2023
You know that joke in the intro of Banjo nuts and bolts, where they make fun of collectathon platformers by pretending to start the game...And it's a bit where they fill every inch of spiral mountain with a floating nothing maguffin and go "yeah it's banjo tradition to collect as many pointless objects as possible" only to go "No this is too painful to watch no one wants this anymore". That joke is upsetting in the context of Banjo because the og games weren't like that in the slightest. They were adventure games that were fun to explore, not mindless collectathons where you're just guzzling down meaningless collectibles by the hundreds. That annoyingly reductive perception of the genre, is what this game genuinely is like.
I could easily ramble on about the overall unpolished nature of Clive 'n' Wrench, but I honestly can't say I find stuff like that to effect a game's quality. There's not a single game that has me going Wow it would be so great but ooo the glitches man it ruins the whole thing I have it in my heart to defend this game and say it controls well, your moveset is fun, and there's occasional aspects of this game that feel like someone put their heart and soul into it for ten years (because that's what happened). I love unloved 3D platformers man. Like yeah the swimming controls were clearly never figured out so they just never did any real swimming sections...And the final collectible refused to spawn until the third time I completed the mission....And after getting the achievement for 100%ing the game, it still said I was missing one collectible. To get my reward I had to find out online that there's a pot that infinitely spawns that may or may not be an intentional failsafe for that situation...And load times are somewhat bad even on PS5... So yeah, it's rough as hecc, I mean what other game in this genre has a glitchy collectibles counter like that? What other game in the genre doesn't have a level stats page for that matter...But anyway, literally none of that matters to me. Poorly made games can be fun. This game though, is pretty miserable.
My experience was a bit of a roller coaster. Starting with me ignoring this game due to its Nick Jr. mobile phone game lookin' artwork. Then I snagged it physically for like 3$ at gamestop and I found that it had an earnest albeit amateur style to it that I was kind of vibing with. And the first level taking place in a house while you're tiny had some Toy Story 2 game vibes and I was all for it. But very quickly I realized this game's fatal flaw that would get worse and worse as I got further.
This game is designed like Spyro Enter the Dragonfly. Which is to say, as I alluded to at the start, the main collectible is scattered by the literal thousands in every single inch of every map. Sometimes not even spaced 2 feet apart. It wants you to just arbitrarily step on every single possible location to collect them all. There's such a balance to a good collectathon, stuff like Banjo keeps every collectible feeling satisfying and important to collect. BK is designed AROUND the collectibles. 100 notes per level let's make sections specifically to hide a few notes in, or a platforming section for a jinjo, y'know some kind of game design. This game feels like they made a boring featureless map and filled it to the brim with as many collectibles it could fit to hide how little is going on. This game will really ask you to find ONE THOUSAND floating timepieces in a SINGLE level and has the gall to not actually design anything around collecting them. As far as I know there's no gates or anything, they're truly pointless unless you're going for 100%. Which makes me wonder if an any% playthrough of the game would be more enjoyable. I imagine it would leave me feeling less actively negative but no less unimpressed, as the star/jiggy equivalent here is also treated pretty poorly. Occasionally they feel good to find but there's a lot of repeat challenges and otherwise they're often just sitting out in the open. Something about them just doesn't feel that fun to collect.
Like I said, I have it in my heart to stick up for this game and say it's actually alright. This is the exact kind of thing I WOULD be into. I want shorter games with worse graphics made by people who are paid more to work less and I'm NOT joking. But good heavens man don't make Spyro Enter the Dragonfly your blueprint for collectathon world design. I almost want to try again and just ignore everything but the required coins, just so I can come back and give this a more respectable score like a 2 1/2 or something. But running around, my eyes glued to the featureless floor, picking up worthless floating things for 7 hours was pretty miserable I cannot lie. And if collecting things in your collectathon platformer with very little platforming in it is boring, there's only so much I can really say.
I could easily ramble on about the overall unpolished nature of Clive 'n' Wrench, but I honestly can't say I find stuff like that to effect a game's quality. There's not a single game that has me going Wow it would be so great but ooo the glitches man it ruins the whole thing I have it in my heart to defend this game and say it controls well, your moveset is fun, and there's occasional aspects of this game that feel like someone put their heart and soul into it for ten years (because that's what happened). I love unloved 3D platformers man. Like yeah the swimming controls were clearly never figured out so they just never did any real swimming sections...And the final collectible refused to spawn until the third time I completed the mission....And after getting the achievement for 100%ing the game, it still said I was missing one collectible. To get my reward I had to find out online that there's a pot that infinitely spawns that may or may not be an intentional failsafe for that situation...And load times are somewhat bad even on PS5... So yeah, it's rough as hecc, I mean what other game in this genre has a glitchy collectibles counter like that? What other game in the genre doesn't have a level stats page for that matter...But anyway, literally none of that matters to me. Poorly made games can be fun. This game though, is pretty miserable.
My experience was a bit of a roller coaster. Starting with me ignoring this game due to its Nick Jr. mobile phone game lookin' artwork. Then I snagged it physically for like 3$ at gamestop and I found that it had an earnest albeit amateur style to it that I was kind of vibing with. And the first level taking place in a house while you're tiny had some Toy Story 2 game vibes and I was all for it. But very quickly I realized this game's fatal flaw that would get worse and worse as I got further.
This game is designed like Spyro Enter the Dragonfly. Which is to say, as I alluded to at the start, the main collectible is scattered by the literal thousands in every single inch of every map. Sometimes not even spaced 2 feet apart. It wants you to just arbitrarily step on every single possible location to collect them all. There's such a balance to a good collectathon, stuff like Banjo keeps every collectible feeling satisfying and important to collect. BK is designed AROUND the collectibles. 100 notes per level let's make sections specifically to hide a few notes in, or a platforming section for a jinjo, y'know some kind of game design. This game feels like they made a boring featureless map and filled it to the brim with as many collectibles it could fit to hide how little is going on. This game will really ask you to find ONE THOUSAND floating timepieces in a SINGLE level and has the gall to not actually design anything around collecting them. As far as I know there's no gates or anything, they're truly pointless unless you're going for 100%. Which makes me wonder if an any% playthrough of the game would be more enjoyable. I imagine it would leave me feeling less actively negative but no less unimpressed, as the star/jiggy equivalent here is also treated pretty poorly. Occasionally they feel good to find but there's a lot of repeat challenges and otherwise they're often just sitting out in the open. Something about them just doesn't feel that fun to collect.
Like I said, I have it in my heart to stick up for this game and say it's actually alright. This is the exact kind of thing I WOULD be into. I want shorter games with worse graphics made by people who are paid more to work less and I'm NOT joking. But good heavens man don't make Spyro Enter the Dragonfly your blueprint for collectathon world design. I almost want to try again and just ignore everything but the required coins, just so I can come back and give this a more respectable score like a 2 1/2 or something. But running around, my eyes glued to the featureless floor, picking up worthless floating things for 7 hours was pretty miserable I cannot lie. And if collecting things in your collectathon platformer with very little platforming in it is boring, there's only so much I can really say.
2004
I'm in love with this game's style and concept. Open world collectathon pinball Mario game? Sounds like game of the year material to me. Sadly this is one of the only examples of Nintendo putting out a straight up frustrating, unpolished experience who's mechanics needed some serious fine tuning. The flippers are just too small to have the level of control the game asks of you.
A form of pure torture, but in a somewhat based way.
A form of pure torture, but in a somewhat based way.
2002
No series filters me quite like Mega Man. I'm already a hater of how lives are implemented in both normal and X MM games. I usually love lives in old games, I love being forced to git gud, I'm a heckin battletoads fan man. But Megaman's lives system has tormented me to no end. But to find out that getting a game over in this one locks you out of completing the stage? It's SO rare for me to say this but I find this truly makes the game entirely unplayable beyond all reason. I hesitate to say because it's such a tired trope to compare difficult things to this particular series, and thus feels like it invalidates anything I say, but like...Imagine if in Dark Souls you died once on the lead up to the fight, then died to the fight 2 times. Then the game said lol you failed idiot you're locked out of this content now and as a result are now weaker going into the rest of the game. Forgive the brief tangent but how is it that people hold decades long grudges against incredibly forgiving Sonic games for having an ounce of difficulty at points but Mega Man's allowed to be actively sadistic at all times and be applauded while doing it? MM fans truly built different, more power to 'em. This is where I draw the line tho I'd sooner learn hardcore Kaizo Mario stuff, this is just cruel and unusual.
But yeah I was able to beat this through the modern collection which added built in save points. Makes the game at least playable. Then it's just the typical MM formula of having extremely easy, nothing levels, capped with trial and error boss fights that are 50 times more challenging than anything leading up to them. Nothing too memorable, there's only like one song in the ost I actually like, the story's really not worth it either. If I was reviewing the modern release I'd probably say like a 2 maybe a 2.5. But playing on actual GBA hardware as was originally intended is truly miserable.
One of the many examples of your average megaman game being impossible to play and X6 being better in every way. Time to do another no-armor X6 run 'cuz that's a solid enjoyable challenge instead of the psychotic, poorly designed trainwrecks seen in so much of the franchise elsewhere.
But yeah I was able to beat this through the modern collection which added built in save points. Makes the game at least playable. Then it's just the typical MM formula of having extremely easy, nothing levels, capped with trial and error boss fights that are 50 times more challenging than anything leading up to them. Nothing too memorable, there's only like one song in the ost I actually like, the story's really not worth it either. If I was reviewing the modern release I'd probably say like a 2 maybe a 2.5. But playing on actual GBA hardware as was originally intended is truly miserable.
