48 Reviews liked by DKMode


I mainly remember this game because the guy introducing it on stage at E3 seemed a little horny for cars.

This is one of the games I bought along with my DS. I got it at a shitty Gamestop located in the Courtland Center mall, which you can see in the documentary Fahrenheit 9/11 when a bunch of military recruiters are preying on teens, trying to get them to sign up to be killed in a war. Anyways I would play this on my lunch breaks during the first few months I worked at Old Country Buffet and I can say that it is just okay. It is a competent minigame collection that cannot hold a candle to something like WarioWare.

Rebirth fails to clear the lofty narrative bar Remake set for itself, settling instead for walking back every interesting piece of setup from the previous game. It fails to accurately represent the characters, reducing most of them to Flanderized shells. It fails to provide an interesting open world, settling for rote checklist work that drags and drags. Aside from the finely tuned combat and inventive music, this game is an utter failure on nearly every imaginable front. At this point, we’re confident in saying we won’t be back for Reunion or whatever the fuck they end up calling it.

This review contains spoilers

first of all it's not a video game. removing the gacha elements only makes this more clear. the only mechanic is Number Big? if number big, you win. if number not big, pay up. in its final pre-cancellation form they let you skip that and in so doing only reveal there was never anything there in the first place, it was alwasy only a series of whale checks in front of that sweet sweet yoko taro lore you crave. the craven cynicism of it all is existentially destructive for the work, as taro's already tiring eccentricities of hiding crucial details in the least accessible of places now become vectors to leverage for the direct exploitation of his audience into a gambling black hole. better hit the pulls so you can upgrade enough bullshit to see the dark memory that reveals the connection to drakengard 3 that makes everything click into place!! don't want to be left behind!!

but that is known. the game is a gacha and more than that it is a bad one even by the exploitative standards of a blighted genre that shouldn't exist, and that's why it's shutting down. nier reincarnation will forever live on as a series of youtube videos where fans can experience the story fairly close to how it was originally intended, and that's more than you can say for japanese exclusive yorha stageplay number squintillion. so how is that?

bad!! very bad!!! the game takes one of the weakest elements of the nier games, the sidequest and weapon stories all having the exact same tragedy monotonously drilled into your skull over and over and make it the entire game. no weiss and kaine bantering to prop all that up with a jrpg party of the greatest oomfs ever pressed to a PS3 disc, no experimental presentation of combat and level design, just storybook tragedies presented at such arch remove you don't even learn the character's names until you check the menu.

it is ludicrous. it is hilarious. there's one where a kid joins the army to get revenge on the enemy commander who killed his parents, only to as he kills him discover with zero forshdaowing that the commander is his real father and his parents kidnapped him as a child. there's one where a perfect angel little girl's father is beaten to death by his own friends so she runs home crying to her mother, who is in the middle of cheating on him, and is like sweet that owns and leaves lmao. they do the who do you think gave you this heart copypasta!!! and you'd think with such ridiculous material that it would be played with a coens-esque A Serious Man type wry touch, but it isn't at all, it's thuddingly earnest throughout as every tragic story plays out to overwrought voice acting and a haunting sad piano.

it is impossible to take seriously, and by the time the twelfth playable character has experienced a tragic loss and succumbed to the anime nihlism of I'll Kill Them All, another more fundemental question arises: what does all this lore actually give you, as a function of storytelling? the yokoverse is an intricate and near impossible thing, spanning multiple decades and every kind of storytelling medium imaginable, and reincarnation references damn near every single page of it, grasping onto the whole thing and framing it as a sprawling multiverse of human conflict across infinite pasts and infinite futures, with decades of mysteries to unravel and connections to make and characters to ponder and: why? for the exact same No Matter How Bad It Gets, You Can't Give Up On Hope ending that every anime RPG has? that automata already did? the plot is vast and intricate but the themes are narrow and puddle deep.

the more nier blows itself out to greater and greater scales the smaller it feels. in earthbound you fight the same ultimate nihlism of a the universe and then you walk back home again. and you say goodbye to your friends. and you call your dad. and it makes me cry like a fucking baby every time. the original nier, for all its faults, had that specificity. that sense of a journey with characters you loved that overcame the generic nature of its larger plot. here, you heal all the tragedies and fix all the timelines and everyone continues to live inside the infinite quantum simulations that will never end as you strive to find a way past the cyclical apocalypses past and future that repeat for all eternity, and i feel absolutely nothing. a world of endless content and no humanity. how tragic. how so very like nier.

