Breathtakingly designed pop techno-horror freakout - like if Cyberpunk 2077 was good. Dead Island's treatise on A.I., cults, upper-class boredom, and existential angst is every bit as deliciously stupid and totally unhinged as that sounds. Doubles down on its bracing art style fetish, orgasmic music, and brain-rattling faux-intellectual jargon - only asking that, in return, you agree to be fully down for the ride. Which, of fucking course, I am. Fight a hulking pig dude and dropkick BDSM leather-clad zombies down bottomless pits while coming to grips with the horrors of being alive - put literally face-to-face with the rotting alternative, and still not knowing which is the more terrifying option - through Dead Island's trademark gruesome sense of humor about the fragility of the human body and, moreso, its mind. Some truly sick and genius thrusts of mental violence to this one. One of the best things I've ever played, as an apologist for this oft-idiotic franchise even I am beyond impressed - spent much of this playtime with my jaw dropped.

Playing this game is like eating a really green banana

Everyone has already told you that it's too green, it's not going to taste any good but you eat it anyway unaware of the warnings like a fool's errand

So when you peel the banana you start to notice that it is hard to peel, breaks little by little chipping away skin making it a hard task and makes you wonder why didn't you listen in the first place

Then you take a bite, THEN you start regretting 100% the choice, there is no flavor, it taste like nothing and the texture reminds you of the bark of a tree if anything equally unsavory.

But you eat it anyway, you can't waste a banana like that, you already opened the fruit so out of stubbornness and pride you are going to eat it whole

So now I warn you, don't play this game it is too green to eat

I've been playing this game since it's released and like it's predecessor, I've lost the ability to recount how many times I've played it. Which comes at the cost of no longer remembering the feeling of the first time I experienced it. I've been a massive contender for a third instalment since 2010 and the very thought has consumed my life. I just want to feel the way these games made me feel one more time before I can't anymore.
This game may not capture the pure visceral essence the first game does, but if Galaxy 1 is more than a 5 star to me it'd be a crime to rate this any lower.

Thin crust, pepperoni, banana peppers, crushed red peppers, a little bit of grated parm of sean cheese, anchovies. You gotta have anchovies.

I wouldn't say I've been resistant to playing Pizza Tower, but I've definitely been dragging my heels. A classic case of Weatherby preferring to wait until something releases on console, or until a friend (thank you, Appreciations) buys it for me. Many cases of this happening. I am contractually mandated to play and finish The Evil Within 2 now because Larry Davis knew the only way I'd pick it up is if the overbearing weight of obligation forced me to. I guess you could say I get in my own way sometimes, but this sort of forceful nudging usually results in me having a good time, and Pizza Tower is no exception.

Barreling through enemies, charging through barriers, executing split-second rolls and leaps, careening into and up walls, and letting your momentum carry you to new areas all feels very Wario-esque, but I was surprised to see how much Pizza Tower took from other fast paced platformers like Sonic (I swear the sirens at the start of Not Legally Actionable Noid's boss fight are from Stardust Speedway), and even Super Metroid with how often you need to make tall vertical leaps à la Samus' shinespark. If you told me Pizza Tower was assembled and baked specifically for people suffering from terminal speedrunner brain, I'd believe you.

However, Pizza Tower is still very approachable for those who don't. I definitely had my share of botched inputs and there were a few sections that took me a number of attempts before I had the execution down, but once you fall into the right rhythm and embody Mr. Pepperoni or whatever the fuck his name is, it feels really good. It's also one of those games where executing on what it expects of you makes you feel like a speedrunner, even if it's actually taking you 30 whole minutes to beat the golf level.

My only real complaint is that you're never really at risk of losing a life until the chase sequence at the end of every level, and if you botch that you get to do the whole thing over again, which given the length of some levels is a bit of a problem. Though the game is checkpoint adverse, this is a somewhat minor complaint as I only managed to die probably four or five times during the course of the game.

I surprisingly don't have too much to say about the aesthetics other than that they're very good. Very 90s Nicktoons, lot of hyper-exaggerated faces and animations that lean so hard into the squash and stretch that you'd think everyone is made out of some kind of goop. That sort of elastic, malleable quality goes a long way towards selling the player on how chaotic, violent, and fast the game is. The soundtrack is terrific, too, and I especially like the full final boss suite and escape themes.

I think Pizza Tower is a pretty good game that I'm sure everyone reading this played months before I got to it, and you probably don't need me propping it up even more. I probably should've gotten to it much earlier in the year, but hey, better late than never. Excited for them to announce a physical edition for consoles in like, the next month.