There are spoilers for Muv-Luv Extra, Unlimited and Alternative here. I took care not to mention anything for the side content outside of setting.

I don’t even know how to start this. Like I mentioned in my previous, spoiler-free review, Muv-Luv Alternative is my favorite story of all time. This time, I’m making a spoiler review, written soon after my reread. This might not be the most polished essay I’ve written, but even though I do appreciate people seeing this, it is primarily for myself. I’ll try to put every single thought I’ve had about MLA and Muv-Luv as a whole into it, but of course, words aren’t enough, so there will always be more I will want to say. This will be a long one.

For the longest time, I used to not get attached to stories, especially emotionally. It’s why I played multiplayer games primarily. For basically the entirety of the 2000s and 2010s I was mostly into familiar media or adaptations of that media — Marvel, DC and Star Wars. Nothing wrong with enjoying them, of course. When looking forward to new content, I was mostly looking forward to more of the same. It was nice in a way, but lacked novelty after a while. I didn't really get emotional from media either, let alone to the extent of crying. With the beginning of the COVID-19 lockdowns, I started exploring more due to sheer boredom, and eventually got into anime for real after trying a few shows in 2011-2015 previously. One thing led to another, and after playing Doki Doki Literature Club and watching Steins;Gate I decided to explore more of the SciAdv series, and read Chaos;Child (at the time, Chaos;Head wasn’t on Steam and I was not aware of its existence). I never had the apprehension about the visual novel medium since I was used to reading a lot of books as a child. Experiencing C;C blew away all other narrative media I was into previously, even my beloved Spider-Man adaptations and comics, as well as the dozens/hundreds of anime I’d watched in 2020. After that I moved onto the most popular VN and VN adaptations series — Type-Moon. I read Fate/stay night and Tsukihime, and I was obsessed with it for months. I was convinced that there was barely any point in exploring the medium at that point, with nothing else really catching my eye. However, I decided that I would at least try Muv-Luv, since Alternative was the highest rated VN on VNDB at the time (not that rankings on a website matter that much to me, I could be the only fan or the millionth fan of a thing, all that matters is if I like it), and in the top three on EGS (Japanese eroge and ADV game website), in addition to the anime adaptation of MLA being announced (which I've also written reviews (1, 2) on, and getting told to not rob myself of the experience, hence deciding to read the source trilogy. If I didn’t end up liking it, I would quit the medium, since I was convinced nothing would surpass C;C anyway, probably.

I was honestly surprised to see the amount of hatred towards Extra online after finishing the trilogy. It might not be a masterpiece, but the humor is something I’ve always found entertaining. It is even more apparent on my reread after experiencing dozens upon dozens of other VNs where the humor is the MC being a pervert or classroom pranks. In Muv-Luv, you have the rich girl heroine trope exaggerated into being able to level the protagonist’s neighborhood and bring in 5-star chefs from around the glove on helicopters to school, as well as turning into chibis and shooting each other into the stratosphere. For some, it may have gotten repetitive, but given how I enjoyed this reread, and prior to that Altered Fable and some other side stories, I still enjoy it. The main two routes of Extra (Sumika and Meiya), the ones that were required to unlock Unlimited in 2003 (and for good reason, as I'll mention later), also have a well-executed romance drama, though I do take some issue with the side routes, which I’ve discussed in my Extra/Unlimited reread review prior to this one.

Unlimited was really crazy from beginning to end. I spent all of Extra anticipating the genre shift which never happened then, only for Takeru to suddenly walk out into a wasteland three minutes into this one. It was the last thing I expected after spending a large portion of Extra theorising that Yuuko would do some kind of experiment and they would get invaded at the end of Extra. And then Takeru gets shoved into what is another genre, as well as literally another world. The “new normal” of Muv-Luv shifts, and Extra already starts to seem like a distant dream. Takeru goes through a training arc and episodic arcs that focus on the girls, building up confidence, but by the end of it things start to feel wrong, and they announce Alternative V, making Takeru fight with the rest of humanity for survival as a fleet that only hosts a small portion of humanity on board, possibly with the heroine, who is also the mother of his child. It is an emotional gut punch due to how abruptly the ending comes — Takeru couldn’t do anything due to lack of information and maturity at the time, yet he’s giving it his all regardless. Isn’t this insane, though? Wasn’t it so long ago that we were choosing between Sumika and Meiya’s lunches? How is this even the same story? At this point we really start to miss the Extraverse and Sumika just like he does. It gets even crazier. It makes me feel bad for people who waited between 2003 and 2006 when Alternative wasn’t even certain to come out.

So, we finally get to Alternative — the true story, so to speak. After an awesome Hive invasion scene that made me shout “ENGLISH?!?!?!?!?”, and the iconic, intriguing “human brains” moment, the story adds yet another layer besides dimensional travel this time with time travel. Takeru loops back to the beginning of Unlimited with his knowledge and training and starts to retrace his steps to use the future knowledge to its fullest. One thing that really stood out about chapters 1-5 of Alternative is how it genuinely feels like a timeloop due to small changes snowballing. Yuuko takes longer to trust Takeru’s story despite Kasumi’s mind-reading due to his trained body and suspicious amount of classified knowledge, Takeru doesn’t hold back the cadet squad, but leads it this time, and Yuuko and Takeru debate which events to intervene in without losing the advantage of future knowledge, while also trying to save as many days and hours before Alternative V is implemented on Christmas Day as possible. It’s really cool seeing this after several stories, especially visual novels, having one small choice leading to another character becoming a psychopathic killer and killing the entire cast, or something. The story being a slow burn really makes it feel immersive.

The first true change is the coup d’etat that did not happen in the Unlimited timeline, due to interfering with the events of episode 9 of Unlimited. I’ll get back to this later, but this arc is one of the most controversial aspects of MLA, and for good reason. For now it will suffice to say that both the reader and Takeru are asking themselves why his first mission is fighting humans instead of the BETA, and why anyone would bother doing this when humanity is facing extinction. It is an attempt to say that nobody is strictly right or wrong (even if it is biased towards the Japanese nationalistic perspective), and humanising American and UN soldiers and not blaming them for their leaders’ choices is cool.

After that ends and the XM3 trials happen, the true turning point of Muv-Luv occurs — the chomp of Jinguuji Marimo. Takeru and we both believe we've seen the worst with Alternative V and the coup, and that the "therapy not included" part of Muv-Luv is hearing soldiers die one by one on the battlefield, but then it turns out that's just the beginning, it affects someone close to Takeru as well, someone he cares for deeply dies, and he loses it. It is a completely unexpected moment, delivered only after the reader and Takeru feel completely secure about thinking that they have already finally reached the "serious part" of the story with Takeru getting into more serious situations than most of Unlimited, yet prevailing regardless like the hero he believes himself to be due to his future knowledge at the start of Alternative, as well as the advantage of retaining his training and body from Unlimited, making him no longer the dead weight that he was for a large portion of Unlimited, only to have something like this happen during a typical “Muv-Luv talk”, and all the allegedly heroic resolve Takeru had goes to waste once this starts to affect the people near him. He has a truly deplorable display in front of Meiya, Kasumi and Yuuko and runs away to his world, until it starts to affect him there. After that we finally get to see the fight against the BETA.

