Firstly, before I go into the review I want to give a big thanks to ZapRowsdower, known as "I, AKU" on the Backloggd server for giving me my copy of the game. I had a great time and I genuinely appreciate you giving me this experience.

Sid Meier's Civilization V I have heard is very friendly to newcomers, which I can see. Things aren't overly complex, and while I haven't played enough of this genre of game to really be fully informed on the topic, I don't think they needed to be.

The fun thing about entry level games is that they show you the appeal of the genre they represent, and if you like that you'll want to dig deeper into its more complex and nuanced games. I will say that Civ V has definitely garnered my interest for this style of game, and I definitely see myself playing more in the future.

I would describe my first actual playthrough to be catharsis incarnate. I started in Egypt on a peninsula with a very small set of villages.

Over time, as I garnered more resources, and moved up an era, I encountered new allies and eventual foes.

I tricked my ally Sweden into attacking the nearby Persian Empire very early into the game, while they took a one city, I took the capital, and we split the land in half. This action would have consequences for the remainder of the game.

I was denounced by the civilizations of England and Indonesia, and England who had always been a political thorn in my side, was the target of my next great war.

I made a new colony very close to them, and soon after took London before swiftly taking York, eradicating the English empire long before they could possibly prosper. Then I took the fight to one of England's allies, a City-State which I had fought before named Valetta.

Within a short amount of time, I had a whole new colony of cities ruling over the large stretch of land that once made up the southeastern part of the world.

Then Sweden turned on me and denounced my actions.

My former ally, one who had committed atrocities of their own, had turned their back on me. It also turned out that the colony I initially settled before the English War was something I gifted to them.

I wanted it back and the remaining spoils from the Persian War.

And so I waged the First Swedish War, now having rifles and artillery, I began a long assault on two fronts. I swiftly took back my colony and managed to batter Sweden down to the point that they gave me one of their cities to bring about peace. I had won my first genuinely major war.

As I advanced in technology I began making new colonies in smaller stretches of land in the search for oil supplies, creating planes and submarines.

I began sending my ships to survey the territory of my intended final target, Indonesia, and prepare for take over.

Then I developed the Nuclear Bomb.

As a test, I launched it at Stockholm, the capital of Sweden.

"I am become death, the destroyer of worlds."

Within a few short years, The Second Swedish War was nothing but a wimper as I razed their forces to the ground and took their territory for my own.

Using the leftover planes and nukes, I took the fight to Indonesia and in a long and drawn out fight, they were through.

I had won, the spread of my culture to the Byzantine Empire was enough to succeed... but as an epilogue I turned my eyes to their fleeting nation.

Eventually, I had conquered all of the major civilizations, my mission completed.

What had started a humble nation had birthed a mighty Egyptian Empire. It was nothing less than pure satisfaction.

I hope to one day play this game with people as I think that would be an incredible experience, but for now I'm happy to say that this has become a new favorite for me, and definitely something I'll probably keep playing for a while.

Well, I did it.

I 100%ed Stranger of Paradise (all of the achievements anyway).

This epilogue to my initial experience taught me a lot of things, mostly that the Soul Shield is an incredible ability and something I should have touched upon more in my initial review is that it allows you to steal certain enemy abilities for instant use.

This technique essentially makes every class in the game have the subclass of Blue Mage, whose signature ability was copying enemy attacks. I love the Blue Mage and being able to basically always be that class is one of the most fun experiences I've had.

I played a lot of the Sage class and I have to say that Magic is extremely good in this game, I think the charging time is a good balance for just how powerful fully maxed spells are, and you can always cancel the charge into a Soul Shield or Dodge in the heat of battle, so you're never truly locked.

This is definitely the most fun I've had this year, and though the final achievement of grinding a single job to Level 99 was exhausting, I still think this entire experience was worth it.

I apologize if this review is a little less on the in depth side, but this is more of an epilogue than anything.

Jack, you are truly my favorite Final Fantasy protagonist, and it's unfortunate that this game has not been selling well.

Please, please give this game a shot. I swear, it's not just an ironic memefest, it is artwork at its purest form. A genuine, truly mystifying experience.

Wow, I can't believe I have this listed as my favorite game of all time, what an idiot I am.

This game is so full of bugs, jank, the gameplay is super basic and bad and like, it's awful and overrated.

Truly the gameplay ruins everything about the experience and the plot isn't good either, I won't explain why but it's just bad and you should think it's bad too because I said it is.

The DLC sucks except for Dead Money, which objectively has the best gameplay section in the entire game and is totally r/epicchungus.

God didn't make me to play baddy bad video games, and this review is the end all be all baseline of opinions.

Anyways, check the date when this finished.

Spoiler Warning for Strangers of Paradise Final Fantasy Origin, Final Fantasy (1987), and basically the entire franchise

Y’know, it’s funny. When I initially saw the announcement for this game around a year ago, I was absolutely livid. I hated the concept of the game, thought it was going to be a besmirchment of the very first game, especially when I saw that Tetsuya Nomura’s name was attached to it. I hate most of the works I’ve played by Nomura, and I was afraid at first that this game would ruin the reputation of Final Fantasy I, and possibly the entire franchise.

Eventually as more trailers came out, and I saw how absolutely ridiculous some cutscenes were, I warmed up to it and figured I’d be having a good time laughing at it.

Never did I expect this game to deliver the emotional gut punches and resonance that it did, and those very moments as well as the game as a whole served not just to be a love letter to fans of the original Final Fantasy, but to fans of the entire series.

Before you play this game however, I heavily recommend at least playing the original Final Fantasy to fully appreciate the plot and the various references throughout this game. It’s not required, but I would definitely recommend doing so, it isn’t very long by JRPG standards, and it has many rereleases.

We’ll start with the gameplay which I’ll admit was the weakest aspect of the game for me. While there are combos and interesting ways to utilize magic and class skills, a lot of the combat amounts to mashing RB, and then RT, and then the B button. It’s a bit unfortunate given that this game has quite the bevy of available classes, all with unique abilities, but you really don’t do much with them.

I was personally a big fan of the Void Knight class, which is really just the Rune Knight with a more memeable name. You can create a giant rune shield that absorbs magic attacks and gets bigger with the more attacks it absorbs, allowing you to slash with a large magical sword and fire an energy slash back at the enemy, in some cases one-shotting them, which I did with Tiamat when I fought her. Very kino class.

Even though the combat isn’t the most advanced thing in the world, there is something inherently satisfying about seeing Jack crystalize and bash every enemy into a pile of dust and blood. It reminds me a lot of Doom, which I also thought was very relaxing.

Don’t get me wrong though, there are parts where the combat gets pretty difficult. I for the record played on the Action difficulty, which is the Normal Mode of the game. Regular combat usually isn’t super difficult, but some bosses can and will absolutely wreck your shit if you aren’t prepared. A good example is the Dragon Zombie, which if you don’t have White Mage or its promoted classes leveled up, will be hell without Holy Magic to clear up the poison or heal your health. It has a small arena, and shoots out poison goo from almost every attack, which makes it quite the hassle to work around.

Almost the entire final stretch of the game has the difficulty spike up due to more aggressive enemies coming into play and points where you do not have party members. It was a little exhausting, but not enough to ruin the experience I found.

Level Design starts off pretty lackluster with how hyper linear it was, but by the second half of the game there are a lot more branching pathways that loop back into each other, allowing for faster travel through the levels. The levels themselves look absolutely phenomenal, and as we’ll get to in the story, carry a lot of significance for not just the plot, but for the franchise as a whole.

All in all, if you like high octane action with constant snarking by the cast members, you’ll definitely like the gameplay.

Now onto the actual meat of this review, the plot.

At first the game starts out with a really comedic tone, with Jack being the most blunt and hilariously assholish man to ever exist, yet somehow having this underlying belief of comradery with his initial companions, Ash and Jed.

The three strangers meet in front of a castle, and upon showing each other their crystals and discovering their shared goals, the trio makes an immediate friendship as they set off to KILL CHAOS!!

They eventually arrive in Cornelia, and make their way to the king. After bringing up their quest, with the Chancellor questioning the validity of the trio’s claim as The Warriors of Light, the King sends them to investigate the Chaos Shrine. Before they leave, Princess Sarah asks Jack if he could find a knight she knew who went missing. The knight’s name is Garland. Jack makes no promises, and the three set off.

They arrive at the Shrine, kick the ass of a bunch of monsters, and find a man in a large suit of armor, Jack concludes that they must be Chaos, but Jed realizes that their description matches that of Garland. The suited man claims they are to become Chaos, and so Jack decides to kick his ass.

It then turns out that they were neither Chaos or Garland, but rather a young woman named Neon, who was attempting to become Chaos so that the Warriors of Light could come along and kill Chaos bringing an end to its spread. She believes Chaos isn’t really a deity but rather a concept, but Jack is having absolutely none of that so he just plays his Limp Bizkit and fucking leaves.

