"Its just a prank, bro"
Fuck you, your child is 5 years old.

The Scary Maze Game, and the rest of these weird "jumpscare made to look like something simple and safe" games from the early 2000s were so obnoxious. Only thing worse was the slew of videos on YouTube of people snickering behind the camera while they made their young children, or grandparents, or whatever play them and then burst into tears.

Save that for people who can appreciate a it, is it really that hard? If you're not both laughing, it wasn't a prank- you're just an asshole.

I blame this game for making them popular.

Gather round, kiddies, and let me tell you about the time I pre-ordered Starcraft: Ghost and then found out that it wasn't going to ever be released... and then the store I pre-ordered it from closed.

Fast forward 15ish years and an unfinished (understatement) version of the game leaked and I finally got to see what could have been!

You play as Nova, the "Ghost" (military with telekinetic abilities, in short) in a 3rd person stealth/action shooter.
Giving the benefit of the doubt - the version of the game we can see was a work in progress - but it really does look like it was shaping up to be a game I was not going to particularly enjoy. Did 2006 really need another Metal Gear Solid/Syphon Filter/Tom Clancy style game? I guess we'll never know, but that's definitely what it almost got.

I'm not going to give a rating to the Bible itself, but I am just absolutely amazed that this exists.
It's one thing for this to exist, now, with handheld consoles having larger screens and higher resolutions, with the ability to add animations....
Also shout out to the Bible Shepherd mini game which is totally not Hang Man but with sheep that escape a fence every time you guess a wrong letter.

2/5 because it's bizarre and funny that it's real, but I can't imagine ANYONE has actually read more than a few pages of The Bible in this way. This is impractical, and honestly confusing how anyone thought this was a good idea. Maybe for the search feature? But surely there were still better ways to do this, right? It was 1995, not 1950.

And come on. Not even the New King James?

I used to work in a nursing home that had a wii bowling league, and a team of 5 ladies who we actually recorded and submitted to a national tournament.
So shout out to Dot and her perfect game, and to the wonderful team in 2013, you all did great!

Seriously, though. I could completely leave the other sports on here - the bowling is pretty much a perfect little party game and is such an incredible experience for people with handicaps that no longer allow them to play real physical sports or other games anymore. If you can move an arm and a finger, you can still play this (and if you can't, I hope there is someone with you who can help.)

"See those coins you earned?! Ok great! Now we are going to make you spend them! Follow the green arrows that point only specifically to the items we are telling you to to spend them! No, no, no, you're not allowed to save them yet. You have to follow the walkthrough that shows you how to spend the in game currencies that you've been earning because that's how we make money!"

I get that this is a mobile game, but holy hell this would actually be pretty damn fun if it weren't such a "mobile game". If Mighty Doom were a twin-stick-shooter (well... with only one stick, since you auto-aim to the closest enemy) that let me pay a single premium price to play, earn my upgrades, etc? This would honestly be a ton of fun. The controls are simple but functional, the levels are short but flow quickly from one to the next, and the Bullet Hell aspects feel like they might be just a bit too difficult at first... and then you figure it out and you're all good, just as a bullet hell should be.

But what we have is your typical interruptions to remind you that you can upgrade your player character with various in-game currencies that you can buy with real money just a little at a time so you don't realize that you spent $75 in a month!

I'll pay you $15 to just let me play the damn game. Please?

Sonic the Hedgehog 2, on the Sega GameGear and Master system made me want to run off a cliff with a hang glider despite having no idea what's at the bottom of the cliff.

Sonic does it a bunch in this game so it must be safe, right?

I would say that pretty much all of the early 2D Sonic games fall in the same realm as "not incredible, but slightly above average platformers", but this is definitely one of the weaker entries in the series.

I'm genuinely surprised to see this have such a low overall score! I thought people liked these silly "escape the baddies" style jumpscare-ridden horror games.

But apparently I'm in the minority who still appreciates these for what they are - the video game equivalent of a shlocky B-movie.

You know the deal. You can't make noise (in the game, you can scream as much as you want in real life) or the designated "scary bad guy" character will move to your general direction. You have to find pieces of a figurative puzzle to escape before you get caught.

The AI is not great, but I wouldn't want t to be. Sure, it just hears a noise in this room but I'm glad it's not typically smart enough to look in the only hiding spaces available.

The speed run scene of Granny is absolutely ridiculous, too, if you're into that sort of thing.

Everyone else has already covered - the Guy Game has explicit video of a girl who was underage at the time.


But have you ever played the game? Because it's also the single most poorly made trivia game you could possibly imagine. How do you fuck up a TRIVIA GAME? It is so. Unbearably. Slow.

Poorly made, and obviously poorly performed background checks. This shit is embarrassing.

This is not a review of any of these 3 games - Super Mario 64, Super Mario Sunshine, or Super Mario Galaxy. This is a review of this bundle itself, Super Mario 3D All-Stars.

The good:
-All 3 of these games are well loved by their fans, so definitely no bad choices here.
- The addition of the soundtracks was a nice touch.
- All 3 games control well on the standard Switch controllers, if that's all you have available.
- The menus are pretty without being cluttered.

The bad:
- The decision to not include Super Mario Galaxy 2 seems odd. A 3 Game bundle definitely isn't horrible, but there could have been more to make this really special. Super Mario 3D Land could have been nice, or even the option of the DS port of Super Mario 64 would have been at least interesting to see for some people.
- Why did they use the previously Japan- Only revised version of Super Mario 64? I know the changed aren't drastically, but they are a bit off for people wanting to replay a game from childhood. So why use a version that had very limited release instead of the version the vast majority of players experienced?
- There's nothing else here. This exists as a means to play 3 games on your Switch, but really brought nothing else to the table other than the previously mentioned soundtrack. So what really was the point?

Giving 3/5 because the convenience of playing these 3 on the Switch is a really great concept, but this really should have been so much more.