I know it is a bad habit to start summarising the story in a review, but I feel like this way I will assemble the pieces to truly discuss it, as well as provide a refresher. In any case…

The coup arc is controversial due to Sagiri’s resemblance to Yukio Mishima from Japanese history. By essentially saying “your methods were extreme, but your motivation wasn’t, you just went about it the wrong way”, MLA understandably rubs many people the wrong way about this. However, I wouldn’t really call it “nationalism simulator 3000” because of this. Even besides the fact that Total Eclipse and other side material dials down the nationalism aspect (though is it really fair to mention that as a retroactive point when talking about MLA specifically, especially when TE sort of partially exists to ‘fix’ it?), it’s certainly nice to not have an ‘evil foreigner’ angle, which is more than I can say for a few popular VNs, anime and JRPGs, especially with downplaying Japan’s role in World War II, but I digress. Having Takeru have an outsider’s perspective is cool, since he is just a normal Japanese high schooler from a world similar to ours. The line of thinking that ordinary BETAverse citizens have is completely alien to him for a large portion of the story. They still have him be more understanding of the nationalistic view by the end of the arc, which plays into the nationalistic undertones of the arc, as well as despite being a UN operation, having the entire squad be of Japanese descent (even though it plays into the whole “UN soldier duties vs Japanese roots” aspect). I still enjoy the arc despite its issues, especially with the tension and Takeru’s dynamic with Yuuhi, but I can definitely see where people who dislike it are coming from.

To call the XM3 trials’ chomp a turning point is an understatement. The story effectively undergoes a second genre shift through the multiple tragedies of chapter 7. All of what we thought we knew about Muv-Luv undergoes a change, and we realise that nowhere is safe, not even the Extraverse. The distant memory of Extra now comes under attack. There is truly nowhere left to run. I’ve mentioned that I cried to MLA previously, and on my original playthrough, this got the most tears out of me. From seeing Extraverse Marimo to the various tragedies, to Sumika’s memories and "Now, get out there and show them who's boss, Shirogane Takeru!" as JAM Project blasts into my ear, it was probably to date the most emotional I’ve gotten over media. After more than a decade of not crying over fiction, I finally started bawling. And the reason for that is due to the slow burn that MLE, MLU and early MLA were, due to how attached I’ve gotten to these characters, like I truly knew them. The end gave Takeru and me both a determination to see this tale through to the end. The reveal that Sumika is the brain from the brain room and has been under Takeru’s nose all along was shocking, despite being a bit predictable at this point. After experiencing her heavy injuries in Extra, seeing her like this and unlike her usual cheery self is painful for readers, too. By the way, Sumika being in the menu screen and marketing material this isn’t a spoiler on the Steam version’s part, she was marketed to be in this game even with the 00 Unit pink fortified suit even in its original release (source), such as with the game cover. Just like Muv-Luv being a mecha, this isn’t really a spoiler you should be worrying about, since âge certainly doesn’t consider it one. Pretty much nobody who buys and plays Muv-Luv, any version of it, is unaware that it's a mecha without extremely careful outside control by a friend who's already read it and wants to run this as an experiment of pretending that Muv-Luv is just a cutesy romcom until the player reaches Unlimited.

And so, Takeru finally gets involved in a squad as a commissioned officer, with cast additions such as Isumi Michiru from Kimi ga Ita Kisetsu, Hayase, Akane and Haruka from Kimi Nozomu ga Eien, Kashiwagi from Extra, as well as Kazama and Munakata (who later got added to the KimiIta remake). This must’ve been a real gift for long-time âge fans, seeing alternate versions of the characters they knew in the BETAverse. Like the BETAverse versions of the Extra heroines, the BETAverse versions of these characters are similar, yet adjusted to the setting. Isumi dies without confessing, and Mitsuki and Haruka have lost Takayuki. Seeing even further connections like this is why I’m planning to finish pre-ML âge VNs before my second trilogy reread, this time in Japanese. Back to Muv-Luv itself though, we finally get to truly fight the BETA for the first time. The reason the XM3 surprise attack was so effective was because the BETA’s appearance was hidden behind ambiguity for the story until that point. They were a threat that was always looming over the characters and in-universe populace. They are a truly terrifying force with no morals or hesitation that people might have. They aren’t even villains of the week — they are more akin to insects such as ants or bees that come in thousands or even millions. Seeing the scale increase so drastically from Extra, and even Unlimited, is a sight to behold. Now we have another new normal that is 1000+ vs 1000+ large scale battles that have multiple parties constantly moving with their own objectives, and seeing how the BETA’s response affects the entire battlefield. Following Takeru’s incredible show of determination in his Storm Vanguard moment and the plan going off the rails, Isumi’s sacrifice is an emotional scene despite for how short of a time Takeru has known her, and seeing Kashiwagi be the first person besides Marimo to get killed off from the Extra cast leaves a void in the reader’s heart.

At this point it becomes abundantly clear to never expect peace from Muv-Luv anymore, but the attack on Yokohama Base comes as a surprise regardless. This time around, the base takes major damage, and with Mitsuki’s and Haruka’s deaths, as well as the injuries of the rest of the Valkyries, the only crew that remains in fighting condition is our original gang, armed with Tsukuyomi and company’s Takemikazuchis. They too undergo a suicidal attack against the BETA, and the story wraps up.

It really is insane that this is the same story as lacrosse and various shenanigans from Extra. I constantly had to remind myself of the fact that yes, this is indeed the same story, many times throughout the experience. But the main reason this even works is due to it taking so long to “get good”. The reason the BETA attack during the XM3 trials is such a shock is due to how long it took for the first ‘real fight’, and the reason chapters 7 through 10 are so impactful is due to how long we spent with these characters. The contrast between the worlds and genres plays a part, too. There are some cool connections that are even more apparent while rereading, such as Alternative Takeru throwing the shoe to his Extra self, or Sumika meeting him while going home with groceries, or Sadogashima mentions and Yuuko’s quantum causality theory, but by far the most impressive part of the trilogy is how almost all the parts work as pieces of a greater picture.

