SlimeEnthusiast
BACKER
doesn't even have the dignity to put in a super hard final level like most other marios. MY GIRLFRIEND likes these the best but i say good riddance to NEW rubbish.
LETTERMAN: Our next guest is the former Grand Master of the Jedi Order and current denizen of the swamp planet Dagobah. Jeez, talk about a lousy 5 year plan.
SHAFFER: You're telling me.
LETTERMAN: Ladies and gentleman, please welcome Yoda!
(Band kicks into Three Dog Night's "Joy to the World" as Yoda walks onto stage, waving. He mugs at Paul and the band for a moment like he's going to mind trick them, but his face quickly melts into a smile and he continues walking towards his chair. Lamb Chop stands from her seat and shakes Yoda's hand as he approaches, moving down a chair as Yoda sits.)
LETTERMAN: Welcome back to the show.
YODA: (solemnly) Dave...
LETTERMAN: (Chuckling) Uh-oh.
YODA: Dave, I'm not doing the voice tonight.
LETTERMAN: (Laughs) You're not the-...Not doing the voice?
YODA: I'm not doing the voice tonight.
LETTERMAN: Now, that's not-...People love the voice. Tell him, Paul!
SHAFFER: It's a great voice.
(Audience cheers)
LETTERMAN: See? See? Ah, well. If they can't convince you, I don't know what will.
YODA: Thank you all. You're very kind. Very kind.
LETTERMAN: Now, I've been hearing these rumors. Always rumors with you. Oh, he's died and become a force ghost. He's zipping around in a, uh, a...Wookiee evacuation pod.
YODA: Yeah, there's a lot of-
LETTERMAN: Can you set the record straight for once? America demands it.
YODA: (Chuckles) I have to, um-...I have to maintain a bit of an air of mystery, but I can confidently say that I am not a force ghost.
LETTERMAN: Now, that's good to hear. Not a force ghost?
YODA: No, not a force ghost.
(Scattered applause from audience)
YODA: (muffled) Not yet at least.
LETTERMAN: (Laughing) Not yet. Now, for a while there you were working alongside Galactic Emperor Sheev Palpatine.
YODA: Mmm-hmm.
LETTERMAN: What is that like? If you'll pardon the expression, I imagine two big egos like that can't help but bump up against one another every-
YODA: Well, I-...
LETTERMAN: And I mean, that's before you even factor in Ki-Adi-Mundi! Had to get contentious over there, no?
YODA: (Laughs) At times. At times. But, um, no, I really don't have anything juicy to reveal. You all know about our daring final confrontation in the Galactic Senate, but other than that we, uh, we rarely interacted outside of boring committees and the like.
LETTERMAN: Never got stuck in the elevator to the cafeteria with one another?
YODA: No, can't say so. Can't say-...Hell, we don't even eat the same kind of food.
LETTERMAN: Wow, I feel like we are learning so much about you today, Yoda.
(Audience laughs)
LETTERMAN: I'd like to learn even more, but we gotta do a commercial. Will you stick around, Yoda?
Yoda: Yeah, of course.
LETTERMAN: Great, great. We'll be right back with more from Yoda!
(Audience claps. Band begins to play)
LETTERMAN: (Muffled) Now, the Journal of the Whills...
(Segue to commercials as footage of Yoda fighting Ivy in Soul Calibur IV arcade mode plays)
(Commercials)
SHAFFER: You're telling me.
LETTERMAN: Ladies and gentleman, please welcome Yoda!
(Band kicks into Three Dog Night's "Joy to the World" as Yoda walks onto stage, waving. He mugs at Paul and the band for a moment like he's going to mind trick them, but his face quickly melts into a smile and he continues walking towards his chair. Lamb Chop stands from her seat and shakes Yoda's hand as he approaches, moving down a chair as Yoda sits.)
LETTERMAN: Welcome back to the show.
YODA: (solemnly) Dave...
LETTERMAN: (Chuckling) Uh-oh.
YODA: Dave, I'm not doing the voice tonight.
LETTERMAN: (Laughs) You're not the-...Not doing the voice?
YODA: I'm not doing the voice tonight.
LETTERMAN: Now, that's not-...People love the voice. Tell him, Paul!
SHAFFER: It's a great voice.
(Audience cheers)
LETTERMAN: See? See? Ah, well. If they can't convince you, I don't know what will.
YODA: Thank you all. You're very kind. Very kind.
LETTERMAN: Now, I've been hearing these rumors. Always rumors with you. Oh, he's died and become a force ghost. He's zipping around in a, uh, a...Wookiee evacuation pod.
YODA: Yeah, there's a lot of-
LETTERMAN: Can you set the record straight for once? America demands it.
YODA: (Chuckles) I have to, um-...I have to maintain a bit of an air of mystery, but I can confidently say that I am not a force ghost.
LETTERMAN: Now, that's good to hear. Not a force ghost?
