1996
This game looks like goddamn tech demo, and you know what? I fucking LOVE that. I'll be fucked if Super Mario 64 isn't satisfying to run and jump across. Maybe it wasn't perfect, but damn was it everything we needed in 1996. A world before my brain got corrupted by analysts and blowhard reviewers just itching their boners to call something "janky."
I loved this as a kid, and still revisit from time-to-time to love it some more, whether as a half-assed Switch port, or the code-dumped re-engineered PC port. This game still rocks. I'm going to tattoo low-poly Mario on myself someday.
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D8sxTdvX4AAMqbd.jpg
I loved this as a kid, and still revisit from time-to-time to love it some more, whether as a half-assed Switch port, or the code-dumped re-engineered PC port. This game still rocks. I'm going to tattoo low-poly Mario on myself someday.
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D8sxTdvX4AAMqbd.jpg
2016
I put this down when I realized the only moment I had fun--and not dripping with sweat from anxiety or full of anger--was when that game-ending "VICTORY!" graphic hits the screen.
There's design here and there that's admirable, they make it feel good to movey and shooty as far as this lightly skilled FPS player can tell. But ultimately, the structure of its competitive aspect is not for me. Most aren't. So I uninstalled it during lockdown because, even with friends, I was just not having fun at all. Then the Blizzard fallout happened, and I was like "Hey what an easy boycott, avoiding Blizzard and Activision is easier than ever now!"
There's no real ethical consumption under capitalism, but hey this is the least I could do. Never playing 2 either.
There's design here and there that's admirable, they make it feel good to movey and shooty as far as this lightly skilled FPS player can tell. But ultimately, the structure of its competitive aspect is not for me. Most aren't. So I uninstalled it during lockdown because, even with friends, I was just not having fun at all. Then the Blizzard fallout happened, and I was like "Hey what an easy boycott, avoiding Blizzard and Activision is easier than ever now!"
There's no real ethical consumption under capitalism, but hey this is the least I could do. Never playing 2 either.
2015
It's almost cartoonish how pretentious this game is. This is the equivalent to Joan of Arc's film project in Clone High that was a very obvious Lynch parody.
But I'd fight for its existence.
But I'd fight for its existence.
Starting game up: Hehe boobs.
First half of 100%ing the game: Hey Mahjong is cool, I like clearing the fields. I can match stuff!
Second half of 100%ing the game: FUCK YOUR STUPID ASS PATTERNS, WHY DID IT END WITH THE SAME TILES ON TOP OF EACH-OTHER FUCK YOU YOU PIECE OF SHIT!
(I don't really know how Mahjong works)
First half of 100%ing the game: Hey Mahjong is cool, I like clearing the fields. I can match stuff!
Second half of 100%ing the game: FUCK YOUR STUPID ASS PATTERNS, WHY DID IT END WITH THE SAME TILES ON TOP OF EACH-OTHER FUCK YOU YOU PIECE OF SHIT!
(I don't really know how Mahjong works)
1993
Where the original Mega Man games up to this point emphasized careful platforming with limited movement options while trying to shoot peas at bug-eyed bots, the psychos behind Mega Man X said "FUCK THAT! Wall-jumping, dashing, huge charge blasts to destroy these robot goons!"
Mega Man X spoiled me so much that I can't really look at the previous games too fondly, it feels way too good to move and shoot in this game. They cranked the pace of this so much that it must've been hard for some fans to even consider it a Mega Man game. The iconic soundtrack also adds to the atmosphere, and I love the secret pathways that are often found by brute force, rather than leaps of faith like the original games. A cool detail they never really reprised for the series was how clearing certain stages would effect other stages, such as beating Storm Eagle would make his ship crash into Spark Mandrill's domain.
This is simply another game I can't even attempt saying what hasn't been already said. Mega Man X has insanely good movement options and controls, while still managing to blend in that careful platforming of the original series nicely.
Mega Man X spoiled me so much that I can't really look at the previous games too fondly, it feels way too good to move and shoot in this game. They cranked the pace of this so much that it must've been hard for some fans to even consider it a Mega Man game. The iconic soundtrack also adds to the atmosphere, and I love the secret pathways that are often found by brute force, rather than leaps of faith like the original games. A cool detail they never really reprised for the series was how clearing certain stages would effect other stages, such as beating Storm Eagle would make his ship crash into Spark Mandrill's domain.
