I'm glad people really love Warcract III. I have a great time replaying the single player campaign periodically, and the online play back in the day a full of brilliantly made and creative custom maps (thanks to the surprisingly powerful world editor).


But Warcraft III brought along two mechanics that I just absolutely can not get behind : Upkeep and Heroes.
Upkeep was a system that lessened how much gold was collected based on your population count, which maxed out at 90. Instead of receiving 10 Gold each time, you would get 7, and then 4.
Heroes are individual units that gain experience, level up, and become more powerful as well as have the capability to learn (not research by paying for, but learn with experience) new abilities.

These two mechanics combined to make WCIII based more around small groups over armies.
Not objectively bad or poorly made gameplay choices - but not my personal cup of tea when I'm looking to play an RTS.


Damn if this isn't a more fun story than most other campy High Fantasy affairs, though. Derivative? Yes. But a great time nonetheless.

I battle with the "is this game actually good, or was it just good for its time?" question whenever reviewing older games - especially the early 3D era, it seems.

Shadows of the Empire suffers from what are surely the most common issues among this era - poor controls. The camera is terrible and slow to react, and the jumping is floaty and awkward.
Then there's the aiming (when not in a ship, but just using the main character, Dash) which is honestly the biggest downfall. The aiming mechanic constantly pulls your view back to the center, so as you're attempting to look up to shoot the Droid that's about to kill you? The camera is desperately trying to pull back down to "center" itself.

I absolutely loved this game as a kid. Too bad it aged like milk in the sun. I find it almost unplayable these days. But give credit where it is due - the space levels are still pretty great, and the Hoth level showed us all what Star Wars games could eventually be.

I genuinely sometimes forget how much I enjoy Cadash (TurboGrafx 16 and Arcade. I have not played the Megadrive/Genesis port).

Cadash is a fairly basic but solid 2D adventure with some RPG elements. Pick your character (Fighter, Mage, Priest, and uh....ninja? Weird choice but ok) and go kill creatures in a Sword and Sorcery fantasy world, gain experience and collect gold to buy some upgrades and.....


Look you get the point. The real deal in Cadash is the Fighter's thighs! Talk about a couple of hams. OOF.

Very much more of the same from the first Granny game. Just even more B-Movieesque schlock.

More random things to find, more creaky floors, and more old people trying to beat your face in with a bat! Find the keys and bits and bobs, plan your escape route, and don't get caught!

Add some Werther's Originals and this is just like every weekend I spent at my grandparents' while growing up.

I'm genuinely surprised to see this have such a low overall score! I thought people liked these silly "escape the baddies" style jumpscare-ridden horror games.

But apparently I'm in the minority who still appreciates these for what they are - the video game equivalent of a shlocky B-movie.

You know the deal. You can't make noise (in the game, you can scream as much as you want in real life) or the designated "scary bad guy" character will move to your general direction. You have to find pieces of a figurative puzzle to escape before you get caught.

The AI is not great, but I wouldn't want t to be. Sure, it just hears a noise in this room but I'm glad it's not typically smart enough to look in the only hiding spaces available.

The speed run scene of Granny is absolutely ridiculous, too, if you're into that sort of thing.

I am a little embarrassed to admit how much I enjoy the show Knight Rider.

I should be extremely embarrassed to admit how much I enjoy Knight Rider on the NES.

This plays quite a bit like Spy Hunter but in first person. You shoot the bad guys with your on-car guns, and you can even jump over other cars! I promise, it's more fun than you might think (or not, maybe I'm totally delusional).

This is referring to the NES port of Double Dragon.

Where do you draw the line between "good for its time" vs "good regardless of being old"?
Double Dragon just feels like an arcade game, in that it becomes unnecessarily difficult in order to pad out the timing. The first half of the game pulls you in as you fairly quickly level up your abilities- going from only being able to punch and kick, to adding on headbutting, jump kicking, and. Uh. Slapping in the face, I guess?
All of this just for the second half of the game to figuratively (and literally?) slap YOU in the face until you are practically forced to learn how to cheese your way through the rest.

I love Double Dragon. I've loved Double Dragon for 30 years. But there are far far better Beat Em Up games- if this one isn't your cup of tea, try another.

The pieces are here, but they're not put together well...

Metal Gear, as seen on the NES (a port which took some liberties), has a great outline for an early stealth/action game, but it is full of flaws. I mean FULL of flaws.

A common complaint of games from this era (as in - before the mid-90s) is that there is a great deal of trial and error. This comes from the simple fact that games did not have the capacity to be long endeavors without some of what we would now call "artificial difficulty". Unfortunately that is only one small aspect of the issues that plague Metal Gear.
Stealth is the name of the game: sneak through an area and dispose of your enemies before they even know what hit them! Except... they respawn. Not only do they respawn when you leave a screen and go back, they respawn if you use your binoculars, they respawn if you exit the inside of a truck or building.
Enemy placement is frequently set to protect the entrance of a location... which means when you enter and then leave that location again, guess who is RIGHT ON TOP OF YOU AT THE DOOR? That's right, the 3 guys you killed 30 seconds ago. This time, you have nowhere to hide to sneak up on them.

I will forgive the translation errors. I can forgive the bugs. I have a hard time forgiving the level layouts that don't even give you the chance to hide in a game based on stealth.

I also have a hard time wrapping my head around just how many dogs I had to punch to death. As a child, my family had a German Shepherd/husky mix who looked just like the dogs in this game. RIP, Rocky, you were a cool dog for a little kid.

5/5 dog. 2/5 game.

I don't need to explain QBert, do I?

In fact I would love for someone to explain to me how you ever get used to the controls! For the life of me I can never stop making the poor little thing leap to his doom because I push up forgetting that they're going to jump up and to the right.


I'm sorry, QBert. You deserve better than doofuses like me playing this.

I can literally quote my own review of Skate or Die and apply all of it to Ski or Die

"
Skate or Die? I... do I really have to do either because I'd much rather not.

The man in the skate shop screens scared me as a young child.*

The rest of the game suffers from the typical "sports games weren't really good until the mid 90s". The spirit was willing but the body (or rather the game mechanics) was weak."

* I did not play Ski or Die as a child, but the man in the ski shop on the menus is absolutely no better. WHO DESIGNED THESE CHARACTERS?

Skate or Die? I... do I really have to do either because I'd much rather not.


The man in the skate shop screens scared me as a young child.
The rest of the game suffers from the typical "sports games weren't really good until the mid 90s". The spirit was willing but the body (or rather the game mechanics) was weak.