One of the many examples of your average megaman game being impossible to play and X6 being better in every way. Time to do another no-armor X6 run 'cuz that's a solid enjoyable challenge instead of the psychotic, poorly designed trainwrecks seen in so much of the franchise elsewhere.
1979
This review contains spoilers
It's very hard to quantify a 42 year old game with a score. But, what's important with a game this old is that it's still fun! The very simple premise of getting into a castle, stealing their chalice, and running it back to your own castle still holds up. The game's of course very simple though perhaps best experienced blind. Not everyone's gonna be able to really get into it, but you may be surprised at how the intended emotions the game wants to give off, are still effective to this day. So as funny as it sounds, spoiler warning. All you really gotta know going in is that pressing select on the screen with a number cycles between 3 different quests, intended to be played in order.
I like how you hold the items differently depending on how you run into them, adding a small wrinkle to combat / item management / tools. The first level is the smallest one. It serves to teach you what all the items do, and allows you to learn the goal of the game on a smaller map with less obstacles. The second doubles the size of the map with more mazes and another castle. I like that the second level makes the bridge a mandatory item. Kinda cool to be able to walk through any wall as long as you place the bridge on top of it.
The biggest addition though to quest 2, is bats. They fly around and will sometimes swoop in and steal the item you're holding. If they're already holding an item they'll swap it, basically trading you. These can be a bit obnoxious, but if you've got the patience for a bat stealing your key mere steps away from opening the final castle, they do add some much needed depth to the game. I like to see it as non-scripted story telling. Items begin being taken all over the map and shuffled around, who knows what the bats are doing off screen. Seems like they sometimes drop the items off at a designated spot (I think, if they just happen to cross into that room, not sure they're actually coded to GO there on purpose)
The antics that can happen with the bats is pretty wild. For example the bats can actually carry the dragons. Scary stuff. Had an interaction where a bat used a dragon to eat me while I was holding an important key. I didn't want the bat to drop the dragon and steal the key so I grabbed the bat, while in the dragon's stomach. This gave me some movement. Allowing me to grab the key, (which dropped the bat, making it fly me around, still in the dragon) I dropped the key in a good spot and once the bat was far enough away I pressed the respawn button. Walked back and the key was right where I left it.
Absolutely wild interactions like this feel like they really capture the imagination in a way many modern adventure games struggle to do imo.
The dragons are great and also the only way to die. Something fairly unique is that you don't actually die when eaten. You can twitch around in their belly. This is what allowed the freedom to play with the bat that way.
I also appreciate that there's no lives or game overs. It would be much harder to appreciate this game if it reset entirely after being eaten, as especially in level 3, they can be very oppressive. But at the press of a button you'll be taken back to your castle ready to try and squeeze past them again. Really keeps the pace up and lets you get immersed in a single playthrough since it only truly ends when you either win or give up. The dragon's piercing bitcrushed roar paired with the sudden screen transitions may actually shock you a bit at times. The way they chase you once you grab the chalice out from under them can easily feel very tense. I like that they don't just kill you with touch damage either. They actually trap you in their mouth for a moment and you have a split second to get yourself out before you're swallowed.
Level 3 is interestingly, a randomizer. Super cool to see an item randomizer built into what was among the first of its kind, as that's only really blowing up in the modern age with fan made mods for the most part. Older Resident Evil games played around with the idea but for the most part it's not something you see a whole lot even today. I hear it's technically possible to get an item layout that makes the game impossible to complete. Which isn't ideal but the game's VERY short, so it's not too big a deal imo.
There's is actually a hidden 4th level in a way. You may have heard about this game being the first example of an Easter egg. Well, fed up with Atari's policies on not crediting their programmers, the developer hid his name in the game under their noses. There's a very specific, VERY cryptic set of events you can do to access a hidden room. Involving a 1 pixel item hidden in a dark room behind a wall you need the bridge to cross and taking it to a very specific place with like 3 other items to open a wall. I love this stuff.
This has always been one of my favorite Atari games, first played on one of those plug and play consoles in the 2000's. It feels kind of weird to score it so high for some reason, but I really don't see a reason to arbitrarily score it lower for its age. I think it succeeds very well in what it set out to do, in ways that still feel ahead of current year. I'm just impressed by how not-aged it feels. Of course, coming from someone who really appreciates the less structured nature of classic niche adventure games. It's not something that's going to hold your attention for weeks or anything but what it accomplished so long ago is more than I can ask for. Rad game :)
I like how you hold the items differently depending on how you run into them, adding a small wrinkle to combat / item management / tools. The first level is the smallest one. It serves to teach you what all the items do, and allows you to learn the goal of the game on a smaller map with less obstacles. The second doubles the size of the map with more mazes and another castle. I like that the second level makes the bridge a mandatory item. Kinda cool to be able to walk through any wall as long as you place the bridge on top of it.
The biggest addition though to quest 2, is bats. They fly around and will sometimes swoop in and steal the item you're holding. If they're already holding an item they'll swap it, basically trading you. These can be a bit obnoxious, but if you've got the patience for a bat stealing your key mere steps away from opening the final castle, they do add some much needed depth to the game. I like to see it as non-scripted story telling. Items begin being taken all over the map and shuffled around, who knows what the bats are doing off screen. Seems like they sometimes drop the items off at a designated spot (I think, if they just happen to cross into that room, not sure they're actually coded to GO there on purpose)
The antics that can happen with the bats is pretty wild. For example the bats can actually carry the dragons. Scary stuff. Had an interaction where a bat used a dragon to eat me while I was holding an important key. I didn't want the bat to drop the dragon and steal the key so I grabbed the bat, while in the dragon's stomach. This gave me some movement. Allowing me to grab the key, (which dropped the bat, making it fly me around, still in the dragon) I dropped the key in a good spot and once the bat was far enough away I pressed the respawn button. Walked back and the key was right where I left it.
Absolutely wild interactions like this feel like they really capture the imagination in a way many modern adventure games struggle to do imo.
The dragons are great and also the only way to die. Something fairly unique is that you don't actually die when eaten. You can twitch around in their belly. This is what allowed the freedom to play with the bat that way.
I also appreciate that there's no lives or game overs. It would be much harder to appreciate this game if it reset entirely after being eaten, as especially in level 3, they can be very oppressive. But at the press of a button you'll be taken back to your castle ready to try and squeeze past them again. Really keeps the pace up and lets you get immersed in a single playthrough since it only truly ends when you either win or give up. The dragon's piercing bitcrushed roar paired with the sudden screen transitions may actually shock you a bit at times. The way they chase you once you grab the chalice out from under them can easily feel very tense. I like that they don't just kill you with touch damage either. They actually trap you in their mouth for a moment and you have a split second to get yourself out before you're swallowed.
Level 3 is interestingly, a randomizer. Super cool to see an item randomizer built into what was among the first of its kind, as that's only really blowing up in the modern age with fan made mods for the most part. Older Resident Evil games played around with the idea but for the most part it's not something you see a whole lot even today. I hear it's technically possible to get an item layout that makes the game impossible to complete. Which isn't ideal but the game's VERY short, so it's not too big a deal imo.
There's is actually a hidden 4th level in a way. You may have heard about this game being the first example of an Easter egg. Well, fed up with Atari's policies on not crediting their programmers, the developer hid his name in the game under their noses. There's a very specific, VERY cryptic set of events you can do to access a hidden room. Involving a 1 pixel item hidden in a dark room behind a wall you need the bridge to cross and taking it to a very specific place with like 3 other items to open a wall. I love this stuff.
This has always been one of my favorite Atari games, first played on one of those plug and play consoles in the 2000's. It feels kind of weird to score it so high for some reason, but I really don't see a reason to arbitrarily score it lower for its age. I think it succeeds very well in what it set out to do, in ways that still feel ahead of current year. I'm just impressed by how not-aged it feels. Of course, coming from someone who really appreciates the less structured nature of classic niche adventure games. It's not something that's going to hold your attention for weeks or anything but what it accomplished so long ago is more than I can ask for. Rad game :)
2019
Really fun idea that for some reason burns through all its content asap, so you can see everything it has to offer in under an hour. If you had to unlock the next stage through a high score or challenge or SOMETHING there'd be something here. It might have been an update they did at some point to just auto unlock everything from the start but that just makes this game feel like one of those achievement farming shovelware games.
It's an inherently fun concept, and it plays well, but the game around it undermines itself. You truly gotta have no interest beyond arcade style leaderboards to get anything out of playing for more than an hour. And even then I seem to remember the leaderboards being busted.
First game on steam I ever refunded, which succs cuz it's not a bad game but they just go out of their way to spoil the whole thing.
It's an inherently fun concept, and it plays well, but the game around it undermines itself. You truly gotta have no interest beyond arcade style leaderboards to get anything out of playing for more than an hour. And even then I seem to remember the leaderboards being busted.
First game on steam I ever refunded, which succs cuz it's not a bad game but they just go out of their way to spoil the whole thing.
