One of the cutest survival games you'll ever play! Pikmin is so charming and simple, yet can get you sweating with its huge enemy types, calendar system, and countdown to dusk hour! How can a game be so adorable but stressful at the same time?

Building up and moving with your pikmin arsenal is a lot of fun, and I love the atmosphere of the game, it really gives off the vibe of Earth years after humanity was wiped out, so this little guy is exploring tiny parts of nature in order to rebuild his ship to get back home. I also love the strategy that comes from using different kinds of pikmin to overcome obstacles and find secrets. It's an incredibly satisfying game that thrives on its simplicity, while also impersonating aspects of a really good RTS! It's as Nintendo as things get, so to speak.

This isn't Carrion, it's The Dweller! Play as this evil entity that only wants to consume fools that dare to invade its ancient home! There's limitations to how you can traverse, making every screen a puzzle you need to solve.

The difficulty curve is a bit all-over-the-place, as it feels like some stages are effortless (excluding the obligatory ones that introduce a new mechanic) while others are just obtusely complex where I swear what felt like cheating are literally the only solutions.

Still, overall it was a neat little game. I like some of the turns it took in its design the closer it got to the end. I can see something like this expanding greatly in a sequel, but who knows if that'll ever happen?

Boy, let me tell you something. The F-Zero GP Legend anime sucked so hard. As an avid fan of the series, I stopped watching after a handful of episodes because it was so insanely boring. And I was 13! It didn't take much to please me. And going back and watching the entire anime with subtitles didn't help either, even with that "epic" Falcon Punch scene.

I don't understand how they messed up so badly. The franchise has so many charming characters, it's definitely possible to make them endearing and entertaining while sprinkling fast-paced races every once in a while. Because Redline (2009) did literally just that! The F-Zero anime completely failed to capture the spirit, energy, and charm this series collected with the N64 and Gamecube/Arcade installments.

Oh, but the game? Pretty good. I loved it as a kid because it was a healthy balance between the original F-Zero and F-Zero X, gameplay-wise. To have that on the go? Pretty tight. Going back to it now, it still has its value, but never really my first choice when it comes to playing an entry in this series. I mean, it's possible to play GX on a Steam Deck wherever you go, with almost no performance issues these days.

Neversoft's final entry, and they managed to make it insanely repugnant. Guitar Hero: Warriors Of Rock shits up this franchise so far off the path, it's practically unrecognizable. The last 3 games already felt so damn soulless, but the leaps and bounds to remove any remaining scrap of heart is enough to make me gag.

Their overinflated "epic" adventure mode is so embarrassing, further marred by including narration from geriatric rock star Gene Simmons, who sounds like he needs a nap the entire time. And all these otherworldly designs of once beloved/loathed characters are stupid as hell. It almost feels like the board meeting was "how can we make guitar hero more EPIC?!" It's 2010, that obsession checks out, right?

This ended up killing the franchise as well as Neversoft, laying this series dormant for a number of years. Somehow, this wasn't the worst we could see from Guitar Hero.

I know it's old news to say this, but it this game was pretty ambitious with how elaborate it wanted to be while still trying to maintain that "Castlevania" action. Castlevania II tries to do a lot on such a limited system. It's really impressive, and sports some great art style!

Unfortunately, it's bogged down by how insanely tedious this game can be, and it's harmed even more by how difficult it is to make progress on the game alone. Perhaps an artifact of the sneaking suspicion that game publishers wanted these titles to last months for players, especially kids.

Supposedly there's been fan remakes and the like that patch the numerous holes this game bares, making it possibly render more of what the original developers wanted, but I wanted to first beat this as it was originally released.

Continuing this line of sequels without the original team, Metal Slug 5 is a sequel that feels entirely different from Metal Slug 4. It bares many things that MS4 lacked, but lacks in other ways as well.