I will admit that up to this point, I was laughing my ass off. The character interactions felt so awkward that it was honestly hilarious, but now having finished the game it all kind of makes sense.That doesn’t mean these moments aren’t funny, but that in the full context of the plot the awkwardness serves a genuine purpose.

The four return to the King, who now firmly believes them to be the Warriors of Light, and are sent to the small town of Pravoka to speak to the Mayor about the Elemental Crystals that have gone out of balance, in order to fulfill Lukhan’s Prophecy.

Unfortunately, mayor’s dead, the townspeople hate the Kingdom, and the town is now run by pirates, specifically the Captain, Bikke. Back in the OG Final Fantasy I always pronounced his name like Bike, but the actual pronunciation is Bick-kay, which was interesting.

The Warriors go to the Pirates’ hideout to find Bikke and get info out of him on the crystals, which results in a fight between the two groups. After being soundly defeated, Bikke directs our heroes to find the King of the Dark Elves, Astos, who has apparently made a deal with Chaos, as he might have more answers.

So Jack and company make their way to the Western Keep, fighting their way through the colossal fortress and arriving in a throne room to encounter… one of the Black Knight enemies from Final Fantasy II. This was the point where I initially realized this game was going to be more than just a rewrite of the first game. After defeating the Knight, the group highlights how Jack has come back, and that only Jack can fight the way he does. It seems weird given that there’s been no point where we haven’t had Jack kicking massive ass, but this moment was carefully planting seeds for later.

Astos then appears and attempts to introduce himself, but Jack in his usual temperament, backs him the fuck off and demands just the important information. Astos, chuckling in his new, more coy personality which I definitely appreciate, directs the party towards the flying fortress of an ancient civilization known as the Lufenians. The location houses the Wind Crystal, so the crew wastes no time in making their way to it.

After a bit of traveling, they finally warp to the massive scientific facility that happens to be in space, and arrive at the Wind Crystal. They find that it is being protected by the giant, multiheaded dragon, Tiamat. Tiamat reveals herself as one of the Four Fiends, and attempts to slaughter our protagonists, but one Rune Shield Sword Beam later and she’s nothing more than a pile of crystals.

However, upon Tiamat’s death, Jack notices a pixelated phantom showcasing… something that happened in the past, and then a woman appears where Tiamat died. She introduces herself as Sophia, and much like our heroes, she too has an obsession with destroying Chaos, something which starts to feel very… unnatural.

Using a terminal in the crystal’s room, she shows the locations of two of the remaining Crystals, allowing the player to decide which route they want to take.

At this point, my suspicions arose quite a bit. Firstly, one of the key things about Jack, Ash, Jed, and Neon is that their names all fit within the four character limit of the original Final Fantasy, and that their initial classes reflected base classes of that game, Jack being the Warrior, Ash being the Monk, Jed being the Thief, and Neon being the Red Mage (in this game these are all promoted classes, but they’re also the promoted classes these character’s get so it still makes sense). Sophia on the other hand has a five character long name, and is associated with Lances (she can also be a mage, but Lancer is one of her starting classes) which are associated with the Dragoon class, which didn’t appear until Final Fantasy II. There’s also the fact that she also breaks the original Final Fantasy’s norm by being the fifth party member, where the original only had a party of four. It’s just something to put players of the original on their toes, along with the timing of her arrival, but it ultimately serves a different, more obvious purpose.

Since the game went in the unusual route of having Tiamat be the first fiend fought, which is the opposite of the original, I decided my next Crystal would be the Earth Crystal where I would fight the Lich, who is normally the first Fiend fought in the original.

The plot during this part focuses more on Ash as he starts to regain his memories, remembering his old companions and how he feared them dying and did everything in his power to stop it from happening. This of course conflicts with Jack, who wants solely to focus on the mission and keeps telling Ash that “forgetting is a mercy.” Jed also starts to recover his memory, but gets ignored by the rest of the group.

Eventually they arrive at the Cavern of Earth, a boobytrapped underground temple, which hosts the Earth Crystal. They arrive and encounter the Lich, who has been polluting and rotting the earth with his darkness. He begins introducing himself, and Jack, irritated from the entire experience, jumps to punch the ghastly fiend right in the face while saying “I DON’T GIVE A FUCK WHO YOU ARE!!”

I chuckled, as it was a very funny moment.

After a relatively tough fight, victory is again seized, and another phantom is found where the Fiend was killed. Their build being very buff, much like Ash, as the phantom lies there lamenting the death of their companions.

Eventually the darkness residue begins to move towards the group. Earlier in the story, Sophia mentions that the dark mist that comes from the enemies slain by Jack and the party can mess with their minds, and make them remember things they’re better off not knowing. Ash of course absorbs the darkness with his Crystal, and starts to ease up on the memory stuff, before the party is warped back to the Fortress to go to the next Crystal.

The Fire Crystal comes next, and the party makes their way to the treacherous Mount Gulg. Neon gets a little more characterization here as the crew talks to her about if she is starting to believe that Chaos actually exists and what not.

Our heroes eventually reach the core of the volcano, where they encounter the Fiend of Fire, Marilith. After finally beating her, another phantom is left in her place, with Neon absorbing the dark mist with her crystal. Neon later accepts that Chaos is real, and vows to continue fighting alongside Jack and company. Then, just as the volcano is about to erupt, the heroes are warped back to The Flying Fortress by Astos.

Astos shows them the location of the final remaining crystal, the Water Crystal. Once again, the heroes don’t hesitate to make their way to the Sunken Shrine. On the way, Jed begins to have more doubts about the mission as he begins to recall the past, with Jack becoming more irritable the more the past is brought up.

This culminates in a moment where after killing the Cray Claw, which is a Final Fantasy V boss, Jack tries to absorb the dark mist with his Crystal, but Jed interrupts him, forcing the two of them to have a flashback of meeting each other at some place that wasn’t were they met earlier in the story.

Jack asks if this makes Jed happy and the two reconcile with a fist bump. Eventually they arrive in the Sunken Shrine, a large energy harvesting facility requiring multiple key cards in order to progress, and at the very bottom lies the Kraken.

Neon demands that the Kraken return the Crystal, but the Kraken posits as to why they need it, as they’ve been doing fine without it. This response causes Neon to clam up, but Jed comforts her before Jack goes in swinging. This of course ends with the group having a tough long fight against the mighty Fiend, with Jed absorbing the mist.

Can I just say that Jed’s voice actor, Alejandro Saab (better known as KaggyFilms), does such a phenomenal job voicing the character. Jed is very much the emotional core of the group and the performance makes him both incredibly relatable in both humorous and serious moments. Seeing him develop from the mostly comedic sidekick to a man who wants to know who he is and what his true purpose is just resonates so hard with me and I’m thoroughly impressed with how Alejandro captured the emotions of such a character.

Anyways, after completing the task they set out to do, the party makes their way to Cornelia to find… that it is covered in darkness. The villagers are suspicious of group, claiming that they serve Chaos and that one of them must be an imposter as the prophecy only mentions four Warriors of Light.

This of course pisses off Sophia, who besides Jack, has been the most obsessive in the group about forgetting the past and trying to kill Chaos. This scene, while a little awkward feeling, does elicit a genuine sense of frustration and anger. After everything the player and these characters have been through, seeing that your journey seemingly did nothing hurts quite a bit.

Jack then decides that maybe talking to the King will get them a warmer reception… which turns out to be false as the Chancellor and even the King believe that our heroes are to blame, and nearly has them executed. Luckily, Princess Sarah arrives and manages to convince her father that they shouldn’t expect for the world to immediately improve upon the rebalancing of the crystals.

This manages to save Jack and company for the time being, but that peace is short lived as the pirates from Pravoka have begun wreaking havoc in the city, with monsters appearing as well. This is because the pirates grew impatient with the restoration of the crystals, as the Wind Crystal being restored only made the raging of the seas due to the corrupted Water Crystal more difficult to work with.

The party is then ordered to stop the attack on Cornelia, and as they soon discover, the pirates themselves have been turning into the monsters, due to succumbing to the darkness. This eventually results in a rematch with a possessed Captain Bikke.

After his defeat, Bikke reveals the fact that the impatience of the pirates caused them to be possessed and that while he tried to keep them under control, he too lost control. He went to try and find Astos, but he was nowhere to be found.

Bikke then charges the heroes to find Astos, as he believes he is the only one who can find a solution to the massive spread of the darkness, telling the heroes to follow the ominous white bats that have been spotted throughout the game as they are Astos’ creations. Bikke then passes on while the heroes go seeking Astos.

Eventually they find a large ancient tower, and begin to regain memories about a race of people called Lufenians, with Sophia noting things like how she “never made it this far before”. The group discusses how the Lufenians were apparently a civilization that existed along with Cornelia, but surpassed it in regards to technology until one day disappearing altogether. Yet for some reason, they believe themselves to somehow be connected to the Lufenians in some way, with exception to Neon who says she was born in Cornelia and given a Dark Crystal by Astos at some point in time. She fears she can’t be trusted, but Jack says as long as she’s willing to help them, he has no reason to send her away.