This review contains spoilers
I desperately want to like this game a lot more than I do. The presentation is good and it overall feels pretty good to play. And I love that it exists at all, I'm begging for more licensed games. But it just feels like it's on autopilot. Collectathon elements are hugely downplayed here in favor of focusing on incredibly average platforming, and I really think that does this game no favors. BFBB was good because it leaned on its strengths most of the time, this instead hones in on every weakness more often than not. Levels are long and really straightforward so going back to 100% them is a chore. The writing is ok as far as modern spongebob goes, (Frankly better than BFBB's writing by a longshot, and they actually got Tom Clancy for Mr. Krabbs for once) And there was a few fun boss fights and highlights here and there. But big picture a lot of it is a lot more dull than it should be.
BFBB isn't beloved for its platforming prowess and variety of combat encounters, the refusal to just make a BK styled game in the modern era is just an act of self sabotage and I don't get it. It's serviceable and not entirely miserable if you're in the mood for something mindless and you're a fan of the series. But it doesn't go hard. They really got the iconic Band Geeks song "Sweet Victory" to drum up hype in the trailer, and then proceed to NOT play it until the credits. Bro play it during the final boss, where's the vision? It's not hard to go hard dude why do modern games not understand this? Play sweet victory during the final boss and the score goes up, it's that heckin easy, you have the song. Why everything gotta be so limp bro just go hard why is everything so afraid to go hard now? Losing my mind, it's so close just be heckin cool man what's this era's fascination with surface level callbacks combined with a strict wall saying we're not allowed to do anything with said callbacks?
Also this industry really do be so starved for ideas we've ended up with dodge rolls in heckin' Spongebob combat come on dude.
I guess I'll spoiler warning just 'cuz I mentioned it plays sweet victory even tho they used it in the trailer. But did they REALLY use it?
BFBB isn't beloved for its platforming prowess and variety of combat encounters, the refusal to just make a BK styled game in the modern era is just an act of self sabotage and I don't get it. It's serviceable and not entirely miserable if you're in the mood for something mindless and you're a fan of the series. But it doesn't go hard. They really got the iconic Band Geeks song "Sweet Victory" to drum up hype in the trailer, and then proceed to NOT play it until the credits. Bro play it during the final boss, where's the vision? It's not hard to go hard dude why do modern games not understand this? Play sweet victory during the final boss and the score goes up, it's that heckin easy, you have the song. Why everything gotta be so limp bro just go hard why is everything so afraid to go hard now? Losing my mind, it's so close just be heckin cool man what's this era's fascination with surface level callbacks combined with a strict wall saying we're not allowed to do anything with said callbacks?
Also this industry really do be so starved for ideas we've ended up with dodge rolls in heckin' Spongebob combat come on dude.
I guess I'll spoiler warning just 'cuz I mentioned it plays sweet victory even tho they used it in the trailer. But did they REALLY use it?
2004
This review contains spoilers
Jak 3 is a messy unfocused version of 2. The throw everything at the wall insanity of 2 somehow worked just about flawlessly in that game's favor. The same approach isn't so graceful here. Pacing is dramatically worse as mission variety took a huge hit. 2 had a perfect balance between platforming, vehicles, and minigames. 3's got a MUCH bigger focus on vehicle missions. Which would be fine in any other game in this series. The hovercars were fun in the first game, they slew in the second, and the racing game that they made after this is amazing. This time the cars are chunky and slow in comparison. Goodbye hovercars with a good sense of speed and perfect controls. Hello slow dirt buggies that flip and slide at the slightest tap of any minor bump in the road. They're not all terrible but they're just never as fun as the rest of the series. This game takes a lot longer to hit its stride than any other game in the series, and honestly I'm not sure it ever does.
Not only is the balance in styles worse, the styles themselves are done worse. I've already mentioned the vehicles. But platforming especially has taken a HUGE hit. It's rare it even shows up and when it does it feels like it's put together in something more primitive than the original Mario Maker. So blocky and uninteresting a lot of the time. I loved every minigame in the first 2 but here I can't really say I feel anything for any of 'em. Guns all get an obnoxious amount of upgrades and you're just obscenely overpowered really quick. Jak gets health upgrades throughout the story as well, and the enemies just can't keep up. You've also got new light powers that are cool during their tutorials, but there's so little platforming in the game you'll forget you have a majority of them. One of the light powers is actually just effectively a "heal to max hp" button. Bosses here are lesser in both quantity and quality compared to 2, or even 1 honestly. Instead of having an actual battle with someone they're the kind of boss that just has you fight a wave of copy paste enemies, then hit the glowing weak point, repeat 3-4 times. The final boss actually has a light eco vent in the arena, meaning you have infinite healing during the final boss. They really took the "it's too hard" complaint with 2 to heart and this game just lost all its teeth as a result. If the only problem was that the game was easy I could maybe forgive it but even the story just kinda sucks here. Which is a shame 'cuz Jak 2's story is one of my favorites in gaming.
-The rest of this review is entirely about the story just as a heads up.-
Again, just like the various gameplay elements, the story is more interested in bringing up new stuff, going nowhere with it, and then introducing something else. Just straight up making a mess of the lore and characters, throwing a plethora of questions it has no intention of answering. Major plot revelations are given quick 20 second interactions and dropped. Most characters aren't given room to do anything of note. Samos and Kiera for the first time are functionally nonexistent. Kiera's VA is changed and as a result was practically written out of the game. It's not just a messy story, SO much of it is explicitly filler. The game's already got 20 minutes less in the cutscene department compared to Jak2, and yet so much time goes by without any legitimate forward progression. Then when it does move it doesn't make ANY sense ever. At one point you meet Ashelin who tries to convince Jak to come back to the city, they need his help. Jak then says "They can ROT for all I care, I'm through saving the world!" The LITERAL NEXT THING YOU DO, is go to the city and start helping them out. I think they were trying to imply gaining light powers is balancing out his darkness, and you DO get a new light power, though that's on the way there. Not sure why he was even going there to begin with. In execution it feels really weak, and more like they wanted major scenes without any of the leadup or follow through. When you get back to the city Samos says the city needs his help and Jak responds as though this is the first he's hearing this even though he was just asked for help and harshly declined 2 minutes ago. "Huh they need me again? What else is new" -goes to help them-
It's not just telling a messy uneventful story, it's going off the rails beyond all reason while doing so. To the point where it's just like yeah ok guy we saw die in the second game is back as a cyborg and he's an entire villainous faction on the same threat level as the metal heads that we supposedly stamped out in the previous game but are here anyway. Last second just pose the idea that Jak is god of this world sure whatever man. I really think it just kinda sucks no matter how hard you try to give the benefit of the doubt.
There's a lot more I could go on about, but I don't like rambling about plotholes 'cuz I'm pretty good at filling stuff like that in on my own. I don't need every single step spelled out for me, I'm a Kingdom Hearts fan dude, I'm down for some stories that need you to meet halfway. I just find this incredibly weak and meandering. The fact it often doesn't make any sense is just icing on the cake. A whole lot of dry "Jak u need to do us a lil' favor" cutscenes that feel like they made the level and didn't know how to tie it into the story. Jak's constantly picking up plot maguffins in every other scene, very rarely is it explained why or how or whatever the point of them is but he sure do be having his own little collectathon adventure in the cutscenes that we don't truly get to engage with as the viewer in any way. Feels lost in translation even though this isn't a Japanese first game.
Like I said, I don't like babbling about plotholes, but this game makes that impossible. Truly some first draft trainwrecks here.
This new character Vegar that was supposedly always there, has enough power in the city council to get Jak banished to the desert despite saving the city and being celebrated in the previous game...And is supposedly "drunk on power" Ashelin says. And then in a random scene, Ashelin, who's been there THE ENTIRE TIME, straight up just says "I dissolve the city council and strip you of your power". Just fires the dude and that's that. She was the Baron's daughter she's literally in charge of what's a literal dictatorship right? At the start she apologizes and says there's nothing she could do, the council they made up for this game is SO powerful that their leader's protest was overruled, but she has the power to completely dissolve it??? Jak's able to come back to the city on his own and is welcome back by every single character. Why'd we have to go through all this song and dance proving ourselves as wastelanders when at any point you could have just come out and given Jak a ride back to town and dissolve the council? Then Vegar gets all mad and threatens them then does almost nothing for the rest of the game. I could try and muster up some fan theory but this game's just not fun to think about, it just gets worse the more you dig in, which is the opposite of how I felt about 2.
And some of the major elements feel so amateurish.
Damas says to Jak;
"Didn't your father tell you to pick your battles wisely?"
"I didn't know my father..." -Awkward silence-
18 minutes of scenes later Sig reveals he was spying in haven city 'cuz Damas wanted him to find something he lost. Almost the very next scene Damas be like
"I mustn't lose you...Like I lost....My son......."
They then want it to be a big emotional moment when it's revealed near the end of the game that Jak is his son. I get it's one of those things that you could say is about waiting for the characters to realize it, and the moment they find out has a tragic element to it. Like in-universe it's fine I guess, probably one of the less horribly stupid major elements. But it just sticks out in my head as really uninteresting writing. The missing family plot is written like a random kid's cartoon that ran out of storylines and needs to pick an overdone trope out of a hat. Trolls 3 suddenly has Poppy thinkin about how cool it would be if she had a sister, omg no way her long lost sister that was never remotely hinted at in the previous 2 movies shows up out of nowhere isn't that a crazy coincidence? It's that kind of awkward "THIS IS WHAT THE STORY OF THE WEEK IS KIDS" type telegraphing that just makes this feel so lame here. And it's like they weren't even confident this plot was good enough to carry the game so they also threw in the same scene that Jak's real name is Mar, which implies he's a god. Maybe he's just named after their god? But we physically see him take off with the gods of their world in the ending. Except in the same scene it acts like we DIDN'T just watch him get into a ship and fly off. It just boils my beans at every turn, denying any possible explanation. One of the last lines in the game is "Wait..Jak is Mar? THE mar?" Ashelin asks, getting nothing but a small nod from a monk standing near her. Only possible thing that makes sense is after we saw him leave, he went back in time to create the universe then used his god powers to come back to the exact point he left and just acted like it didn't happen?????????????
