It's Summah once again!

What's that? Not according to the Gregorian calendar? Pfft. I follow the Kremer calendar, and it says Summah begins when the thermostat hits 90 degrees. Well guess what? There's a heat advisory all next week, highs in the 110's, which means Summah's back and this time it intends to kill us all. Luckly, I am a willing sacrifice.

But I can't succumb to a glorious Summah stroke just as the season's begun, which means my normal workout routine of smashing back two cans of NOS, scream-sprinting 10km to the local community college and ripping bushes directly out of the ground is too "high risk." I'm afraid this year I'll need to get virtual, which is why I picked up a copy of DecAthlete for the Sega Saturn.

DecAthelete is a small collection of Olympic sporting events with rudimentary controls, most of which amount to mashing a button as rapidly as possible or in time to what's happening on screen. For someone like me who has aged, arthritic hands, this is actually something of a real workout. My arm was burning by the time I finished this game. It's for a younger crowd, not a man well into his 30s whose body is rapidly falling apart because massive quantities of CMPLX6 have accumulated in their joints. Ooough... it's ok, i just.... i need more of the juice

Although you could look at this very reductively and write it off as a basic, barebones collection of minigames based off real-world sporting events, it's the presentation that pulls it all together into something a bit more charming and worthy of your time than that. I could see someone finding it all to be a bit mundane, but I think DecAthelete works as a nice, breezy little arcade game that you can pick up and play for 30-40 minutes. Far from a hidden gem but worth grabbing for its low aftermarket price (if you're going for a Japanese copy.)

BUT IS IT A SUMMAH GAME?

Working out under blue skies, wearing cute short shorts, and caving in someone's skull by accidentally throwing the shot put into the stands... don't get much more Summah than that! The ensuing foot chase with the authorities only increases my Summah fitness.

As with last year, I've put this game through a series of tests, which included a hurdle race. Though DecAthelete failed to clear a single hurdle and simply laid there on the ground like a bum, I assume it merely wanted to bask in the hot Summah sun. A perfectly fine excuse to put off such rigorous activities. I sympathize, DecAthelete.

However, this year I've decided to be more transparent, and am sharing my methodology: the weighted Summah Index Scale, on which DecAthele has earned a 77.25, placing it on the mid-low end of being a Summah game.

shit the cops found me fuc k