The group begins to think that the darkness could be because of the Lufenians, and continues up the tower to encounter an Iron Giant which has apparently beaten up Astos. After turning the synthesoid creature into scrap, Jack tries to obtain some answers from Astos, especially after he keeps regaining more memories of his connections to Lufenia, and questioning his mission about killing Chaos. Astos tells him he’ll give him the answers he seeks, but only if he kills more creatures that have suddenly appeared in a weird modern skyscraper-like building.

Jack and the crew investigate the location, and start to firmly believe that this is definitely being caused by Lufenian interference, which makes the entire party believe that Astos is in league with the Lufenians and is perpetuating the cycle of darkness throughout the land. After encountering a Behemoth, which Jack recognizes despite never having seen the creature before, he crystalizes it… but then it turns into a makeshift Bahamut, coming with its own Megaflare. After managing to defeat that, Jack regains even more memories, finding out that the crystals he and the others bear are not merely for purifying the Elemental Crystals, but for retaining their memory data, and that Jack’s crystal is now completely full, meaning that he can no longer protect himself from remembering the past.

Our heroes, called “Strangers” by the Lufenians, are apparently a part of a project to find a way to balance light and darkness in the world of Cornelia.They are sent in to prevent the creation of Chaos, which is an element created when darkness mixes with negative emotions as it results in an uncontrollable circumstance, which causes the Lufenians to reset the timeline and send the Strangers back to get better results.

Astos being in league with the Lufenians leads the party to go to an area called the Terra Tortura. This was the part of the game where I fangasmed hard because Terra Tortura is… The Floating Continent from Final Fantasy VI. You have to go and destroy three statues in order to open the main gate, and the statues are directly referencing The Goddess, Fiend, and Demon from that game.

Actually on that note, most areas in this game are in reference to the other games, most of which is aptly described in the loading screen’s little journal entries called the “Fool’s Missive”. It turns out that the various areas are related to “Dimensions” with those Dimensions being the other games. For example, the Sunken Shrine level is in reference to the Mako Harvesting Factories of Final Fantasy VII, while the Crystal Mirage level is in reference to the worst part of Final Fantasy III. Meaning that the Lufenians have been pulling these areas from those worlds for some purpose.

Back to the story though, once we destroyed all of the statues and unlock the final gate, we finally encounter Astos. He reveals that those white bats that have been following him are actually Lufenians whom he transformed with magic. He was born in Cornelia, but was allowed to travel with the Lufenians to see the various Dimensions, eventually being brought back to be a part of the project as an organic reconnaissance unit. However, after having to see the timeline be reset, and being one of the only characters to retain his memories of the past resets, he has come to hate the Lufenians.

Jack demands that Astos give him a purpose, an enemy to fight, but Astos states that he has no enemy for Jack. Astos then asks who he is to Jack… with Jack recovering some memories about knowing Astos, but his uncertainty leads him to say that he is merely the King of the Dark Elves, and nothing more.

Astos finally snaps, and goes all out against the party. This was easily the second hardest fight in the game for me as Astos is not just capable with magic, but is a master of martial arts and can mix both to deadly effect. However, after his initial defeat, he goes all out and transforms into THE FIRST CANONICAL VERSION OF THE ULTIMA WEAPON!! with a design that mixes the VI, VII, and VIII designs all together, and he uses familiar attacks like Flare Star and Antimatter. Unfortunately, he is much easier as Ultima Weapon Origin, but the fight is still cool as shit.
Astos is defeated, and begins to pass away. Jack tragically regains all of his memories of Astos, things like Jack’s line earlier in the game “Nothing a bit of spit can’t handle” being something that Astos said to him about his own injuries in a previously reset timeline.

Astos initially thought of himself as nothing more than an item to be used whenever the heroes needed, but Jack and the rest of the party grew to see him as a friend, and due to the constant suffering, Jack proposed a plan with Astos and the others to end the Lufenian’s grip over Cornelia for good, utilizing as many exploits as they could like Astos’ retaining his memory.

Before departing back to Lufenia to begin the plan, Jack entrusts Astos to guide the group to this end by any means necessary. Astos states he’ll simply forget, but Jack promises that he won’t.

Unfortunately, Astos winds up being right about his assumption, but does his best to get the warriors on the path towards completing their true goal. However, Astos grew resentful of being forgotten, despite knowing that it wasn’t Jack’s fault, and it led to him giving in to the growing hatred inside of him.

Todd Haberkorn’s portrayal of the character absolutely nails the rage and emotion that fuels Astos’ final speech, and was a mastery of voice work. Usually I can recognize Todd’s voice in most of the things he does, as I’ve usually seen his more comedic high pitch voice roles like that of Jaco and Death the Kid that this deeper, more distant voice he gives to Astos was stunning to me. He truly brings out the anger and frustration of a man who has been through time loop after time loop, abused like a tool by a civilization who sees you as only a means to an end, forgotten by the friends he made who trusted him with their ultimate mission.

As he dies, the Lufenian Bats die with him, and he directs the heroes to fight back against Lufenia and save the Cornelian people from the constant repetition of the timeline.

So, with nowhere to go off of, the heroes head back to Cornelia, which has all but been consumed by the darkness. The King and Queen are dead, along with most of the soldiers. Princess Sarah is alive, but is headstrong in not abandoning her people, something which Jack sees as suicidal… so he punches her in the gut to knock her out. It’s kind of a standard thing in media, but it was definitely not something I expected.

Jack has the soldiers and the party escort the Princess out of the city while he takes on the hordes of monsters on his lonesome. As he does, he winds up rescuing civilians to escape along with the princess.

As they exit the city, the Princess realizes that her initial mentality would have meant the death of her and all of the Cornelians who will depend on her guidance during these times, and the party ponders where they will take the remaining civilians.

However, the darkness winds up being too strong and corrupts the soldiers and the townsfolk, resulting in all of their deaths, including Sarah… who happens to also be holding a Dark Crystal.

Both her and Jack remember one of the timelines that was reset, where the two of them were very close to one another. Jack introduced her to the song that she would go on to play on her Lute in the future timelines. At one point, she asks what his name is, with it being Jack Garland.

At the end of the memory, it is revealed that Jack gave her his previous Dark Crystal so that his memories could be truly restored during the plan he set up with Astos.

She asks him if it was worth it to try and change the world, before passing away in his arms…

What happens next… was probably one of the most heartbreaking moments in any video game for me.

Ash, Jed, Neon and Sophia all turn their weapons on Jack, as Jack questions what is going on. They tell him that he needs to take in the darkness and rage, and begin to attack him.

Jack, or rather you the player, are forced to singlehandedly murder these characters that you have grown to love and care about throughout the course of this game. You don’t want to do it, but they give you no choice.

This was the part of the game where I almost cried, as it was such an utterly painful moment for me. Slowly killing each and every one of the members of the party, doing those critical attacks which no longer feel satisfying but rather agonizing as Jack screams and cries that he doesn’t want to do this, and me feeling in my heart that *I didn’t want to do this.

All of the fist bumps, all of the chitchats while walking through the levels… it was all gone. Jack had to kill them… I* had to kill them, all in order to get the power to defeat the Lufenian’s for good.

To become Chaos.

Jack questions where he should go, before being reminded by a memory of Astos that one of the Lufenian’s primary pickup points was the Chaos Shrine.

The final level is a solemn reprise of the first level, with Jack wandering through the shrine on his lonesome. Muttering to himself about how he’ll make the Lufenian’s pay, how he’ll make them suffer.

He eventually arrives at the pickup point, and enters into the wheatfield seen throughout the game. Voices of Lufenian’s tell him that they’re going to reset the timeline as he screams that he’ll destroy them as he begins attacking their crystal computer matrix.

Suddenly, the darkness within Jack manifests into a physical form that calls itself Chaos. Jack, pissed off and claiming himself to be Chaos, faces it off in the final encounter.

The big meme about this game was all about how the mission was to “Kill Chaos” and stuff, but at the end of the game you do so much more.

You don’t just kill Chaos…





YOU MAKE CHAOS YOUR BITCH!! AND TAKE ALL OF ITS POWERS AS YOUR OWN!! THE LUFENIAN’S TELL YOU THAT THEY’RE IN CONTROL AND YOU SAY “FUCK YOU ASSHOLE, THIS IS MY WORLD NOW!!”

As Jack attempts to destroy them, they disconnect themselves from Cornelia, as Jack gets pulled back in time by the Four Fiends, revealed to be our party members.

The plan was a success. Cornelia is finally free.