Funny I always hear of people not liking the reveal of what the precursors are. I never minded it. Doesn't really hurt any established lore and actually ties back to the first game in a cool way. Why are the gods of this world randomly met in some underground cave though? Why did they say Jak's proven himself worthy of becoming one of them, then Vegar says NO, EVOLVE ME INTO A GOD INSTEAD and then they just go "lol ok" and turn him into one of them instead of Jak. Then they say they're disappointed in Jak suddenly? (And of course Vegar only actually transforms like a full minute after getting blasted by their evolve light 'cuz they had to reveal what the precursors were first) Then they turn Daxter's GF into one 'cuz she wanted pants like Daxter was wearing? Full on "This series is over and we do NOT care anymore" energy. The bit that Ottsels are actually what the precursors are is kinda cool, genuinely the only aspect I kinda like in this game's plot.
I'm not usually one to make 80% of my review about the story but the gameplay's just a downgrade from 2 and otherwise this is such a mediocre final chapter through and through. TL;DR would just be -mid, toothless version of 2 with an actively self sabotaging story- Jak X was a better followup to Jak 2 than this, and actually gave the characters a lot more room to actually exist and do stuff. It's sacrilege to say but I genuinely like High Impact games' Jak and Daxter the lost frontier better than this.
Not only is the balance in styles worse, the styles themselves are done worse. I've already mentioned the vehicles. But platforming especially has taken a HUGE hit. It's rare it even shows up and when it does it feels like it's put together in something more primitive than the original Mario Maker. So blocky and uninteresting a lot of the time. I loved every minigame in the first 2 but here I can't really say I feel anything for any of 'em. Guns all get an obnoxious amount of upgrades and you're just obscenely overpowered really quick. Jak gets health upgrades throughout the story as well, and the enemies just can't keep up. You've also got new light powers that are cool during their tutorials, but there's so little platforming in the game you'll forget you have a majority of them. One of the light powers is actually just effectively a "heal to max hp" button. Bosses here are lesser in both quantity and quality compared to 2, or even 1 honestly. Instead of having an actual battle with someone they're the kind of boss that just has you fight a wave of copy paste enemies, then hit the glowing weak point, repeat 3-4 times. The final boss actually has a light eco vent in the arena, meaning you have infinite healing during the final boss. They really took the "it's too hard" complaint with 2 to heart and this game just lost all its teeth as a result. If the only problem was that the game was easy I could maybe forgive it but even the story just kinda sucks here. Which is a shame 'cuz Jak 2's story is one of my favorites in gaming.
-The rest of this review is entirely about the story just as a heads up.-
Again, just like the various gameplay elements, the story is more interested in bringing up new stuff, going nowhere with it, and then introducing something else. Just straight up making a mess of the lore and characters, throwing a plethora of questions it has no intention of answering. Major plot revelations are given quick 20 second interactions and dropped. Most characters aren't given room to do anything of note. Samos and Kiera for the first time are functionally nonexistent. Kiera's VA is changed and as a result was practically written out of the game. It's not just a messy story, SO much of it is explicitly filler. The game's already got 20 minutes less in the cutscene department compared to Jak2, and yet so much time goes by without any legitimate forward progression. Then when it does move it doesn't make ANY sense ever. At one point you meet Ashelin who tries to convince Jak to come back to the city, they need his help. Jak then says "They can ROT for all I care, I'm through saving the world!" The LITERAL NEXT THING YOU DO, is go to the city and start helping them out. I think they were trying to imply gaining light powers is balancing out his darkness, and you DO get a new light power, though that's on the way there. Not sure why he was even going there to begin with. In execution it feels really weak, and more like they wanted major scenes without any of the leadup or follow through. When you get back to the city Samos says the city needs his help and Jak responds as though this is the first he's hearing this even though he was just asked for help and harshly declined 2 minutes ago. "Huh they need me again? What else is new" -goes to help them-
It's not just telling a messy uneventful story, it's going off the rails beyond all reason while doing so. To the point where it's just like yeah ok guy we saw die in the second game is back as a cyborg and he's an entire villainous faction on the same threat level as the metal heads that we supposedly stamped out in the previous game but are here anyway. Last second just pose the idea that Jak is god of this world sure whatever man. I really think it just kinda sucks no matter how hard you try to give the benefit of the doubt.
There's a lot more I could go on about, but I don't like rambling about plotholes 'cuz I'm pretty good at filling stuff like that in on my own. I don't need every single step spelled out for me, I'm a Kingdom Hearts fan dude, I'm down for some stories that need you to meet halfway. I just find this incredibly weak and meandering. The fact it often doesn't make any sense is just icing on the cake. A whole lot of dry "Jak u need to do us a lil' favor" cutscenes that feel like they made the level and didn't know how to tie it into the story. Jak's constantly picking up plot maguffins in every other scene, very rarely is it explained why or how or whatever the point of them is but he sure do be having his own little collectathon adventure in the cutscenes that we don't truly get to engage with as the viewer in any way. Feels lost in translation even though this isn't a Japanese first game.
Like I said, I don't like babbling about plotholes, but this game makes that impossible. Truly some first draft trainwrecks here.
This new character Vegar that was supposedly always there, has enough power in the city council to get Jak banished to the desert despite saving the city and being celebrated in the previous game...And is supposedly "drunk on power" Ashelin says. And then in a random scene, Ashelin, who's been there THE ENTIRE TIME, straight up just says "I dissolve the city council and strip you of your power". Just fires the dude and that's that. She was the Baron's daughter she's literally in charge of what's a literal dictatorship right? At the start she apologizes and says there's nothing she could do, the council they made up for this game is SO powerful that their leader's protest was overruled, but she has the power to completely dissolve it??? Jak's able to come back to the city on his own and is welcome back by every single character. Why'd we have to go through all this song and dance proving ourselves as wastelanders when at any point you could have just come out and given Jak a ride back to town and dissolve the council? Then Vegar gets all mad and threatens them then does almost nothing for the rest of the game. I could try and muster up some fan theory but this game's just not fun to think about, it just gets worse the more you dig in, which is the opposite of how I felt about 2.
And some of the major elements feel so amateurish.
Damas says to Jak;
"Didn't your father tell you to pick your battles wisely?"
"I didn't know my father..." -Awkward silence-
18 minutes of scenes later Sig reveals he was spying in haven city 'cuz Damas wanted him to find something he lost. Almost the very next scene Damas be like
"I mustn't lose you...Like I lost....My son......."
They then want it to be a big emotional moment when it's revealed near the end of the game that Jak is his son. I get it's one of those things that you could say is about waiting for the characters to realize it, and the moment they find out has a tragic element to it. Like in-universe it's fine I guess, probably one of the less horribly stupid major elements. But it just sticks out in my head as really uninteresting writing. The missing family plot is written like a random kid's cartoon that ran out of storylines and needs to pick an overdone trope out of a hat. Trolls 3 suddenly has Poppy thinkin about how cool it would be if she had a sister, omg no way her long lost sister that was never remotely hinted at in the previous 2 movies shows up out of nowhere isn't that a crazy coincidence? It's that kind of awkward "THIS IS WHAT THE STORY OF THE WEEK IS KIDS" type telegraphing that just makes this feel so lame here. And it's like they weren't even confident this plot was good enough to carry the game so they also threw in the same scene that Jak's real name is Mar, which implies he's a god. Maybe he's just named after their god? But we physically see him take off with the gods of their world in the ending. Except in the same scene it acts like we DIDN'T just watch him get into a ship and fly off. It just boils my beans at every turn, denying any possible explanation. One of the last lines in the game is "Wait..Jak is Mar? THE mar?" Ashelin asks, getting nothing but a small nod from a monk standing near her. Only possible thing that makes sense is after we saw him leave, he went back in time to create the universe then used his god powers to come back to the exact point he left and just acted like it didn't happen?????????????
Funny I always hear of people not liking the reveal of what the precursors are. I never minded it. Doesn't really hurt any established lore and actually ties back to the first game in a cool way. Why are the gods of this world randomly met in some underground cave though? Why did they say Jak's proven himself worthy of becoming one of them, then Vegar says NO, EVOLVE ME INTO A GOD INSTEAD and then they just go "lol ok" and turn him into one of them instead of Jak. Then they say they're disappointed in Jak suddenly? (And of course Vegar only actually transforms like a full minute after getting blasted by their evolve light 'cuz they had to reveal what the precursors were first) Then they turn Daxter's GF into one 'cuz she wanted pants like Daxter was wearing? Full on "This series is over and we do NOT care anymore" energy. The bit that Ottsels are actually what the precursors are is kinda cool, genuinely the only aspect I kinda like in this game's plot.
I'm not usually one to make 80% of my review about the story but the gameplay's just a downgrade from 2 and otherwise this is such a mediocre final chapter through and through. TL;DR would just be -mid, toothless version of 2 with an actively self sabotaging story- Jak X was a better followup to Jak 2 than this, and actually gave the characters a lot more room to actually exist and do stuff. It's sacrilege to say but I genuinely like High Impact games' Jak and Daxter the lost frontier better than this.
