I know the point here isn't to make a good shooter.

It's the whole meta story & aesthetic throwback, which are great.

But it still isn't a good shooter.

It’s a narrative game with a very unsatisfying narrative. Not really much more to say. It doesn’t succeed as a branching story because not all branches are well-developed or even exist at all. That it’s 8 hours also makes it so that any desire to replay it is gone, and it to me also makes it fail as a light B-movie horror because most of those are 90 minutes. It is paced like a dry turd. Might play better with friends in couch co-op and alcohol, but you can say that about anything from Monopoly to Russian Roulette.