(Part 8 of the Half Century Challenge, created by C_F. You can read their eighth review here)

We may know them now as the old, fragile corpse of a company that just refuses to die out while clinging to the past rigorously with all their might, but back in the earliest days of gaming, Atari was THE video game company that beat all the rest. They were the ones responsible for some of the most influential and classic video games ever released, such as Pong, Breakout, and so on, and with their lineup of console from the fondly remembered Atari 2600 to even the laughing stock known as the Atari Jaguar, they have had quite the history with all of the games that they try to put out on the market. Sure, they may have made some pretty big mistakes in the past, such as inadvertently helping cause the Video Game Crash of 1983, as well as the aforementioned Atari Jaguar, but without them and their influence on the industry, I can’t even imagine where video games would be nowadays. So, I figured it was about time that we PROPERLY reviewed an Atari game on here, rather than just give one a couple of sentences and a joke thrown in, and the game we are gonna do that with is Video Olympics.

Much like with most Atari 2600 games in general, or any other game for Atari consoles, I had never really heard anything about this game prior to this review. When it comes to my general knowledge of video games and video game history, it goes all the way back to the NES era, and SOME points in the arcade era before that, but aside from that, that’s it. Don’t really know too much about any of the games from Atari systems, or whatever other systems were released back then, so I am curious to see what kind of “hidden gems” I have been missing out on for so long from these systems. However, when I went to research for this game, I then quickly discovered that…….. It… it’s just Pong… it’s just Po- IT’S JUST PONG! Goddammit, we already did an entire review on Pong rip-offs, we can’t do another one on it! But I couldn’t find anything else worth reviewing in the selection from 1977 though! loud groan........... you know what, fuck it. I love running gags, and Pong is one of the best gags that I have ever seen, so we’re doing it again! HERE WE GO!

So, one neat thing that I actually really like about old Atari games about this is that, when it comes to a good selection of the games you could get for the 2600, you weren’t limited to just one game. A lot of the games for these systems actually contained multiple games on them that you could select from, with them either being variations on previous games, or new games entirely, which does provide a good amount of variety and replayability for games that look like… well, that. Video Olympics is no different when it comes to this, as we have a total of 50 games on here, each one mimicking a real life sport while being a variation of Pong itself, which is pretty neat, so, as you probably expected, we are going to go through all 50 of these games and see just what is so special about each and every one of them. And I’m doing it just for you.

To start things off, of course we have the classic game of Pong to work with, where you compete against another person, you bounce a ball back and forth between each other, you score a point on the other person, and you laugh in their face as they are now a disgrace to their family name. We all know how it works, and it still works just as well here, and there are even some new variations introduced here to change up the gameplay slightly. You can now set your paddles to several different settings to change up the game, such as the Speed option, which will make it so that the ball flies towards the other side faster whenever you hit it with your paddle, or the Whammy option, which will launch the ball from your paddles at sharper angles, making so that you can score against your opponent easier. While these don’t change too much about the game, they do add an extra layer of precision and quick thinking for the experience, which I am a fan of, and Games #1 and 2 consist of Pong with these different settings, so that way you can find out which variation works best for you.

If you just so happen to be a friendless loser though who can’t get anyone to play Pong with you, then fear not, for Games #3 and 4 of this pack consist of Robot Pong, a version of Pong that is pretty much the exact same as the original version, once again with the different Speed and Whammy settings, except now instead of facing another real-life opponent, you will face a computer opponent instead. Kinda seems like a waste to separate the single-player and multiplayer options into four separate games, but it is Atari, so it makes perfect sense as to why they did that, and it does at least give more options for those who, again, don’t have anyone to play the game with, so that is cool.

After that though is when things get real spicy, as for Games #5 and 6, we have the Pong 4-player game, where you will be taking on a Doubles game of Pong, with two players on a team, and each player controlling a single paddle each. This doesn’t change too much about the game, but it is at least cool to have the option to play with multiple people, and they change up the position of the paddles themselves for Games #7 and 8, so that is pretty cool if you don’t want your paddles to be constantly overlapping each other. Not only that, but it does also add another layer of strategy that can change up a match pretty quickly…… or at least, as quickly as a Pong match can be changed up anyway.

If controlling just one paddle isn’t enough for you though, then not to worry, because for Games #9 and 10, we have Super Pong, where you can control two different paddles at once! I know, I know, your heart is just beating out of your chest thinking about that, and just how CHAOTIC matches can get because of it, cause I’m thinking that myself as well. If you thought that sounded scary though, then just wait until you get to Games #11 and 12, where it is Super Pong again, but now it’s back in 4-player mode, which means there are a total of 16 PADDLES on screen at once…….. SIXTEEN! Whatever madman at Atari thought of putting this many paddles into a game at once must be some kind of lunatic, but I appreciate them for going the extra mile regardless.

But anyway, we should now go ahead and get away from the BORING, regular versions of Pong here, and get into the more exciting stuff now! Games #13 and 14 brings us into the wild and wonderful world of Soccer, which in this game is almost just like Pong, except now the field you play in is green, because how can it not be, and you control two different paddles, one in front of your goal, and the other one further out to combat the other player. If that doesn’t sound like your cup of tea though, then there is a way around that set-up, because with Games #15 and 16, we get back the 4-player options from before, with one player controlling each paddle, and there being two different players on each team. This one feels a lot more natural to mess around with, rather then trying to figure out what you are doing with two different paddles at once, but for those of you who are wanting that extra bit of chaos for 4-player mode, then Atari has got you covered with Games #17 and 18, where they put the extra paddles back in, to the fear of Pong players everywhere.