2003
This review contains spoilers
This game should not work as well as it does. They handle the shift to a T rated style shockingly well narratively, while at the same time outdoing Rockstar in their own style in every conceivable way. The controls are just as expressive and engaging to use as the first game, the guns are really well implemented, and these are the best controlling vehicles in the industry no question. You have such high speed capabilities as well as fine control, and it's so satisfying to weave between higher and upper lanes trying not to crash into anything. Chases are tense, missions are varied and feature a solid mix of all gameplay styles. Which is very impressive given the variety at show here.
Gunplay, platforming, one off minigames, hoverboarding, street races, ring missions, higher speed professional racing on tracks, light collectathon elements, with a dash of crazy taxi. Just like the original game, its inspirations are clear but pulled off with enough grace and unique elements to not feel hopelessly derivative. All wrapped up in a narrative that does a weirdly good job tying into the wholesome Banjo Kazooie styled first game, while at the same time delivering a complex and engaging storyline with iconic characters across the board. Adding so much to the lore and world it's insane. Easily one of the best stories in the industry, with somehow even better presentation in cutscenes than the original game. Love those bits that take place in areas that still resemble the first game's aesthetic. Just a few small areas untouched by the dystopian nightmare the rest of the world went through. Moments like that grow this series' universe in a way some long running franchises struggle to do in ten games let alone 2.
Perfect level of challenge for me. This game doesn't pull any punches, and it refuses to let you simply tank through any of its challenges due to its lack of checkpoints. But I never feel like it's asking too much of me. It's impressive they can make a bunch of enemies that die in 2 hits pose a genuine threat to you despite how powerful your guns are, really well balanced in that way imo. I'd be surprised if this game doesn't filter a lot of people. If this is too hard for you to enjoy maybe give Jak 3 a try, though that one dramatically overcorrected and just isn't as good all around but I'm getting ahead of myself.
This game throws EVERYTHING at the wall and it ALL sticks. Only criticism I could have is especially early on, pacing's pretty slow as you gotta drive between missions a lot. But it does open up and give you more options as to what to do at once later on. And the driving practice outside of missions is important early on before it starts becoming more demanding later. Besides, once you get good at the driving you can get to your destinations really fast anyway. Love the risk vs reward of small cars being faster with better handling except you'll probably blow up if you get into a bad crash. As opposed to the bigger chunkier cars that are a LOT more durable.
This game slays.
Gunplay, platforming, one off minigames, hoverboarding, street races, ring missions, higher speed professional racing on tracks, light collectathon elements, with a dash of crazy taxi. Just like the original game, its inspirations are clear but pulled off with enough grace and unique elements to not feel hopelessly derivative. All wrapped up in a narrative that does a weirdly good job tying into the wholesome Banjo Kazooie styled first game, while at the same time delivering a complex and engaging storyline with iconic characters across the board. Adding so much to the lore and world it's insane. Easily one of the best stories in the industry, with somehow even better presentation in cutscenes than the original game. Love those bits that take place in areas that still resemble the first game's aesthetic. Just a few small areas untouched by the dystopian nightmare the rest of the world went through. Moments like that grow this series' universe in a way some long running franchises struggle to do in ten games let alone 2.
Perfect level of challenge for me. This game doesn't pull any punches, and it refuses to let you simply tank through any of its challenges due to its lack of checkpoints. But I never feel like it's asking too much of me. It's impressive they can make a bunch of enemies that die in 2 hits pose a genuine threat to you despite how powerful your guns are, really well balanced in that way imo. I'd be surprised if this game doesn't filter a lot of people. If this is too hard for you to enjoy maybe give Jak 3 a try, though that one dramatically overcorrected and just isn't as good all around but I'm getting ahead of myself.
This game throws EVERYTHING at the wall and it ALL sticks. Only criticism I could have is especially early on, pacing's pretty slow as you gotta drive between missions a lot. But it does open up and give you more options as to what to do at once later on. And the driving practice outside of missions is important early on before it starts becoming more demanding later. Besides, once you get good at the driving you can get to your destinations really fast anyway. Love the risk vs reward of small cars being faster with better handling except you'll probably blow up if you get into a bad crash. As opposed to the bigger chunkier cars that are a LOT more durable.
This game slays.
One of my favorite games of all time. To this day it's really the closest thing we've got to a proper Banjo-Kazooie styled game made after Rare stopped. What's great is they managed to not feel derivative despite the obvious influences. They put a lot of effort into making the game world feel like it had a lot of history, and was a land that was currently being lived in. Every level is perfectly sized. Feels big in scope but densely packed. And everything is truly physically connected. Huge mission variety unique to this game as well as genre staples done masterfully. Nailing variety without becoming sloppy and unfocused. The graphics and animation work are top notch and have held up extremely well. What they were able to pull off on the PS2 while also featuring NO loading screens is technical wizardry. Movement has an extremely high skill ceiling, as do level routes in speedrunning. A game that effortlessly grows with the player.
Never gets old, I've 100% this game on all 4 save files an obnoxious number of times. This game blew my mind as a kid and it's honestly no less impressive today. And the lore elements that got doubled down on in the sequel retroactively make this game's simple plot even cooler.
I wanna just babble on about how cool it all is but that's pretty much it, it's all amazing. 'Boutta drop a couple hundred on a PSVita just to play a version of this game with bad framerate and get all achievements in it for the 4th time.
Never gets old, I've 100% this game on all 4 save files an obnoxious number of times. This game blew my mind as a kid and it's honestly no less impressive today. And the lore elements that got doubled down on in the sequel retroactively make this game's simple plot even cooler.
I wanna just babble on about how cool it all is but that's pretty much it, it's all amazing. 'Boutta drop a couple hundred on a PSVita just to play a version of this game with bad framerate and get all achievements in it for the 4th time.
2008
I finally decided to play through a GTA game for the first time ever. Biggest mistake of my life. One of the most poorly made dumpster fires imaginable. I could so easily ramble on goin "urrrgh the CLUNK the JANK oooo it burrrns" But the gunplay and the cars and the hand to hand combat were so abysmal, that it at least forced the game to be somewhat engaging. Combined with the complete lack of checkpoints, even the most mundane missions had some tension in them - though some of that tension is caused by the try not to fall asleep challenge rearing its ugly head. Genuinely, if the cars controlled well this game would have nothing going for it.
My problem is solely about how not fun this is. I thought at the very least, the narrative would carry the creatively extinct missions. Starts off with a strong set of characters and very quickly has me wanting to see where things go for them all. I'm down for a slow burn and it's kind of cool to play the actual franchise some of my favorite games are somewhat derivative of. Except no, this game refuses to give its characters or storylines time to grow. By the time you start forming any meaningful connections and the story starts going somewhere, you're instead introduced to a new cast of characters who'll give you your next handful of missions before being dropped in favor of the next group of nobodies. It got so convoluted and sloppy there was often little to no connection between missions. I was doing stuff for characters I swear I'd never been introduced to. The main storyline is about Niko and his cousin, but oh he's out of missions for you, spend the next 80% of the game barely speaking a word to him. We gotta throw in weaker and weaker characters to give you the same exact mission of "Drive here - kill someone" for the 75th heckin' time in a row. Instead of reigning in the story to focus on the struggles of an immigrant and his family, y'know, where there's actual meat for the story to explore...It rapidly devolves into doing petty tasks for a dead mob boss's higher up's punk kid's friend's brother who knows a guy who just got out of prison who's buddy don't trust him no more like dog this just sucks this isn't a story this is word vomit. Like they just thought we'd get bored of seeing a character too much so the second they run out of haha funneeee joke to tell with someone they just write them out of the plot.
One of the most nothing stories I've ever witnessed. Sloppy themes, forced emotional moments that fail to hit due to poor story focus, mind numbingly repetitive. Narrative dead ends at every turn and packed to the brim with filler. Just a completely vapid joyless husk with nothing to say. Not a single element comes together to form anything cohesive or impactful. All building up to Oog oog Niko, I know you just spent the entire game getting filthy rich from being everyone's errand boy, but you should totally put us all at risk to do one more job for a scam artist traitor. Sitting on well over half a million dollars and this game wants to present a scenario where you and the only other character that matters are hurting for money.
I go on about the story so much because that's basically all there is. Otherwise it's 70% boring driving segments, some chases dragging on so long it reminds me of superman 64 ring missions except this controls worse. And 30% kill everyone in this room missions. Both mission types done better in just about every other video game not made by Rockstar. Sometimes they mix the kill everyone and driving chase missions when they're feeling especially ambitious. But they're always so awkward because most times they don't want you to just shoot 'em and end the mission right away. So completely arbitrarily they'll take no damage from you until you've chased them for 4 minutes first. Especially obnoxious when you're chasing someone who's on a motorcycle, doesn't matter how much you fill him with holes at point blank, he won't react to you, you gotta chase him through his scripted obstacle course before he can die in one shot. Otherwise, you'll be running from the cops a lot. Which means nothing but driving and hoping cops don't spawn in front of you, resetting their range. 90% of the time it truly was never a chase regardless of the wanted level.
