I must humbly request that Backloggd adds a 0 stars option, because this is without a doubt the single worst game I've ever played.

I've groaned through Sonic 06's absurd loadtimes. I've witnessed firsthand Action 52's hilarious masquerade as a piece of electronic entertainment. I've crept my way through Castlevania: The Adventure's busted halls. I've even just recently experienced Mega Man X6's completely unhinged, Adderall-fueled game design. None of that even vaguely compares to the embodiment of utter incompetence that Mega Man X7 is.

Nothing here works. The graphics are a special kind of ugly, like a child's crayon interpretation of Mega Man but with none of the charm. The controls are delayed and clunky, only worsened by the floaty physics, glacial speed at which the game moves and abominable collision. The music is uninspired. The obnoxious voice acting and its incessant use are a relentless assault on the player's auditory senses. The level design is bland at best, indescribably bad at worst. The bosses are all good reasons why I'm adamantly pro-choice. Even the fucking menus are dysfunctional.

Please, for the love of god, do not play this game. I know curiosity can get the best of us, but there is nothing to be gained from even acknowledging that it exists.

I really don't know how I feel about this game, if I feel anything at all. I absolutely had fun with it, no doubt about it, but as I pen this while the credits roll, I can't help but think it was somewhat of a hollow experience. There are plenty of changes I wholeheartedly approve of like the more fluid controls, omission of QTEs and of course the thicker atmosphere and heavier emphasis on exploration, but other things like the stealth elements and parry mechanics feel underdeveloped. Some of the setpieces and bosses also feel really uninspired and unquestionably worse than those in the original, and the tone is so self-serious that when there's even a bit of levity, it comes across as forced. "Your right hand comes off?" is really fucking cringey, but at least embarrassment is an emotion. The writing here makes me feel nothing.

When this game was announced, I thought that, despite my criticisms of it, Resident Evil 4 did not need a remake; it's already a modern game, so modern that games are still ripping it off. The remake has done nothing but reaffirm that notion for me, even though I was entertained by it.

I really feel like I should hate this for its frequent, sometimes long and always self-indulgent cutscenes that tell the most batshit plot I've ever seen, as well as for its slow and repetitive gameplay, but there's something so charming about it that kept me hooked till the end. Exploring the snowy landscapes, hunting animals and blasting away at The Thing-lookin' ass monsters in surprisingly functional combat sequences all has sort of a relaxing quality, and the characters are actually pretty interesting despite their places in whatever the fuck this story's supposed to be. I'm not sure if I'd ever play it again, but I'm glad I finally gave it at least one go.

If replaying Blood Omen was bittersweet, this was an emotional roller coaster. I started out as enthusiastic about it as I had been during my first playthrough, but as it went on my heart slowly started to sink.

"Were the controls really this fucked when I played it all those years ago," I asked myself.
"Was the camera this unresponsive?"
"Were the jumping and combat this awkward?"
"An open-ended adventure game with no map? What is this, fucking Simon's Quest?"
"WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO, GAME?"

Then around the three-quarter mark when all the cool moves are unlocked and you're free to explore the splendidly dour land of Nosgoth, draped in its oppressive atmosphere backed by a sublimely moody soundtrack, we were so fucking back.

I can't bring myself to hate this game, even with all its egregious shortcomings. It's just too brilliantly presented with too many great ideas that, despite not always reaching their full (or sometimes even half of) their potential, are so commendable, especially for its time. It's "soul" in its purest, most distilled form, no pun intended.

I love Alan Wake. I love Remedy. I should be sucking this game off like everybody else is, but I just can't. The story's great, if even more indulgent than standard Remedy fare. The art design is outstanding. There are some fun setpieces. Those are about the only exceptional things. The gameplay is generally fine with a number of interesting ideas, but a few odd design choices and basic missteps make it feel even clunkier than the original at times. Worst of all, it's absolutely steeped in technical issues and bugs that have an inherent impact on the experience, from missing audio and visual queues to clipping out of bounds and softlocks. Did I play a different game than everyone else? Unless I'm in the Dark Place too, this game was not ready for launch. I'm sure it'll end up like Control, where in a few months all of the kinks will be worked out and it'll be more polished, but as of now, I feel pretty underwhelmed by one of the few games my jaded ass was genuinely excited for in years. I fucking hate video games.

I really wanted to love this game, but its issues really stick in my craw. Combat's alright, with a cool dodge mechanic and satisfying weapons, but it's also kinda wonky, with an auto aim that often hinders you more than it helps. The only indication you've switched to manual aim only appears when you actually do it; an icon at the bottom of the screen when you draw your weapon really would have helped.

Enemies are spongey as a motherfucker, they tend to hide behind scenery which leads to a lot of cheap hits, and some are really questionably designed (near-invisible ghosts that have like 4 million HP, ladies that vomit bats with almost no limit). There's also the fact that I'm pretty certain this is the only survival horror game I've ever played that doesn't have a map, which is just baffling. I suppose the academy the game takes place in isn't that big, but there are still enough rooms to make things confusing at times, and a map would have eased that.

The story's okay, though the protagonist is utterly unlikable. The general presentation is pretty nice, I don't really have any complaints there, and the level design and puzzles are well done. It's a decent game overall, but its flaws are prevalent enough to where I'd only mildly recommend it to survival horror/JRPG fans.