Eggus
2022
It’s a narrative game with a very unsatisfying narrative. Not really much more to say. It doesn’t succeed as a branching story because not all branches are well-developed or even exist at all. That it’s 8 hours also makes it so that any desire to replay it is gone, and it to me also makes it fail as a light B-movie horror because most of those are 90 minutes. It is paced like a dry turd. Might play better with friends in couch co-op and alcohol, but you can say that about anything from Monopoly to Russian Roulette.
One of several FPS games that came out around this time that is this awkward mix of tactical shooter and the earlier more arcadey ones. See also Soldier of Fortune II or Project I.G.I. I don't particularly care for any of them. It's not really satisfying as a shooter, filled with bullshit difficulty and design.
The opening missions at the castle are fun, but the further you get the more it becomes about peeking through the rifle scope taking potshots at long range and it's just no fun. This has a fervent cult following who love it, nostalgic or not, but to me i think it is pretty weak compared to other FPS games of the time, not to mention other games in the Wolfenstein series.
The opening missions at the castle are fun, but the further you get the more it becomes about peeking through the rifle scope taking potshots at long range and it's just no fun. This has a fervent cult following who love it, nostalgic or not, but to me i think it is pretty weak compared to other FPS games of the time, not to mention other games in the Wolfenstein series.
Alright as LEGO games go. It was the first open-world one, but it was surpassed just one year later with Lego City Undercover and later on DC Super Villains did the DC theme better.
Also not sure if it shitty PC port problems but it taking 20 seconds after picking up a gold brick to save killed all interest in 100%:ing the game.
Also not sure if it shitty PC port problems but it taking 20 seconds after picking up a gold brick to save killed all interest in 100%:ing the game.
I guess Reflections had to make something this bland and boring before making something as great as Driver: San Fransico.
This has some peak GTA clone style shit and annoying mission design. At one point they ask you platform up a building on a bike and it sucks so bad. I gave up when they asked you to throw a race, but also help the worst driver in the world win. Not sure if it was hard but i entered with a too slow car and when i tried to exit to the menu it crashed and gave me enough time to realize i just wasn't having any fun.
This has some peak GTA clone style shit and annoying mission design. At one point they ask you platform up a building on a bike and it sucks so bad. I gave up when they asked you to throw a race, but also help the worst driver in the world win. Not sure if it was hard but i entered with a too slow car and when i tried to exit to the menu it crashed and gave me enough time to realize i just wasn't having any fun.
2007
I did giggle like a madman every time a new execution was shown, this is lovingly pants-changing violence much like the first.
Shame everything else is worse. All the atmosphere, challenge and open-ended stealth section is gone in favor of 90% lame third-person shooting and a story that sucks ass. It ends up feeling like the first with all the balls removed with pliers. Which is an execution you can do in-game, so it's not all bad but it's one of those sequels that is it's own answer to why there isn't a Manhunt 3.
Shame everything else is worse. All the atmosphere, challenge and open-ended stealth section is gone in favor of 90% lame third-person shooting and a story that sucks ass. It ends up feeling like the first with all the balls removed with pliers. Which is an execution you can do in-game, so it's not all bad but it's one of those sequels that is it's own answer to why there isn't a Manhunt 3.
2003
Peak Edgelord Murder Simulator. Boils down violent video games to it's despicable sociopathic core and dares you to enjoy it. And i did. Worryingly much. More games need dedicated brain matter splatter physics. I even like it when it becomes a third person shooter and we get less Brian Cox ASMR encouraging the murder party.
When the racing in your racing game is so boring i was looking forward to the quick time event cut-scenes.
The revelation is that this is the worst Resident Evil during what was a terrible time for Resident Evil.
Meh, would be better if there were Roland Emmerich's 2012 style car chases or tacticool combat rollin' knife fights.
2004
Totally okay western FPS. Feels like the midpoint between Outlaws and Call of Juarez: Gunslinger, but not as good as either.