The vehicles are so limited in what they're capable of doing they couldn't realistically design anything around them despite it being almost the entire game. When it comes to the cars, not sure I agree that "you can feel the weight" or "It's realistic". But like I said that's far from my problems with this game. A designer can only design around the mechanics available. I'm fairly sure cars are physically able to turn on roads better than they can do a full 180 degree rotation on the spot - but that's besides the point. My point is the game's so mechanically barren there's no room for the game design to grow in the 20+ hours it demands you play it in the main story alone. Same goes for the gun missions, probably to an even worse degree. This era's cover shooting mechanics sucked universally even in decent games let alone in the shovelware Rockstar spat out.
So yeah the mechanics all individually are worst in the industry, but even if they were significantly better, I don't think they'd make the game any better. I don't often judge games based on how well things control. That feels so binary and transactional to me. Especially because "good controls" is a complicated topic that I shouldn't bloat this review with. What matters are ideas and execution of said ideas. This game has no ideas and doesn't try to execute anything.
Only other thoughts are being confused at where the fun of the open world is. I've seen Rockstar fans get 20 years of enjoyment out of beating up random NPC's. And like, no shade I guess but I genuinely couldn't be farther away from seeing the appeal. You might as well be throwing around ragdolls in Gmod. And trust me I'm not trying to pull a "GTA IS BAD FOR U THINK OF THE CHILDREN OMG SO OFFENSIVE" But to me this is like, the Cocomelon of video gaming, genuinely below subway surfers slop. I've personally observed my generation go full no thoughts head empty zombie mode over this franchise since the ps2 days. The same people berating "cringe" zoomer kids over things they enjoy be playing GTA like it's a family guy funniest moments compilation in the corner of their summarized drama of the week youtube video. I'm not trying to trash talk tastes here I just genuinely believe this franchise has done irreparable damage to gaming, in how the industry is run, and how it's perceived and engaged with by general audiences. We're lucky gaming as a medium gets to have so few boundaries and yet all the biggest names just squander the chance to do anything meaningful with it.
I'm saying this is a stupid baby game. Play Garten of Banban instead.
My problem is solely about how not fun this is. I thought at the very least, the narrative would carry the creatively extinct missions. Starts off with a strong set of characters and very quickly has me wanting to see where things go for them all. I'm down for a slow burn and it's kind of cool to play the actual franchise some of my favorite games are somewhat derivative of. Except no, this game refuses to give its characters or storylines time to grow. By the time you start forming any meaningful connections and the story starts going somewhere, you're instead introduced to a new cast of characters who'll give you your next handful of missions before being dropped in favor of the next group of nobodies. It got so convoluted and sloppy there was often little to no connection between missions. I was doing stuff for characters I swear I'd never been introduced to. The main storyline is about Niko and his cousin, but oh he's out of missions for you, spend the next 80% of the game barely speaking a word to him. We gotta throw in weaker and weaker characters to give you the same exact mission of "Drive here - kill someone" for the 75th heckin' time in a row. Instead of reigning in the story to focus on the struggles of an immigrant and his family, y'know, where there's actual meat for the story to explore...It rapidly devolves into doing petty tasks for a dead mob boss's higher up's punk kid's friend's brother who knows a guy who just got out of prison who's buddy don't trust him no more like dog this just sucks this isn't a story this is word vomit. Like they just thought we'd get bored of seeing a character too much so the second they run out of haha funneeee joke to tell with someone they just write them out of the plot.
One of the most nothing stories I've ever witnessed. Sloppy themes, forced emotional moments that fail to hit due to poor story focus, mind numbingly repetitive. Narrative dead ends at every turn and packed to the brim with filler. Just a completely vapid joyless husk with nothing to say. Not a single element comes together to form anything cohesive or impactful. All building up to Oog oog Niko, I know you just spent the entire game getting filthy rich from being everyone's errand boy, but you should totally put us all at risk to do one more job for a scam artist traitor. Sitting on well over half a million dollars and this game wants to present a scenario where you and the only other character that matters are hurting for money.
I go on about the story so much because that's basically all there is. Otherwise it's 70% boring driving segments, some chases dragging on so long it reminds me of superman 64 ring missions except this controls worse. And 30% kill everyone in this room missions. Both mission types done better in just about every other video game not made by Rockstar. Sometimes they mix the kill everyone and driving chase missions when they're feeling especially ambitious. But they're always so awkward because most times they don't want you to just shoot 'em and end the mission right away. So completely arbitrarily they'll take no damage from you until you've chased them for 4 minutes first. Especially obnoxious when you're chasing someone who's on a motorcycle, doesn't matter how much you fill him with holes at point blank, he won't react to you, you gotta chase him through his scripted obstacle course before he can die in one shot. Otherwise, you'll be running from the cops a lot. Which means nothing but driving and hoping cops don't spawn in front of you, resetting their range. 90% of the time it truly was never a chase regardless of the wanted level.
The vehicles are so limited in what they're capable of doing they couldn't realistically design anything around them despite it being almost the entire game. When it comes to the cars, not sure I agree that "you can feel the weight" or "It's realistic". But like I said that's far from my problems with this game. A designer can only design around the mechanics available. I'm fairly sure cars are physically able to turn on roads better than they can do a full 180 degree rotation on the spot - but that's besides the point. My point is the game's so mechanically barren there's no room for the game design to grow in the 20+ hours it demands you play it in the main story alone. Same goes for the gun missions, probably to an even worse degree. This era's cover shooting mechanics sucked universally even in decent games let alone in the shovelware Rockstar spat out.
So yeah the mechanics all individually are worst in the industry, but even if they were significantly better, I don't think they'd make the game any better. I don't often judge games based on how well things control. That feels so binary and transactional to me. Especially because "good controls" is a complicated topic that I shouldn't bloat this review with. What matters are ideas and execution of said ideas. This game has no ideas and doesn't try to execute anything.
Only other thoughts are being confused at where the fun of the open world is. I've seen Rockstar fans get 20 years of enjoyment out of beating up random NPC's. And like, no shade I guess but I genuinely couldn't be farther away from seeing the appeal. You might as well be throwing around ragdolls in Gmod. And trust me I'm not trying to pull a "GTA IS BAD FOR U THINK OF THE CHILDREN OMG SO OFFENSIVE" But to me this is like, the Cocomelon of video gaming, genuinely below subway surfers slop. I've personally observed my generation go full no thoughts head empty zombie mode over this franchise since the ps2 days. The same people berating "cringe" zoomer kids over things they enjoy be playing GTA like it's a family guy funniest moments compilation in the corner of their summarized drama of the week youtube video. I'm not trying to trash talk tastes here I just genuinely believe this franchise has done irreparable damage to gaming, in how the industry is run, and how it's perceived and engaged with by general audiences. We're lucky gaming as a medium gets to have so few boundaries and yet all the biggest names just squander the chance to do anything meaningful with it.
I'm saying this is a stupid baby game. Play Garten of Banban instead.
1993
I was a huge Luigi's Mansion fan as a kid in the 2000's. My mum saw the cartridge art and thought I'd be into this. It was so cool, I didn't know they did a game starring Luigi on an older system! I then roamed around not knowing it was educational for hours, not sure how to beat the levels, probably barely even able to read either. I'm somewhat sure this was the beginning of me looking stuff up on the internet 'cuz I wanted to learn how to play this game. That's how I discovered the Super Mario Bros. Super show existed, and also the discovery of Youtube for me.
But yeah this game teaches Geography. And anyone that knows me knows I have a cartoonishly horrid grasp on that topic. So this game failed in its goal, but no worse than 12 years in the American Education system did. It's funny you'd think I'd have been disappointed in this not being what I wanted it to be, but both as a kid and to this day I kinda just take things for what they are. Wasn't in love with it but I've always liked the SMW art style and the music was cool and I'd never played a game like this before.
Revisiting this game 20 years later, feels so cool to be good enough at basic geography to blast through the stages that once perplexed me to no end. As a kid I'd trial and error every step of the way (Which includes manually placing yoshi on every single location on the real life world map until I just happened to get the one I'm currently in). Hecc yeah dude I know where Brazil and even Europe are located now, I'm so dang smart. But yeah idk, it's kind of a chill, zen kinda game. I like going to a place, piecing together where I am in the world, and being able to ride yoshi (and therefor run MUCH faster) by bringing him to that spot on the world map. I think I might like this game better as an adult even, idk how the hecc I had the patience to actually beat this as a child.
The lore in the manual is one of the best plots in the series. Bowser went around stealing real life national monuments, such as the Sistine Chapel, and is planning to use the money from selling said monuments to buy so many hair dryers he'll be able to melt Antarctica and flood the world. I'm obsessed with franchise oddities like this, before there was such a strong stranglehold on brand image. Also the childlike imagination over what this game could be just looking at the box art never truly left me. I feel like I never accepted that this was just a mediocre educational game. This is like, a real canonical Mario game in my eyes just as the TV shows are to me. This game existing gets my jaded adult imagination running.
Also there's no dodge rolls, skill trees, crafting, inventory management, cover shooting, 2 hour long cutscenes, or gigantic empty maps copy pasted from a 7 year old game filled with the same enemies copy pasted from said previous game so really I can't say this is truly miserable to play.
But yeah this game teaches Geography. And anyone that knows me knows I have a cartoonishly horrid grasp on that topic. So this game failed in its goal, but no worse than 12 years in the American Education system did. It's funny you'd think I'd have been disappointed in this not being what I wanted it to be, but both as a kid and to this day I kinda just take things for what they are. Wasn't in love with it but I've always liked the SMW art style and the music was cool and I'd never played a game like this before.