They admit that they remembered the plan far earlier than Jack did, as evidenced by those earlier lines like “Jack’s finally back” and “Only Jack can fight like that”, things that in the situation they were initially stated in didn’t make much sense, but those seeds were planted to make that ending twist much more impactful, which is something I love about this game.

It all sets up for a “how” situation, since Jack’s identity was spoiled long before the game came out, and I think the way they handle steadily building up questions for the player is phenomenal.

The group asks what the plan is now, and Jack states that now they’ll be the ones to train the actual Warriors of Light and fulfill the true prophecy, to truly save Cornelia once and for all.

The game then ends with Garland, sitting on his throne, as the Warriors of Light (which includes the specific one from Dissidia) arrive to fight him.

He truly did it his way.

While the story might seem convoluted, I think the emotional beats hit hard nonetheless. This game did an amazing job at making me feel joy and pain throughout the story, and it really captures the essence of friendship and comradery that some of the best Final Fantasy games are known for.

At the end of the day, while I’m sure a lot of people will simply discount this game for seeming schlocky and being a stupid edgy mess, I think this game tries to do something that a lot of games don’t do anymore.

It tries to be genuine.

I recommend giving this game a shot, though be warned that the PC Port (which I unfortunately played) is incredibly unstable and frequently suffers from crashing, even on high end PCs. You are better off playing the console versions of the game if available.

The people who worked on this game truly created a celebration of 35 years of Final Fantasy that I believe should be experienced by all. A respectable entry in the long lasting series that despite having “Final” in the title, will likely not be ending anytime soon.

They did it their way, and this review is my way of showing my appreciation of a project that I initially doubted would hold unironic value to me.

Sequels to video games often have large shoes to fill. They are expected to push the ideas and framework of their predecessor to new heights, to solidify the essence of what made the previous game so great and to trim the parts that were hindering the original vision.

In a good number of cases, games manage to accomplish this feat. Super Mario World, Sonic the Hedgehog 3, Super Metroid, Final Fantasy IV, etc. They live up to the hype and standards surrounding them, and some have even helped birth new genres or refine them. These are the pinnacle examples of what good sequels can accomplish.

So then, what happens when you have a sequel to a game that was already subpar… and it winds up being an even worse experience?

Enter Mega Man Zero 2.

This game takes two steps forward in fixing certain problems I had with Zero 1, but then also takes two steps back for new problems like its level design as well as problems from Zero 1 that it flat out did not fix at all.

Let’s start with the very few positives I have. Firstly, the Retry system has been removed and the traditional life system has returned. I don’t know if this is because of the Legacy Collection, since that was the version I played for this game or not, but it is a welcome improvement… that still has problems that I despise but we’ll get back onto that.

Secondly, the music is much better. They don’t reuse Zero’s theme from the X series, which means I don’t have to hear it be absolutely butchered, and the other music from the game is pretty good. There are points where the background music sounds like asses farting directly into my ears, but personally those moments were few and far between and weren’t experience ruining.
Next, while there are times where you will revisit earlier stages, those revisits usually take place in an area within that stage that you didn’t see previously, allowing for a different aesthetic. Sometimes though you will just go to an area that looks aesthetically the same and it sucks when that happens.

Finally, the story is at least a step up from Zero 1. Zero finally returns to the resistance after wandering the earth fighting against Neo Arcadian forces on his lonesome. He returns to find the resistance under the lead of a new commander, the reploid Elpizo. Elpizo is a very arrogant and stubborn leader who ultimately means well, but his brash decision making results in terrible consequences.

He commands Zero to help him and his army with taking down specific Neo Arcadian operations to bolster the effect of “Operation: Righteous Strike”, which is meant to destroy the defenses and army of Neo Arcadia, something which former commander Ciel believes is a bad idea. Ciel is also working on a way to create a renewable energy source using these Baby Elves that she’s found, and believes that if she can do so, they can solve the energy crisis and stop Neo Arcadia from hunting them down.

Damn, if that doesn’t hit home nowadays, huh?

Zero winds up helping out Elpizo, who then decides to start “Operation: Righteous Strike” despite the protests of Zero, Ciel, and Cerveau. This results in a massive failure as the Neo Arcadian forces knew this would happen, and much of the resistance winds up completely annihilated, resulting in Elpizo snapping and deciding to go and destroy Neo Arcadia on his lonesome.

It is somewhat implied earlier in the story that Elpizo is jealous of the admiration that much of the resistance has for Zero, and this envy along with the guilt of his failures is what begins his Face-Heel Turn.

Zero is eventually sent by Ciel to find Elpizo, eventually coming into conflict with the Three Guardians once more, before finding out that Elpizo has gone to the deepest part of Neo Arcadia to awaken the Dark Elf using the Baby Elves that Ciel was studying earlier. This of course means world destruction and the extinction of the human race (as well as Reploids honestly) and needs to be stopped.

This ends with a final bout between Zero and Elpizo, now powered by the Dark Elf after he killed X’s body to release it. Elpizo loses and comes to his senses, realizing that he had done the wrong thing. The Dark Elf then temporarily turns to the light and frees Elpizo’s soul, before turning back to evil and escaping the scene.

Zero and X ponder on what has transpired, thus ending Mega Man Zero 2’s story.

It’s definitely more engaging than Zero 1, I’ll say that much… but the story could not save this game from the other myriad problems it has.

Onto the many complaints and I’ll start with the most egregious: The level design in this game is the fucking pits. Spikes are fucking everywhere, like it’s an X6 reunion party. Literally the first recommended level of the game is an ice level with spikes all over the fucking place. Spikes on the walls, on the ceiling, on the floor, fucking everywhere and it feels so fucking senseless.

Not only that, but the level of Phoenix Magnion has a very similar gimmick to, guess who, Blaze Heatnix’s stage from X6, with you fighting the same mini-boss at least 4 times, one right before the boss fight itself, which also has a 30 second cutscene before it, which you have to witness every time you die.

If there is something I hate about both Zero 1 and this game, it is the fucking unskippable cutscenes. This is a problem I swear only exists in the Zero series, because guess what. If you die at a boss in X5 or X6, games that came before this one, they wouldn’t do the fucking dialogue before the boss fight, you would just fight the fucking boss. Why is it that this doesn’t apply to Zero 1 or this game? It’s the single most aggravating shit and serves nothing but to waste time mashing buttons to get to the god damn fight.

Another thing I hate, carried over from Zero 1, there are no checkpoints if you play this game raw. These levels aren’t short either and making even a single mistake (which is very easy to do in an early game with your first playthrough because you don’t know where shit is, and also the overwhelming amount of spikes) will result in you going to the very beginning of the stage, which fucking sucks.

Again, the X series, hell even the Classic series had fucking checkpoints, what is with the Zero series and this bullshit.

If you are going to play this game for the first time, I recommend using the Legacy Collection’s checkpoint feature that it added. It makes the game far more bearable to experience. That or use save states if you intend to emulate this shit.

Bosses in this game feel far more learnable than in Zero 1, which is nice, but there’s still some fights that just feel like ass, and I’m mostly referring to the fight with the double beetleborg brothers. One of which is a boss from Zero 1 who reappears in the final dungeon for the rematch and it was a 2 Vs. 1 fight in a fucking Mega Man game where you don’t really have the tools to deal with that shit, and there aren’t even walls to walljump on to avoid most attacks for this fight. It sucked massive dick.

Cyber Elves return and are still useless 90% of the time. They still have some that lock health upgrades behind themselves, which is a terrible design choice when again, the X series had a perfectly functional way of doing this.

And of course, weapon grinding also makes a comeback… I still have to grind for a basic three hit combo… in a fucking Mega Man game.

There is so much about this game that just pisses me off to an almost irrational degree, but weapon grinding basically not even changing between Zero 1 and now was the biggest deal breaker for me.

The moment I booted up the tutorial and realized that my basic necessities from Zero 1 were gone, I wanted to quit playing the game immediately. It looked as though almost nothing had been fixed, and honestly… almost nothing had been fixed with this game.

When you play a sequel to a game, you would at least expect more than just two improvements… but no. Mega Man Zero 2 fails to deliver much of any positive improvements and instead adds more problems.

EX Skills, which are only given to players who have high rankings and beat a boss, basically fucking new players out of techniques that would probably make the game a lot more enjoyable and manageable. New forms where the way of acquiring them isn’t actively told to you, and most have very specific requirements.

It all just results in an experience that had me wanting the game to end before it even started.

I didn’t try to be excited, I didn’t try to put too high of an expectation on this game like I did with Zero 1. I only expected at least some baseline improvements, and Zero 2 didn’t even give me that.

What I got was a mangled remake of X6 in all honesty, and it disgusts me on an inherent level.

As an aside, I’ve been told that Zero 1 and Zero 2 get better upon replays, but I ask you this: If a game isn’t fun or remotely enjoyable upon the first playthrough, why would anyone want to replay it to see if it gets better. A game should present its encompassing positive traits on a first playthrough, because if it can’t do that, then I don’t believe those positive traits exist.