The world building plays a part in that. Muv-Luv’s hard sci-fi lore explains almost everything (I mean, we don’t know how exactly they measure the causality potential of 00 Unit candidates, but whatever) and connects it to plot points through strategy, tactics, technology and history, while the soft sci-fi such as multiversal and time travel, as well as causality conducting ties to the themes and characters. It is so nice to see things be properly explained in the main work (where it’s often vague or sometimes just straight up unexplained) and not just side content (where it’s usually actually explained). It is so refreshing to see a story with such a grounded take on mechs that don’t have beam swords and cannot fly into space not be filled with unexplained technobabble like omega particles that never get explained outside of interviews or obscure side material, with the main story mentioning rules but immediately breaking them two minutes later. You actually know what an Arrowhead-2 formation, data link or feedback protector is. It's not just there, they actually use this stuff in the story! The XM3 is invented due to just being a logical thing to do when you have a guy who knows a way to improve TSF software. You get told several versions of a plan so that you know exactly what is happening if something doesn’t go ideally and they have to use a backup, which they told you about ahead of time. The TSFs themselves get a lot of detail in their design philosophies between countries, generations and models. In fact, TSFs being based on real life planes like the F-22 Raptor makes it even more cool. It actually makes sense why they were invented — it’s not just to look cool, you want a machine that can move three-dimensionally without crashing into a wall like a plane, but also something with more agility than a tank. Muv-Luv in general has so many things I wish other mecha had, even small things like neck braces when pilots aren't in something like Evangelion LCL or space, so that maneuvers in those mechs don't case whiplash. It is also nice to see a story where you actually have to undergo training (and we see the cast undergo training) both in Basic and with simulators before you can actually pilot a mech. It just makes sense! It makes sense why the cast don’t get into real action for so long, aside from just political reasons which are revealed later. The political and technological landscape is so developed that it is so immersive, and I can’t get enough of it. I was initially curious if I’d end up liking this, since I wasn’t into mecha for the mecha previously, but it seems I just hadn’t found my own niche at that point. Having such comparatively weak mechs with a focus on agility over durability, since additional armor wouldn’t be much help anyway in such a grounded setting definitely made me find that niche. Exposition and a lot of details to remember is a common complaint about Alternative, but that’s what makes it so compelling to me. You can’t have so much detail in strategy, tech, politics with various parties having their own complex motivations and history make consistent sense without explaining them.

The structure certainly makes this story the greatest “trust me bro, it gets good” of all time, even if you liked Extra and Unlimited due to the fact that every reader is excited to see what Alternative is about, but that’s what makes it worth it. It’s already common for VNs to have a slow, slice of life beginning as the high schooler main character gets thrown into supernatural shenanigans, but having that main character live through what is basically a detailed pre-isekai life (making it stand out among a sea of low-effort isekai novels and anime nowadays, 20+ years later), get thrown into a dystopian mecha alien invasion with humanity at the brink of extinction, witness the end of the world, and get timelooped back and experience trauma after creating another branch (route) in his original, more traditional visual novel world makes it stand out even among other acclaimed visual novels. Like I said, it’s crazy that it’s the same story as lacrosse and picking school lunches, and you think that at many points in the story. But most importantly, it gives you attachment to that old life, you genuinely start to miss Extra. Even people who didn’t like Extra can become major Muv-Luv fans and start to miss it and appreciate it more in Unlimited and Alternative, I’ve seen it happen time and time again.

The visuals are amazing even two decades later. This stuff is still more animated than the overwhelming majority of VNs there, and from the popular ones, rivalled only by the recent 2010s and 2020s Type-Moon visual novels. From moving mouths and eyes, to the crazy amount of CGs and movement, to creative uses of the limitations of the VN medium to be as dynamic as possible, Muv-Luv, especially Alternative and future entries, is extremely dynamic, and while not quite like an anime, makes you forget that it isn’t one sometimes. I even remember watching a friend livestream this and be impressed by having back sprites and seeing warm air when characters spoke and breathed outdoors during autumn and winter. But even that doesn’t compare to how dynamically TSFs and tactical maps adjust and change during fights. Very few visual novels have reached this level of constant animation, I can say that for sure after having around 90 at the time of writing this now. I also don’t really get some of the complaints about the soundtrack. Not only are Asu e no Houkou (and the other OPs, such as Name and 0-GRAVITY), Wings and Carry On incredible tracks by JAM Project that (take this with a grain of salt, I don’t have a specific source for this) the author, Kouki, allegedly went into debt to afford, as well as funding a huge part of Alternative out of his own pocket, but you also have banger OSTs like Storm Vanguard, Briefing, War Preparation, Valkyries, For You Who Departs, Ambush Attack, Crash and many more that have become classics to me. The aforementioned War Preparation was inspired by a track from Gunbuster (not the only case of this happening either!), and you will find many of these kinds of references to mecha, such as Takemikazuchi’s design resembling an Evangelion, Kei Ayamine/Rei Ayanami; Sumika’s, Meiya’s and some other girls’ hair designs resembling Gundam helmets, etc in its distinct hair vents-having art style in Muv-Luv. It is inspired by so many previous works, yet puts its own spin on the genre regardless. Some talented individuals that have other acclaimed works in the videogame or anime industries include Yoshinari Kou (animator) and Iwasaki Taku, who also worked on the Gurren Lagann's, Katanagatari's, Soul Eater's and some other soundtracks.

But a love letter to mecha though it may be, Muv-Luv is primarily a love letter to romance visual novels. That is why, despite how exaggerated the tropes are, you have the classic childhood friend, rich girl, class president tsundere, kuudere, as well as others. That is why the fact that the original has routes, and that Takeru creates a new one by interacting with the Extraverse in Alternative, and why you get progressively fewer and fewer impactful choices with each entry in the trilogy. That is why the grand revelation at the end is that Takeru, not simply alternate versions of him, loved them all. That is why the main thing about Muv-Luv is “save in the name of true love”, and why the name comes from the slang mabu-dachi ("true friend") turned into mabu-ravu (Muv-Luv, or "true love"). That is why the closest person to being a human antagonist in the story is the childhood friend who is essentially forcing her own route on the protagonist, making hers the “true route” and not letting the story end until the protagonist chooses her, then finishing the story by undoing her interference on the other routes and giving the other girls an equal playing field. In the 2020s where we have many visual novel "subversions" that actively mock the usual tropes, this treats them with love and care. Extra matters. And after all, who better to showcase the transition between privilege to having real problems than a privileged harem romcom protagonist in a visual novel, and then use his love to persevere regardless even as he is forced to grow up and witness many tragedies? I am in general a fan of “normal guy” main characters who are just ordinary people going through extraordinary circumstances, but the way that connects to the commentary on VNs and the themes is noteworthy.

