So, I was initially going to wait for a Japanese PC release, but the fact that it is nowhere in sight combined with me desperately wanting to see what happens next in the Trails series made me play this earlier than I expected. At least I got the latest update of the translation, and it reads fine.

The gameplay in this is the peak of the series, obviously, best JRPG combat ever. I'm curious as to why they nerfed S-Crafts even further by adding a cooldown though, they already nerfed them with S-Boosts in Kuro 1, so what gives? I like the addition of Quick Arts. The music is amazing in this, badass electric guitars all around.

My GOAT Renne shines here (as per usual), however her actual substantial scenes and contributions amount to about 30 minutes, otherwise she's a pure supporting character. You can see this as a conclusion of sorts to her series-long arc, though, which is cool.

The characters and plot are all over the place for me here. The plot, as you've probably heard from other reviews, does nothing to progress the overall Zemurian storyline (not inherently a problem, 3rd was, until this point, the most irrelevant game to the series as a whole and yet it was amazing), with the society doing jack shit in this, but it also doesn't do all that much to progress the remaining mysteries of Kuro 1. It does finish some loose ends, but for the most part it feels like a side quest before the actual sequel. I think Van being "too complete of a character", in a manner of speaking, contributes to this. His arc was, a couple mysteries aside, very conclusive in Kuro 1, so this one retreads old ground at times. It's honestly hard to describe... it just feels like shit happens in this sometimes, and that's it? Not something you often see in Trails. Maybe rushed is the right word?

The final boss is amazing gameplay wise, but after the novelty wears off for that and the story part of it, the ending is extremely underwhelming. Probably my least favourite ending in the series.

One thing I will give this game though, it really does help flesh out a lot of characters, they just aren't Van or Agnes. The pacing and structure for how these subplots are approached is another question entirely. You may have heard about how chapter 3 is one of the least liked chapters, that's definitely part of it.

I'll be waiting for Kai no Kiseki, but to be honest, I'm in no rush right now. Maybe I'll 100% Reverie or something (which would be a first for a non-VN game for me, I just liked it that much). Kuro 2 is not a bad game by any means, but the best way to describe it is that it's a mish-mash, a first mess of this kind since CS2 and CS4. It reminds me of those games the most.

A consistently highly fun experience, which is rare for a VN of this length. I was mindblown by every route. The main character, heroines and antagonists are all good or great across the board, which is also rare for a VN. The soundtrack and art are very much "early 2000s VN vibes", in a good way.

This is basically essential reading if you're really into chuunige, given the fact that it is believed that this served as inspiration for Fate and Dies irae. Whether you're into other Nitroplus stuff like Muramasa, Light, Type-Moon or mecha, I would recommend it. It is pretty underrepresented in the western VN fanbase, especially considering that other 2000s VNs are usually the most popular and acclaimed ones. Unfortunately the sequel is literally unplayable except Windows XP, and even then it sometimes doesn't work.

Well, this is certainly a huge step up from the first game.

Unlike Fate/Extra, Fate/Extra CCC actually tries to utilise its setting in an interesting manner. The episodic nature of the first game is abandoned for a much more flexible story structure. The cast is kept small and mostly recurring from the first game in a very character-driven story. The extremely unenjoyable gameplay from the first game has auto battles and more interesting opponents added as a band-aid fix, but that's good enough for the most part. The music is amazing, KATE, James Harris and others from the original F/SN and F/HA return to give equally memorable soundtracks.

The story is far more ambitious this time around. Unlike just having an episodic tournament structure, this game sees a change of scenery and actually has a compelling overarching villain. This is one of the better examples of strong and emotional character writing in the Nasuverse, especially with how it's consistently good across the board with the entire cast. I also think I found my new favourite silent protagonist in Hakuno Kishinami (female version). She's not quite fully silent — the visual-novel style NVL text monologue sometimes leaks out as a dialogue that can be responded to by other characters, but still. Her struggles are very believable. The scenery in this game is more gorgeous than the first, with a recurring cherry blossom tree motif.

Unfortunately, despite consistency, this story still has plenty of meandering in the early couple of chapters. It feels like stuff just happens. Oh well. But the biggest actual problem is how you have to replay the entire game to get the true ending, let alone if you choose to do other servant routes, which have essentially the same ending. This isn't just skipping through a VN's previously read text and selecting a few choices, you have to re-battle everyone and redo puzzles. It was quite frustrating, I can't imagine doing this natively on a PSP instead of an emulator that lets you speed up the game drastically.

The peaks of the story and finale have made this the overall the best Nasuverse product for me, making me regain faith in Type-Moon after slowly losing interest over the years. I think Tsukihime Far Side and Heaven's Feel are better, but as an overall work, CCC is a clear winner.

This review is very long since I've edited it a bunch and wanted to get my thoughts together out somewhere, so really it's mostly for me. It's not really a review, it's divided to 3 different parts (review, ramble, analysis), and I'd say it's more of a character analysis than anything, a pretty messy one at that, pretty sure I repeat myself quite a bit throughout the analysis, but at least it makes my ideas even clearer?
Well overall it did turn out pretty well though, so if you're reading this, enjoy.

