38 reviews liked by GabrielBananas


There's an argument to be made that a) Tales from the Borderlands is the only funny Borderlands game, and b) Tales from the Borderlands is the best Borderlands game. I'm making both arguments right now.

It’s Ape Escape 1 with no swag, no bitches, and no crypto. Genuinely wanna know what the thought process was for making a remake of a game that was made to show the power of a dual stick controller on a single stick system. Bad remake of a good game.

I shouldn’t like this game. It’s a grindfest, there’s no rolling HP meter, and the dungeons are unnecessarily gigantic. It’s so archaic nobody in their right mind will play the official release all the way through. Hell, I put it down for a while before completion.

You know what though? Sometimes rough edges are part of the appeal. Even with the grinding, I found Mother to be a snappy and enjoyable experience. What takes one hour in this game takes two in the sequels and four in most other JRPGs. The rich music transcends the hardware limitations, delivering feelings ranging from whimsical adventure to creeping horror. This is a case where the 8-bit presentation enhances the experience. Exploring towns full of tiny, yet wacky character sprites, battling psychotic normalities against a black void, and getting lost in mazes of gray would have hit much less hard if there wasn’t so much open to interpretation.

Mother is a masterful use of crude graphics, empty space, and tonal shifts to turn the player into a kid wandering the unknown. I strongly disagree with the notion it’s not worth playing. EarthBound and Mother 3 are undoubtedly better balanced games and worth experiencing in their own right, but just like remodeling a 30-year old house, there was as much lost as there was gained during the transition.

Is and will always be my favorite game of all time. The gameplay, the story, the graphics, the propaganda for the military industrial complex; it’s all just perfect. The only thing that could be more fun than this game is making a dumb gimmick account as something to do when I’m bored during work and getting a surprisingly high amount of clout amongst a community I mostly chose not to engage with. Thanks for 10,000 likes.
Also, Fidel Castro is like the rawest video game character of all time and I wish he was real so fucking much.

It's a perfect recreation of the high school experience, complete with that one friend who's really homophobic for no apparent reason that makes you look back and think "wow that guy really was a massive cunt why did I hang out with him" except everyone is homophobic including you

Haven’t played yet but he erased his deadname? I’m so happy for his transition

Incredibly accurate simulation of living in London

This game is unimaginably horrible and it's baffling it's the hill so many are willing to die on. There is no enemy variety, which is for sure a good idea for a modern open world game. There is no spell variety either (26), which again certainly was a great idea for a modern rpg based solely around it's magic set at a magic school, but hey Harry Potter has always had a terrible magic system so ¯\(ツ)/¯. For reference Final Fantasy (1987 NES) has triple as many spells (60), and Skyrim a more modern open world game for comparison has over 100 AND both those games have multiple combat classes besides magic. The game will let you use the "unforgivable curses" but it has no morality system to give any meaningful consequences to your actions because according to the devs it would be "too judgmental on the game maker's part". The world is empty, which is always a problem with open world games (not remotely a fan of the genre tbh) and every door is a loading screen. The game is also a buggy mess and anyone saying otherwise is just lying, the game literally has Denuvo lmao. But none of this is surprising, ignoring the original author for a moment, every trailer made it look lackluster and it's made by the developers infamous for Disney tie-in shovelware.

And now for the elephant in the room... The game doubles down on all the racism and antisemitism of its source material, anyone saying Terfling had nothing to do with this game is bending the truth. The official Q&A for the game on their site says they worked closely with her team so it perfectly fits her world, and that it does a little too perfectly. The main premise is squashing a goblin rebellion riddled with antisemitism. The goblin rebellions are not new to the franchise, they are a thing mentioned in the books and expanded material as something the students learn in history class. And what were all the rebellions about? The lack or basic rights like using wands, and checks notes wizards attempting to enslave them "as house elves" but we’re supposed to believe they’re still the villains throughout the franchise?
Which brings us to the next topic, the house elves... As in the source material Hogwarts is run by slave labor and the franchise doesn't want us to look deeper into what that means, waving it off with "well they like it". But if wizards can attempt to enslave goblins as “house elves” what does that actually mean, what exactly is a “house elf” and why doesn’t the series creator want us to examine it? The head house elf at Hogwarts becomes a companion, so you don't actually get to own a slave but you still get one by proxy. The game also lets you decorate the Room of Requirement with mounted house elf heads, with how controversial this aspect of the books has always been idk who on the dev team didn’t think “maybe we shouldn’t keep the mounted head of a sapient creature decoration item”. Again none of this is surprising given the source material where they decorate houses with elf heads and the kids put little hats on during christmas, oh isn’t it so cute and whimsical? And the fact that one of the lead devs was a gamer gate youtuber (them stepping down was never going to divorce the game from these elements). The game is also a prequel set in the 1800s so it can't actually effectively deconstruct the issues with the source material, the goblins are still the anti-semetic bankers, the house elves are still slaves, and the ("good") wizards are still the good guys that have every right to oppress them. Just like Terflings own politics and the politics of the source material the game's message is about preserving the status quo, nothing meaningful can change and it shouldn’t cause we have a continuity to uphold damnit!
The game also throws in the series "first trans character" who they named "Sirona Ryan", this is a name of a Celtic goddess (as many people will point out in an attempt to ignore criticism, despite the origin not being the issue with the name) but just like "Cho Chang", "Anthony Goldstein" and "Kingsley Shacklebolt" it's certainly a choice out of all the Irish names to deliberately use that one for your first trans women. Sirona was also very obviously thrown in last minute in an attempt to save face and say the game was divorced from Terflings and her raging transphobia, but as you can see the game is quite the opposite.
But you know despite all that 9/10 IGN-ostalgia am I right!

In conclusion this game is truly the “Legacy” of this franchise and I can see why fans say “this is everything I ever wanted in a Harry Potter game” because this is all the franchise really truly is. I certainly hope everyone who bought the deluxe edition for the sole reason to spite a minority the author is actively harming daily love their overpriced shovelware and fuck off. Remember yall were the same people in the 90s who hated and wanted to boycott the books for being “satanic” and "progressive". (spoiler alert they never were)

And for anyone who can’t let go of the franchise because of “childhood” and cause “it’s so magical”, let me recommend “Earthsea” by Ursula K. Le Guin, “Discworld” by Terry Pratchett, and “Percy Jackson” by Rick Riordian. None of those series are perfect and have their fair share of problems, but they were written by authors who actually cared, who actually took criticism and grew from it. You can let go and grow too.

feel the rush :)
you were dealt a bad hand *:(
heaven is a trip :P
aim for the heavens :D

some dude who's favorite game is a JRPG with a 20 minute skit about accidentally groping a girl: "the writing is pretty cringe"

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