As a series, Muv-Luv is just relaxing to get into in general. You can basically do anything you want in any order (other than prequels for stuff you’re reading anyway) after Alternative, though you do get some mild references to older works in newer ones. It’s nice to have a series without a strongly enforced reading order, where you can pick and choose what you’re interested in, with little to no amount of what I call “media homework”. You don’t get a cheap copout of having a second Takeru, since none of the other main characters are isekai protagonists. Instead, you get variety with a story that happens in Alaska, which is controlled in part by the UN, in part by the USA, and in part by the USSR, with a Japanese-American protagonist; a gritty struggle for survival in 1980s communist Germany; a post-Alternative V, G-Bombed world with very little of land and population remaining. And those are just the major side-stories, there’s a bunch of shorter ones that you might be into, both with Extra-style humor and Alternative-style serious plot. However, the original story is still my favorite.

To repeat what I said in my MLE/MLU review, and to follow up on talking about S00mika and whether she's a spoiler from earlier, I would like to dedicate this section to comment on one misconception that people often have about the trilogy. So, actually, despite what some say, I don't think it is a spoiler to call ML a mecha, because it was advertised heavily in 2001 and 2002 (since before its release: example 1, example 2), on the original 2003 game box — more sources: 1, 2 (including a quote about Takeru wanting "out of this f'ed up world" (paraphrased), as well as this, though I still think people should spoiler tag the isekai thing to make it more surprising for new people, as it isn't as well known of a plot point), and in the menu screen of the 2003 release (with the Extra menu screen having this in the background, and then changing to this when you unlocked Unlimited. So really you aren't spoiling anyone by calling it a mecha, and it never was a "spoiler that got well-known" — âge were never hiding it in the first place!).

It’s not like I think it’s perfect. The cadet suits were a good idea to phase out as the franchise went on, and I still think that not all the Extra routes are made equal — Tama’s dad’s (who Takeru meets "for the first time" in Unlimited) and Sagiri’s appearances in Unlimited and Alternative, as well as Chizuru’s parental issues (this dad is barely even explored in her Extra route) aren’t really enhanced that much by reading their routes, and I think the doctor willing to throw away everything he has for a high school girl in Kei’s route and the bullying storyline in Chizuru’s don’t really contribute much. Tama’s route is fun but her confidence issues are made apparent without missing content in Unlimited and Alternative even if you don’t do her route. In Extra she has to hit a target with her bow, in Unlimited she has to hit a target with a TSF and a massive sniper rifle. Her dad (who, again, Takeru meets "for the first time" in Unlimited despite Tama's Extra route) is also there. And Mikoto doesn’t even get a proper route in the first place. Unlimited is even worse with this — I cannot expect first time readers to do every almost entirely identical route where the heroine is copy and pasted (besides Yuuko's, but that one is also literally under 10 minutes long and requires barely any auto skipping wait time), with a bunch of unskippable autoread sequences. In my original 100% run after finishing Alt and on this reread, I enjoyed seeing variations of marbles, shogi, cat's cradle, etc. and various Game Guy addiction arcs (with my favorite being what I assume is a Fire Emblem ripoff), however. I will say though that experienced VN readers should definitely try reading all the Extra routes, it’s just natural to want to read all the routes of a VN. But for new people or those who have had enough Extra, reading Sumika (since it has more essential content than Meiya's route, if you're doing one) and maybe also Meiya’s route (which you shouldn't read on its own without Sumika's route in your Extra playthrough before Unlimited) works as the bare minimum before Unlimited. Other than Sagiri’s one-minute appearance and Takeru going “huh? Anyways, moving on”, you won’t really be confused. In fact, Unlimited and Alternative generally only show flashbacks for stuff you've personally done, for example during the sleepover scene in Unlimited, where if you did the side routes, Takeru will have a flashback, and if you didn't, he won't. And I'll take doing the bare minimum without getting spoiled because you might not have a VN friend who's read Muv-Luv over looking stuff up and getting spoiled, which has a high chance of happening considering how easy it is to get spoiled on this story. Now, don’t get me wrong, I won’t lie and say that it doesn’t add even further to the fact that despite the differing circumstances between universes, the core human nature of the characters is the same, as well as perhaps the main point of Muv-Luv — that being Takeru’s love(s) for the girls — and the payoffs in chapter 10, such as the heroines laying down their lives for the protagonist, but you actually don’t get any new plot-related substance added to chapters 6, for example, by knowing about Extraverse Sagiri’s love for Kei (barely talked about in Alternative) and his story with Kei’s mother in the medical field, when it comes to the coup arc and his relationship with BETAverse Kei, because what matters here is his relationship to her dad’s philosophy, and its effect on Sagiri, Kei and Yuuhi. You don’t really need to know about Tama’s archery in Extra beyond that she does archery for Unlimited and Alternative, and you meet Tama’s dad in Unlimited as if it’s for the first time anyway. We never see Chizuru’s dad on-screen, and he barely gets mentioned in Extra. While it makes the payoffs even greater, it’s not knowledge that will make or break the story for you, even though you could interpret Chizuru’s struggles in her route as foreshadowing for her future leader role, and Tama’s contrast as an archer versus her BETAverse self as a sniper and her dad caring for her, or Kei’s and Chizuru's closed-off nature. Everything plot-related (besides Extraverse Sagiri’s one-minute appearance) that you actually need to know will be told or retold in Unlimited and Alternative. The main point of doing Extra, other than the primary two routes having the necessary information for the central plot and background, is the contrast between Takeru’s original world and what comes later, as well as a demonstration of Kouki's view on human nature, where despite the vastly different circumstances, our cast are similar to their Extraverse counterparts in spirit. That being said, like I said in my MLE/MLU review, if you can do them all, by all means, do them — it’ll make you care even more in Alternative, that part is undeniable — you won't just enjoy one of the greatest things you've ever experienced at a 100%, you will do so at 110%, so to speak. The most problematic aspect is probably the “twizzlers” tentacle scene in chapter 9, though, which is arguably disrespectful towards Sumika as a character, even in the all-ages version of the story which I prefer. That scene certainly blindsides you since there is very little sexual content even in the original version of MLA.