(Review/brief summery of my thoughts about it)

Went into this game after watching the first season of the TV show of the game, which I didn't really like. Thought it was really overrated, and still do. If the first game is the same as the first season I have no idea how people say the second ruined the first lol, but for that i'll have to play it of course. (Edit: I have, and it's mostly the same as the TV)

Anyways, I started playing this game only because I had nothing else to play, so I got in with some really bad expectations and negative bias. Especially knowing the incredible hate this game gets.
Turned out to be the best stories i've experienced. But maybe that's part of the reason I did like it? I feel like most people who liked the first game just prefer a more simple and safe type of story telling with not much ambition or a lot to say, which this game is the opposite of, since this game focuses on themes and messages (the things I value most), mostly through the characters and their development, and without really being considerate of the audience's feelings. It has something(s) to say, and it says it with no hesitations, it's very bold which I can really appreciate. (The ending/killing Joel/switching to the antagonist in the middle of the climax are all based as fuck, and not something you'd expect from an AAA game. It has too much ambition for it's own sake, but people with good taste get to enjoy it and that's what's important)

The thing about "the ending ruined the game" is genuinely a lack of understanding in character motivations and themes or a lack of care for it. Just comes to show that most people only care about plain entertainment, which is fine and makes total sense, to each to their own obviously, but sometimes it gets annoying when they don't recognize that, like in this case. So yeah, the last 2-ish hours of the game are by far the best part of the game and Ellie moving on from Abby is just great, and without that the game wouldn't have been good, it would have no point, in that case all that buildup would actually be for nothing. The ending and especially the last scene, are so good, and take such a major part in Ellie's character and themes, and also in that of the game's.

Also can we talk about how good this game is at putting you in the shoes of Ellie?
Literally every feeling Ellie feels is also what the game makes you feel, and in the same way she does and for the same reasons. This is probably very controversial, but the trailers for the game are really good. They make you feel like you have more time remaining with Joel, like he's gonna be there for the entirety of the game. Which in turn, makes his death, that happens at the beggining of the game, feel a lot more painful. It makes it feel like our time with him had been stolen from us. It also enhances the rage people have against Abby, which is a good thing. (of course it would happen even without the trailers but they enhance those feelings). This is exactly how Ellie feels, she wasted so much time avoiding Joel because she always thought she eventually will have the time to mend their relationship. Which just before his death, she tried. But then that time was stolen from her which is what truly makes her so upset.
The second way the game does this kind of stuff is by making us feel the same unfamiliarity and distance Ellie feels with her self, it makes us feel distant from Ellie which ironically makes us feel just like she does. For example, in the section with Nora, when Ellie tortures her, we don't control her. Not only that but it just skips that part. We don't control Ellie nor do we get to see what she did, because she can't either. We are getting pushed away from Ellie and have no control over her actions in the same way she doesn't, she really just isn't herself in that moment. Ellie is visibly shaking after killing Nora, and is shaken the same way we are shaken from it, the same way we are shaken from every time she kills an enemy. That is part of the reason the game portrays every enemy's the way it does, full of agony, people screaming their names etc. We are supposed to feel like Ellie's doing horrible stuff, because that's also what she feels, and it's also just the truth of things, it's that way to distance us morally from Ellie, in the same way she feels with herself as well.
Something similar is done when we jump to the farm section, this jump feels so unatural, so surreal, because that's exactly how Ellie feels with her life at the farm. She feels as she doesn't belong there, that she doesn't deserve it, and we feel the same weirdness about the situation as that.
And my favorite, Ellie's last conversation with Joel only being revealed to us in the last scene of the game. We ddin't know how things have ended between Joel and Ellie, we didn't know the incredibly important things Joel told her in that conversation, or that Ellie finally wanted to try and forgive Joel. This is because, for Ellie throught the entire game, in a way, this didn't happen. Ellie couldn't think about her last conversation with him, it was too much for her, so it only happened at the end when she managed to accept everything and this helped her move on. All she could think of was all the times she wasted with Joel, all her regrets, things left untied, all her regrets. That scene is revealed to us in the same way it is revealed to her, she finally manages to think about it, and not only that, for the first time truly understand what he was trying to tell her this whole time, that her life is meaningful.
This whole thing of making us feel the same feelings the character feels is super important, and when done to this extent it truly enhances the story and makes us FEEL. This is why a lot of people feel so attached to Ellie, and have such strong emotions to the game without even thinking about what made them feel it. Of course every good story does something like this to make us feel like the character does, but I found the methods used in this game to do that to be super unique and effective, which is why I made an entire segment about it.

Basically what i'm trying to say is that this game is amazing, 10/10 for me.

