that's not fucking fair mannnnnnnnnnnn........ fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck okay ive tied up all the loose ends, seen the conclusions to some of the social links i didnt finish in time.. and i fully beat the game and started a Little of the new game plus for the first time ever...

I THINK i can type my thoughts in good conscience now

warning this review in particular in your eyes will have me getting sappy and sentimental, but ive never played this game before:

This was the first persona game i had ever even Seen or heard about. When I was a kid watching mat and pat from two best friends play this, i retained almost Nothing about it aside from the two being at each other's throats and Mat may or may not actually deleting Pat's 300 plus hour save file
In sophomore year of highschool i had a really good friend that'd show me the openings for both persona 4 golden and persona 3 portable alike, this was almost comically insane timing because it wasnt often id even have the opportunity to get a new game.. hell i didnt even have a ps4 still, my crappy laptop, wii u and my 3ds for the bulk of the 2010s were what i relied on for video games. It was about 2017 when Persona 5 dropped, and Id actually be able to TRY one of these.. id get it for ps3(while just the Existence of this version of this game being released for such an old console was laughed at.. to Me it was another very lucky moment)
and id love it, id be talking about it so often.. and then thatd kinda just! be it! for a bit atleast
id listen to the music when i was alone, id listen to the other games ost's
it was far from my first JRPG but it felt like a lightning in a bottle moment because id never touched anything SMT before and id hold these thoughts and memories and theyd peter(heheh) out as time marched... i wound up playing persona 1 and having my fun trolling my friends into thinking that id play 3 or 4 next, and i enjoyed my time with that too but in a Different way.
It's been 7 years since i played persona 5
and since then i think i can totally call myself an "smt Fan" instead of just someone with passing interest, ive played about 10 games now at this point and im levelling with you..

I think Persona 4 has the worst gameplay of these 'modern era' type persona games,

No, really!
I think this Process of going through persona 4 dungeons sucks! There's some exceptions here though... the GaMEr dungeon is neat.. the laboratory one.. the two before the endgame one that i wont say the names of..
but in general I think while the aesthetics are a step above persona 3's tartarus blocks... i do wish they took more advantage of sending you back to previous floors or even having mid bosses thatre more interesting, some of them are so utterly stupidly hamfisted in one way or another that just makes them not stand out to me AT ALL compared to persona 3 mid bosses
The closest thing to a smooth dancer or sleepy table moment was the big fuck you jarhead mech asshole that has an ungodly amount of defense
But even in spite of this there's so much variety that goes in with your party and having party members remember shit from doing side activities.. ultimate personas getting a THIRD tier.. its incredible
HAFHAHF INFACT LIKE EVEN THE MOMENTS WHERE A BENCHED PARTY MEMBER CAN JUMP IN AND DO A FUNNY ATTACK ON THE ENEMY WITH THEIR MOTORCYCLES, THE TEAM ATTACKS THAT CAN SOMETIMES JUST H A P P E N, ALL THAT I love that
I love how involved everyone is to the point of even showing up in some random blocks of the dungeons just for idle interactions, persona 3 had some moments like this too! but nowhere Near at this extent even in FES
And thats really why this whole game works for me in general

Yeah you could say the plot technically doesnt kick into gear until the latter quarter of the game, yes there's absolutely disgusting momentary segments of for lack of a better term

'atlus moments' where theres punching down at being queer or even having whole actual just predator/pedo characters in this shit while at the same time having arguably the fruitiest fucking cast in this entire series with yosuke, naoto, kanji and even teddie and the others getting glimmering moments of acceptance and self affirming perspective about them. This is where the game comes into a sort of cognitive dissonance that makes it so conflicting to talk about and I think to wrap my head around in general while playing and even after playing ....
This game WAS written in the 00s after all, and the bulk of the cast that this game centers on.. are kids! freshmen and sophomores just trying to do the right thing out here and it shows. Yosuke MAY be goonerer supreme in some moments of the narrative, and then be one of the most realistic characters in self doubt and isolation and wanting to Be something and have a grip on who he is.. in his social link!.. but bits of that Do trickle into the narrative too.. so you have this guy thats just so gross but it gets brushed off so quick as if the game itself knows its just a stupid silly thing that he had bought girls swimsuits in advance for his friends in a creepy manner...?????????