I’m not looking forward to Zero 3 at this point, or Zero 4. Zero 2 has damaged my perception of this series to such an extent that I’m afraid that even having the most minimal expectations for its sequels will just leave me further disappointed.

I hate this game, because it couldn’t even fulfill the most basic needs to even be a subpar sequel.

Released on the ides of March, Phantom Breaker: Omnia was a game I was looking forward to simply because the trailer was so god damned funny to me that I felt that just hearing the announcer from that in game would make the experience worth it.

It also has Kurisu from Steins;Gate, of which I watched and loved the anime adaptation of and she apparently could summon a bunch of White Tigers and shit, which seemed hilarious.

Then I bought the game, and I'm already not a big fighting game fan. The control mapping was all wrong, RT was mapped to the Start Button, LT to Select, X to A, A to B, B to X, it felt fucking weird, and this was outside of just the fighting game part, this was just how the game played even in the menus.

The worst thing though is that the announcer from the trailer isn't in the game, and is instead replaced by a soft speaking voice. I don't mind the soft speaking voice, but where's the energy of "TWENTY DIFFERENT CHARACTERS!!!! ARE YOU OK?!!?!!??" and "BATTLE YOUR WAY THROUGH STORY MODE BECAUSE READING IS AN ESSENTIAL LIFE SKILL!!!!"

Where did the announcer go? I don't know and it makes me sad.

Also every button is an auto combo, I didn't personally mind but if games with auto combo aren't your thing you're probably not gonna enjoy this.

Oh well, I'll find my next cringekino in about three days once Strangers of Paradise releases, but I was honestly hoping this game would at least hit that measure first.

Anyways the soundtrack is pretty dope, can't diss that.

SPOILER WARNING

I like video games. Hell, it wouldn’t be a stretch to say that I love video games. I’m not a developer, or have ever worked within the field, but I can say without a shadow of a doubt that video games have been my life’s passion for most of the past two decades of my existence.

Every so often when playing a new game, I find myself immediately enthralled and enraptured by its world, its characters, the music, et cetera. I sink as many hours as humanly possible so I can fully absorb the experience into myself.

However, once the experience is over and the game is finished, I am left feeling unsatisfied.

This is Elden Ring.

The moment I booted up the game and saw the huge world I was meant to explore, was introduced to the Tree Sentinel who beat my ass, and witnessed the giant tree in the horizon that I knew would be my end goal, I felt like I was entering a wholly new age of the Dark Souls formula.

However, as I continued playing, and experiences were repeated en masse like it was another day going into work and clocking in and out, I felt my love for this game slowly begin to wither and crumble.

The Erdtree Avatars, reused over and over. Dragons, reused over and over. Major story bosses like the Red Wolf of Radagon being made reused minibosses, the amount of fucking times I encountered the Godskin Apostle and his chungus Noble friend, the amount of soldiers that were just flatout recolored and put into different places with no real difference to their attack patterns beside throw pot of (insert element here), it all started to wear on me.

At the best of times it reminded me of my favorite parts of Dark Souls. Entering Stormveil Castle, climbing on the rooftops and ledges gave me flashbacks to entering the treacherous Anor Londo for the first time. Entering the ominous Carian Manor reminded me of when I went through a creepy yet similar situation in Aldia’s Keep. Finding the underground rivers with stars in the underworld skies brought similar feelings to venturing into the Nightmare Frontier.

At the worst of times it reminded me of my least favorite parts of Dark Souls. Bosses being reused as regular enemies like in Dark Souls 1, some enemies being placed right next to a Grace Point just like in Dark Souls 2, and bosses that are either overly boring or overly ridiculous with no inbetween like Dark Souls 3 and Bloodborne.

Elden Ring winds up feeling like a mishmash of all of these games and open world games, which I know is not a new take. What it results in is a game where exploration becomes dull after about 20 hours, and the remainder of the game just leaves you asking “why?”

I knew something was wrong when I got to the Snowtops of the Giants area and just noticed that all of the bosses felt broken in some way. Commander Niall, a harder version of a fight from earlier in the game. It wasn’t enough that the area he resides in, Castle Sol, is one of the least enjoyable locations in the game due to enemies that can teleport behind you while you’re stealthed, making that mechanic practically worthless (and I know it's a meme, but I still think that it’s just brutally unfair for no reason). But he’s a fucking Flunky Boss, with two knight dudes who he summons that are basically their own boss fights.

This wouldn’t be so bad if the arena was at least large enough to compensate for this, but it’s a very small square shaped room and the knights can basically jump across the entire length of it with a single leap. The only way you can reasonably win the fight is either being overleveled, using summons (which weren’t there when I first attempted it), or rely on the Mimic Tear summon dust. Even then, the fucker has a phase 2 that is almost nothing but AOE attacks that stretch for three quarters of the arena, and he’s required to fight the game’s Superboss.

Then, there’s the Fire Giant which is a mandatory fight for the game’s progression. This fight is flat out nonfunctional because the terrain that makes up the arena is so uneven that the Giant can just be 10 feet in the air with you being unable to hit his only weakspot, and it turns the camera to shit. It’s bad when phase two of a fight feels like a more relaxing time than phase one.

It feels like the ending sections of the game just weren’t playtested at all. Like, why should Godfrey be able to stomp the ground that does an arena wide AOE like 5 times in a row. Did nobody think that was excessive? Why does Malenia have to have a healing power and an attack where she can just instantly end runs if you don’t run away the second the disorienting camera pops in? Did nobody think that was a bit much?

The plot also kind of disinterested me after you visit the capital for the first time. Reaching Lyndell feels like this massive achievement, but after that it all just feels like a massive downhill. You go and have Melina set herself on fire, but why do we go to Farum Azula after that. What purpose does this location serve? Why do we have to fight the Beast Clergymen dude, and why does he repeat similar dialogue to Ludwig? What does any of this have to do with the rest of the game? It’s never really explained so the whole area kind of just feels like filler and out of place.

Honestly though what I think the biggest low point in the entire game was when after I finished Ranni’s Plotline, which involves fighting this interdimensional being named Astel, who has this very intriguing design and lore, I went exploring the Consecrated Snowfield area, and in the mine there, Astel was reused as a boss.

Why is this interdimensional beast the boss of a random ass mining cave that had almost zero signs that it was going to go down that path? It’s like watching an episode of the Flintstones but it just ends with the dinosaurs becoming realistic and eating the cavemen who have been riding them this whole time, it just comes out of nowhere with no buildup, and in the worst of ways.

It takes what was a huge story beat for me and turns it into an extra challenge for the sake of having a challenge. What happened to making bosses that told a story? What happened to having those moments sink in? Did From Soft and Miyazaki forget what Boss Fights meant as a whole for this genre?

Content Warning:I’m going to be discussing some uncomfortable subjects in regards to rape and incest.

That isn’t going into the nature of stuff already discussed, like the fact that there is a sidequest that has you using what is basically a date rape drug on whomever you like. Sure, there are multiple endings where the person who gives you that drug can be killed, but the fact that there is still even a semblance of the concept of rape in this game and that you can inflict that fate onto other characters is horrific and more so ADDS NOTHING TO THE GAME in regards to good narrative beats or function. It’s just a nasty and unneeded moment that serves no purpose other than to satisfy creepy fucking people.

Then there’s the incestual subtext of Mohg. Sure, he is portrayed as the worst of the worst, but this man wanted to consummate marriage with his half-brother who didn’t want it in the first place, and when that didn’t work, he killed his half-brother and has been forcing his blood inside of his dead/unconscious body, which I can only interpet as necrophilia and rape given that the dude literally says that “Miquella is mine and mine alone”. Again, what does any of this genuinely add to the game? I don’t care that the setting is medieval fantasy, I don’t care that incest was a “normal thing” in medieval times among royals, we live in 2022. It’s creepy ass shit that doesn’t really push the plot along and only serves to be a backstory to a guy who was already evil as shit.

You could take both of these moments out of the game, and no harm would be done.

My ultimate take on this is that I hope From does not repeat this in future games, because Rape isn’t something to haphazardly use in your narrative like a toy. It is a serious subject matter that shouldn’t just be waved around as a way to add “stakes”.

Content Warning Over

Overall, I still can’t erase the first 20 hours I played of this game, and they will always be some of my most treasured memories with any game ever, but this game has left me mixed in a lot of ways.

For the record, even though I’m giving the game a three star rating I want to make it clear that that is only the rating as a Soulsborne game.

I think all of the Soulsborne games (barring 3 and Sekiro), are 4 star video games, but I want to rate them as I would in their own genre.

At the end of the day, the Elden Ring wasn’t merely another rune, it was the experiences positive and negative that changed my outlook. Here’s hoping that in a year when things have been properly patched, it’ll be a better experience.

‘Don’t quit.’