(Ramble, mostly on the hate the game gets)

Sure, the game tackles themes like revenge, perspective, cycle of violence to a great degree. But as with most stories, the best aspects of it come from Ellie's development, her conflicts and resolves. If what you took away from this game is that revenge is bad and nothing more, you just ignored 90% of the game/Ellie. Ellie doesn't just show you "what not to do" (basically development through invalidation), she also shows/learns "what to do, what to look for, and why you should" (basically development through internal validation) in a very profound and impactful way.
Learning that her life is valuable and meaningful even with survivor's guilt, that she can find meaning in living her own life (specifically with connections, Dina) and not just in sacrificing herself for others (wanting to sacrifice her life for a cure, and self destruction through revenge because "this is what Joel would have wanted", thinking that through this self destruction she would gain peace/meaning/value to her life and his death), learning the wrong and the right path to heal from trauma and self loathing, learning to accept reality and move on instead of using an unhealthy defense mechanism as a distraction. These are just some themes/messages that came to mind, i'm sure there are plenty more, which i'll go over most of them in the next paragraphs anyways. It is true that the game tells you that you should avoid revenge, but what are you supposed to look for instead and why? What's the right path to healing, to find meaning, to live properly and feel better? Those are the actual more important points the game is trying to make. For every "you shouldn't do this", there is a "you should do this instead and here's why", portrayed through Ellie's development and conflict solutions, which is what makes a message (or art as a whole) well written/valuable, at least in my eyes. The writer properly expressing himself in what he has to say through the character to us (characters are 99% of the time the best way to do this as we feel everything through them, Nier;Automata is a good example where it's not the case though).
Basically what i'm saying is that ignoring all of these things would be the same as saying Kratos' entire character boils down to "revenge is bad", because in gow 3 that's what he learned (which is weird it's not getting criticism for even though it is actually it's message while tlou 2 does get shit for it for some weird reason but sure?), while actively ignoring everything else he learned throughout the games that come next. Or that his entire message in gow 2018 is just "you shouldn't lie to your child". That would be very dumb right? because while Kratos does learn that, he also more importantly learns through that what he should do instead and why, the "you shouldn't lie to your child" forced him to accept his past, which in turn made him feel better and his relationship with his son got a lot better because of that at the grand scheme of things. He understood those things and the value in accepting those parts in him instead of ignoring them or trying to push them away from him and his son cuz he's afraid he'll turn like him, which then helped him fully embrace his past and understand he is a different man now, fully embraces his quote "I am a monster, but you're monster no longer", mostly shown in the last scene of the game where his real development happens, that's what he learns, that's the part of his development that is actually really good, and not that "lying to you child is bad". Same goes to Ellie, focusing on the revenge is bad part is just ignoring everything else there is and focusing solely on the "what you shouldn't do" which here, just like with Kratos, is just a small part of the whole message that is mostly there for the buildup of the climax, much like lying to Atreus, revenge is used as a device to add to the other themes more than anything. And frankly, it's probably the best portrayal of revenge's pointlessness and destructive nature in media, it's just built super well and is very detailed, but yeah it alone it would probably not have been worth that much, hence the rest of Ellie's themes/messages, because again, the revenge part is mostly there to enhance those. In fact, if the game was about revenge, the ending would make a lot more sense to be Ellie killing Abby and the game showing us why killing her was bad. But the ending, and the game itself, are so so much more than that. Which is also why the most ironic thing about the hate is that the hate for the ending comes from the same people who say they hate the game cuz revenge bad. Tbh, the whole hate to me just feels like one big echo chamber of people who have no clue what they're talking about. Like they hate the game and they don't know why so they make up reasons to hate it, which only makes it further nonsensical. No, you don't hate something because it has a plot convenience, everything has that. The reason you looked up for it in the first place is because you disliked it in the first place, not the other way around. No one actually cares Ellie "conveniently" forgot a map lol. No one genuinely dislikes a story just because one of it's themes is about criticizing revenge (as proven by the amount of praise GOW/Vinland/AOT/so many stores have, with no one talking bad about the revenge aspect, even though it plays the same role as in this story, because it's nonsensical lol. I'm pretty sure it's just a trend that started specifically with this game from Moist Critical) No one actually likes stories because they lack bad in them, we like stories when we feel like they have a lot of good in them, and don't like them when they lack good. Just say you don't like it cuz you simply didn't resonate with it (/because Joel died "but it's the way he died not the fact that he died🤓" nah./Cuz homophobia), that's very very likely to just be the truth, it's also true with 90% of things I don't like much. There's no need to make up weird/basically objectively (I don't use this word often but it's true here) wrong excuses as to why. (also sorry for that random GOW analysis, but it's just the best way I could think of explaining this kind of thing. Though even this probably doesn't do it justice, since the take is just really weird and dumb. Just play the game not on autopilot/autohater it should work).

