dame dane lole!!! sorry wrong game. shenmue is actually a pretty swag game on paper but it ends up sucking because the sega gemesis can't really capture the art film aesthetic the game is trying to capture very well, as well as the story just being really generic. i think i'd relate more to the protagonist if he wasn't a bumbling thumbsucker with really awkward dialogue and body language (which describes every character). really dig the aesthetic though! as famous GOOD PERSON Steve Jobs put it "For you to sleep well at night, the aesthetic, the quality, has to be carried all the way through."

so, let's start with the good: mw2 is a relatively good looking game with amazing sound design, and excellent feeling guns. its map design is also very good, and i think its progression system is unique.

now for the bad: this is one of the most disasterous launches in CoD history. not quite as bad as cold war but it's way too close.

this game is buggy as fuck, jesus christ. where do i even begin? well for a start, camo unlocks do not get alerted once you complete them. this game crashes any time you try to play with your friends in a lobby, there are no barracks, challenges, multiplayer stats, or anything like that. there is just not enough content herep there are less unique guns and attachments than MW19 at launch, less game modes, no challenges, worse movement and a worse perk systen.

regardless of the bugs and missing content, the game design frustrates me because it feels like a mix of a "tactical" fpses like r6s, cs and faster paced fpses like quake and the earlier entries of cod, but i feel like right now it leans waay too heavily into the tactical side. this entry is trying to be "realistic" and boy does it really want you to feel that way. your foot steps are as loud as an elephant's, which means being slow is the optimal strategy a lot of the time, otherwise some dude sittin in the corner will just hear you coming and shoot you with no counterplay, not to mention the much slower aim down sight strafe speeds, slowers sprint to fire times, slower ads times across the board compared to older games, and you just have a very slow game. this isn't inherently bad, games like CS and R6S are very slow games but are immenesly popular for a reason, but i feel like abandoning cod's former roots as a good mix between CS and Quake is a mistake. it's a mistake in my opinion because being a healthy mix between tac shooter and arcade fast shooter meant the diversity in player indivuality and playstyles were very high, which i think should be considered heavily in a shooter catered to a CASUAL demographic. not everybody wants to be some crack addled 180 fov quake player and not everybody wants to piss in a jar and hold a long in dust ii for 90 minutes after their shitty 9 to 5, and that is exactly the franchise cod was meant to appeal towards. some games in the franchise leaned more towards tacitcal (black ops 1, cod 4, mw3, mw19) and others more fast paced (mw2, advanced warfare, infinite warfare, vanguard) but it's never been quite this polarizing before. all this does is limit viable playstyles which makes it only enjoyable for people who really like that sort of gameplay. i don't, unfortunately.

the perk system is also garbage and never needed to be changed to this degree, but they did anyway to claim "innovation." nobody wanted this.

so let's wrap this up. for $69.99 you are getting a game that is very similar to MW19, but worse in every way, some subtle and some immense. the movement is slower and worse, the perk system is worse, imo the game looks and runs worse, the game currently has significantly less content, has more bugs... just don't buy this right now. just wait for when it comes on sale or just invest your time in the other 20 cod games that are more fun and interesting anyway. ill update this review to see if the game improves in the future and write my thoughts.

splatoon 3 is fucking awesome. it is the most polished splatoon entry in the franchise, having a great story mode, the most balanced multiplayer experience thus far, permanent salmon run, looks great, and other qol features.

but you know what? every minute i spend playing this game, i go "you know im having a great time, but this is incredibly similar to splatoon 2... which was already very similar to splatoon 1... so why did i pay $60 for this?" and the reality is that i legitimately cannot come up with a good reason other than the fact that my friends bought it.

the game in a vacuum is amazing but it is so safe in it's "innovations" that i almost feel like its insulting to the word to call the new features innovative. the gameplay is fundamentally the same, however you have two new squid abilities and two new weapon types. you now have a usuable lobby instead of a shitty loading screen that would make you want to gouge your eyes out. you have a new campaign, and you have a new gacha card game you can play in the hub and uh... you can play salmon run all the time instead of whenever the game feels like you should be able to. and honestly, that is 90% of the game's changes from 2 to 3. i am not joking. changes that basically every other live service model game would serve as either dlc or a free update for an existing game are changes nintendo is charging their consumers $60 dollars for.

this is frankly insulting. im sure some people will go "uh well bubbles fifa madden and cod do the same thing" which is like, yes they do. however, those games' service models have been critisized in the gaming sphere for ages. second of all, the reality is that in the span those games are released and developed (1 year, maybe 2 or 3 in cod's case) making any truly innovative changes in a sequel should frankly be regarded as miraculous. in any case, the window between the release of splatoon 2 and 3 is 5 years, which i feel like is even worse. 5 years for the developers to realize "hey you know limiting salmon run to only whenever the fuck we want is a moronic, brainless, vacuous, slack jawed, knuckle dragging, sub 20 iq ass backwards dipshitted idea. we should charge the consumer $60 to have them be able to play it whenever." 5 years for the developers to go "hey the ink shield special is incredibly degenerate, horrible and ruins the balance of multiplayer that no one likes lets charge the consumer $60 to get rid of it" seriously suck my fucking dick. these changes are not innovations that warrant a sequel; and if they did, certainly not $60.

but im a fucking thumb sucker, so ill continue to shit my fucking diapy and play splatoon 3. because it is a fucking FUN game. nearly a 10/10 game wise but man fuck you nintendo.

mister burger king king come on man, i didnt relish my time with this game at all. dont go bacon my heart! make no minced-steak about it, pocket bike racists is a bad game. if you mustard the strength to spread burger king's capital then i'd advise finding another item on the menu, as this brrrrger has stayed too long in the freezer...

uh..

why was the burger king king embarrassed? because he saw salad dressing!! lole!!!