“Quitting is for those who are not serious about their goals. If you give up trying, you will never achieve your goal. Life is full of eager people who try to succeed at everything they do. What all these people have in common is that they never quit.”

“Much Success,” - Mike Tyson, World Heavyweight Champion.

Never give up my fellow gamers.

"Now it's time for X8, the worst 7/10 you'll ever play" - PKMudkipz.

Yeah, that's about how I'd describe it, even if my score is half a star higher.

Mega Man X8: Paradise Lost (It's the only Mega Man X game with a subtitle, so I'm bringing it up cuz I think it's interesting) is the return to form that came way too late for the franchise.

After X6 and X7 (and arguably X5 if you didn't like that game) besmirched the X series' reputation, X8 was made as a kind of apology for the past 3 to 4 years of failures.

To put it in perspective, X5 came out in 2000, X6 came out in 2001, then in 2003 we got X7, and this game only came a year after that in 2004. I cannot begin to fathom how exhausted the dev team for this series was, if they were the same ones making all of the games.

X8 though compared to X7 is like night and day. The control is quick and snappy, nothing feels sluggish or slow. 3D sections are limited to Ride Chaser stuff, which I will get back to later I really want to talk about those.

They also fixed problems I had with certain characters, for one, the voice acting is much better than X7. X doesn't sound like a literal robot anymore, and Axl's voice isn't the most grating noise on the planet.

They also worked to make Axl and X more distinct from one another gameplay wise. Axl has different weapons from X now, most of which don't seem to consume ammo. He can actually aim now, the auto aim from X7 is nowhere to be seen. He can also hold onto walls and rain fire onto enemies from there. His Copy Shot was also improved and it doesn't take an eternity to kill enemies with it, and the Copy Shot is actually more useful for item collection and upgrades.

This game transformed Axl from my least favorite X character to play as, into my favorite X character to play as because of his now diverse action set.

The others are also not slouches, Zero gets multiple weapons for usage in combat that you can unlock. My favorite is the D-Glaive because of its sheer range and how it makes his Rasetsusen technique (the one where he spins in midair) incredibly devastating.

X of course gets two sets of armor once again, but like in X7, you can utilize the individual parts right away without having to collect everything, giving you the individual benefits from the start. This also allows you to do the thing I brought up in my X5 review, being the mixing and matching of armor pieces for your preferred playstyle.

I primarily used the Icarus Armor because X's Giga Crush is incredibly helpful for taking down bosses, and his charged attack is just a massive fuck you laser, which rips enemies to shreds. I tried the Hermes Armor but the X Drive is considerably less efficient for me personally. Plus, the Icarus Armor gives X this nice red color, and red is my favorite color so it's just a bonus.

I can't really speak for the Special Weapons for this game, because since X6, I've just gotten so used to just using the buster (or rather the Nova Strike in that game) because from what I can tell, the Special Weapons in X6 and X7 kind of blow. The Buster/Axl's A-Bullets are all incredibly effective, and when it comes to Zero, the technique I mentioned earlier is easily the best, along with his regular combos.

I did try the Blast Launcher from Axl, and it was damn effective. Maybe I'll try Weakness order when I replay this game eventually.

The story was interesting if nothing else. The humans want to migrate to to the moon after having to deal with the multitude of Maverick Wars that have taken place, and this requires the use of a new generation of Reploids, all of which have the same copy ability as Axl.

At one point, the elevator, simply called the Jakob Elevator, and the beginning of much of the religious symbolism this game has, suffers a malfunction and one of the carts on it flies off and crashes. X is of course the first person on the scene, and calls for help, until suddenly Sigma exits the cart... and then suddenly a bunch of Sigmas exit. X is, reasonably, scared shitless until the Sigmas transform into regular reploids, with a purple haired pretty boy named Lumine appearing to explain the situation.

Lumine is the director the Jakob Project, and a New Gen Reploid like the others. They transformed into Sigma because his model is very durable, which sets off many red flags for me personally, but X ultimately just accepts it without pressing for more info.

Then while going through... Noah's Park... This shit writes itself. While going through Noah's Park to deal with Maverick Mechanaloids, the Maverick Hunters encounter a once again revived Vile, who looks incredibly like Boba Fett now, finally completing his design arc from X1 to now.

They treat Vile like he's a major recurring threat, but the last time he appeared was 5 games ago. Kind of makes me wonder why he wasn't in X5 honestly, Dynamo was kind of just there, and his reappearance in X6 didn't make much sense either. You could probably replace Dynamo with Vile in those games and it wouldn't really change much.

Anyways, Vile kidnaps Lumine, and then suddenly 8 New Gen Reploids go Maverick. This is apparently not supposed to be possible given how the New Gen Reploids are immune to the viruses that have turned others into Mavericks.

Over the course of the game however, it is figured out that Sigma's DNA is within all of the copy chips. Axl is luckily excluded due to being a prototype, but what this ultimately means is that all New Gen Reploids can go Maverick at will.

Technically I thought that that was kind of how it always was, with exception to like, X3 and X5, but it's whatever.

After all 8 Mavericks are defeated, the Hunters go to the Moon to confront Sigma who is clearly involved. Ultimately however, it turns out that Lumine was pulling the strings all along, and he eventually turns into a giant robotic archangel who must be destroyed.

The incident shakes X, but he is comforted by Zero who reassures him that they will always have to fight to defend everyone, thus ending X8's story.

Comparatively speaking, this is probably the best X story since X4 (the dub is really what hurts that game, from what I've heard the X4 story is considered relatively ok.) It brings up a lot of interesting questions concerning Axl and the New Gen Reploids, and slowly watching the characters piece together what's really going on is engaging.

Back onto the gameplay though, now I have some complaints.

Level Design in this game is only slightly better than X6. This game has almost the same level of spike obsessions as that one, and it is very egregious.

Once again, I have to admit that I hate spikes as a video game obstacle. They're just beginners traps that screw the player over for not already knowing the level design, and instead of actually being a genuine challenge for the player, they're little more than a fake difficulty spike.

The only levels that don't have spikes in them are the Ride Chaser levels... which have two realms of quality.

Central White is ok, if not a little annoying for the miniboss taking a lot of time, but Dynasty is easily the worst level in the game hands down.

It's the only part of the game that controls like ass, feels like you're flying through fucking Coruscant with the amount of sign posts and shit you'll be careening into, it's a fucking mess. The devs seem to know that too because they didn't lock any hidden items or anything behind the stage.

Other stages of note though go to Inferno, the worst regular level of the game, because not only does it have 3 separate autoscrolling segments that can result in instant death, but it is also littered with spikes.

Booster Forest also sucks because the process of unlocking shit in that level all relies on bringing the one ride armor the game gives you to the end of the stage. I hate when games lock items behind gimmick mechanics, so this part just pisses me off. Also has a fuck ton of spikes so that's a bonus.

And of course, the Final Level is also a spike obsessed mess that gets on my nerves, I'd be more willing to give it a pass for having spikes if it wasn't for two things. The fact that X6 ruined Spikes in Final Levels for me, and the fact that the Retry System in this game has been completely ruined.

Since at least X5 (or maybe X4, it's been a hot minute since I've played that one), when you would game over, the game would just let you start from your last checkpoint. This is kind of what mitigated the shittiness of the level/boss design from X6 to X7.

This is not the case in X8. If you run out of retries, you are forced to go back to the R&D Lab and pick the stage and start over. By default you only get 2 retries, and you have to buy more to get a max of 5, and if any of those bought ones go away, you have to buy them again. It just feels like an unnecessary and honestly dickish change given that the Level Design ain't that much improved from X6.

Then there's the Metal System. I'm mixed on this because while it fixes problems that were created by the X5-X7 era of Mega Man, it also just doesn't feel 100% like the best decision to make.

First of all, Heart Tanks no longer exist. You buy health upgrades for all of the characters in the R&D Lab. While I appreciate this feature, it could have just been simpler to keep the Heart Tanks but make it so that it raises the health of the entire party. That way the exploration for those upgrades would feel more earned. It's more of a minor complaint since the exploration for items is still there, but this is a solution for a problem that didn't need to exist in the first place.

Secondly, certain upgrades can only be found. This includes Zero's weapons and stuff. This isn't a bad thing, except in Booster Forest where almost all of that shit is locked behind utilizing the Ride Armor. Trying to get the items in Booster Forest is ten times more difficult than the Final Boss of the game, and not in a fun way. Even the smallest mistake will result in your run being restarted, and it fucking sucks.

Back onto the good side of things, I like the Double Attack, which allows the two characters (they kept that mechanic from X7) to do a massive attack on an enemy or boss for big damage. I actually like the Dual Character system in general in this game, as many of the problems it had from X7 have been mitigated. Here, if one of your characters dies, instead of losing a life, you are simply switched to the other character, and if you raise your Double Attack meter enough, the other character will be revived.

You also have a health system that works similarly to the Mother series, where it slowly goes down but can be recovered if you switch characters. It's honestly a very neat system.