(Ellie Analysis)

Ellie couldn't bear what happened to Joel. She hated and was angry at herself for how things have ended between them, was traumatized, and instead of actually dealing with those feelings and properly healing, she coped by blaming it all on Abby, a character that is a mirror to Ellie, Abby hurt Joel physically the same way Ellie hurt him mentally (even Abby's arc is very similar, about finding significance in relationships and how revenge doesn't give that), and so she projected all her self loathing onto her. Abby took Ellie's chance to forgive Joel, and for that Ellie hates her, but more than anything she really hates herself and is full of shame for not being able to do that in time, spending Joel's last few years avoiding him while actively telling him how much she hates him for what he did. She hates Abby the same way and for the same reasons she hates herself, and so Abby is an easy target for Ellie to project all her regrets and self loathing onto, because she can't face those feelings yet. And through avenging Joel, she thinks that maybe she could feel like she served a purpose, and validate her life to herself, to her survivor's guilt, after his death, that he died and she still survived and couldn't save him, that in her mind it also had happened because of her (he died because he saved her back in the hospital which makes it all the worst for her survivor's guilt "he did what he did to save me, there's no cure because of me, i'm the one you want", it's almost like at this point she blames herself for everything, i'd even go as far as to say her telling this to Abby is almost like she's telling this to herself), This survivor's guilt only being enhanced by how poorly their relationship ended after she hurt him for years. (Right now she's also fueled with rage, but those real, deep rooted reasons for her revenge get clearer and clearer the more we continue the game, especially in the farm section where she's not even angry anymore, just desperate to feel better)
Killing Abby to avenge Joel is the same thing as her trying to make up for the people who died in TLOU 1 by sacrificing herself for a cure, with revenge being an alternative to the cure as Joel didn't die to zombies, but to a person. She's always trying to justify her existence by making amends to the people who "died because of her", or even just died when she didn't, through a self destructive way).

Throughout her journey to revenge, Ellie had killed many people, non of which provided her with any capacity relief, she deep down thought it would help her deal with her self loathing, remorse, trauma, (or partially subconsciously did this to herself, made herself suffer, because of how much remorse and self hatred she had) however all they did was further destroy her and just made her feel worse, to the point she almost can't recognize the person she become. And so, after Nora's torture only made her feel worse, feel like she isn't herself anymore, she decided to tell herself another lie: "Well all those people didn't make me feel any better, than it must be Abby who would, since she's behind everything, she is the one who killed Joel".

And so Ellie kept searching for Abby, now with no intention in killing her friends anymore, just her. But it isn't so easy, when she gets to Mel and Owen, and just wants them to tell her Abby's location, they of course defend themselves, which results in Ellie killing them. Quite unluckily, Mel was pregnant. Ellie just, for the first time, killed someone truly innocent, that had nothing to do with anything, a baby. This makes her truly be shocked from herself, by how far she had descended. Then the consequences to Ellie's actions come. Abby appears, kills Jesse, almost kills Ellie, Dina and Tommy. However Abby is a different person, her relationship with Lev helped her change and she prefers to just let go of Ellie, to not avenge but teach her a lesson instead. Which Ellie does learn that lesson, at least for a while. She was reminded of how important her close ones are, how she was so close to losing them, especially Dina, and so she tries to spend some time with her for now. She didn't deal with the root of her problem yet, but she at the very least tries to have a normal, better life.