One thing I won’t change my mind on is the structure not being to its detriment. Muv-Luv is a work of passion that is so unapologetic about its vision, so dedicated to its niche, so ambitious that I now use "this is the Alternative of X" as a way to explain how big a step up from something is in a sequel, and that to fully enjoy it, you would want to be a fan of both slice-of-life romcoms and hard sci-fi real robot mecha, and have enough patience for the “true story” and action to begin dozens of hours in. Extra gives you no taste of the future TSF vs BETA action to come. For once we have an invasion/war story that doesn’t have the calm before the storm only last the equivalent of the first half of episode 1 (at most), we actually see that peace that is later contrasted to war through the protagonist’s eyes. It is both a slice-of-life romcom and a grounded war story, as well as a love story about that love crossing all boundaries, and prevailing nonetheless. It is a story of a young adult transitioning from adolescence to true adulthood with responsibilities through character development, but does not lose his innate kindness regardless. It wasn’t even a decisive victory against the BETA either, Takeru bought the BETAverse an extra 20 years. But for just a single person, that is an incredible feat. And I don’t think the ending, which is the final most commonly criticised aspect of Muv-Luv, goes against this — the epilogue of Final Extra is the first time we are truly out of sync with Takeru in terms of knowledge and experiences. Regardless of if you think his memories and experiences are still there (at least we know from Altered Fable that the characters act more like their post-Alternative, more developed selves rather than just being their Extra selves from square one), we are shown a second, retroactive, slightly altered look at the beginning of Muv-Luv Extra. Now that we have known what war looks like, now that we have seen Takeru and the Valkyries help peace continue through their own efforts as opposed to being only on the receiving end at the start of the story, will we be able to take that peace we have come to take for granted in Extra the same way? Now that we know the blood and tears, the suffering to create this small miracle that Takeru, Sumika and all the rest went through to create this reality and give Kasumi a peaceful life, will we be able to trivialise the importance of Extra, regardless of how we felt about it at the beginning of the tale? Absolutely not, it wasn’t all for nothing, and that’s why this ending works.

I have never cried over any media before this in general (I got teary-eyed at most, but I didn't go hysterical), and I have never cried over stories this much since. I have cried even more on my reread, noticing foreshadowing and getting emotional over more character and plot moments due to better understanding. It is safe to say that Muv-Luv Alternative will not be surpassed for me as a work of fiction for a while, if ever. There are few works as ambitious and full of passion as this. I feel the same way after having experienced 89 visual novels and much more mecha and other media than my 2021 self that initially read this with around four visual novels’ worth of experience, and far less with other media that makes you appreciate this story more. At the risk of repetition and being cliched, it is also safe to say that my life is divided into pre-MLA and post-MLA. I don’t see myself getting tired of this story and world. I even started learning Japanese and exploring a variety of fiction, not judging things by their cover because of it. It just means that much to me.

I could talk about this for hours, even days. But I do have to put this review to an end somehow. So, to repeat from my spoiler-free review: Thank you, Shirogane Takeru, for your inspiring journey. Thank you, Kagami Sumika, Mitsurugi Meiya, Ayamine Kei, Tamase Miki, Sakaki Chizuru and Yashiro Kasumi, for your stories that showed both the protagonist and reader the many perspectives and lives that exist in the world. Thank you, Kouzuki Yuuko, Jinguuji Marimo and other cast members, for being reliable mentors and saying things that both Takeru and I, a university student at the time who had been lost with as to what to do with life, needed to hear. Thank you for making this story such a joy to read.

Lastly, and most importantly, thank you, âge and Yoshimune Kouki, for creating this beautiful tale of love and courage that I hold dear in my heart to this day.

This review is very long since I've edited it a bunch and wanted to get my thoughts together out somewhere, so really it's mostly for me. It's not really a review, it's divided to 3 different parts (review, ramble, analysis), and I'd say it's more of a character analysis than anything, a pretty messy one at that, pretty sure I repeat myself quite a bit throughout the analysis, but at least it makes my ideas even clearer?
Well overall it did turn out pretty well though, so if you're reading this, enjoy.

(Review/brief summery of my thoughts about it)

Went into this game after watching the first season of the TV show of the game, which I didn't really like. Thought it was really overrated, and still do. If the first game is the same as the first season I have no idea how people say the second ruined the first lol, but for that i'll have to play it of course. (Edit: I have, and it's mostly the same as the TV)

Anyways, I started playing this game only because I had nothing else to play, so I got in with some really bad expectations and negative bias. Especially knowing the incredible hate this game gets.
Turned out to be the best stories i've experienced. But maybe that's part of the reason I did like it? I feel like most people who liked the first game just prefer a more simple and safe type of story telling with not much ambition or a lot to say, which this game is the opposite of, since this game focuses on themes and messages (the things I value most), mostly through the characters and their development, and without really being considerate of the audience's feelings. It has something(s) to say, and it says it with no hesitations, it's very bold which I can really appreciate. (The ending/killing Joel/switching to the antagonist in the middle of the climax are all based as fuck, and not something you'd expect from an AAA game. It has too much ambition for it's own sake, but people with good taste get to enjoy it and that's what's important)

The thing about "the ending ruined the game" is genuinely a lack of understanding in character motivations and themes or a lack of care for it. Just comes to show that most people only care about plain entertainment, which is fine and makes total sense, to each to their own obviously, but sometimes it gets annoying when they don't recognize that, like in this case. So yeah, the last 2-ish hours of the game are by far the best part of the game and Ellie moving on from Abby is just great, and without that the game wouldn't have been good, it would have no point, in that case all that buildup would actually be for nothing. The ending and especially the last scene, are so good, and take such a major part in Ellie's character and themes, and also in that of the game's.

Also can we talk about how good this game is at putting you in the shoes of Ellie?
Literally every feeling Ellie feels is also what the game makes you feel, and in the same way she does and for the same reasons. This is probably very controversial, but the trailers for the game are really good. They make you feel like you have more time remaining with Joel, like he's gonna be there for the entirety of the game. Which in turn, makes his death, that happens at the beggining of the game, feel a lot more painful. It makes it feel like our time with him had been stolen from us. It also enhances the rage people have against Abby, which is a good thing. (of course it would happen even without the trailers but they enhance those feelings). This is exactly how Ellie feels, she wasted so much time avoiding Joel because she always thought she eventually will have the time to mend their relationship. Which just before his death, she tried. But then that time was stolen from her which is what truly makes her so upset.
The second way the game does this kind of stuff is by making us feel the same unfamiliarity and distance Ellie feels with her self, it makes us feel distant from Ellie which ironically makes us feel just like she does. For example, in the section with Nora, when Ellie tortures her, we don't control her. Not only that but it just skips that part. We don't control Ellie nor do we get to see what she did, because she can't either. We are getting pushed away from Ellie and have no control over her actions in the same way she doesn't, she really just isn't herself in that moment. Ellie is visibly shaking after killing Nora, and is shaken the same way we are shaken from it, the same way we are shaken from every time she kills an enemy. That is part of the reason the game portrays every enemy's the way it does, full of agony, people screaming their names etc. We are supposed to feel like Ellie's doing horrible stuff, because that's also what she feels, and it's also just the truth of things, it's that way to distance us morally from Ellie, in the same way she feels with herself as well.
Something similar is done when we jump to the farm section, this jump feels so unatural, so surreal, because that's exactly how Ellie feels with her life at the farm. She feels as she doesn't belong there, that she doesn't deserve it, and we feel the same weirdness about the situation as that.
And my favorite, Ellie's last conversation with Joel only being revealed to us in the last scene of the game. We ddin't know how things have ended between Joel and Ellie, we didn't know the incredibly important things Joel told her in that conversation, or that Ellie finally wanted to try and forgive Joel. This is because, for Ellie throught the entire game, in a way, this didn't happen. Ellie couldn't think about her last conversation with him, it was too much for her, so it only happened at the end when she managed to accept everything and this helped her move on. All she could think of was all the times she wasted with Joel, all her regrets, things left untied, all her regrets. That scene is revealed to us in the same way it is revealed to her, she finally manages to think about it, and not only that, for the first time truly understand what he was trying to tell her this whole time, that her life is meaningful.
This whole thing of making us feel the same feelings the character feels is super important, and when done to this extent it truly enhances the story and makes us FEEL. This is why a lot of people feel so attached to Ellie, and have such strong emotions to the game without even thinking about what made them feel it. Of course every good story does something like this to make us feel like the character does, but I found the methods used in this game to do that to be super unique and effective, which is why I made an entire segment about it.