This is simply another game I can't even attempt saying what hasn't been already said. Mega Man X has insanely good movement options and controls, while still managing to blend in that careful platforming of the original series nicely.
A somewhat satisfying conclusion to The Evil Within that--while answering some questions--it also sets up new questions for a future entry (which does a shitty job following up, but that's neither here nor there). Gameplay-wise, it has a noticeable stronger emphasis on gunplay than "The Assignment" but stealth is still the heaviest aspect.
I appreciated the atmosphere when it didn't feel so recycled, and the unique boss encounters were enjoyable as well. Don't have too much to say, it was just aight. Oh, and the Easter eggs were cute and funny too.
I appreciated the atmosphere when it didn't feel so recycled, and the unique boss encounters were enjoyable as well. Don't have too much to say, it was just aight. Oh, and the Easter eggs were cute and funny too.
2000
Among Midway's huge arcade library, I genuinely think this is the only homerun they've ever made. Don't get me wrong, there's plenty of good games under their belt like Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3 and NARC (which is also bad), but nothing struck a chord within me like The Grid. It is one of the purest forms of arcade action I've ever witnessed. And the fact that this was Midway's final arcade game, it's almost poetic how fantastic it ended up being.
Evolving the atmosphere and vibe of Smash TV, The Grid pits you in arenas where you have to find weapons and take down your opponents in third-person blasting action! There's no real story to take in, as it's all about coming out on top as the victor! The very grandiose sports-like feel of the environment, the crazy sound blaring at you as you kill or be killed, the clutch moments and rubberband mechanics to help you stay in the game, it's all so invigorating!
The controls are notable too, as they lost their collective minds designing this third-person shooter with a flight stick and track ball. So somewhere along the lines, these nuts were looking at flight combat and golf games to make this?! Unbelievable, and it works so well!
I adore The Grid, but never expressed it much before. It deserves some sort of love, or at least a port. Rumors say they're planning to bring this back with some sort of reboot, but I'm not holding my breath. I'd rather see dedicated fans get this game up and running properly on emulators.
Evolving the atmosphere and vibe of Smash TV, The Grid pits you in arenas where you have to find weapons and take down your opponents in third-person blasting action! There's no real story to take in, as it's all about coming out on top as the victor! The very grandiose sports-like feel of the environment, the crazy sound blaring at you as you kill or be killed, the clutch moments and rubberband mechanics to help you stay in the game, it's all so invigorating!
The controls are notable too, as they lost their collective minds designing this third-person shooter with a flight stick and track ball. So somewhere along the lines, these nuts were looking at flight combat and golf games to make this?! Unbelievable, and it works so well!
I adore The Grid, but never expressed it much before. It deserves some sort of love, or at least a port. Rumors say they're planning to bring this back with some sort of reboot, but I'm not holding my breath. I'd rather see dedicated fans get this game up and running properly on emulators.
2021
A fun game with a pretty unique design and cute-ass style. Very Very Valet expects you to simply perform your duty, and gives you carte blanche to be as efficient--or messy- as you'd like, so long as you get the job done.
The most fun aspect is how you can ram and pile-on cars just to get them in the right spots. I'm glad they didn't factor in things like the condition of the car, the developers clearly knew they weren't making some "Valet Simulator" or anything of that sort, it's supposed to be kooky fun, right?
The game is just a bit too simplistic with not much to do outside of the main game, besides the extra stages that test your driving and parking skills. The game clearly took a lot of inspiration from Crazy Taxi, which is great. It can be fun in multiplayer as well, only upping the sheer chaos that can come from your valet jobs.
The most fun aspect is how you can ram and pile-on cars just to get them in the right spots. I'm glad they didn't factor in things like the condition of the car, the developers clearly knew they weren't making some "Valet Simulator" or anything of that sort, it's supposed to be kooky fun, right?
The game is just a bit too simplistic with not much to do outside of the main game, besides the extra stages that test your driving and parking skills. The game clearly took a lot of inspiration from Crazy Taxi, which is great. It can be fun in multiplayer as well, only upping the sheer chaos that can come from your valet jobs.
1982
That little banjo wailing in the background when there's one enemy left never fails to make me smile.
That's all I have to say, whaddya want from me?
That's all I have to say, whaddya want from me?
2008
A twitchy and ultra-fast FPS that--like any good Source Engine game--has almost no moments to catch your breath! This zombie-filled action game really cements the idea of co-operative play as it's detrimental to the design and most players' hopes in getting through the campaigns. The competitive aspect was also pretty unique, and really started to form a scene that would only mutate further with its legendary sequel!