Ellie convincing herself that Abby is the root of all her problems was rooted (a lot of roots I like that word yes) so deep within her, that in the farm section where she has the perfect life with Dina and JJ where nothing should be wrong, but she just can't really live properly. It all feels wrong, like she doesn't deserve this kind of life, she suffers from impostor syndrome, and she suffers from trauma and PTSD. Those things of course being a product of survivor's guilt, where she feels like it's not fair that yet again Joel died while she survived, like every other time in her life that something like this happened, now to the extreme as it's Joel. This guilt, those flashbacks, make her again come back to revenge. She again, blames it all on Abby. Which again, is her mistake, instead of trying to heal, look into her real thoughts and feelings, let it all out, (as she did in the end more on that later), she keeps all of those feelings inside a locked box, gives that box to Abby so that she'll never have to look at the box again, while trying to kill Abby for owning such a disgusting box. It's still her box, no matter what she'll do with it, and deep down she knows it. This happening, instead of accepting those feelings, Joel's death and how things have ended, because confronting all those thoughts is a lot harder then ignoring them, especially because of survivor's guilt, hence why she can't live properly, even now with Dina, because she was forced to that position, she didn't really choose to let go of Abby out of her own will, Abby just came so close to killing her and Dina that it forced Ellie to understand that she can't keep doing this, it did a sort of reset for her mind and priorities, so she was forced to postpone revenge and put Dina in top priority for a while. But she didn't choose to go to the farm in order to heal as she didn't get over survivor's guilt yet, which would only happen if she realizes her mistakes and what she has to do, which again are not easy things for her to do, to open up, to let go of revenge, to find meaning in herself. Though even if she didn't choose this, getting a taste of what her life could potentially be, is something that does help her understand where she should be going in the end. Just so you understand how hard it is for her, here's excerpt from her journal: "I don't know how Dina talks so easily about Jesse. She tells JJ all about him! She thinks it'd be good for me to talk about Joel. To get it out. When she says that it makes the memories sound like food poisoning. I don't want to talk about it. It's just gonna hurt. And I think once I'd start I wouldn't be able to stop." And so Ellie thinks, or makes herself believe, that going after Abby would fix her, she doesn't even seem to care or hate Abby anymore, she's not angry like before, she just wants her suffering to end. She put revenge on such a pedestal for so long that she thinks this is the only way to get better, which she eventually does go after it, out of pure desperation, or as she states in her journal, because she's afraid she'll "poison" JJ and Dina with her shame and regret, yet again ruining the thing that can actually give her life hope and meaning, make her feel meaningful, her relationship with them. Again, from Ellie's Journal: "We saw a pack of wild horses today. Dina offered them some of the fruit we collected. They ended up following us for a bit. Wish I had a camera. I've never seen her smile so wide. For like half a day I wasn't thinking of the WLF or Joel. Feeling guilty about that now.", "I'm struggling to sleep. Keep seeing him with his head... Dina seems to be sick. Think she caught a cold. I feel calmer with her laying next to me. I want to do something nice for her..." Dina can truly help Ellie heal and feel better, their relationship could help Ellie move on, it always could have. Ellie just has to let go of her revenge, to open up, to let go of her guilt. She even to a certain degree deep down, after leaving the farm, understands how dumb her quest to revenge is, how important JJ and Dina are for her, that they are the things that can help her, but she still isn't ready to face the reality of everything and letting her feelings out, and so she's still after revenge. From her journal, here we can even more clearly see that she does understand the potential and worth of this life with her family: "I keep seeing him. Smelling Iron (Joel). I miss Dina. I miss Potato (JJ). What am I doing here." But she just can't let go of revenge and move on from Joel. She has to find meaning in it, she has to find a closure, because she keeps seeing him and revenge is the only option she knows to deal with her feelings.

Only in the end did she finally let all those feelings she bear so deep within her out, in a cathartic moment, after finally realizing Abby is not the problem, nor will killing her be the resolve, since now she can kill her and is actively doing so, but that power over her makes her feel nothing, doesn't remove any negative feeling she had or give her any closure, so she can't keep hiding behind those walls she created anymore, in a way, she recognizes how much she had been lying to herself, using this coping mechanism in order to look away from the truth of her feelings.

And so now, after realizing that, trying to find a way to deal with those emotions in a proper way without being able to look away this time, because her defense mechanism against them just got destroyed, she looks into her last conversation with Joel she so much avoided thinking of, a conversation where Joel teaches Ellie what her life truly means, things she knows but can't fully accept yet. The conversation goes like this: Ellie just kissed Dina, Joel talks about it "Okay. Dina. Is she your girlfriend?", Ellie says it meant nothing "No! No. She-- That was just one kiss. It doesn’t mean anything. She just... I don’t know why she did that." but it did mean something, it meant a lot to her. Ellie is just having a hard time accepting that people love her and find value in her, as she can't find value in herself "You do like her" "I'm so stupid" Ellie doesn't feel worthy of Dina's love, because of her lack of self value, but it seems like she starts to understand how much her life is valuable to others, and so it probably starts changing her perspective, even if only a bit. (especially after the next and last few things Joel tells her). Joel says "Look, I have no idea what that girl’s intentions are, but… I do know that she would be lucky to have you.", Ellie's mad about him for that "You’re such an asshole!" she says, as he replied with "I’m not trying to--", because he justifies saving her, Ellie says: "I was supposed to die in that hospital. My life would’ve fucking mattered. But you took that from me.", the reason Ellie is so mad by those words is because Dina couldn't have been lucky to have her had Joel not saved her, because she would be dead and they both understand that, but then, Joel says something that deeply impacted her: "If somehow the Lord gave me a second chance at that moment... I would do it all over again.", he says that because he didn't do it for himself, he did it for her. Joel had always seen Ellie's life as meaningful and valuable, unlike her, and always showed that to her which eventually is what leads her to understand that too, which is why she didn't challenge what he just said. Even if their relationship is broken, all he wanted was for her to find a real meaning to her own life. Now he can see she started finding that meaning, that she can live even without a purpose of self sacrifice where survivor's guilt controls her life. So those words, and this conversation as a whole, are helping Ellie understand that maybe he is right after all, since she did just find meaning in her own life, and she can to a degree see that her life has some value to it, that, even if only subconsciously, she wants to live happily with Dina. If her life is only worth if sacrificed, why would she have such feelings? Why would Joel and Dina find her life so meaningful? and so she manages to have the power to try to forgive him "Yeah... I just... I don’t think I can ever forgive you for that. But I would like to try." (As a side note, the conversation is also about forgiveness, how she found it to be better to at least try to forgive instead of being stuck on the past, move on, because hating Joel brought her nothing but more despair. (Which yeah, it mostly happens from her understanding that her life is worth something, what Joel tried to tell her, which is why this is more of a side note). Which At the end she did the same with Abby, let her hate go and move on. She didn't really forgive her as she doesn't have to, but she moves on. That did help her forgive herself however, as if she tried forgiving Joel maybe she's more woth of her own forgiveness than she thought, so remembering that she did try to forgive Joel in their last conversation, now after facing their last conversation instead of avoiding thinking of it, probably helps her feel a little bit better with how things have ended between them), Ellie finally could have recognized to a certain degree that she does in fact have meaning and worth to her own life, that her immunity doesn't define her, that Joel's actions maybe not have been that bad after all, and so she's being able to try and forgive him because she did after all just kiss Dina and even enjoyed it, even after confronting Joel, even after hating him for years for saving her, (as she said in the quote, it was specifically for saving her, not for killing those people, the anger stemmed almost exclusively from him not letting her sacrifice herself, in other words, more than anything else she's basically mad at him for believing her life has worth to it) even after feeling as if her life would only be worth if she sacrifices herself and so now she feels like she doesn't have the right to live, that she shouldn't be alive, she still just let herself live her own life for the first time after knowing the truth of what Joel did, and found a reason of her own to live for her own sake, she deep down can see her life has value and Joel reinforces it in their last conversation, she even got into a full relationship with Dina shortly after. (She did have a girlfriend before knowing the truth of what really happened with the fireflies and the cure, but at that point she wasn't as guilty about her life, this guilt after discovering the truth, survivor's guilt kicking back in stronger than ever, feeling like she isn't supposed to be alive, probably is also what led to her the ending of her relationship with Cat. But this is also why this kiss with Dina, happening even while suffering from survivor's guilt to this degree, matters so much, and says so much about how she still has a will of her own to live, that deep down she knows she has worth that can be shared, share her life with someone else, even if it's only deep down and is hard for her to admit, she knows Dina finds her meaningful even if she says she's stupid for it and that the kiss didn't mean anything, and Joel bringing it to light only makes it stronger). Her life finally feels like it's getting towards a better, more healthy place, however, that was all ruined by Joel's death, making her slide right back into her bad habits, her survivor's guilt striking yet again, she has to kill Abby because "that's what Joel would have wanted", because she can't forgive herself for living while Joel died after the way she treated him, it can't all be for nothing, she HAS to make up for it in some way, by killing Abby, that way maybe she'll feel better, have some closure, she thinks.