Revisiting this game 20 years later, feels so cool to be good enough at basic geography to blast through the stages that once perplexed me to no end. As a kid I'd trial and error every step of the way (Which includes manually placing yoshi on every single location on the real life world map until I just happened to get the one I'm currently in). Hecc yeah dude I know where Brazil and even Europe are located now, I'm so dang smart. But yeah idk, it's kind of a chill, zen kinda game. I like going to a place, piecing together where I am in the world, and being able to ride yoshi (and therefor run MUCH faster) by bringing him to that spot on the world map. I think I might like this game better as an adult even, idk how the hecc I had the patience to actually beat this as a child.
The lore in the manual is one of the best plots in the series. Bowser went around stealing real life national monuments, such as the Sistine Chapel, and is planning to use the money from selling said monuments to buy so many hair dryers he'll be able to melt Antarctica and flood the world. I'm obsessed with franchise oddities like this, before there was such a strong stranglehold on brand image. Also the childlike imagination over what this game could be just looking at the box art never truly left me. I feel like I never accepted that this was just a mediocre educational game. This is like, a real canonical Mario game in my eyes just as the TV shows are to me. This game existing gets my jaded adult imagination running.
Also there's no dodge rolls, skill trees, crafting, inventory management, cover shooting, 2 hour long cutscenes, or gigantic empty maps copy pasted from a 7 year old game filled with the same enemies copy pasted from said previous game so really I can't say this is truly miserable to play.
2002
Everything from the level select map, the home hub, the in game arcade where you can unlock old pacman games, music, level design. It's by far peak Pac-Man outside of arcades. The way it's all presented just adds a lot to the universe in a way no other game in the series really does for me. It's a completionist's nightmare but I wouldn't have it any other way. Not often does it feel this good to actually find everything in a level.
The auto scrolling underwater shooting level is absolutely miserable. It single handedly destroys the pacing near the end of the game. If you're thinking about putting a ten minute long auto scroller in your game, I urge you to reconsider. I'm usually a big defender of water levels in games but EESH.
Difficulty balancing gets a bit inconsistent near the end which I can see bothering a lot of people but I can't say I mind very much. It's funny how dramatically the challenge in bosses changes between worlds. One guy will likely slay through dozens of lives and the next will be a pushover. I'm just glad one of these Pac-Man World games has some teeth, there's something to really dig into and enjoy and overcome here. 1's just so standard and 3's a joyless husk. This one's sick tho.
Would love to see some of the arcade classics try their hand at adapting to the modern era like this more often again. They all had a pretty spotty track record in doing so but when they hit they go hard.
The auto scrolling underwater shooting level is absolutely miserable. It single handedly destroys the pacing near the end of the game. If you're thinking about putting a ten minute long auto scroller in your game, I urge you to reconsider. I'm usually a big defender of water levels in games but EESH.
Difficulty balancing gets a bit inconsistent near the end which I can see bothering a lot of people but I can't say I mind very much. It's funny how dramatically the challenge in bosses changes between worlds. One guy will likely slay through dozens of lives and the next will be a pushover. I'm just glad one of these Pac-Man World games has some teeth, there's something to really dig into and enjoy and overcome here. 1's just so standard and 3's a joyless husk. This one's sick tho.
Would love to see some of the arcade classics try their hand at adapting to the modern era like this more often again. They all had a pretty spotty track record in doing so but when they hit they go hard.
2022
Never made it far in the original so this was mostly all new to me. From what I hear, it's mostly pretty faithful. Bosses seem to be updated for the better. I dramatically prefer the OG cutscenes though. It's impossible to match the quality and energy of old FMV's in unity. A lot of the game being tied to a high score felt lame and outdated on the PS1 let alone on the PS5. They could have at least thrown in some online leaderboards of some sort if not a proper ranking system.
Thankfully though the games got a decent achievements list which made that aspect not let the collectibles feel too worthless, as 100% was fun enough.
Level design is pretty standard and gets a bit repetitive at points. A lot of back and forth seeing locked doors, getting the fruit to unlock them shortly later and backtracking to open the door. The new bosses were pretty good as far as old 3D platformers go.
I like that this remake exists more than I really care for this game specifically. The theming and overall design don't really do a whole lot for me. It's consistently extremely safe in its level design and doesn't offer much challenge. But this is a good remake of an okay game. Even with the remake's improvements it's nowhere near as good as Pac-Man World 2 though.
Thankfully though the games got a decent achievements list which made that aspect not let the collectibles feel too worthless, as 100% was fun enough.
Level design is pretty standard and gets a bit repetitive at points. A lot of back and forth seeing locked doors, getting the fruit to unlock them shortly later and backtracking to open the door. The new bosses were pretty good as far as old 3D platformers go.
I like that this remake exists more than I really care for this game specifically. The theming and overall design don't really do a whole lot for me. It's consistently extremely safe in its level design and doesn't offer much challenge. But this is a good remake of an okay game. Even with the remake's improvements it's nowhere near as good as Pac-Man World 2 though.
2022
Taking place in the portal universe and telling a brief, fun story while utilizing a lot of the unique features of the Steam Deck is cool. But comparing it to other launch games that serve as tech demos, it's a bit disappointing that this one has absolutely zero replay value or any actual game attached.
Stuff like Astros Playroom not only serve to show off how cool the PS5 could be if it got games, but it lasts as a legitimate game to think back on and maybe return to once and a while. Then you start thinking of other launch games that are technically tech demos like Luigi's mansion, or the iconic Wii Sports. Mario 64 counts right? Or gee, Half-Life Alyx.
I never thought about any of this while playing, it's truly fine for what it is and was never aiming to be the next Wii Sports or whatever. It's well made and packed with fun little details. But the first game you're meant to play on a brand new console is usually such a huge momentous occasion. It's just that this is a slightly interactive short film. And what's worse I'm not really sure this does a great job showing the extent of how versatile the Steam Deck really is. Woulda been kinda sick for this to be a minigame collection simulating tons of different genres you might not immediately think about running on the Steam Deck. There's certainly more scenarios you'll be using the touch screen outside of scribbling your name down, but that's all this tech demo has to show you on that topic. Nothing's given much focus, but they'll spend half of the 30 minute run time on showing off very standard gun controls. Nice that they highlighted gyro controls at least, that should be a standard option across the industry and anyone saying otherwise is stuck in the early 2010's. Feels a tad creatively bankrupt to be making a console as flexible as the Steam Deck and half your tech demo is -hold left trigger to aim and pull right trigger to shoot-
Perhaps it's a bit silly to really go in an criticize something like this. It's a free lil' bonus thing that I can't say I'm really upset with or anything. But it's really one of the most nothing launch title tech demos out there. Which is tragic 'cuz the Steam Deck itself is by far the best modern console by a longshot. Can't say I really needed this game to show me I could press one of the 4 face buttons to have something happen in-game lol.
Stuff like Astros Playroom not only serve to show off how cool the PS5 could be if it got games, but it lasts as a legitimate game to think back on and maybe return to once and a while. Then you start thinking of other launch games that are technically tech demos like Luigi's mansion, or the iconic Wii Sports. Mario 64 counts right? Or gee, Half-Life Alyx.
I never thought about any of this while playing, it's truly fine for what it is and was never aiming to be the next Wii Sports or whatever. It's well made and packed with fun little details. But the first game you're meant to play on a brand new console is usually such a huge momentous occasion. It's just that this is a slightly interactive short film. And what's worse I'm not really sure this does a great job showing the extent of how versatile the Steam Deck really is. Woulda been kinda sick for this to be a minigame collection simulating tons of different genres you might not immediately think about running on the Steam Deck. There's certainly more scenarios you'll be using the touch screen outside of scribbling your name down, but that's all this tech demo has to show you on that topic. Nothing's given much focus, but they'll spend half of the 30 minute run time on showing off very standard gun controls. Nice that they highlighted gyro controls at least, that should be a standard option across the industry and anyone saying otherwise is stuck in the early 2010's. Feels a tad creatively bankrupt to be making a console as flexible as the Steam Deck and half your tech demo is -hold left trigger to aim and pull right trigger to shoot-
Perhaps it's a bit silly to really go in an criticize something like this. It's a free lil' bonus thing that I can't say I'm really upset with or anything. But it's really one of the most nothing launch title tech demos out there. Which is tragic 'cuz the Steam Deck itself is by far the best modern console by a longshot. Can't say I really needed this game to show me I could press one of the 4 face buttons to have something happen in-game lol.
I'm usually very confident when I come to say why I don't really care for a game. But something about this game just never clicked with me, and I don't definitively know why? I've beat this on both Xbox and Steam deck with close to a year gap between them. And idk, just kind of, everything about it makes me feel nothing? I'm normally very good at stating what's objectively bothering me about a game, but here a lot of it feels not only subjective, but I also feel that I'm wrong for feeling that way.
Like for example the graphics and artstyle. I look at it and find nothing wrong with it, it looks great and all but I'm for some reason just not in love with how it looks. Maybe I don't like the super detailed landscapes in conjunction with the very metroidvania gamey platformer level design with no foreground? It's just kinda flat. Most of the enemies don't really have strong visual designs, maybe it's just that the world itself isn't grabbing me. The whole thing feels weirdly minimalistic which is at odds with how stylish it presents itself. I'm kinda just thinking out loud here.
