esse jogo é tipo

> missão super legal e divertida
> pior coisa já idealizada por um ser humano

é um jogo de extremos, uma hora vc vai tá amando jogar isso e no outro vai tá querendo arrancar seus olhos de tanta raiva, mas ainda assim vale a experiência

BETTER THAN VICE CITY STOP SLEEPING ON THIS GAME YOU COCKSUCKING WHORES. "B-but PSP it was made for PSP so lesser" YOU DENSE MOTHERFUCKER

The empire building, HOLY FUCK. Attack a site, renovate it into a crack house, repeat across the entire city, receive SO MUCH MONEY THROUGH A PAGER I LOVE PAGERS NOW YES. An incredible mix of San Andreas' explosive turf wars and Vice City's addictive property system, watching the numbers rise is satisfying as fuck I've lost hours of my life and I want to lose more. You do have to defend them a little more frequently than I'd like though, like I'm in the middle of collecting balloons I don't particularly wanna engage with my prostitution racket right now.

The story, FIRE. You play as the least charismatic, most self-contradicting ass motherfucker in writing history, and the way his mundane ass clashes with LANCE VANCE, the most extreme, intense CLOWN in the documented universe, the juxtaposition is gold, every cutscene is gold. You combine that with the classic "rags to riches" focus, fuelled through over the top 80s flamboyance and setpieces, and it's a pretty huge in scope journey with super memorable sequences. YOU DEFEND A PHIL COLLINS CONCERT FROM TERRORISTS WHILE "IN THE AIR TONIGHT" BLASTS THROUGH YOUR SHITTY PSP SPEAKERS, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU NOT PLAYING THIS RIGHT NOW

A special FUCK you to the mission design, IT'S HARD AS SHIT I'M PISSED. DRIVE A FORKLIFT THAT ABSOLUTELY HAS NOT HAD AN MOT CHECK IN 10+ YEARS IT BARELY TURNS THROUGH THE MOST CRAMPED GARAGE THAT'S EVER BEEN INFRASTRUCTURED. OH AND IT'S ON FIRE, PICK UP AND DROP OFF ALL THE MOONSHINE ONE BY ONE VERY VERY SLOWLY BEFORE THE GARAGE EXPLOD- OOPS NOT FAST ENOUGH BOOOOM WHY DIDN'T YOU DO IT FASTER ARE YOU STUPID?

WIN A RACE ON THIS ATV... THE FIRST EVER ATV NOT DESIGNED FOR OFFROAD SURFACES LMAO ENJOY SPINNING ON YOUR SIDE CUNT

There's a mission where you film a zombie movie gunning down zombies in the mall, I liked that one. You can play golf. Every other mission has you street racing at 100mph or launching through the air on a jet ski or bombing areas with a helicopter or tank yeah nah, I'm crying most of the playthrough but I'm also having the time of my life, God bless the PSP your analogue stick is dreadful I will use it until the end of time

Look, I'm a sucker for handheld consoles and there were many games that practically consumed my life alive. This was one of them, and I really can't count or remember how many hours a day I spent on this. The game was absolutely amazing and crazy. My only complaint is that whoever coded the businesses you build on overtaken lots deserves a special room in hell. Once you take over every lot, one of them gets attacked every other minute and the game becomes this endless loop of going from one lot to another so you can save them. You have to let go at some point and risk losing a portion of your lots so you don't get overwhelmed by attacks every second. Fuck this.

Otherwise a great game.

Patapon 1 was simple, but effective. Going into this, I think I would've been happy with just "more Patapon", as long as they addressed some of my problems with the first game. And so, I begin another journey to Earthend...this time, against the forces of Hell. Not even kidding.

One thing I neglected to mention in my review of the previous title were Rarepons. There were only three types, and the differences weren't obvious (unless you got the loading screen that told you what they did). In Patapon 2, Rarepons have been overhauled into a full evolution tree, allowing you to unlock and upgrade each type of Patapon up to level 10. This requires a dumptruck's worth of materials, but Patapon 2 is far less stingy with item drops than its predecessor. Consequentially, this increases the grind to a similarly exhausting degree. At least the grind has a theoretical end this time.