All in all, Mega Man X8 couldn't make up for the failings of its predecessors, but here's hoping that maybe someday it will get the sequel it rightfully deserves.

This was definitely still the worst 8/10 I've ever played though.

Despite this review being titled as a separate playthrough, this is more of an update of my original review now that I have completed the game.

Mega Man X7 is worthless. It's worthless dogshit that I pick off of my shoe when I'm walking down the sidewalk. The acting is horrific, the characters are unlikeable, the gameplay is horrendous, the controls do not remotely work properly, and even the music is bland and generic.

However, on a personal level this game is far less insulting than Mega Man X6. The obvious thing is that, this game was an attempt to make a 3D X game, which at least requires some smidgen of ambition and desire to create something fresh. Regardless of how terribly this game came out, there was at least something that the developers wanted to make that lies underneath.

Mega Man X6 on the other hand was a scummy cash grab game made without consulting one of the series' creators, Keiji Inafune, probably had a fuck ton of crunch, and is literally just a worse X4 & X5, games which I thought were either great or enjoyable respectively.

Back on to X7 though, this game just feels broken all over the place. Flame Hyenard is a good example, because not only is the audio broken, I mean this video is proof enough. It almost sounds like that one video remix of Fuuka's voice from Persona 3. But the little shit just keeps flying all over the fucking place and it's fucking ridiculous.

The 2D levels suck, the 3D levels suck, and I don't really think you need me to tell you that, since literally everyone else on this site can do that.

I just, hate how junk everything in this game feels, and it honestly makes me sad that there is only one X game after this because definitively this proves that X6 and X7 killed this franchise.

Also Axl is just, super annoying. I'm sure his voice actress is a very nice lady, but god is Axl's voice the most grating thing to hear, more so than even X's voice.

Also why does this game have a racist German stereotype that is also an onion?

I died on the tutorial like 5 times because of how trash this game feels to play, and how the way the camera is set in the 3D segments makes platforming so uncomfortable and claustrophobic.

The voice acting is awful, as is the music honestly, I do not like Axl, I don't even like X in this game because he acts so out of character.

It's bad when you don't even have to finish a single stage in a game and you just know that it's one of the worst things you've ever experienced.

As I write this review with the relatively mild headache caused by me facepalming for around 2 hours straight last night while playing this, I feel like I've escaped from some form of torture.

Mega Man X is one of my favorite games, a fun short romp of a 2D Run & Gun Platformer with great music, great level design, and a decent challenge for the first playthrough.

How do we go from that to something like this?

Well, I was going to say "the lack of Keiji Inafune's involvement", but considering Mighty No. 9 is a thing, I'm not willing enough to wager that that was the reason.

Though the fact that he apologized for this game's very existence is telling.

Either way, we end up with what I currently think is the single worst Mega Man X, actually fuck it, the single worst Mega Man game to ever exist.

The story is nothing to write home about, it's a very uninteresting story about another scientist, Gate, getting infected by the Zero Virus from the last game. He goes crazy, creates an entity called "The Nightmare", and sends 8 Reploid Investigators whom he created to look into it. If that first part sounds familiar, that's because that's literally the plot of Mega Man X3.

Gate was apparently a scientist alongside Alia back in what I would assume were their university days or some shit, but he was ridiculed for his methods and eventually removed I think.

There's not much to go off of there because the game, both being terribly translated as well as vague, keeps me from understanding what actually went on.

But that does not compare to the gameplay, which in an homage to the very first Mega Man, is host to the most bullshit designed levels I have ever seen. Every single stage has some sort of gimmick that makes it completely unplayable unless you have suit upgrades or a particular weapon, with the only exception being Commander Yammarks stage.

Blaze Heatnix's stage has you fighting 4 separate donut things, one of which is literally impossible to defeat unless you have Infinity Majinion's weapon or Metal Shark Player's.

Metal Shark Player's stage is just a ridiculously long and played out instant kill fest, that also has spikes for literally no reason than dickish design.

Infinity Majinion's stage while not the worst, is just lazily designed, there's nothing interesting except the giant robot shooting things at you, platforming wise it's one of the most dull stages I've ever experienced.

Shield Sheldon's stage has an annoying laser puzzle gimmick that extends its time by a large margin, Blizzard Wolfang's stage is riddled with fucking avalanches, Rainy Turtloid's stage gimmick is literally just constant damage.

All of these are of course made worse due to the impact of the Nightmare. Y'see, the Nightmare is like the stage effects of the first X game... except they don't benefit you at all, and the game doesn't really clarify when they're on or not. Do not be fooled, the Red coloring doesn't actually clarify shit because even if you go to a non Red colored stage, the Nightmare will still be in effect. So what was the point of the color. I have no idea, it doesn't make a difference.

The Nightmare just adds more shitty gimmicks to a game with shoddily designed levels. From flaming meteors to metal boxes and bug robots. It's just a cavalcade of unnecessary additions that make the game harder for no reason.

The worst blight to me however, are the final stages. The first final stage is literally impossible to even start unless you have specific upgrade chips (or Suits) because the jackass who designed this thought that putting a bunch of spike walls that are too tall to jump over normally was a good idea.

The rest of the final stages follow suit with this ridiculous spike-obsessive design.

For the record, I hate spikes as a video game obstacle. They are, in my honest opinion, the laziest designed obstacle in all of games to create a sense of difficulty. Instant kill obstacles all fall in the trap of feeling cheap and this game is just loaded with that. Every death to the overload of spikes in this game just feels like a fucking fluke. Like, how the hell is anyone supposed to deal with this.

I could go on and on about how the bosses in the game suck, how Gate is the worst Mega Man boss ever conceived, how bringing back Zero and Sigma feels super fucking stupid, go more indepth on how stupid the Rescue and Chip systems are, but that would require me to care enough to want to keep going on and on about this until the heat death of the universe.

Mega Man X6 is the video game equivalent of a punch to the face, and I can still feel my jaw being left wide open in complete disbelief.

I knew the game would be bad, I knew it would be this awful thing, BUT IT STILL LEFT ME DISAPPOINTED!

Don't play this game, don't waste your time on this. The original Mega Man X is right there, play it instead, or X2, X4, or X5.

Just, don't waste your time like I did.

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

You are a lone boy. With only your trusty steed by your side, you take on a quest that will ultimately lead to a grim end for yourself.

You convince yourself that it is all worth it, in order to save the girl. Nothing else matters.

You enter the empty, isolated wasteland. An unnamed region lacking any other sort of true sentient life, besides that of the Colossi.

These massive, diverse beasts are the only beings standing in the way between you and your goal.

You slay them, with full force and brutality as their black blood spurts out in a pure violent display.

Accomplished, you do not feel. You have killed a creature that was simply minding its own, living a life far removed from any conflict before you arrived and toppled it.

You notice that your arms, legs, and face grow darker and more smudged the more you kill, your clothes more soiled and worn.

This pact with the voice from the heavens is slowly corrupting you from within, as with every colossi you slay, your heart darkens as their souls seep into your own.

Shadow of the Colossus is the purest form of "The ends justify the means." With how after every Colossi dies, there's a sad, ominous choir singing a haunting melody, as if every fight was a funeral procession, or how the emptiness of the world results in this pure "I only care about what I need to do" mentality as you desperately hunt down the beasts is expertly put forth through the cinematics, and world design.

For a 2005 PS2 game, this game is gorgeous, and its visuals help to show a world that has been battered and beaten, but still alive.

I still wind up with at least one complaint however.

As much as I am well aware that the gameplay isn't really the most important aspect here, that would be the presentation, I do think the controls in this game feel very clunky and unnatural. I can understand it for when you're climbing the Colossi, since that makes sense, but even basic platforming or even getting on the horse is an incredible fucking hassle at points.

Other than that, this game is a thematic masterpiece with an underlying narrative that begged to ask gamers if killing these creatures was the right thing, an entire decade before Undertale even came to be.

Personally, I thought that killing the Colossi brought no satisfaction, and it shouldn't. They were mostly just doing their own thing before I came and slaughtered them.

How you perceive satisfaction in combat is what will ultimately define your view of this game.



P.S.

Agro is Best Horse!

As someone who only started getting into Fire Emblem around the launch of Awakening and Fates, mostly thanks to the videos by BigKlingy, I had always been interested in playing the older titles to see how the franchise got to where it is today.

While it may seem odd to start this look back with the fourth game in the series and not like, the first game or its remake, the fact that my friend Simon was playing it as well me recently joining a server filled with Fire Emblem enthusiasts who claimed this was the series peak got me interested.

Then I played it for the first time, didn't know how the hell the love system worked, or about the hidden items and encounters the game has, and wound up having to restart my entire run.

My general vibe with FE4 is that it very much is a Guide Game in regards not so much to the strategy against the enemies, but in how its other various mechanics work.