Basically what i'm trying to say is that this game is amazing, 10/10 for me.

(Ramble, mostly on the hate the game gets)

Sure, the game tackles themes like revenge, perspective, cycle of violence to a great degree. But as with most stories, the best aspects of it come from Ellie's development, her conflicts and resolves. If what you took away from this game is that revenge is bad and nothing more, you just ignored 90% of the game/Ellie. Ellie doesn't just show you "what not to do" (basically development through invalidation), she also shows/learns "what to do, what to look for, and why you should" (basically development through internal validation) in a very profound and impactful way.
Learning that her life is valuable and meaningful even with survivor's guilt, that she can find meaning in living her own life (specifically with connections, Dina) and not just in sacrificing herself for others (wanting to sacrifice her life for a cure, and self destruction through revenge because "this is what Joel would have wanted", thinking that through this self destruction she would gain peace/meaning/value to her life and his death), learning the wrong and the right path to heal from trauma and self loathing, learning to accept reality and move on instead of using an unhealthy defense mechanism as a distraction. These are just some themes/messages that came to mind, i'm sure there are plenty more, which i'll go over most of them in the next paragraphs anyways. It is true that the game tells you that you should avoid revenge, but what are you supposed to look for instead and why? What's the right path to healing, to find meaning, to live properly and feel better? Those are the actual more important points the game is trying to make. For every "you shouldn't do this", there is a "you should do this instead and here's why", portrayed through Ellie's development and conflict solutions, which is what makes a message (or art as a whole) well written/valuable, at least in my eyes. The writer properly expressing himself in what he has to say through the character to us (characters are 99% of the time the best way to do this as we feel everything through them, Nier;Automata is a good example where it's not the case though).
Basically what i'm saying is that ignoring all of these things would be the same as saying Kratos' entire character boils down to "revenge is bad", because in gow 3 that's what he learned (which is weird it's not getting criticism for even though it is actually it's message while tlou 2 does get shit for it for some weird reason but sure?), while actively ignoring everything else he learned throughout the games that come next. Or that his entire message in gow 2018 is just "you shouldn't lie to your child". That would be very dumb right? because while Kratos does learn that, he also more importantly learns through that what he should do instead and why, the "you shouldn't lie to your child" forced him to accept his past, be supportive of child's identity etc. which in turn made him feel better and his relationship with his son got a lot better because of that in the grand scheme of things. He understood those things and the value in accepting those parts in him instead of ignoring them or trying to push them away from him and his son cuz he's afraid he'll turn like him, which then helped him fully embrace his past and understand he is a different man now, fully embraces his quote "I am a monster, but you're monster no longer", mostly shown in the last scene of the game where his real development happens, Kratos finds truth and acceptance in confronting who he was rather than running from and trying to deny it. That's what his character is about in 2018, that's what he learns, that's the part of his development that is actually really good, and not that "lying to you child is bad" even though as you can see, it does take part in it. Same goes to Ellie, focusing on the revenge is bad part is just ignoring everything else there is and focusing solely on the "what you shouldn't do" which here, just like with Kratos, is just a small part of the whole message that is mostly there for the buildup of the climax, much like lying to Atreus, revenge is used as a device to add to the other themes more than anything. And frankly, it's probably the best portrayal of revenge's pointlessness and destructive nature in media, it's just built super well and is very detailed, but yeah it alone it would probably not have been worth that much, hence the rest of Ellie's themes/messages, because again, the revenge part is mostly there to enhance those. In fact, if the game was about revenge, the ending would make a lot more sense to be Ellie killing Abby and the game showing us why killing her was bad. But the ending, and the game itself, are so so much more than that. Which is also why the most ironic thing about the hate is that the hate for the ending comes from the same people who say they hate the game cuz revenge bad. Tbh, the whole hate to me just feels like one big echo chamber of people who have no clue what they're talking about. Like they hate the game and they don't know why so they make up reasons to hate it, which only makes it further nonsensical. No, you don't hate something because it has a plot convenience, everything has that. The reason you looked up for it in the first place is because you disliked it in the first place, not the other way around. No one actually cares Ellie "conveniently" forgot a map lol. No one genuinely dislikes a story just because one of it's themes is about criticizing revenge (as proven by the amount of praise GOW/Vinland/AOT/so many stores have, with no one talking bad about the revenge aspect, even though it plays the same role as in this story, because it's nonsensical lol. I'm pretty sure it's just a trend that started specifically with this game from Moist Critical) No one actually likes stories because they lack bad in them, we like stories when we feel like they have a lot of good in them, and don't like them when they lack good. Just say you don't like it cuz you simply didn't resonate with it (/because Joel died "but it's the way he died not the fact that he died🤓" nah./Cuz homophobia), that's very very likely to just be the truth, it's also true with 90% of things I don't like much. There's no need to make up weird/basically objectively (I don't use this word often but it's true here) wrong excuses as to why. (also sorry for that random GOW analysis, but it's just the best way I could think of explaining this kind of thing. Though even this probably doesn't do it justice, since the take is just really weird and dumb. Just play the game not on autopilot/autohater it should work).