So when Ellie has this flashback while she's drowning Abby, she remembers that she lost the real thing that gives her a meaning to life. She lost it because of her ego, like she lost Joel because she was too hurt to forgive him sooner. But she also remembers that it's not what Joel would have wanted for her. She remembers that Joel always put the people he loved first, and how pointless this whole thing is, it was all a lie, to try and make herself find meaning/feel better, in something that only did the opposite of that. So remembering all of that and this moment with Joel, what she learned about herself back then, how she does have meaning and value of her own and where she could find that meaning, helps her understand it even more so now after everything she went through, and she uses that as means to move on from Abby, put revenge to rest and think of her own mental health for once, try and finally heal for real, Similarly to how after Ellie tortured Nora and was totally destroyed by what she just did, she turned to Dina, being vulnerable and sharing her feelings with her, and Dina helped her feel better, she quite literally helped clean her wounds, both physically and metaphorically. (This is not the only case where Ellie sought help from Dina, and Dina helped her, because Ellie always knew Dina can help her, however she still didn't realize it the same way she did in the ending, as she didn't develop like she did in the ending yet, because she still didn't let go of her hatred and let out her true feelings yet, facing the truth, facing her last conversation with Joel etc.) That actually could have even been a good start for Ellie to actually heal, but of course that didn't happen since Ellie couldn't let go of her revenge yet, she still wanted to get closure through it, which is why she didn't go through with healing and only kept "wounding" herself after that, thinking "if Nora didn't heal me Abby would, I need to kill Abby nothing more" instead of letting go of that and heal through her relationship with Dina, while accepting what happened to Joel and how things have ended between them instead of running away from it. Now however, after she did finally let go of it, after facing survivor's guilt to it's fullest and understanding how wrong and shitty it is (that it provides no real solution to her feelings), she now can finally understand how she could actually heal, and how not to, she will get better.