Then there's the save system. You put your own save points down. Which is another area where I'm left thinking negatively and yet I think objectively this is my fault and I'm wrong. It's so frustrating losing all progress since your last save, which is a totally indefinite amount of time. Doesn't help a lot of your deaths feel very sudden and perhaps, not entirely your fault. Could do a few minutes of easy platforming, nothing is really happening so saving hasn't entered my mind, oh instant death from something you couldn't really see coming. Then you're annoyed at having to redo so much so you rush it and make more mistakes. And I'm just like mannnn, the level design isn't really that fun as it is now I'm having to replay it all 'cuz Ori dies if a stick cracks under him too hard - And it feels extra bad 'cuz it's actually my fault I didn't place a better checkpoint when I had the chance. Had this same problem in Demon Turf, but it's even worse here considering this isn't just an A to B level based platformer.
On a less negative note, I'll defend the combat. I'm all about non-conventional game design these days and conceptually I don't have anything wrong with it. Allowing you to constantly do damage while on the move allows the focus to be on your own positioning. You can dodge projectiles and dance around enemies as you take them down. Feels really good once it's upgraded too. But then the topic of enemy design comes up and I find they don't really take advantage of what this combat would allow them to most of the time. And half the time you're dying to enemies just because their projectiles blend into the background or the way they move isn't really well defined. So like seemingly everything in this game, it's fine but leaves me feeling nothing if not slightly annoyed.
Skill trees, I just don't like 'em conceptually. They're a game design crutch that rarely truly adds to any game. That said, in the context of a metroidvania, I'd rather find EXP chunks that help me get my next level up as opposed to say, my 35th missile upgrade so I guess it's fine here.
The escape sequences and moments with the owl are mostly pretty sick at least. Makes me wish more of the game was full of memorable set pieces. Maybe that's my problem. The game puts out the vibes of a modern cinematic story driven experience, but most of the time you're solving basic puzzles and killing blobs in nondescript locations. Like you're just grinding through standard metroidvania nothing level design just waiting for something cool to happen again. The heights the game reaches so thoroughly outclasses ANYTHING you're doing for 90% of the runtime, and they're so good while featuring almost nothing the rest of the game has you doing. No setting your own checkpoints, just a well crafted dedicated platforming section that says "do this from beginning to end". No random enemies put there just so the empty room won't feel empty, any enemies are explicitly there to move the section forward in a meaningful way. No handholdy exploration where you're looking for exp orbs to level up your skill tree so you can choose which part of the game to make even easier (including just showing you on the map where collectibles are)
Yeah, I think that's what it is. The best moments in the game are thoroughly disconnected from how the entire rest of the game is designed. There's completely wordless, effective storytelling? Great! Why does most of the game not lean into that and instead have Navi follow you around saying nothing of worth. Striking visuals are great, but most of the game you're spending it looking at absolutely nothing. It's got the ability to be a fast paced and engaging platformer with memorable levels, but most of the time you're navigating pretty unremarkable areas that aren't really that fun to explore anyway. With potentially horrendous pacing issues if you forget to place a single checkpoint. It's got nonconventional combat, which is rad, but it's also got a skill tree full of combat upgrades, which is extremely conventional. And none of what you can upgrade really matters all that much, if at all, during the sections I actually really like. Ori is an indie game darling, but actually it's funded by one of the biggest corporations in the world making it feel a tad overproduced in areas.
Dunno, I understand you gotta have peaks and valleys, it can't all be bombastic action set pieces. But I just find the metroidvania style isn't playing into the huge strengths this game shows it can reach. At least, that's what I figure. Like I said for some reason it's hard for me to talk definitively on this game, heck I completely forgot I beat it a second time just last month - I'm mostly trying to explain to myself why I don't "get it" 'cuz I don't like just saying -eh it's just not for me-
I just can't help looking at this game and listening to its soundtrack and thinking "Am I a heckin' buffoon of a monster for not really liking this?" The ost really drives this feeling home like, it's playing all the right notes, with all the right instruments, it's a huge emotional production through and through. But all I can say coming out of it is that almost none of the music really stuck with me, just kinda blends together and 99% of the time means nothing to me.
I can recognize this is a beautifully made game with a boatload of love and effort put into it, which is more than I can say for a lot of games I don't care for. Normally if I don't like something I definitively tear into it and call out every area that went horribly wrong -even if I understand why the game has its fans, as I do here-. But In this case, it's a game that feels a lot less than the sum of its parts. I just don't feel anything towards this game beyond liking the core themes of the story. Idk, I usually have very strong thoughts I love to actively discuss and defend, but this is a whole lot of yappin' to say I don't really have much to say about this game. It's like, okay I guess.
Like for example the graphics and artstyle. I look at it and find nothing wrong with it, it looks great and all but I'm for some reason just not in love with how it looks. Maybe I don't like the super detailed landscapes in conjunction with the very metroidvania gamey platformer level design with no foreground? It's just kinda flat. Most of the enemies don't really have strong visual designs, maybe it's just that the world itself isn't grabbing me. The whole thing feels weirdly minimalistic which is at odds with how stylish it presents itself. I'm kinda just thinking out loud here.
Then there's the save system. You put your own save points down. Which is another area where I'm left thinking negatively and yet I think objectively this is my fault and I'm wrong. It's so frustrating losing all progress since your last save, which is a totally indefinite amount of time. Doesn't help a lot of your deaths feel very sudden and perhaps, not entirely your fault. Could do a few minutes of easy platforming, nothing is really happening so saving hasn't entered my mind, oh instant death from something you couldn't really see coming. Then you're annoyed at having to redo so much so you rush it and make more mistakes. And I'm just like mannnn, the level design isn't really that fun as it is now I'm having to replay it all 'cuz Ori dies if a stick cracks under him too hard - And it feels extra bad 'cuz it's actually my fault I didn't place a better checkpoint when I had the chance. Had this same problem in Demon Turf, but it's even worse here considering this isn't just an A to B level based platformer.
On a less negative note, I'll defend the combat. I'm all about non-conventional game design these days and conceptually I don't have anything wrong with it. Allowing you to constantly do damage while on the move allows the focus to be on your own positioning. You can dodge projectiles and dance around enemies as you take them down. Feels really good once it's upgraded too. But then the topic of enemy design comes up and I find they don't really take advantage of what this combat would allow them to most of the time. And half the time you're dying to enemies just because their projectiles blend into the background or the way they move isn't really well defined. So like seemingly everything in this game, it's fine but leaves me feeling nothing if not slightly annoyed.
Skill trees, I just don't like 'em conceptually. They're a game design crutch that rarely truly adds to any game. That said, in the context of a metroidvania, I'd rather find EXP chunks that help me get my next level up as opposed to say, my 35th missile upgrade so I guess it's fine here.
The escape sequences and moments with the owl are mostly pretty sick at least. Makes me wish more of the game was full of memorable set pieces. Maybe that's my problem. The game puts out the vibes of a modern cinematic story driven experience, but most of the time you're solving basic puzzles and killing blobs in nondescript locations. Like you're just grinding through standard metroidvania nothing level design just waiting for something cool to happen again. The heights the game reaches so thoroughly outclasses ANYTHING you're doing for 90% of the runtime, and they're so good while featuring almost nothing the rest of the game has you doing. No setting your own checkpoints, just a well crafted dedicated platforming section that says "do this from beginning to end". No random enemies put there just so the empty room won't feel empty, any enemies are explicitly there to move the section forward in a meaningful way. No handholdy exploration where you're looking for exp orbs to level up your skill tree so you can choose which part of the game to make even easier (including just showing you on the map where collectibles are)
Yeah, I think that's what it is. The best moments in the game are thoroughly disconnected from how the entire rest of the game is designed. There's completely wordless, effective storytelling? Great! Why does most of the game not lean into that and instead have Navi follow you around saying nothing of worth. Striking visuals are great, but most of the game you're spending it looking at absolutely nothing. It's got the ability to be a fast paced and engaging platformer with memorable levels, but most of the time you're navigating pretty unremarkable areas that aren't really that fun to explore anyway. With potentially horrendous pacing issues if you forget to place a single checkpoint. It's got nonconventional combat, which is rad, but it's also got a skill tree full of combat upgrades, which is extremely conventional. And none of what you can upgrade really matters all that much, if at all, during the sections I actually really like. Ori is an indie game darling, but actually it's funded by one of the biggest corporations in the world making it feel a tad overproduced in areas.
Dunno, I understand you gotta have peaks and valleys, it can't all be bombastic action set pieces. But I just find the metroidvania style isn't playing into the huge strengths this game shows it can reach. At least, that's what I figure. Like I said for some reason it's hard for me to talk definitively on this game, heck I completely forgot I beat it a second time just last month - I'm mostly trying to explain to myself why I don't "get it" 'cuz I don't like just saying -eh it's just not for me-
I just can't help looking at this game and listening to its soundtrack and thinking "Am I a heckin' buffoon of a monster for not really liking this?" The ost really drives this feeling home like, it's playing all the right notes, with all the right instruments, it's a huge emotional production through and through. But all I can say coming out of it is that almost none of the music really stuck with me, just kinda blends together and 99% of the time means nothing to me.
I can recognize this is a beautifully made game with a boatload of love and effort put into it, which is more than I can say for a lot of games I don't care for. Normally if I don't like something I definitively tear into it and call out every area that went horribly wrong -even if I understand why the game has its fans, as I do here-. But In this case, it's a game that feels a lot less than the sum of its parts. I just don't feel anything towards this game beyond liking the core themes of the story. Idk, I usually have very strong thoughts I love to actively discuss and defend, but this is a whole lot of yappin' to say I don't really have much to say about this game. It's like, okay I guess.