A lot of the stages feel a bit barren, as if there must've been more planned for the areas, but the game was rushed out to meet a deadline (which is what happened). There's a lot more unique enemies that aren't 'just' recycled sprites this time, and I appreciate a plot detail that the PF Squad is going against an army separate from the Rebel Army they're used to fighting. Thus, the soldiers and all the vehicles look noticeably different. Really cool!

The music is also pretty damn great. It almost feels too good for this game, that's a bit boring. A lot of enemy confrontations are considerably pathetic, and most of the bosses feel like a chore to defeat. They lack unique patterns that are fun to understand, and have many moves that render them invincible for a set amount of time.

All-in-all, this game definitely had better budget and resources than Metal Slug 4, making it a smidge better of an experience, but still nothing compared to the franchise's glory days.

An extremely satisfying roguelike that has great variety which easily insists on multiple playthroughs, Risk of Rain is a blast to play, especially with friends. It takes some time to understand the mechanics, and unlocking characters can be a bit of a chore, but damn is it good once you find your favorite explorer! Even more when you get those ace upgrades that help you lay waste on the otherworldly beasts.

Getting 3 other friends together and optimizing strategy as the worlds and enemies get tougher as you progress is so damn satisfying, and I love the art style. Your characters look so damn tiny, while the bosses are these gigantic, gorgeous sprites with great animation. It's always a sight to behold as you try your best to tear them down! Oh, and the music is tight.

Compared to the original game, Rampage: World Tour was a complete overhaul that simply improved the foundation already set by the original 1986 game. Including but not limited to;

-Faster gameplay
-More responsive controls
-More combat options
-Unique, cartoonish art style
-Hot scientist lady with big tits: https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Dt3dro_WkAEKCTD.jpg
-3D renders of monsters transitioned into sprites
-Music (original game didn't even have that lol)

So yeah, that's awesome! The problem is, the core gameplay itself is something that can't really keep my attention for more than a few minutes. However, I played this a LOT as a kid, so it was probably something with mainly kids in mind. Although I can't even imagine a kid really sitting through 100+ stages at an arcade.

It's just a game where it's not really destined to be a long-lasting experience, just something closer to the idea of 'video game made up for TV show.' If that makes sense. Still, for what it is . . . it's alright.

The flaming shipwreck that catapulted the conversation of "are games art?" into mainstream. Bioshock might not be the first game that really provided an integral story spearheaded by an auteur creative, but it's certainly represents many people's first time experiencing such and being aware of that. It probably helps that it launched on a console as huge as the Xbox 360 the same time it hit PC.

Ultimately, it's a rowdy, noisy game that calling it 'messy' is an understatement, but that's sort of what I enjoy the most in Bioshock. Even its gameplay dons the atmosphere of an underwater city ruined and pillaged by mutated psychopaths. The core gameplay isn't that well-paced, but it certainly gives you a lot to do exploring the areas of the town. It's also full of neat little touches I appreciate, like how most things are movable, or how weapon upgrades visually change the way your gun looks, things like that.

The story itself is also fun to experience, I think. Not everything about it works, but enough does. It serves as a fine analog of how individuality and self-worth can destroy someone and their ambitions, if not kept in check. Something we're seeing . . . often these days. Huh.

Gameplay: Explosive action
Characters: Explosive racism
Overall: Okay I guess

Okay, I'll actually review Crackdown. It's a neat world to hop around and blow shit up. Leveling up your skills feels pretty satisfying, but the gameplay stays mostly the same from beginning to end. You can get a flow of the monotony, turn on a podcast or something, and sink hours into the campaign. Especially since the game has no music or even interesting atmosphere to speak of.

While it's called "Crackdown" I only "crack up" at how dumb all the stereotypical boss profiles are. "Juan Mendez Escobar is head of cocaine distributions of his failed night club. Hang Wang Wei-Shin is the leader of the Shai-Gen, and knows the secret of underground martial arts." Fucking ridiculous shit lmao