Those same ideas are further established during the last and best scene of the game,
Ellie comes back to her house, after losing everything she had, yet this is the most hopeful scene in the entire game, because she regained herself.
Ellie tries playing Joel's guitar but can't, because she lost her 3 fingers. Then, again, she thinks about her conversation with Joel, now the full context is shown to us. After which she leaves Joel's guitar behind, symbolizing moving on from her regrets, self loathing, shame, anger. The guitar being used throughout the entire game by her trying so hard to play the song "future days" of which first line of the song is "if I ever were to lose you i'd surely lose myself", because that's no longer the case, she had regained herself and now accepts the reality of her feelings and Joel's death, she accepts not being able to play the song and leaves it behind, and most importantly accepts her own worth. (Also the second line is: "Everything I've found here, I've not found by myself", Joel was the one who helped Ellie start finding herself and find what's important for her, love, and self worth, the only reason she was on the path of finding importance to her life and to love is because he saved her, and because of his insistence that she does have value, because of all the moments he shared with her. But then he died which made her lose herself, but again now she had regained herself.) You could also just look at her face and see that acceptance. Instead of avoiding her feelings, not being able to open up, and so avoids their last conversation, cuz it's hard for her to face it, hard for her to forgive Joel and face how everything ended, all her regrets and remorse about how it ended, she now cherishes their last conversation, and Joel's last words would linger in her head, reminding her of her self worth and what's important, that she found meaning in her life, found her life to be meaningful with Dina and does want to allow herself to live, and she always felt that way deep down, It's an understanding that's always been there that just needed acceptance, and now she can finally truly acknowledge it. Not only that, but she could now also instead of viewing their relationship as something that broke, that she messed up, that Joel had messed up, she can instead look at all the moments, like when he took her to the museum, as a reason to understand why she's alive and why she has value. Joel showed her so much love, gave her an unforgettable experience, he truly finds her as meaningful, and she did too those moments meant so much to her and made her life feel valueable, she found meaning in her relationship with Joel as well, no matter how hard she'll try to convince herself, deep down she always found her life to be meaningful, those small moments of life are whats important, you don't have to sacrifice yourself to feel worthy or like you meant something, you can just enjoy life, have those small meaningful expriences with the people you love and let them find you meaningful as well. And so now Ellie can reflect upon these memories, understand that, and this way it's also easier for her to forgive fully Joel and move on. Had she not dealt with her feelings and faced reality, that couldn't have been the case. She would have kept avoiding their relationship, only thinking of the regret she has about it as she had thus far, instead of all the good things that came out of it, like she finally acknowledges. She would keep thinking of their last conversation as a lost opportunity (which also the reason she avoided it this whole time) instead of in the positive light she finally views it now that helps her deal with everything. Her acceptance of Joel's death is also shown through her journal, where she wasn't able to draw Joel's face throughout the entire game, but at the end she finally managed to draw him, at the poarch, the conversation that means so much to her, it's just another way she shows how much that conversation is meaningful to her.
Now Ellie is going out, wearing his jacket, in a way, wearing the good memories she has of him, the ones that helped her understand her own worth, leaves the guitar behind, that representing her regrets and guilt, and now physically is shown to move on to a better path, likely goes on to find Dina to fix what she broke, and by doing so, herself too. (Doesn't have to be Dina, maybe she's not ready yet, but it 100% is to a better, healthier and more meaningful path). To properly heal from Joel's death and everything it led to, and just as importantly, to find meaning in her own life and let herself live a proper life where she finds her own life to be meaningful, because now she understands what gives her meaning and how much meaning she could give others. She understands that she is meaningful, that her life is worth living, she found self worth despite suffering from survivor's guilt. And with that, she finally forgives Joel and can truly move on from everything.

To sum up, Ellie would find nothing by being stuck on the past and being hateful towards herself and others like she was. No matter how hard she'll try to convince herself, no closure and no meaning would be found on that path. Even if she killed Abby, it wouldn't make her self worth any better, what would happen is the opposite. However, what she could do, and what took her a long journey of pain to realize, is that she can find it somewhere else, in love, and that is the real way for her to heal and find meaning/self worth. Ellie's character arc is about finding a purpose in love, because you can't find a purpose in loss. Or even more specifically, finding meaning and value in her own life, and healing, overcoming grief and self loathing through that.

Btw I took some inspirations from: "https://www.reddit.com/r/thelastofus/comments/k6oudg/the_last_of_us_part_ii_ending_explained_a_purpose/?rdt=36143" (mostly gave me a better general idea of the significance of the last flashback, it just added up so well with every other idea I had about it) and "https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THASaV3gqIo" (especially in the section where I talk about putting us in the shoes of Ellie, just found what he had to say about it to be super interesting and true), both are by far the best TLOU 2 analyses i've seen and so I had to include some of their points here. Highly recommend to watch/read them.

The story has good ideas, especially near the end, and I'm glad that the MC isn't a 100% silent one. But even though I am probably the millionth person to say this, the gameplay is absolutely unenjoyable, probably my least favourite turn-based battle system that I've ever played. The game in general is underwhelming and episodic in the first half, with most of the thematic and interesting story moments coming later.

At least the music and visual style are very good, especially for a PSP game. Sadly, I was really only playing this for CCC, which was apparently Nasu's favourite project he worked on.

Inspiration comes from strange places.

For many, it's bred from obligation; the need to do something, anything, bringing with it the knowledge that there's work to be done and only one person who can do it. For many, it's spite; hatred and anger, boiling within us, screaming out that it won't be quelled unless action is taken now. For fewer, it's from a desire to grow; a willingness to open yourself and expose your weakness, to be hurt, to be vulnerable, in the name of coming out stronger. Sometimes you just see someone fucking up and being so purposefully ignorant about it that it inspires you to do things properly in their stead.