The story is pretty minimal, with a lot of it told through the presentation. Hearing certain character dialogue (which isn't consistent) and reading things etched on the environment is a very video game-y way to tell the story of this zombifying pandemic that turned the world upside down, and you're with a group of survivors who are only trying to . . . well, survive.
The story is pretty minimal, with a lot of it told through the presentation. Hearing certain character dialogue (which isn't consistent) and reading things etched on the environment is a very video game-y way to tell the story of this zombifying pandemic that turned the world upside down, and you're with a group of survivors who are only trying to . . . well, survive.
2002
A fairly miserable sequel to Metal Slug that had unfortunate circumstances. I mean, how on earth can ANY development team even dream of living up to a game like Metal Slug 3? But even so, this game lacked any real creativity within what they had to work with, and most enemy spawns have this incessant need to be tedious, as some screens take what feels like hours to finish.
There's also the matter of presentation, which is also pretty awful. Most sprites are completely recycled/frankenstein'd together from the previous games, and the music just isn't that exciting nor game-y. Also, both of the new characters have knacks that make them both worse to play, not sure what made them think that was a good idea.
It's worth going through once out of sheer curiosity, but I doubt most would really be that compelled to replay it. I'm convinced anyone that views this game in a brighter light than I probably never played any of the Metal Slug titles before this.
There's also the matter of presentation, which is also pretty awful. Most sprites are completely recycled/frankenstein'd together from the previous games, and the music just isn't that exciting nor game-y. Also, both of the new characters have knacks that make them both worse to play, not sure what made them think that was a good idea.
It's worth going through once out of sheer curiosity, but I doubt most would really be that compelled to replay it. I'm convinced anyone that views this game in a brighter light than I probably never played any of the Metal Slug titles before this.
2022
This should've been called Warner Brawlers. Anyway, it's hard to really judge everything about this game, considering it's still in beta/early access/whatever, but there's a few lines in the sand I'm drawing;
1. If you're dedicating yourself to 1v1, you're going to have a bad time. This game is very blatantly designed around the 2v2 dynamic. 1v1 was merely included out of obligation/expectancy that is the nature of this formula. We are no longer in the period of happy accidents, this isn't 2001 anymore. And speaking as someone that's played Smash with its competitive norm for nearly 2 decades, Multiversus 1v1 is not fun at all (IMO).
2. Trying to play this like Smash Bros. also guarantees that you'll have a bad time. Just like how if you try to play Marvel VS Capcom like Tekken. It's time already that we start understanding that there's more than 1 way to make a competitive [REDACTED].
3. Playing as Iron Giant after having seen the movie implies a moral cavity within yourself. I won't give any friends shit for playing as him, but I don't ever want to touch the character. Just seeing the defensive transformation put into play is odd. That shit drew me to tears when I watched the movie as a kid, knowing the struggles and heartbreak this robot was facing, and giving into the darkest part he was fending off for the entire movie. It was scary! And seeing it bounce and blast around as a clutch move in this game . . . just feels weird.
Presentation feels only partially finished, but even what is already there, it's leagues ahead of Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl, which shamefully disregarded how important presentation is in order for one of these games to do well.
I guess I'll update this when it hits 1.0, but so far I'm enjoying it as a brain-dead Finn player.
EDIT: Finn nerfed to shit. Now I'm a Batman player.
1. If you're dedicating yourself to 1v1, you're going to have a bad time. This game is very blatantly designed around the 2v2 dynamic. 1v1 was merely included out of obligation/expectancy that is the nature of this formula. We are no longer in the period of happy accidents, this isn't 2001 anymore. And speaking as someone that's played Smash with its competitive norm for nearly 2 decades, Multiversus 1v1 is not fun at all (IMO).
2. Trying to play this like Smash Bros. also guarantees that you'll have a bad time. Just like how if you try to play Marvel VS Capcom like Tekken. It's time already that we start understanding that there's more than 1 way to make a competitive [REDACTED].
3. Playing as Iron Giant after having seen the movie implies a moral cavity within yourself. I won't give any friends shit for playing as him, but I don't ever want to touch the character. Just seeing the defensive transformation put into play is odd. That shit drew me to tears when I watched the movie as a kid, knowing the struggles and heartbreak this robot was facing, and giving into the darkest part he was fending off for the entire movie. It was scary! And seeing it bounce and blast around as a clutch move in this game . . . just feels weird.
