions à la Gambit from Final Fantasy XII, here called Tactics.

⚙️ Accessible Gameplay Options

Thankfully, Unicorn Overlord also introduces some accessibility options regarding gameplay. For example, not only is the overall difficulty adjustable between four options, but you can also speed up the battle pace or skip them entirely before they even happen, useful when you already know the outcome. Other menus, like a history of the dialogue that occurred, an archive that reminds you of previous events, as well as a section that covers various elements of the world, are invaluable aids for those who easily lose track of the narrative.

🦄 A Must-Play for Tactical RPG Fans

It's a herculean task not to recommend this title to all tactical RPG fans, especially those who adore Ogre Battle, Fire Emblem, and Vanillaware. Sure, at the end of the day, Unicorn Overlord isn't perfect. The main story is a generic, well-chewed trope, and the battles, despite being visually impressive, quickly cause eye strain. Additionally, the user interface can be confusing and cluttered with the (almost) abnormal amount of mechanics constantly on display. However, these complaints, in the grand scheme of things, are practically insignificant, overshadowed by the deep strategic element at play, composed of the squads and classes of each unit. The overworld is interesting to explore, with an addictive gameplay loop and well-written side stories, not to mention the visual and auditory feast it presents. Thankfully, this Unicorn exists and is easy to acquire, unlike its mythical namesake.

🌟 M I S C 🌟

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◻️ 📝 Original review published on March 22nd, 2024.
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◻️ ✍️ Reviewed in European Portuguese, translated with A.I.
◻️ 📜 Review Number 148.

✨ F I N ✨