Yea
This game has some moments like that. and I never like it but I think it speaks volumes on it all when there can be fuckshit in this game and I primarily remember and Felt at the forefront what was going on when it mattered.
Shopping for groceries, getting drivers licenses for the motorcycles, the silly shit at the beach, the camping, the ski trip, going to the movies, yosuke needing help at junes', the fuckup with halloweeennn all of it.. i loved All of that more than the actual boss fights, more than the personas more than any of that more than anything that shit stuck with me

ESPECIALLY when it came down to Nanako and Dojima whichre two of my favorite characters in this franchise now too because in some ways I think it feels like somewhat of a peek into what itd be like if i could be there for a little version of myself going through shit alone with her dad when her mom's passed, what itd be like if there was someone to make things right and close the rift between my dad and i instead of it rolling harder and harder in contempt for one another. This is a lot of projecting im aware, but honestly this is the meat of why this game is even a 4/5 at All because if none of this landed to me, idve probably gave this game a 3/5 at most.
Which still isnt bad, but there's so much here that i think is Objectively hampering whats going on.. but theres so much soul fighting through to the point where itd feel like i was Lying through my teeth telling you this game as a whole sucks
because i loved it so much
I didnt wanna say I did
because everybody and their fuckin mama's goldfish meatsuckle this shit to hell and back
and i think i was afraid of being biased like that too
I even had some contempt for how id been spoiled on this years ago on instagram... but Im so glad i didnt play this as a teenager because it felt like the most brisk wave of nostalgia i didnt think a game i never played could ever give me.. a piece of media ive never experienced evoking so much out of me so different from what made persona 3 so special to me. I grew up in a town where jackshit happened apart from hanging with friends to talk and play games, there wasnt much going on for being one of the most boring towns in the entire state of florida at that too. But it was always PEOPLE that got me through my first time being homeless, it was always people that got me through the passing of loved ones, the decay of my enjoyment of school, first car, venting, movies, all of it bitch
im talking all of it
This made me think about all of that to the point where I think it was around december or january, these stupid asses teddie and yosuke were at the door of your place and i started to cook yosuke for being dumb as all fuck and how karma always shines and repays in full with every stupid ass little thing he says and thinks to do during the game.. but tears kept flowing cause he felt like a friend or atleast someone id know from back in those days and his growth was absolutely felt(until atlus thinks to do stupid shit for a joke)

It's that shit that matters, its that shit that makes the whole journey worth it, its that shit that makes even the several BAD endings that much cooler, its that shit that makes pressing through the social stats feel so much more Earned, its that shit that makes you wanna actually talk to everyone and get to know everyone because the group chemistry is so knit together well. I love S.E.E.S but the Inaba investigation group is so specifically bumbling and sweet and dumb all at the same time that I think they give the vibes of a cast that can literally have conversations about Anything and keep going and going without a writer being pressed for how to handle a situation.
Having been spoiled on shit in this game prior also made following along the killer really interesting too, it even got me keeping an eye open for them at all times and catching onto how their alibis would form and all that
which honestly just made the mystery that much more fun.

So yeah, i only got one more set of Persona(s) to play through
I was gonna make this one the last one and keep my weird play-pattern for this series rolling till my last breath but I really needed something to make me feel Good lately with how heavy life's been. I think this game has and probably still will continue to be there for people like that with how many characters can resonate with you regardless of age and regardless of identity. I think it's beautiful in it's own.. sometimes ugly little way. I cant let some shit slide though so its capped at 4/5 on here because like, THERES TOTALLY SOME THINGS THAT PISS ME OFF

which brings us to this lightning round of things i like and dont like since this is already probably my longest backloggd review

-margaret's social link is a farcry from what elizabeth's was that shit is so depressing and only is nice for some momentary nods about the past i GUESS.

-if you played persona 3 and loved persona 3, and its your favorite one like me, this shit will meatsuckle you like crazy for a little bit and i think thats kindof cool

-shuffle time i THOUGHT was completely fucked up at first, but I think that sweep bonuses and everything pertaining to it are good I just miss the mystery guessing aspect of shit now

-The final boss funnily enough aint even the hardest fuckin fight in this game LMAO

-I think its fucking disgusting that atlus went out of their way to have two bath house scenes that suck ass in this game

-THE PINK ALLIGATOR GOT PUBLISHED!!!!!!!!! AND SLEEPY TABLE HAD A COMEBACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

-This is now my most played steam game at 230 something hours...

-Marie is rly cool

-Kamui Miracle is the best additional skiill in the whole franchise and we should always make it mandatory to have a way to gamble when you fight in a persona game thank u

so yeah this game sucks and i hate atlus, loved it, bye

CW: Discussions of Transmisogyny

The common response to vulnerable niche play experiences like Video Game Feminization Hypnosis (2019), Cave Story Sex RPG 2007 (2021), and He Fucked The Girl Out of Me (2022), is mockery both for the boldness of name and of content. Video Game Feminization Hypnosis is a psychic-design-manifesto with lines like "i dont care about the "puzzles" i just wanna explore weird islands & mess with the machines" and "ive half-joked about my games being laced with estrogen but i wonder how powerful they could be. what if we could use video games to forcefem ppl all over the world" nested as hyperlinks throughout her vent towards a better girly gameworld. Written in lowercase text and using internet acronyms like 'ppl', she speaks with a casual concern for unfettered femme exploration games as a way to potentially rewrite the social code.