YODA: No, not a force ghost.
(Scattered applause from audience)
YODA: (muffled) Not yet at least.
LETTERMAN: (Laughing) Not yet. Now, for a while there you were working alongside Galactic Emperor Sheev Palpatine.
YODA: Mmm-hmm.
LETTERMAN: What is that like? If you'll pardon the expression, I imagine two big egos like that can't help but bump up against one another every-
YODA: Well, I-...
LETTERMAN: And I mean, that's before you even factor in Ki-Adi-Mundi! Had to get contentious over there, no?
YODA: (Laughs) At times. At times. But, um, no, I really don't have anything juicy to reveal. You all know about our daring final confrontation in the Galactic Senate, but other than that we, uh, we rarely interacted outside of boring committees and the like.
LETTERMAN: Never got stuck in the elevator to the cafeteria with one another?
YODA: No, can't say so. Can't say-...Hell, we don't even eat the same kind of food.
LETTERMAN: Wow, I feel like we are learning so much about you today, Yoda.
(Audience laughs)
LETTERMAN: I'd like to learn even more, but we gotta do a commercial. Will you stick around, Yoda?
Yoda: Yeah, of course.
LETTERMAN: Great, great. We'll be right back with more from Yoda!
(Audience claps. Band begins to play)
LETTERMAN: (Muffled) Now, the Journal of the Whills...
(Segue to commercials as footage of Yoda fighting Ivy in Soul Calibur IV arcade mode plays)
(Commercials)
dark, creepy, grimy, and weird. evokes a 90s adventure game without making me actually play a 90s adventure game.
and we love to see a great game like this made in the godot engine don't we folks!
and we love to see a great game like this made in the godot engine don't we folks!
a really impressive commitment to the bit, but ultimately this feels oddly paced, mechanically frustrating at times, and nowhere near as polished as the titles it draws its inspiration from. despite that, when the future of the industry appears to be sentient live service games that choose to do evil because it makes them happy and executing everyone at a studio if their game doesn't earn the gdp of namibia in the first week, it's hard to be too mad about it. a smaller developer making a plucky little dark souls rip off about a crab is like a peek into a universe where people are able to make fun games that are deeply inspired by others but still maintain a renegade spirit all their own, and that feels like a slightly sunnier universe where reading kotaku maybe wouldn't make me want to kill myself (for reasons other than the normal ones you would want to kill yourself after reading kotaku).
2021
i have a friend who met one of the guys who played a hunter in this and he said craft services really went downhill compared to the last game
hmmm i played this one because halloween but i don't have a ton to say about it. if i could have selective amnesia about any event in my life i suppose it would be the time in 7th grade when i wrote something very mean in a girl's yearbook trying to be funny and it made her cry. thanks for reading!
you keep making the knobs, buttons, switches, controls, handles, levers, clasps, latches, toggles, dials, snaps, and keys, and i'll keep walking past them 37 times (NOTE: this one also made me feel like i was going to throw up)
2001
one of those pure fun games that doesn't overstay its welcome. comes with all the baggage of games of this era, frustrating instant deaths and unskippable cutscenes, often immediately before one of those frustrating instant deaths, but few gaming moments can live up to bullet time jumping through a doorway and doming three fat mobsters with dual wielded berettas before you hit the ground.
2007
this party's cool, but i wish there was a way to find the geeks and gamers in the crowd
2012
i played this when it came out 10 years ago and didn't realize there was any subtext until the last 5 minutes (i was 25 years old lol)
2023
only our lord and savior jesus christ above knows what possessed me, a 65 year old man, to play this game
poor james avery is dead so they got the guy who does the voice of every white guy in anime to do shredder but still pretty fun!
2021
kind of twee but i liked trying to identify the little pixelated gamecube cover art
2022
This review contains spoilers
phenomenal. if you're a fan of the first two bayonettas, everything you love is here and it's all cranked up as high as it will go. variety is the name of the game, and this game has enough variety in weapons, combos, summons, gameplay, and levels that you'll get whiplash as you rocket from one jaw-dropping set piece to the next. you can summon a train to fight for you but if you make it toot its horn too much it will get mad and come after you instead. you can summon fucking big ben. one weapon makes you turn into a sexy frog lady that attacks enemies by croaking into an elvis microphone. there are multiple mandatory side levels that all start off with an identical 2 minute, unskippable pastiche of a 60s spy movie intro. bayonetta has 3 separate dance sequences during the end credits. there's a level that morphs into a schmup midway through and then transitions through the entire array of 3d, vertical scrolling, and horizontal scrolling. bayonetta rips her heart out to turn a summon into hyper godzilla and fight a massive kaiju style battle and then the next time she does that with another summon it takes a bubble bath. we need to be abducting japanese boys and force feeding them a steady diet of john woo movies, folk music, and super nintendo games, clockwork orange style, until they develop an obsession with biblical allegory and make games like this 40 years later.