It feels pretty obviously designed for consoles of the time, which means it feels kinda slow and clunky even on PC. Default movement speed is really slow. No mid-level checkpoints. It's very short, which isn't really a bad thing in my eyes unless you bought it back then for 60 bucks. The shotguns are some of the worst i have seen, taking at times 4-5 shots to kill an enemy in medium range which makes them kinda useless. The boss fights are also that lazy kind where a regular enemy has tons of health and you have to shoot them 100 times, while regular enemies spawns constantly. They aren't hard (on medium), but they are not very fun.
The stuff it does right is the levels, which are fast-paced and varied. Every variety of cliche western location is represented and that is exactly what you want. And i know what you are thinking, yes, there is a train level. It's pretty short, but good. It does a decent job at that spaghetti western atmosphere, with it's cut-scenes presented like old timey black and white movies. Playing Poker at the start of each level to gain extra ammo is a pretty genius mechanic.
If you have played and finished GUN, Call of Juarez: Gunslinger, Outlaws, Red Dead Revolver multiple times and still want more wild west shooting it's not the worst thing.
It feels pretty obviously designed for consoles of the time, which means it feels kinda slow and clunky even on PC. Default movement speed is really slow. No mid-level checkpoints. It's very short, which isn't really a bad thing in my eyes unless you bought it back then for 60 bucks. The shotguns are some of the worst i have seen, taking at times 4-5 shots to kill an enemy in medium range which makes them kinda useless. The boss fights are also that lazy kind where a regular enemy has tons of health and you have to shoot them 100 times, while regular enemies spawns constantly. They aren't hard (on medium), but they are not very fun.
The stuff it does right is the levels, which are fast-paced and varied. Every variety of cliche western location is represented and that is exactly what you want. And i know what you are thinking, yes, there is a train level. It's pretty short, but good. It does a decent job at that spaghetti western atmosphere, with it's cut-scenes presented like old timey black and white movies. Playing Poker at the start of each level to gain extra ammo is a pretty genius mechanic.
If you have played and finished GUN, Call of Juarez: Gunslinger, Outlaws, Red Dead Revolver multiple times and still want more wild west shooting it's not the worst thing.
Ever feel like you wanted to experience Die Hard again, but as a really shitty budget FPS? No? Well, good for you. I played like three hours of this and i am really happy i am at a point where i no longer force myself to finish these really shitty games for the sake of it.
The shooting is crap, enemies are dumb as bricks, it looks bland and cheap. There is some amusement to be had in how they adapt some of the set-pieces to fit a 2002 FPS, but honestly there is the risk this might just make you like Die Hard less by association. Features some of the worst voice actors of 2002, with exception of Reginald VelJohnson where all the voice acting budget presumably went.
Now to get to the point in my life where i learn not to even bother with these obviously crap games.
The shooting is crap, enemies are dumb as bricks, it looks bland and cheap. There is some amusement to be had in how they adapt some of the set-pieces to fit a 2002 FPS, but honestly there is the risk this might just make you like Die Hard less by association. Features some of the worst voice actors of 2002, with exception of Reginald VelJohnson where all the voice acting budget presumably went.
Now to get to the point in my life where i learn not to even bother with these obviously crap games.
As someone who thinks Fast & Furious is peak kino and who thought Crossroads wasn't crap, this is total Shovelware garbage. Feels like a mobile or portable game that got upscaled, but not even one of the good ones. Mission design is some of the worst i have seen. I pray to god (aka Vin Diesel) that there will be a good F&F game before i die.
2022
Does exactly what it sets out to do in a totally solid way. Fun Escape Room stuff. It's pretty short, but each Room is very distinct and there are some clever twists to them. The story isn't really more than serviceable, could maybe have used more optional conversations.
And i would have liked if the hint system was better, because the few times i did get stumped i didn't really feel it explained the puzzle logic well. But i guess that could also come down to me being an idiot.
And i would have liked if the hint system was better, because the few times i did get stumped i didn't really feel it explained the puzzle logic well. But i guess that could also come down to me being an idiot.
2011
I like the bits where you are shrunk. Jon St. John as Duke Nukem is still great. I like that compared to other bad & bland FPS games it is aspiring to comedy and has personality, even if it's mostly not funny and that personality is a infantile mess. Everything else is as shit as the turd you can pick up.
1997
Life Systems are the work of Satan.