Presentation feels only partially finished, but even what is already there, it's leagues ahead of Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl, which shamefully disregarded how important presentation is in order for one of these games to do well.
I guess I'll update this when it hits 1.0, but so far I'm enjoying it as a brain-dead Finn player.
EDIT: Finn nerfed to shit. Now I'm a Batman player.
2001
An almost unbelievably strong and face-changing revolution for what is a considerably humble car combat series. Twisted Metal: Black attacked early PS2 owners with air-tight game design, rock-solid 60 fps performance, and gigantic levels full of nightmarish atmosphere glazed with oppressive orchestras that perfectly hammer down how horrible and bleak this world is.
The story itself lugs its share of the weight too! This is the Twisted Metal game that keeps the basis of the story intact, but dropped the goofy vibes of 1 and 2. You still got crazed racers with a monkey's paw-esque opportunity to change their lives, but no longer are they stories of vain assholes looking for fame or fortune, but downtrodden victims of mental destruction merely looking for peace from their life, or pure revenge.
This game scared the absolute shit out of me when I was 11, and I never forgot that. It's also tough-as-nails with its razor-sharp AI that go rabid as soon as you get near them, as well as the pits they threw you in throughout the campaign. The story is what shines the most for me, as the tales were enthralling and really made you connect (or completely fear) the character you would play as.
For those without a PS2 to play it, the PS4 port is a mostly fine experience, slight input lag aside.
The story itself lugs its share of the weight too! This is the Twisted Metal game that keeps the basis of the story intact, but dropped the goofy vibes of 1 and 2. You still got crazed racers with a monkey's paw-esque opportunity to change their lives, but no longer are they stories of vain assholes looking for fame or fortune, but downtrodden victims of mental destruction merely looking for peace from their life, or pure revenge.
This game scared the absolute shit out of me when I was 11, and I never forgot that. It's also tough-as-nails with its razor-sharp AI that go rabid as soon as you get near them, as well as the pits they threw you in throughout the campaign. The story is what shines the most for me, as the tales were enthralling and really made you connect (or completely fear) the character you would play as.
For those without a PS2 to play it, the PS4 port is a mostly fine experience, slight input lag aside.
Anybody who thinks this is a suitable experience for either game is a fool. Both games run like shit, sound like shit, and look like shit, Silent Hill 3 is just slightly worse in all ways since the developers probably prioritized 2, and couldn't even get that right.
And anyone that claims "it ran fine for me" is either braindead or lying. Nobody has the magic PS3 that runs either game half as well as they did on PS2. Even with the Xbox Series X's overcompensation of power, these abominations they have the audacity to refer to as remasters still run horribly.
The only enjoyment anyone can get from this is listening to the new voice actors, which are terrible all-around for both games.
And anyone that claims "it ran fine for me" is either braindead or lying. Nobody has the magic PS3 that runs either game half as well as they did on PS2. Even with the Xbox Series X's overcompensation of power, these abominations they have the audacity to refer to as remasters still run horribly.
The only enjoyment anyone can get from this is listening to the new voice actors, which are terrible all-around for both games.
2009
A shameful, disgusting cash grab. Earthworm Jim HD is worse than the original versions on SNES/Genesis in every single way possible.
All the sprites are traced over and look mostly like a filtered emulator, the backgrounds look like shitty pngs slapped together, the new voice for Jim is bad, the gameplay feels so much clunkier and has less refinement than the original game (hard to describe entirely, but the best example is how climbing across ropes looks/feels), and the developers stole art from fans. The multiplayer mode is worthless as well, considering the new stage designs being an absolute mess.
Fuck Interplay, and fuck this garbage remake. Anybody that thinks this is suitable way to experience the original game in any way is a fucking moron. I'm glad it got delisted.
All the sprites are traced over and look mostly like a filtered emulator, the backgrounds look like shitty pngs slapped together, the new voice for Jim is bad, the gameplay feels so much clunkier and has less refinement than the original game (hard to describe entirely, but the best example is how climbing across ropes looks/feels), and the developers stole art from fans. The multiplayer mode is worthless as well, considering the new stage designs being an absolute mess.
Fuck Interplay, and fuck this garbage remake. Anybody that thinks this is suitable way to experience the original game in any way is a fucking moron. I'm glad it got delisted.