(Ellie Analysis)

Ellie couldn't bear what happened to Joel. She hated and was angry at herself for how things have ended between them, was traumatized, and instead of actually dealing with those feelings and properly healing, she coped by blaming it all on Abby, a character that is a mirror to Ellie, Abby hurt Joel physically the same way Ellie hurt him mentally (even Abby's arc is very similar, about finding significance in relationships and how revenge doesn't give that), and so she projected all her self loathing onto her. Abby took Ellie's chance to forgive Joel, and for that Ellie hates her, but more than anything she really hates herself and is full of shame for not being able to do that in time, spending Joel's last few years avoiding him while actively telling him how much she hates him for what he did. She hates Abby the same way and for the same reasons she hates herself, and so Abby is an easy target for Ellie to project all her regrets and self loathing onto, because she can't face those feelings yet. And through avenging Joel, she thinks that maybe she could feel like she served a purpose, and validate her life to herself, to her survivor's guilt, after his death, that he died and she still survived and couldn't save him, that in her mind it also had happened because of her (he died because he saved her back in the hospital which makes it all the worst for her survivor's guilt "he did what he did to save me, there's no cure because of me, i'm the one you want", it's almost like at this point she blames herself for everything, i'd even go as far as to say her telling this to Abby is almost like she's telling this to herself), This survivor's guilt only being enhanced by how poorly their relationship ended after she hurt him for years. (Right now she's also fueled with rage, but those real, deep rooted reasons for her revenge get clearer and clearer the more we continue the game, especially in the farm section where she's not even angry anymore, just desperate to feel better)
Killing Abby to avenge Joel is the same thing as her trying to make up for the people who died in TLOU 1 by sacrificing herself for a cure, with revenge being an alternative to the cure as Joel didn't die to zombies, but to a person. She's always trying to justify her existence by making amends to the people who "died because of her", or even just died when she didn't, through a self destructive way).

Throughout her journey to revenge, Ellie had killed many people, non of which provided her with any capacity relief, she deep down thought it would help her deal with her self loathing, remorse, trauma, (or partially subconsciously did this to herself, made herself suffer, because of how much remorse and self hatred she had) however all they did was further destroy her and just made her feel worse, to the point she almost can't recognize the person she become. And so, after Nora's torture only made her feel worse, feel like she isn't herself anymore, she decided to tell herself another lie: "Well all those people didn't make me feel any better, than it must be Abby who would, since she's behind everything, she is the one who killed Joel".

And so Ellie kept searching for Abby, now with no intention in killing her friends anymore, just her. But it isn't so easy, when she gets to Mel and Owen, and just wants them to tell her Abby's location, they of course defend themselves, which results in Ellie killing them. Quite unluckily, Mel was pregnant. Ellie just, for the first time, killed someone truly innocent, that had nothing to do with anything, a baby. This makes her truly be shocked from herself, by how far she had descended. Then the consequences to Ellie's actions come. Abby appears, kills Jesse, almost kills Ellie, Dina and Tommy. However Abby is a different person, her relationship with Lev helped her change and she prefers to just let go of Ellie, to not avenge but teach her a lesson instead. Which Ellie does learn that lesson, at least for a while. She was reminded of how important her close ones are, how she was so close to losing them, especially Dina, and so she tries to spend some time with her for now. She didn't deal with the root of her problem yet, but she at the very least tries to have a normal, better life.

Ellie convincing herself that Abby is the root of all her problems was rooted (a lot of roots I like that word yes) so deep within her, that in the farm section where she has the perfect life with Dina and JJ where nothing should be wrong, but she just can't really live properly. It all feels wrong, like she doesn't deserve this kind of life, she suffers from impostor syndrome, and she suffers from trauma and PTSD. Those things of course being a product of survivor's guilt, where she feels like it's not fair that yet again Joel died while she survived, like every other time in her life that something like this happened, now to the extreme as it's Joel. This guilt, those flashbacks, make her again come back to revenge. She again, blames it all on Abby. Which again, is her mistake, instead of trying to heal, look into her real thoughts and feelings, let it all out, (as she did in the end more on that later), she keeps all of those feelings inside a locked box, gives that box to Abby so that she'll never have to look at the box again, while trying to kill Abby for owning such a disgusting box. It's still her box, no matter what she'll do with it, and deep down she knows it. This happening, instead of accepting those feelings, Joel's death and how things have ended, because confronting all those thoughts is a lot harder then ignoring them, especially because of survivor's guilt, hence why she can't live properly, even now with Dina, because she was forced to that position, she didn't really choose to let go of Abby out of her own will, Abby just came so close to killing her and Dina that it forced Ellie to understand that she can't keep doing this, it did a sort of reset for her mind and priorities, so she was forced to postpone revenge and put Dina in top priority for a while. But she didn't choose to go to the farm in order to heal as she didn't get over survivor's guilt yet, which would only happen if she realizes her mistakes and what she has to do, which again are not easy things for her to do, to open up, to let go of revenge, to find meaning in herself. Though even if she didn't choose this, getting a taste of what her life could potentially be, is something that does help her understand where she should be going in the end. Just so you understand how hard it is for her, here's excerpt from her journal: "I don't know how Dina talks so easily about Jesse. She tells JJ all about him! She thinks it'd be good for me to talk about Joel. To get it out. When she says that it makes the memories sound like food poisoning. I don't want to talk about it. It's just gonna hurt. And I think once I'd start I wouldn't be able to stop." And so Ellie thinks, or makes herself believe, that going after Abby would fix her, she doesn't even seem to care or hate Abby anymore, she's not angry like before, she just wants her suffering to end. She put revenge on such a pedestal for so long that she thinks this is the only way to get better, which she eventually does go after it, out of pure desperation, or as she states in her journal, because she's afraid she'll "poison" JJ and Dina with her shame and regret, yet again ruining the thing that can actually give her life hope and meaning, make her feel meaningful, her relationship with them. Again, from Ellie's Journal: "We saw a pack of wild horses today. Dina offered them some of the fruit we collected. They ended up following us for a bit. Wish I had a camera. I've never seen her smile so wide. For like half a day I wasn't thinking of the WLF or Joel. Feeling guilty about that now.", "I'm struggling to sleep. Keep seeing him with his head... Dina seems to be sick. Think she caught a cold. I feel calmer with her laying next to me. I want to do something nice for her..." Dina can truly help Ellie heal and feel better, their relationship could help Ellie move on, it always could have. Ellie just has to let go of her revenge, to open up, to let go of her guilt. She even to a certain degree deep down, after leaving the farm, understands how dumb her quest to revenge is, how important JJ and Dina are for her, that they are the things that can help her, but she still isn't ready to face the reality of everything and letting her feelings out, and so she's still after revenge. From her journal, here we can even more clearly see that she does understand the potential and worth of this life with her family: "I keep seeing him. Smelling Iron (Joel). I miss Dina. I miss Potato (JJ). What am I doing here." But she just can't let go of revenge and move on from Joel. She has to find meaning in it, she has to find a closure, because she keeps seeing him and revenge is the only option she knows to deal with her feelings.