The Love System for example is very in-depth and intuitive, but only if you know how it even works in the first place. Which, if you don't look it up yourself, you would not know on a first playthrough, or possibly even a second playthrough. Given that unlike the later FE games, anyone (except for Sigurd, Deirdre, Quan, and Ethlyn) can marry anyone else, it can have pretty bad consequences.

That is because this is the game to introduce the Children Units mechanic, being a story that is split into two parts. That means, if you put a unit like, let's say Arden (the game's literal joke unit) with Tailtiu, their children would absolutely fucking suck because they are Magic only classes, and Arden is an armor knight with slow speed.

Of course, there are convos that can speed up the process of getting characters together, however they are extremely limited, and some characters flat out do not even have convos at all, which I'll get back on later because it brings up another issue I have with the game.

That's where the intuitive nature of the system luckily clicks into place and solves at least some of the problems. Firstly, all female characters will gain attraction points for all other male characters for at least 50 turns, which can be boosted by having a specific male character stand next to them and wait, giving an additional 5 points.

It is fully possible to get characters married with this method, but for an even faster and more efficient way, you can utilize the Jealousy System to further boost the points gained. In this situation, you have two female units wait next to each other, the one you want to have gain the points standing next to the first female unit who will be standing next to the male unit. This gives second female unit double the usual bonus points, making the road to marriage that much faster.

Of course, I wish the game had more aptly explained this to me, as while I greatly appreciate the system now having the knowledge of it, when it isn't really spelled out for the player as to how it works, you'd wind up screwing yourself in the second half of this game by either getting really shitty children units, or replacement Gen 2 units who inherit none of the weaponry and equipment of the first gen.

Hidden Items are another thing I'd like to bring up, as not something that's inherently bad, but mostly that they're time wasters in a game that is already massive in scale. Most of these are things I imagine either took a ridiculous amount of time to find... or were in the manual for this game.

Like, how are you supposed to know that taking Lex to this very specific point away from the last bit of remaining action in Chapter 1 is supposed to give him the Brave Axe.

I argue you aren't supposed to know, but this shit is unwarrantedly obtuse.

It's not game ruining, it's just an irritation because usually getting a character to and from these little excursions for hidden items take more time than it feels like it's worth.

It just begs to ask like, why couldn't these items just be drops from enemies? Why do they have to be overly specific. It's more of a, "did this have to be in the game", issue. I personally think that, no, they don't.

Onto the maps, which is easily the most divisive aspect of this game. Yeah, they're fucking massive. Yes, some of them 100% drag the fuck on to the point of being obnoxious, but I also think that the scale is impressive.
You do genuinely feel like you are conquering whole nations with how grandiose everything feels, and I think it allows for the Chapters to have various set pieces.

However, a big detriment is that horse and flying units are the only ones really able to traverse these areas within a reasonable time. Don't get me wrong, I did everything in my power to use foot soldier units (because I wanted to, but also because even with horse units being busted, some of them have god awful stats even compared to the foot soldiers.), and some of them even promoted to mounted units like Lachesis, who easily became my most powerful unit in the first half of the game. I also had a good number of people in that server rag on me for using the foot units and not equipping mounted units that had shit stats with gear even though I wasn't having them married, and that equipment worked better for characters that already had better stats.

My take away is that you should play the game however you want, horse units, foot units, however. Don't let other people tell you how to enjoy your experience.

Now I'm sure you're wondering, with all of these complaints, how is it that I have FE4 rated remotely higher than a 2 or even a 1 and a half star rating, and honestly that all goes to the story for Gen 1.

The political melodrama of Gen 1 is so damn interesting, and results in especially emotional moments like Chapter 3 (all of Chapter 3), the end of Chapter 5, and leads into interesting payoffs in the second half of the game.

The Gen 2 story is also not bad, but is much more simplified, becoming the standard "Light vs. Dark" story. It has great moments though, but I would like to talk about Chapters 7 through 9 for a moment.

These feel like they're from a completely different story, unrelated to the main plot, and while I do not dislike them on their own, in the grand scheme of the game they are a massive pace breaker that happens in the middle of the start of the second half of the game, and then ends right before the continuation of Chapter 6's narrative.

Spoiler Warning

We spend way too much time in Thracia honestly, and while it is an interesting location, it really does not feel like it should have been the focus for an entire three chapters of the game (especially when chapters are massive in FE4 to begin with). Many of the other locations you visit have you there at most for only 2 Chapters.

I can imagine this is because of the midquel to this game, and the final Fire Emblem work by series creator Shozou Kaga, Thracia 776, that would come out 4 years after FE4, but I don't honestly know.

Another complaint I have though that links to the story is characterization of the units... which to say there isn't much of. Some units get multiple conversations, others get... absolutely zero.

The biggest one for me is Noishe or Naoise, who the Fire Emblem Wiki states that "Apart from his dialogue in the prologue and the conversations he shares with his lovers, Naoise has no other unique lines in the game."

Including both his shoddy stats (which were arguably worse than even Arden's, even after promoting.) which meant he would be a really bad father, and general uselessness as a horse unit, all of these things combined to make my least favorite Fire Emblem character ever. A character who has zero characterization, zero development, zero usefulness, just an absolutely worthless character, and the only one whom I genuinely let stay dead when he died in my playthrough, useful only for letting another unit of mine survive in his worthless place.

This lack of characterization does extend to many of the other units, who do not get many convos, and are only relevant to the plot for a short time. It kind of keeps me from fully getting invested because like... I don't know these characters well enough to care.

Overall though, Fire Emblem: Genealogy of the Holy War was an ambitious title, especially given the hardware it was made on. It has a phenomenal story, an intriguing world and interesting level design, and the only reason it doesn't hit that five star ranking is because it does unfortunately have a few snags that kept me from seeing it as any higher.

A definite must try for the franchise, to see where a good chunk of Modern FE got its base tropes and elements from.

In 1996, the former game magazine now turned game developer, Game Freak, released Pokémon Red Version and Pokémon Green Version in Japan. The games were inspired by the CEO and creator of Game Freak, Satoshi Taijiri's childhood.

In his youth, Satoshi used to explore the forests of his hometown in Japan, catching bugs.

That's right, the phenomenon of Pokémon started with origins as humble as these, and has gone on to become the number one multimedia franchise on the planet.

Pokémon Legends: Arceus is the first Pokémon game to truly capture that feeling of exploration and intrigue as you explore the wild, ancient world of Hisui.

This game combines aspects of JRPGs, Third Person Shooters, Stealth Games, and Open World Sandboxes to give the genuine experience of wandering into the unknown and encountering these deadly and terrifying creatures.

Mechanically, I like how there are multiple ways to take on capturing or distracting a Pokémon. You can throw food in front of them to get the drop on them either in combat or with a more effective Pokéball hit. You can wait until they see you and put some dirt in their eye by throwing a ball of mud in their face to stun them.

I love when games provide multiple ways to surmount an obstacle, it's why I like Fallout New Vegas, and it's something I like in this game.

There is nothing more fulfilling than filling up the Pokédex, and thanks to there only being one version of this game (and I hope it stays that way for the sequels that I hope will be released), every Pokémon (of the Hisui Region) is available to catch.

There are a few snags with that, like Shaymin and Darkrai being locked behind you owning Sword & Shield and Brilliant Diamond & Shining Pearl respectively, which is scummy, but they are also not required for Dex completion.

Without spoiling anything, the plot is relatively barebones, but I am a fan of the increased stakes. Death is implied to be commonplace and waved around as a normal thing. That isn't to say that just saying the words "death" and "kill" are going to bring depth to a story, but given how it does incite a twinge of fear for the encounters you'll have with Pokémon, I think it works well enough.

The final 3 hours of the main story was some of the most hype shit, I will say that, with the third to last final boss being a borderline shmup in regards to gameplay. It was like Sin & Punishment, but with Pokémon.

Sin & Pokémon.

Graphically I think the artstyle of this game is great, cell shading is definitely a good choice for Pokémon and it really gives a similar vibe to Ancient Japanese artwork.

I will say I noticed a lot of graphical hiccups like grass moving weirdly mid battle, or textures on rocks looking like a chessboard, but these things don't ruin a game for me unless they're directly assaulting my eyes.

At the end of the day, this is the first Pokémon game since Pokémon Heart Gold & Soul Silver to have fully fulfilled me with both the amount of content, and love that I know this franchise can deliver. This is a game I have been waiting for, for 12 long years.

I went into Legends with the cynical view of someone who had witnessed the Dark Age of Pokemon, from Black & White 2 onward. I thought this would merely be another soulless cashgrab pile of garbage like SwSh and Let's Go, but this game genuinely surprised me.

I think Game Freak has found a formula that is worth continuing, and I think that if they can further flesh out the game mechanics and provide us even more options for Pokémon Encounters, we'd finally see an end to the Dark Age.

This is the Pokémon game with the most soul, since Soul Silver.