JTStrikesBack
BACKER
1993
Damned if you do, damned if you don't. If Splatterhouse 3 decided to not make any changes to the formula then people would complain that it was "another game just like the first two, no one asked for this!" but because there were some significant gameplay changes you're bound to have people crying that it "doesn't feel like a Splatterhouse game".
The overall feel is the same grotesque romp of absolutely annihilating monsters as our beefcake protagonist, Rick, but the play is much more typical beat 'em up. The monsters have more life, Rick has more moves, and everything is a bit more intense.
Think Double Dragon if it were a horror movie.
The overall feel is the same grotesque romp of absolutely annihilating monsters as our beefcake protagonist, Rick, but the play is much more typical beat 'em up. The monsters have more life, Rick has more moves, and everything is a bit more intense.
Think Double Dragon if it were a horror movie.
1989
Sweet Home has been sitting in my backlog for a while, now, as I kept forgetting it exists because....well, because next to no one seems to talk about it.
Now, considering the graphical limitations, this isn't genuinely frightening in any real way, but it is definitely unsettling.
Otherwise, this is a really well done JRPG with a handful of unique mechanics but ultimately is fairly standard when viewing it from a modern perspective.
Now if only the difficulty pacing were more better - by about halfway through the game you'll probably find yourself slaughtering enemies without much thought and just getting annoyed at the random encounters that just waste your time.
Now, considering the graphical limitations, this isn't genuinely frightening in any real way, but it is definitely unsettling.
Otherwise, this is a really well done JRPG with a handful of unique mechanics but ultimately is fairly standard when viewing it from a modern perspective.
Now if only the difficulty pacing were more better - by about halfway through the game you'll probably find yourself slaughtering enemies without much thought and just getting annoyed at the random encounters that just waste your time.
2005
Look, the game isn't bad - but I am.
Open Arena is a clone of Quake Arena. As far as I can tell it is well made, it is definitely fun. But if there's something I'm missing due to my blatant lack of skill, then I apologize if my 4/5 rating is misleading.
Open Arena is a clone of Quake Arena. As far as I can tell it is well made, it is definitely fun. But if there's something I'm missing due to my blatant lack of skill, then I apologize if my 4/5 rating is misleading.
With the HYPE TRAIN for Baldur's Gate 3 going full steam ahead I decided to look and see what games in the series I should check out (having only played the original 1 and 2, but knowing there were more that I never looked at).
I had no idea that Dark Alliance was closer to Gauntlet, if I had I would have been all over this 20 years ago!
A fairly simple hack and slash, mechanics wise, set into a D&D style world. If that sounds appealing for you, this is worth a try.
I had no idea that Dark Alliance was closer to Gauntlet, if I had I would have been all over this 20 years ago!
A fairly simple hack and slash, mechanics wise, set into a D&D style world. If that sounds appealing for you, this is worth a try.
Scary and boring : this time with pigs.
1981
I'M GOING TO DEFEND THE HELL OUT OF EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE OH YEAH
Ok that might be a little extreme, but genuinely I adore Defender. The arcade original is beautiful, but if I had to pick a home port of the time I'm going to strongly recommend the Intellivision version.
Ok that might be a little extreme, but genuinely I adore Defender. The arcade original is beautiful, but if I had to pick a home port of the time I'm going to strongly recommend the Intellivision version.
1983
Tapper is better when it is Root Beer Tapper.
2003
"Its just a prank, bro"
Fuck you, your child is 5 years old.
The Scary Maze Game, and the rest of these weird "jumpscare made to look like something simple and safe" games from the early 2000s were so obnoxious. Only thing worse was the slew of videos on YouTube of people snickering behind the camera while they made their young children, or grandparents, or whatever play them and then burst into tears.
Save that for people who can appreciate a it, is it really that hard? If you're not both laughing, it wasn't a prank- you're just an asshole.
I blame this game for making them popular.
Fuck you, your child is 5 years old.
The Scary Maze Game, and the rest of these weird "jumpscare made to look like something simple and safe" games from the early 2000s were so obnoxious. Only thing worse was the slew of videos on YouTube of people snickering behind the camera while they made their young children, or grandparents, or whatever play them and then burst into tears.
Save that for people who can appreciate a it, is it really that hard? If you're not both laughing, it wasn't a prank- you're just an asshole.
I blame this game for making them popular.
Why is this the CUTEST THING I'VE SEEN IN MONTHS?!