But that’s not all that the Soccer variants offer, oh no sir, because these are also the first games in this set-up that introduce the Catch variant into the mix. This makes it so that you are able to catch the ball with one of your paddles, allowing you to aim it and shoot it wherever you would like to change the game up, allowing you to strategize even more with how you shoot the ball around and what kind of plays you could throw out towards your opponent. Not gonna lie, I think this may just be my favorite variation on the game that we have here, because it feels a lot less uncontrollable compared to every other mode, and again, it allows you to be a lot more precise with your shots and plays, which I heavily prefer over just blindly hitting the ball with my paddle wherever it goes, just to see what plays out in the future.

Now that we got Soccer out of the way though, I think it’s about time that we move from a sport that I barely know how to play to a sport that I have NO CLUE how to play at all, as with Games #19 and 20, we now have Foozpong!........... you know, Foozpong? It’s like Foozball, except with Pong paddles………. no? Well, anyways, this one makes it so that you will be controlling two separate rows of Pong paddles, seemingly never ending, being able to hit the ball back to your opponent at many given opportunities with how many different paddles will be on all ends of the screen. “But wait, Mega”, I hear you cry, “I want my Pong game to be a cluttered, incomprehensible mess that anyone can barely play!” Well, little Jimmy, do I have the surprise for you, because Games #21 and 22 give you just that by bringing back the 4-player mode, so that everyone can be overstimulated and confused at the same time.

Now let’s move onto the games that take a much more simple approach to the Pong formula, as for all of my peeps up in the Maple Leaf country, Games #23 and 24 give us Hockey, which is pretty similar to that of regular Pong, except rather than trying to get the ball to reach the other side of the screen where your opponent is, we now actually have goals that you have to hit the ball into instead. That is pretty neat, adding yet another thin line of strategy to the ever-evolving game that is Pong, and with Games #25, 26, 27 and 28, you can upgrade it to not only give yourself 2 paddles to work with, but THREE paddles as well!.......... not exactly sure why you would need those, considering how small the goals are this time around, but hey, it’s still there anyway. And before you ask, no, they didn’t forget about any of the friend groups that go beyond two people, because Games #29 and 30 give you the 4-player option that crave with every fiber of your being, and they even manage to give you the Foozpong set-up with Games #31 and 32 as well, just in case you really didn’t want to play the game today.

All of that stuff we just talked about though, including all of the other games included beforehand….. BABY SHIT. That’s what they all are, as we haven’t gotten to the KING of kings, the master of all Pong games yet, as with Games #33 and 34, we get the man, the myth, the LEGEND, Quadrapong! If you somehow don’t know the majesty that is Quadrapong, then let me tell you all about it: it is actual, no strings attached, 4-player Pong, where each of you takes one side of the screen, and you have to hit the ball into your opponent’s goal. It isn’t too much more complex than any of the other games of Pong that we have covered so far, but I’m just happy to get a proper free-for-all Pong mode here, rather than whatever co-operative bullshit they pull with all of the other games.

But, if you want any something more inventive then that, then we got you covered, as with Games #35 and 36, we get our next game, Handball, where instead of trying to score goals against your opponent, you are now trying to get more points then them by hitting the ball yourself, with both of you on one side of the screen. I like this approach as well, changing up the objective of the game rather than how the player reaches the objective of each game, which is pretty cool……. but then they ruin it with Games #37 and 38, where they place two other players slightly in front of you, so thanks for that, guys. You all were doing so great too, I had so much faith in you, and you threw it all away…

Not to worry though, because they can help gain back their good faith with the introduction of Games #39 and 40, Volleyball! This one works pretty differently from all of the other games, where the ball will actually bounce around vertically, and you have to bounce it over to the other opponent’s side, which is a nice change of pace rather than sticking to the traditional Pong formula for every single game, but just changed up very slightly. And of course, they give you the 4-player variant with Games #41 and 42, with those other two players getting smaller paddles that are slightly over the two main paddles, which is a nice little addition, even if they can’t help a ton when compared to the main paddles.

If you have been getting tired of all this Ponging, then you will be happy to know that we are on the home stretch, where we now have the last Pong game here, with Games #43, 44, 45, and 46 giving us Basketball! Much like with Volleyball, you have to bounce the ball around rather then hitting it towards an opponent, but naturally, you have to get the ball into the hoops this time around….. and by hoops, I mean the rectangles that they pretend are hoops in this game. And to end things off, Games #47, 48, 49 and 50 give us the 4-player variants, where you get two more smaller paddles above the main ones, which can also help out in scoring all of the baskets, so that everybody in the family of all ages can come together and have a blast with the ONLY proper way to ever play basketball ever.

And with that, we are DONE! We have gone through every single game variation that can be found in Video Olympics, and I am NEVER doing this again! Seriously, there is only so much that one man can say about Pong before he ends up wanting to pong himself to death, and I think I am just right about there. But what I will say is, out of all of the Pong variations that I have played and researched to talk about on this website, this might just be the best one of the bunch. Yeah, it doesn’t have too many differences compared to all of those other versions of the game that exist out there, but the fact that this single package offers so many different versions of the game to play, coupled with the fact that it introduces more variations on the game, is quite admirable, and it makes it really fun to go through. Obviously, you probably won’t get much out of it, considering that it is just more Pong, but for a brief amount of time, you could definitely have some fun with it with friends, before you all inevitably move on to playing actual video games after this. But with all that out of the way, we are done here. I don’t even have an ending joke, I am going to go fly onto my bed now. Happy Ponging Season to you all, and I will see you all in 3,000 years.

Game #619