EllieEmporium
52 Reviews liked by EllieEmporium
Mario Kart Tour
2019
it's ok to pirate nintendo games
Super Paper Mario
2007
replayed this to help get over a recent silly heartbreak and could barely stop sobbing through the last couple hours. this game is shallow, jank and extremely inconsistent… but also beautiful, deranged and ungodly raw. i think it’s time i stopped pretending it isn’t still one of my favourites. spm, like love, will constantly disappoint with surprisingly boring space and cloud levels and is basically overrated but fuck, when that memory theme hits and tippi reminds herself she still has hope after everything, would i not let it beat me to death one last time :’)
jk jk i mean the level design is pretty good but sometimes speech bubbles look like they’re coming out of the wrong places. 9/10
jk jk i mean the level design is pretty good but sometimes speech bubbles look like they’re coming out of the wrong places. 9/10
Super Mario Odyssey
2017
Bro how is the 'Lost Kingdom' lost if you can collect the gold coins, the standard currency of the game? I just think those stretchy caterpillars are trying to evade tax.
The creative experience is knowing, at any time, you have the potential to put a YIIK into the world. Harrowing.
projared gave it a 4 out of 10 but he cheated on his wife
Chrome Dino
2014
top 3 chrome dino runs:
3- on laptop during power cut, c. 2019
2- on pc while turning off wi-fi to be more productive days before exams i hadn’t studied for (lol)
1- on phone with busted 3g while waiting for chinese takeaway, entered trance state with streak only broken when guy RUDELY INTERRUPTED to ask if i wanted complimentary prawn crackers CAN’T YOU SEE I’M GAMING but also YES OFC i want complimentary prawn crackers WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR i mean yes please thank you have a nice day mr sir ^_^
3- on laptop during power cut, c. 2019
2- on pc while turning off wi-fi to be more productive days before exams i hadn’t studied for (lol)
1- on phone with busted 3g while waiting for chinese takeaway, entered trance state with streak only broken when guy RUDELY INTERRUPTED to ask if i wanted complimentary prawn crackers CAN’T YOU SEE I’M GAMING but also YES OFC i want complimentary prawn crackers WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR i mean yes please thank you have a nice day mr sir ^_^
This game's credits are a full hour long and copy/paste the entire legalese documentation .txt files of every licensed software used for its creation, in multiple different languages, all while a single song continuously plays, fades out, and then eventually loops. God tier shitposting
Ratchet: Deadlocked
2005
This was the most underrated Ratchet game for 15 years but now that YouTubers have decided to dub it The Good One it's on track to become the most overrated Ratchet game? I'm so tired
fun fact: unlike previous games in the series, whenever link teleports, the atoms of his body are disintegrated and reincorporated at the new destination - meaning his continuity of conscienceless ends many times. that's right fact nerds! this is one saviour of hyrule who doesn't have a fucking soul
Minecraft
2011
Rating this game the lowest score possible out of spite for Redditors
Spider-Man 2
2004
I ate pizza during the pizza mission, now that's some ludonarrative dissonance shit right there
fire emblem characters are so fuckin mean, imagine being a soldier in war and getting shot in the eyeball with an arrow and the last thing you hear in the distance is a 17 year old shouting “TOO EASY!”
A girl.... AND a tactician? Whoa mama! Hummina hummina hummina bazooooooooing! eyes pop out AROOOOOOOOGA! jaw drops tongue rolls out WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF tongue bursts out of the mouth uncontrollably leaking on face and everything in reach WURBLWUBRLBWURblrwurblwurlbrwubrlwburlwbruwrlblwublr tiny bow knight shoots an arrow through heart Ahhhhhhhhhhh me lady... heart in the shape of the Exalts Brand starts beating so hard you can see it through shirt ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum 3 ships full of dynamite crash into Walhart's fleet spilling enemy troops into the harbour BABY WANTS TO PROMOTE inhales from the Mila Tree honka honka honka honka casts Thoron furiously ohhhh my gooooodd~
Convinced that the development process of this game as the writers spending most of their time making sure that one trial goes as hard as physically possible and then realizing "Oh yeah, we need three more of these"
Wilmot's Warehouse
2019
Legally required to file this as "shelved"