Seriously, this is an overwhelmingly cute rhythm game that adds a battle element- not too dissimilar to the way puzzle games do in that if you are doing well you cause damage to your opponent.
The characters are adorable, the gameplay is a simple 4-buttons as you deflect projectile attacks that will come at you in rhythm.
The only down side to this cuteness is that the music, while good, isn't particularly memorable. As far as I can find there are no standout tracks that make me want a playlist of the game's music.
Seriously, this is an overwhelmingly cute rhythm game that adds a battle element- not too dissimilar to the way puzzle games do in that if you are doing well you cause damage to your opponent.
The characters are adorable, the gameplay is a simple 4-buttons as you deflect projectile attacks that will come at you in rhythm.
The only down side to this cuteness is that the music, while good, isn't particularly memorable. As far as I can find there are no standout tracks that make me want a playlist of the game's music.
1997
The dude on the cover looked like Lord Zedd from Power Rangers.
That is it to say - Lord Deimos and almost every other character here are underwhelming and generically designed. The gameplay doesn't really fair much better.
Mace: The Dark Age is not "bad", but there is absolutely no reason to play this when far better alternatives were aplenty. This was the mid/late-90s, fighters reigned supreme!
Unless, of course, you are just really into slow and sluggish Fighters with a gargoyle who's name is awfully close to "grundle". Go play Killer Instinct 2 (Gold on the N64) instead.
That is it to say - Lord Deimos and almost every other character here are underwhelming and generically designed. The gameplay doesn't really fair much better.
Mace: The Dark Age is not "bad", but there is absolutely no reason to play this when far better alternatives were aplenty. This was the mid/late-90s, fighters reigned supreme!
Unless, of course, you are just really into slow and sluggish Fighters with a gargoyle who's name is awfully close to "grundle". Go play Killer Instinct 2 (Gold on the N64) instead.
1995
Area 51 was an arcade machine that was a genuinely incredible experience... when I was fairly young and waiting for my pizza at the local pizza shop (which was closed due to the owner selling coke out the back. Maybe that's why the pizza was so good?)
Like with many arcades, it is hard to separate the game from its purpose which was to make money through your quarters. So in typical arcade fashion- this is not a long game, and if I were buying an arcade this is not one I'd be considering because the fun will wear thin quickly. Lucky for me, I don't own an Area 51 cabinet and only experience it in small doses. The graphics are dated, and I'm genuinely questioning what exactly the enemies are (are they zombies or something? What is going on, here?) but for 10 minutes at a time Area 51 is a fun and crazy time.
It didn't take long for better Light-Gun rail shooters to come out, though, and make this pretty obsolete. Still recommend if this looks up your alley.
Like with many arcades, it is hard to separate the game from its purpose which was to make money through your quarters. So in typical arcade fashion- this is not a long game, and if I were buying an arcade this is not one I'd be considering because the fun will wear thin quickly. Lucky for me, I don't own an Area 51 cabinet and only experience it in small doses. The graphics are dated, and I'm genuinely questioning what exactly the enemies are (are they zombies or something? What is going on, here?) but for 10 minutes at a time Area 51 is a fun and crazy time.
It didn't take long for better Light-Gun rail shooters to come out, though, and make this pretty obsolete. Still recommend if this looks up your alley.
1984
Where else can you fight a man named Pizza Pasta?!
But honestly, the Punch-Out!! arcade game is more of a novelty. Very cool in concept, it plays well, but other than presentation it was made better by ever subsequent port. Still a great game on its own, but it is one of those odd times where the home port was an improvement over the arcade original.
But if you've never played it and you find one in the wild I still absolutely recommend giving it a shot. The double screen set up is just so cool on the "aww it really was a different time" kind of way.
But honestly, the Punch-Out!! arcade game is more of a novelty. Very cool in concept, it plays well, but other than presentation it was made better by ever subsequent port. Still a great game on its own, but it is one of those odd times where the home port was an improvement over the arcade original.
But if you've never played it and you find one in the wild I still absolutely recommend giving it a shot. The double screen set up is just so cool on the "aww it really was a different time" kind of way.
2004
"Story in a game is like story in a porn movie. It's expected to be there, but its not that important" - John Carmack, aka one of the guys who made the Doom series happen
And I'm some cases I completely agree with him, Doom 3 is one of those cases.
Take the Doom formula but make it slow and boring because it's trying to tell a story. Without a doubt Doom 3 is the weak link in what is otherwise an incredible series.