Celeste is one of the greatest games ever made.

If you asked me what drives me, I'd tell you that it's spite. This is probably not healthy for me, and I don't particularly care. If you asked Madeline what drives her, she’d tell you that she doesn’t know. This is definitely not healthy for her, and the game makes sure that both her and the player understand this. Madeline has a vague, oblique desire to be better. What this entails is climbing a mountain, and it’s left unclear how this is actually meant to help. Sure, the obvious metaphor of literally climbing a mountain is as central to the text of the game as it possibly can be, but lacking any further cause, it’s little more than an act of self-flagellation. It’s hard and punishing and maybe Madeline feels like she deserves that. Celeste is hard and punishing, and maybe you as the player feel like you deserve that. After all, if neither you nor Madeline can get good purely for its own sake, what’s the point? Why bother?

It becomes clearer to both the player and to Madeline as the game progresses that this is far more than just banging your head into a wall until you get it right. It’s the purpose of the literal moment-to-moment gameplay — walk in from the left, do some tough jumps, splat, repeat until you get it right — but the narrative undercurrent gradually erodes through the surface to reveal that this is all in service of an act of self-actualization. Madeline is desperate to prove herself, desperate to understand herself, desperate to not give in to darker desires, desperate to be able to look into a mirror and see her own face instead of a stranger’s. Her desperation carries with it the price of the ascent, and the ascent carries with it the price of her. Madeline suffers in her journey. She’s leveled, brought to all fours beneath the immovable weight of her depression, her panic attacks, her inability to understand who she is. The mountain exposes her, showcasing every part of her that she keeps hidden in every reflective surface, threatening the safety of the people she cares about, reminding her of long-dead relationships with the implication that everything happening is all her fault. It isn’t, of course, but Madeline’s struggles to reach self-actualization reflect how she believes herself to be a failure.

The gameplay and story integration here is masterful, far beyond the raw difficulty of the platforming mirroring the narrative struggles faced by our protagonist. One scene where Madeline suffers a panic attack sees Theo supporting her through it, giving her a little pop piece of meditation while she waits for it to pass; all she needs to do is imagine a feather floating up and down in time with her breathing, and you as the player are tasked with keeping the feather in focus. It isn’t too much further into the game when Madeline decides that she’s gotten over all of her fears and doubts and attempts to use the feather trick as a weapon; it fails, miserably, because she hasn’t come anywhere near achieving the self-actualization that she wants to have. She tries to rush things, to force her fears down instead of process them, to conquer herself rather than accept herself as she is. It’s only after she fails and falls that she realizes that she must accept all of the bad that comes when she understands who she is, merging every part of her into the cohesive whole that is Madeline. As a reward for the player, you get a triple jump. As silly as that might sound, given how heavy the narrative has been up to this point, it’s the evolution of gameplay and the swelling of the music that makes Madeline actually feel like she’s living up to her full potential. The climb has been a struggle for you and her, but now you both have all of the tools you need to reach the top of the mountain. Once you have that, you’re unstoppable.

The narrative of the game, for better and for worse, took on something of a new life with the later explanation that both Maddy Thorson (the lead developer and former name-provider of the studio) and Madeline are trans women. For better, Celeste has remained a tentpole of positive representation since the day it released and has provided many historically-excluded people a strong, important figure to relate to; for worse, it’s incited many of the most annoying posters to hem and haw and handwring over what they perceive to be revisionism for the sake of winning brownie points. Maddy herself has written quite openly about the subject and certainly has far more insight into the topic than any schmuck like myself can throw in, but I’ve seen first-hand the impact that this game has had on the people around me. For a lot of my friends, for a lot of people I care about and respect, Celeste is important because Celeste actually gets it. This shit is hard. It’s exhausting. It isn’t climbing a mountain or beating a hard video game, because those things have a defined end. There’s a clear beginning, and a clear conclusion, and that’s that. The struggle to live as oneself and to be open and honest with who we are is a path filled with unnecessary strife and struggle brought down upon our heads by people who don’t get it. People who refuse to get it. People who benefit from not getting it. I shouldn’t need to point at any of the many, many examples of this in the United States alone, simply because there’s gotten to be too many to keep track of. It’s everywhere, as a sickness.

“This memorial dedicated to those who perished on the climb" is one of the most powerful lines I’ve ever read, and it’s the context from outside of the game’s text that defines it. Unlike any mountain, and unlike any video game, the climb doesn’t stop. The climb started before we were born, and the climb will continue after we’ve gone. For how long we’ve all been fighting, been struggling, been warring against every push and backslide, there’s always more of a climb to take on. This shit won't stop. The obvious question, then, is why we should bother to climb at all.

Celeste’s answer is simple.

To be who you are makes it worth the climb.