Reaching FEVER mode in Patapon 1/2 has a few shortcuts to it. If some of your drumbeats sound particularly potent, that means you're right on the beat. Hitting four perfect beats in a command is indicated by a climactic cymbal crash, and instant FEVER mode if your current chain is at 2 or higher. Fever still gives you whole team various boosts, just like the previous game. The key to keeping bosses in check in Patapon 2, as well as the way to grind for rare materials, is to stagger them. This is similar to real life; I, too, drop my items when staggered.

One of Patapon 2's bigger additions is your very own hero! I named mine Riki, because there's no better heropon. In essence, he's a customizable one-pon army. You can choose any unlocked class for him, and the highest unlocked level of any evolution on top of that. Heroes don't show their hand until you achieve fever mode though. Hitting four perfect beats while in fever mode initiates a special attack from your hero, a unique one for each class. They range from moderately useful to ludicrously overpowered. The real purpose of your hero is to give you access to the Patagate, where you can play wireless co-op missions with three other heroes (or offline with CPUs). Your goal is to beat the boss and escort the egg so you can DON CHAKA. By "DON CHAKA", I mean that the heroes party hard in order to make the egg hatch. Inside each egg are different types of masks, equippable by your hero for massive boosts.

With all that said, not all is well in the world of the Patapon, and there is a lot of stuff in this game that got under my skin. I hate that the Hero abilities are accompanied by this loud, screaming chant that drowns out the music and other Patapons. It just keeps going eternally (as long as you keep hitting perfect beats), really obnoxious. This game actually introduced three tiers of difficulty, although they only really affect how strictly your rhythm is judged. Hard mode is for human metronomes, and easy mode may as well be playing itself. The Tatepon (sword/shield) hero ability makes every Patapon invincible as long as it's active. Put two and two together, and that's right! You can cheese the entire game this way, if you're patient enough! This was especially useful during the final stretch of the game, where they insisted on reusing the worst gimmicks of Patapon 1's stages: ones where you have to escort something without letting it break, or ones where you have to destroy an objective that's constantly moving away from you.

This was also the point where I realized that Patapon 2's grind was absolutely necessary. It was a flaw in Patapon 1, but the sheer amount of options and the resources they require add up fast. I'm frustrated that they did nothing to improve this, because I have two potential solutions:

A: Let the player keep their spoils even if they fail a mission. Even a fraction of their spoils would work too, just something that ensures they're always getting stronger, even when faced with overwhelming odds. Or...

B: Just implement a typical EXP system. Unlocking rarepon evolutions for each individual patapon is already a resource sink, but grinding those individual evolutions up to level 10 is overkill. Slowly gaining strength over time is a tried-and-true solution.

This game was enjoyable, but it's also really weird to me. It improves in a few areas, and stays the same in many others, usually the ones that needed improvement the most. Frankly, it's a tossup between whether I prefer the first game or the second game. But who knows? Maybe the third one is about to knock my socks off.

Ratchet and Clank: Size Matters is a game that really hasn't aged well when going back to it but things could be made a lot better had they made a sequel. Instead they made Secret Agent Clank which came out a year later and proceeds to correct almost none of the problems that plagued that game and only exasperates the bad shit tenfold.

The story is borderline incomprehensible rubbish that apparently thinks that Clank IS a secret agent (even though in the third game he's just a fictional character in a TV show) and sees Ratchet being framed for a crime he didn't commit. Apparently everyone except Clank is stupid to not realise the red things on his head is a dead giveaway that he's being mind-controlled and it only gets more weirdly convoluted as it goes on.

Gameplay wise things haven't improved much. The weapons are still crap (and somehow even worse this time around) and the stealth sections get repetitive quickly especially if you're using Clank's takedowns.

Not helping in the slightest is the bloody terrible other gameplay segments that take up the bulk of the game such as the atrocious rhythm sections including a particularly awful one at the Casino. Ratchet's playable for a few arena battles at the prison he's been sent to but those grow old pretty fast as does the Gadgetbots levels. Special mention goes to Captain Quawk who despite the fact that he's playable for the first time, his levels go on for about 100 million fucking decades and any jokes that may have been funny are stretched past their breaking point.

This really should have been where big improvements were made for Ratchet and Clank's second PSP outing but instead High Impact Games fucked up big time and gave us the worst game in the series to date. Consider this agent shaken, stirred and a big load of Clank!