And I'm some cases I completely agree with him, Doom 3 is one of those cases.
Take the Doom formula but make it slow and boring because it's trying to tell a story. Without a doubt Doom 3 is the weak link in what is otherwise an incredible series.
2022
This review contains spoilers
So I played Fingerbones recently - having no idea where it came from, it was just in my Steam Library unplayed for 6 years or so. I was unimpressed by the game itself, but I give it credit for atmosphere - then I noticed other reviews saying that Fingerbones was only the first game by this David Szymanski fellow, and that his later games were better? Sure, I'll check them out!
So here I am, today, and notice that Iron Lung is his most recent game, and... wait Markiplier is involved in a movie being made based on this, and this news was announced just a few days ago? Quite the coincidence so maybe this should be the next David Szymanski game to check out and see what's going on!
.... and it's about 40 minutes to a jumpscare. Let's cut to it. The gameplay is overwhelmingly boring to the point of almost feeling insulting. David Szymanski sure does enjoy his slow moving characters that just go back and forth to places while minor things change, huh?
There is quite a bit of backstory available to you if you want to force your way through the computer logs, and apparently there are other things to take pictures of that may be of interest, but I genuinely can't get past just how damn long it takes to do much of anything in what might be the most boring gameplay I've ever experienced.
The atmosphere just oozes through the game and makes for an incredible feeling experience, but I think it's safe for me to say that David Szymanski's games are just not my cup of tea.
I'll give it 2 stars because I genuinely don't like how much I dislike this game - I think it's safe to say I won't be checking out any more by this developer (no point in coming by just to tell other people that a thing they enjoyed was bad when I'm well aware I don't enjoy their style.)
I will see a movie about it, though! That genuinely could be pretty cool.
Update. A couple of days later and I can't stop thinking about this game. It obviously did SOMETHING right, so I'm changing my rating to 3 stars. You win this time, Mr. Szymanski
So here I am, today, and notice that Iron Lung is his most recent game, and... wait Markiplier is involved in a movie being made based on this, and this news was announced just a few days ago? Quite the coincidence so maybe this should be the next David Szymanski game to check out and see what's going on!
.... and it's about 40 minutes to a jumpscare. Let's cut to it. The gameplay is overwhelmingly boring to the point of almost feeling insulting. David Szymanski sure does enjoy his slow moving characters that just go back and forth to places while minor things change, huh?
There is quite a bit of backstory available to you if you want to force your way through the computer logs, and apparently there are other things to take pictures of that may be of interest, but I genuinely can't get past just how damn long it takes to do much of anything in what might be the most boring gameplay I've ever experienced.
The atmosphere just oozes through the game and makes for an incredible feeling experience, but I think it's safe for me to say that David Szymanski's games are just not my cup of tea.
I'll give it 2 stars because I genuinely don't like how much I dislike this game - I think it's safe to say I won't be checking out any more by this developer (no point in coming by just to tell other people that a thing they enjoyed was bad when I'm well aware I don't enjoy their style.)
I will see a movie about it, though! That genuinely could be pretty cool.
Update. A couple of days later and I can't stop thinking about this game. It obviously did SOMETHING right, so I'm changing my rating to 3 stars. You win this time, Mr. Szymanski
I am a sucker for simplicity. Something similar to the concept of the "narcissism of small differences", but I'm not sure of the best phrase for this (I'm sure there is one but I can't tell you what it is, yet), where as it is the small differences between two otherwise identical things that make them matter the most.
The Humans and Orcs are essentially identical 1/1 clones of each other at the most base level (pre-upgrades). A Grunt is the same as a Footman. An Axethrower and an Archer are identical, etc.
This brings gameplay down to micromanagement and knowing which upgrades make the most sense to do first.
This is not the best RTS game, but it is one of my favorites for this.
*Note : At higher level of play, I suppose it can be argued Orc are the "objectively better race", but I'm not playing at a level, I'm playing with friends and against AI.
The Humans and Orcs are essentially identical 1/1 clones of each other at the most base level (pre-upgrades). A Grunt is the same as a Footman. An Axethrower and an Archer are identical, etc.
This brings gameplay down to micromanagement and knowing which upgrades make the most sense to do first.
This is not the best RTS game, but it is one of my favorites for this.
*Note : At higher level of play, I suppose it can be argued Orc are the "objectively better race", but I'm not playing at a level, I'm playing with friends and against AI.