been thinking a lot about why balatro doesn't super work for me

i think its because if you have bad luck, you are unable to win a run. if you roll badly you will hit a wall that you can not scale regardless

when i think about all the roguelikes/lites i adore there's an element of "even if i have the worst possible luck, if i play well enough i can still win". hades, spelunky, even something like into the breach

whereas with balatro, there have been a serious chunk of runs where i get to ante 4/5 and just think ... i will 100% lose and there is no point in me continuining this run

the other thing is that, to me, the core gameplay of playing cards isn't that enjoyable

shit man am i a balatro hater???

ultimately i think its an astonishingly polished game with a loop that makes only a quarter of runs feel worth doing

Despite being a hell of a lot longer than the first chapter (at least in my playthrough) SC felt like it really stuck the landing. Eschews some of the cozy vibes of FC in favor of really pushing the narrative along. Still one of the best casts of characters I've seen in an RPG. In this house we support Olivier Lenheim (even though he's maybe sort of a creep). Estelle Bright is an all-timer protagonist.

Anyone playing analogue poker in las vegas is a total loser when they could be playing Balatro instead and collect funny little joker cards.


there's a bug where the game plays faster if your monitor has a high refresh rate

so i played the whole game on 2.5x speed

and honestly? it ruled. more games should be 2.5x faster than they should be

i can't tell if i enjoyed this or if i just enjoying the podcasts i listened to while playing it

a bad story, badly told, experienced through the re-animated corpse of a video game that no longer exists. 2.0 doesn't have the dramatic and mythological death of 1.0, but as you run through silent zones all alone talking to absolutely no one, playing with skill trees balanced for an endgame four expansions away, you realise it is equally dead and gone.

mmos are social moments as much as they are video games, and the moment of time that was a realm reborn has long gone. to play it now is to simultaneously understand how a game that was heralded as the greatest redemption story in history is now seen as an albatross around ff14's neck. the half measures put in place to 'solve' this only highlight the problem more than solve it, as now it's quicker to get through, but the rhythm of the zones is absolutely killed as side quests are less than useless, the sense of space is obliterated, and the ratio of time spent watching awful cutscenes as opposed to playing the video game slides drastically in the wrong direction.

that said, the video game? is good! the world is beautiful and delightful to explore, the simplified rotations are still enjoyable and the faster levelling means you aren't taking too long between getting new skills. the lack of cross-class skills is a huge shame however and does feel like a piece of the game's soul is ripped out, the core identity of a job system streamlined away in the (probably justified) cause of endgame social convenience. but there is a joy to exploring eorzea and running dungeons that all the streamlining in the world can't kill.

the same cannot be said for the story, which is a car crash of multiple decisions made due to the reality of this game's nightmare development, that nonetheless conspire to ruin my life. cutscenes are stock animations and textboxes, so everything takes ten times too long and i can't button through fast enough. but the dialog itself has been localised by satan, so you have to slow down to read the most overwrought purple prose without tripping over it. the story is meant to be a tragic tale of struggle after a world ending calamity, but they're reusing all the assets from the last game so bahamut's casualty list is reduced to one old guy and every unnamed town NPC's entire family. it simultaneously wants to be a serious political study of navigating deep rooted conflict between nations and people, but it's also a cartoon for five year olds where the solution to every problem is "believing in hope" and you're the most special boy ever who has solved every problem look the president is here to throw you a party.

it does not work lmao. there are a few bright spots. i enjoyed a few job quests, specifically marauder and bard. rogue had a great little ending where it turned into lupin the third. the villains in gaius' tokusatsu squadron, inexplicably, all get more character work than any of the heroes despite having about two scenes each. this leads to hilarious situations where the most sympathetic characters in the game pour their heart out and make their tragic case while your guy doesn't react and silently murders them in the name of peace, because he is an mmo protagonist.

but aside from that i truly was dreading every cutscene. simply i am here to ride around on cloud's motorbike and do some damn tab targeting. and on that front it still delivers. there's even a few standout dungeons like aurum vale that has actual mechanics in the environment or the final bombastic praetorium assault. genuinely delightful moments, windows into oh right i fucking love final fantasy when the music is going off and there's an airship and also organization xiii is there for some reason.

so it is what it is. three stars. it's a video game. however mad and/or bored i got i was compelled to keep playing, because it is fun to hit a boss with DOTs. it is fun to pull like twenty guys into AOE range and feel immortal. please lower the teleport costs by the time i get to 7.0

A really small and focused scenario with some fun ideas although it never really manages to be that surprising or very fun to interact with. I still enjoyed it, and I loved the little behind the scenes document you unlock at the end. I think there's merit to making a game mostly as a platform to make some weird little characters out of clay.

Love how tight the concept and scope of this is. I had a pretty funny experience getting stuck on this while streaming to some friends and losing my mind while trying to get through the last few rounds but I was absolutely fixated on completing it in one go.