It has not been product tested for review, nor has either of the other 2 games mentioned. The problem here is that the culture of 'gaming' itself is unable to step beyond the bounds of product review. Franz inquires into this problem around Cave Story Sex RPG 2007

"Why do we seek to quantify something clearly very personal based on how much it resonates with us?

I think my problem is that I think people are looking at this game as they would a product. Like it needs to have some value to me, otherwise it's not "worth playing".

Nadia, Fewprime, Blood Machine, npckc, communistsister, bagenzo, and [pourpetine] (https://xrafstar.monster/games/). These are in my mind the most notable transfemme gamedevs and their relevant store pages for their work¹. It's obviously not a comprehensive list, but this is my notation for who is the most publicly notable and prolific within the scene. Notice that all of the games on these pages are free as are the 3 games I opened with at the start. That's because transfemme gamedevs more often have to make their corpus free just to get eyes. So what are gaming spaces assessing the 'worth' of a completely no strings attached free simulated experiences? I think its the fact we dare to make people uncomfortable and borrowing a modicum of their time (across all the devs I've mentioned I cant think of 1 that takes more than 3 hours to finish, usually only being around 20 minutes in length at most). My sisters have to cheapen themselves to 0 just to get your ear and its still just met with mockery, harassment, and belittlement².

Even when a transfemme game dev gets the chance of any success at all she is thrown down again. In pourpetine's Hot Allostatic Load (2015) she notes among a litany of pained observations that

"One of my abusers was sent a list of the nominees for the upcoming games festival Indiecade. Unfortunately, I was on the list. I ended up winning an award, ostensibly to recognize my feminine labor in the areas of marginalized game design—years of creating access for other people, publicizing their games, giving technical support, not to mention the games I had designed myself. Instead of solidarity from other marginalized people in my field, I was attacked."

Video Game Feminization Hypnosis beats to a much more Utopian drum. A belief that we can mesmerize people into a more pure goo out of this vindictive rut, create a games made out of love, show people feminine Exits.

I believe in all that. I also believe that my words and those of my sisters are constantly being cast a sidelong jeer of disposability. That I and my sisters are then to blame for when a mobbing happens and not the world's own biases and outrage. This world has made this all quite non-negotiable, no more playing along with the democratic cesspits and hateful comedy routines. Here's to reflecting on the play experience others treat as compost as if its the most meaningful urtexts in the world because to quote pourpetine again "Build the shittiest thing possible. Build out of trash because all i have is trash. Trash materials, trash bodies, trash brain syndrome. Build in the gaps between storms of chronic pain." trash art is my queendom.

I hope it suffocates society before it can flee to their patriarch Arks. As princess put it here 'flood the world and dilute the sludge'.

-------------------------------------------------------

1. 2 notable exceptions I know of with pay to play games by transfemme is princess/Girl Software's other games, and the cowriting of Aevee Bee on Worst Girl Games. Also key in on the fact here I'm making no judgements on individual pricing of games as a moral decision.

2. Does not remotely just happen On Backloggd³ if you think this is just a grievance I have with this site you're gravely misreading me and I urge you to slow down your social media outrage use for a bit qt~

3. Although I should not lie, social media sites are remarkably more unreliable habitats for trans people than they initially appear, this place has been a great learning experience of that in my case

One last turf war before the plug is pulled on my favourite era of videogames since the PS1.

Well, a few games, and several games which disconnected due to server instability. An all time classic. Memories of hot summer evenings in 2015 playing Squid Jump while waiting in the lobby. The lobby music sending me right back to the time.

My friend actually bought me this. I got home from work to find a parcel with my name changed to an ink related pun. I couldn't believe my luck. Iffy servers be damned, I spent hours upon hours on this game, and for a while it was never bettered. It took a lot of updates for the sequel to rival this one.

It may have been superseded and eventually bettered, but this will always be my favourite.

Stay fresh 🥲

I had a minor operation on my back and got seven stitches, and afterward the doctor told me not to do anything too strenuous. I decided to just game the rest of the day thinking that would be preferable to like working out or biking, but while I was finishing this game up I apparently leaned back in my desk chair so hard it made a bunch of blood squeeze out of my stitches and ruined the special disappearing bandages the doctor put on before. There was a huge stain on the back of my chair and I thought the stitches had straight up popped. I found out they were thankfully still intact when I went to urgent care but they had to do the special dressing all over again. I give this game four out of five stars.