Not since “The Lord of King” have I seen such a limp wet towel of a Japanese original name for a game that was mercifully changed into something forgettably appropriate instead. “Crying”? Are you kidding me? Did you stub your toe at the same time you were coming up with that? What’s the sequel going to be, Giggling? Grow the fuck up, we’re calling it Bio Hazard Battle. It’s a battle, you’re fighting biological enemies, and yeah sure, I guess they’re a hazard to your immediate health. If you don’t like it, then you know who’s really going to be crying? The localization team, when they suddenly find themselves packing up their shit out of their offices because corporate just saw the sales figures for North America and realized no nineties boys wanted to buy a game called Crying. CRYING, for fucks sake

I played the console EVO game something like half my life ago and thought it was super average with some really interesting concepts, but was sad I didn't live in a reality where it shaped up to something more. Little did I know I was already living in a reality where The 4.6 Billion Year Story existed and I'm immensely blown away by it. Like genuinely, this might just be a top 10 RPG ever for me, and easily my favourite game on the PC98.

The in-game graphics aren't quite up to par with the wonderful mode 7 visuals of the SNES game, with fairly standard visuals for the system (likely to save on space) but the portraits and cutscenes very much make up for it 1000 fold. The depiction of the dinosaurs dying is unlike anything I've ever seen in media and it truly made me feel bad for the most predictable "plot twist" ever. I'm always amazed when PC98 artists manage to make screens that look like they came straight out of an old ass OVA.
https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/1156847687476457492/1208832081619329124/image.png?ex=65e4b79b&is=65d2429b&hm=0ad2863e98a196b94910ec2b07733f44e02d92fc44099ddc35e2fb690628212a&=&format=webp&quality=lossless&width=1177&height=662

In fact, the designs are just stellar all around. The portraits are colourful and feel like they had such an attention to anatomy, I wouldn't have figured some of them were original to the game if it wasn't pointed out in the in-game encyclopedia. And what a hilarious message indeed!
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1156847687476457492/1208832199520952320/image.png?ex=65e4b7b7&is=65d242b7&hm=d4f6524b44cba88173918ca5be7ba85ec5ef59c719ecd005e49fd33144a1aee7&

There are 3 things that really set this game apart from Search For Eden. The first is that the encyclopedia teaches the player a lot about all sorts of different animals like dinosaurs every time they evolve. The second is that the timeline goes quite a ways beyond what is in the SNES game, with the human character actually feeling like a big deal instead of the weakest evolution in the game.
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1156847687476457492/1209017264993599518/image.png?ex=65e56412&is=65d2ef12&hm=2838d37a715ce3ffc996eeeb9bf90db489aeebbaf74848b5e82570c76a5f29b3&

And the last thing, most importantly, is the religious and political elements. The epic wars are great, but the Biblical symbolism and use of Lady Lucifer as a villain truly elevate the experience. She is seriously one of the most fun villains I've ever experienced in a video game which is saying something. Even without any voice clips, her evil laugh haunts me.
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1156847687476457492/1209002061601972304/10.png?ex=65e555e9&is=65d2e0e9&hm=82d991915c968d9691977d345525d735b5e7a06fdb5dad88204eac2b6ba4d4b7&

The story is just incredible. The joke endings are probably the one area where the console game wins, but seriously the story in 4.6 Billion Year Story is one of the best I've ever experienced overall. I was really flabbergasted watching all my frens die; there were no punches held whatsoever and it truly did a great job highlighting how vicious the life cycle was IRL for the animals of the past. The epilogue legit had me crying with how inspirational it was. Really insane how far the timeline went given it started with a fish running away from other fish.

As for the gameplay? I actually enjoyed it a lot! Though I will add the caveat that I played it with speedup via the NP2Kai core in Retroarch, complete with Joy2Key to force controller support.

4.6 Billion Year Story is a nice early example of a game with no random encounters thanks to everything being on the map, predating even the likes of Chrono Trigger by years. Escaping battles was reliable too! I loved grinding for EXP by just holding the speedup key and running back and forth until i triggered dozens of evolution events. It was strangely calming tbh? I also dig the lack of MP system and the fact there are no boss fights until the end; the latter especially reminded me of Wizardry. Unlike the console game, each evolution is just a flat upgrade. Literally the biggest thing I could complain about with this game is maybe that the combat itself is super average and I wish there were more overworld interactions depending on the player's evolution, but the final battle with its status ailment tug-o-war makes up for all that imo. After all, status ailments are rarely helpful in JRPGs so that really struck me as a memorable finale. It was also nice not having to worry about items or anything since the player could just stand still or find health replenishment spots where ever in the world maps.

Oh, and the OST is great. A lot of the music is shared in common with Search For Eden, but I just prefer how it sounds here. Not to mention how killer the final boss' death cry is.

I highly rec this game to any fans of classic JRPGs, Japanese PC games, or the console equivalent EVO game. Simply a masterpiece, all in all.

For a lot of these Madden and other sports title reviews, I really don't have much to say. It's a yearly franchise of American football games, they are all fairly similar etc etc. It's nice then, or perhaps not so nice in this case, when there is some interesting history behind the game. Madden 06 came out the year after the consensus best NFL game of all time NFL 2K5. EA had managed to bully 2K games out of the market and as such Madden 06 was the only NFL game available that year. Add this to the fact that it was the first NFL game on next gen consoles, there was a lot of pressure on EA to make a good game. With all this pressure, Madden 06 ended up being a stinker and the worst Madden game on the console. It was obvious that the development of the game had gone poorly, with the 360 version being so much worse than the PS2 version. The game just feels off. Collisions look weird and often send your player in the wrong direction. Catching animations are bad. There's a huge lack of features. The game just doesn't run well at all. I found numerous glitches and really long loading times during my time with the game. It almost feels like the console is struggling to run the game. There is no reason to pick up this game on the 360 unless you like easy achievements.

Part Time UFO makes me wish HAL would make some non-Kirby games more often. While I love the series as much as the next guy, games like this show they're more than capable of making charming and original games that can stand on their own. That being said this game can occasionally lean a little too much into frustrating territory. I would not recommend trying going for 100% unless you feel like going insane, but playing the game casually not worrying about getting all the medals or feats is a real good time.

I think the biggest failing of this game and what really ground me down after playing it for a while was the constant dissonance between so many of the moving parts of this. The art style wants to go for a pixelated, simplistic look but also wants to have cutscenes displaying emotion through facial expressions that don't really translate through the design. Parts of this tonally feel like a cutesy English kid's storybook but when the darker elements are introduced they don't slot in naturally at all. The majority of this wants to be a precision platformer, but then streams of somewhat clunky minigames break up the natural flow of the game (all the transitions feeling very jarring & abrupt).

Now, part of my reason for dropping this might just be down to my own preferences & less so any inherent failings of the game itself. I'm definitely not one for nail-bitingly hard gameplay or precision platforming, but I was surprised with just how precise and unforgiving the majority of this game was. The lack of a life system is indicative of this, but this still felt off-puttingly punishing to a point where the lack of lives seems more like tape on the cracks than an intentional design choice. It's not a complete loss, as I do like the story, some of the charming visual design and the soundtrack, but all the endearing aspects were ground down by aggravating gameplay & a lack of skippable moments.

Tricky cute'em up! Starts off as your average early horizontal shooter equipped with homing missiles. Unique items such as the bow-tie that increases your missile ability, what appears to be ancient sake cups increases your score, carrots for health, and the rare Tanuki statue that renders you invincible for a short time while flashing and glowing in bright rainbow colors. Fair life bar, and continue options. Now here comes the tricky parts - some items can get stuck on the bottom ground frame that will become unattainable. A few spoilers ahead the final two stages have their share of surprises with an unexpected progression to reveal the final boss.