Only in the end did she finally let all those feelings she bear so deep within her out, in a cathartic moment, after finally realizing Abby is not the problem, nor will killing her be the resolve, since now she can kill her and is actively doing so, but that power over her makes her feel nothing, doesn't remove any negative feeling she had or give her any closure, so she can't keep hiding behind those walls she created anymore, in a way, she recognizes how much she had been lying to herself, using this coping mechanism in order to look away from the truth of her feelings.

And so now, after realizing that, trying to find a way to deal with those emotions in a proper way without being able to look away this time, because her defense mechanism against them just got destroyed, she looks into her last conversation with Joel she so much avoided thinking of, a conversation where Joel teaches Ellie what her life truly means, things she knows but can't fully accept yet. The conversation goes like this: Ellie just kissed Dina, Joel talks about it "Okay. Dina. Is she your girlfriend?", Ellie says it meant nothing "No! No. She-- That was just one kiss. It doesn’t mean anything. She just... I don’t know why she did that." but it did mean something, it meant a lot to her. Ellie is just having a hard time accepting that people love her and find value in her, as she can't find value in herself "You do like her" "I'm so stupid" Ellie doesn't feel worthy of Dina's love, because of her lack of self value, but it seems like she starts to understand how much her life is valuable to others, and so it probably starts changing her perspective, even if only a bit. (especially after the next and last few things Joel tells her). Joel says "Look, I have no idea what that girl’s intentions are, but… I do know that she would be lucky to have you.", Ellie's mad about him for that "You’re such an asshole!" she says, as he replied with "I’m not trying to--", because he justifies saving her, Ellie says: "I was supposed to die in that hospital. My life would’ve fucking mattered. But you took that from me.", the reason Ellie is so mad by those words is because Dina couldn't have been lucky to have her had Joel not saved her, because she would be dead and they both understand that, but then, Joel says something that deeply impacted her: "If somehow the Lord gave me a second chance at that moment... I would do it all over again.", he says that because he didn't do it for himself, he did it for her. Joel had always seen Ellie's life as meaningful and valuable, unlike her, and always showed that to her which eventually is what leads her to understand that too, which is why she didn't challenge what he just said. Even if their relationship is broken, all he wanted was for her to find a real meaning to her own life. Now he can see she started finding that meaning, that she can live even without a purpose of self sacrifice where survivor's guilt controls her life. So those words, and this conversation as a whole, are helping Ellie understand that maybe he is right after all, since she did just find meaning in her own life, and she can to a degree see that her life has some value to it, that, even if only subconsciously, she wants to live happily with Dina. If her life is only worth if sacrificed, why would she have such feelings? Why would Joel and Dina find her life so meaningful? and so she manages to have the power to try to forgive him "Yeah... I just... I don’t think I can ever forgive you for that. But I would like to try." (As a side note, the conversation is also about forgiveness, how she found it to be better to at least try to forgive instead of being stuck on the past, move on, because hating Joel brought her nothing but more despair. (Which yeah, it mostly happens from her understanding that her life is worth something, what Joel tried to tell her, which is why this is more of a side note). Which At the end she did the same with Abby, let her hate go and move on. She didn't really forgive her as she doesn't have to, but she moves on. That did help her forgive herself however, as if she tried forgiving Joel maybe she's more woth of her own forgiveness than she thought, so remembering that she did try to forgive Joel in their last conversation, now after facing their last conversation instead of avoiding thinking of it, probably helps her feel a little bit better with how things have ended between them), Ellie finally could have recognized to a certain degree that she does in fact have meaning and worth to her own life, that her immunity doesn't define her, that Joel's actions maybe not have been that bad after all, and so she's being able to try and forgive him because she did after all just kiss Dina and even enjoyed it, even after confronting Joel, even after hating him for years for saving her, (as she said in the quote, it was specifically for saving her, not for killing those people, the anger stemmed almost exclusively from him not letting her sacrifice herself, in other words, more than anything else she's basically mad at him for believing her life has worth to it) even after feeling as if her life would only be worth if she sacrifices herself and so now she feels like she doesn't have the right to live, that she shouldn't be alive, she still just let herself live her own life for the first time after knowing the truth of what Joel did, and found a reason of her own to live for her own sake, she deep down can see her life has value and Joel reinforces it in their last conversation, she even got into a full relationship with Dina shortly after. (She did have a girlfriend before knowing the truth of what really happened with the fireflies and the cure, but at that point she wasn't as guilty about her life, this guilt after discovering the truth, survivor's guilt kicking back in stronger than ever, feeling like she isn't supposed to be alive, probably is also what led to her the ending of her relationship with Cat. But this is also why this kiss with Dina, happening even while suffering from survivor's guilt to this degree, matters so much, and says so much about how she still has a will of her own to live, that deep down she knows she has worth that can be shared, share her life with someone else, even if it's only deep down and is hard for her to admit, she knows Dina finds her meaningful even if she says she's stupid for it and that the kiss didn't mean anything, and Joel bringing it to light only makes it stronger). Her life finally feels like it's getting towards a better, more healthy place, however, that was all ruined by Joel's death, making her slide right back into her bad habits, her survivor's guilt striking yet again, she has to kill Abby because "that's what Joel would have wanted", because she can't forgive herself for living while Joel died after the way she treated him, it can't all be for nothing, she HAS to make up for it in some way, by killing Abby, that way maybe she'll feel better, have some closure, she thinks.

So when Ellie has this flashback while she's drowning Abby, she remembers that she lost the real thing that gives her a meaning to life. She lost it because of her ego, like she lost Joel because she was too hurt to forgive him sooner. But she also remembers that it's not what Joel would have wanted for her. She remembers that Joel always put the people he loved first, and how pointless this whole thing is, it was all a lie, to try and make herself find meaning/feel better, in something that only did the opposite of that. So remembering all of that and this moment with Joel, what she learned about herself back then, how she does have meaning and value of her own and where she could find that meaning, helps her understand it even more so now after everything she went through, and she uses that as means to move on from Abby, put revenge to rest and think of her own mental health for once, try and finally heal for real, Similarly to how after Ellie tortured Nora and was totally destroyed by what she just did, she turned to Dina, being vulnerable and sharing her feelings with her, and Dina helped her feel better, she quite literally helped clean her wounds, both physically and metaphorically. (This is not the only case where Ellie sought help from Dina, and Dina helped her, because Ellie always knew Dina can help her, however she still didn't realize it the same way she did in the ending, as she didn't develop like she did in the ending yet, because she still didn't let go of her hatred and let out her true feelings yet, facing the truth, facing her last conversation with Joel etc.) That actually could have even been a good start for Ellie to actually heal, but of course that didn't happen since Ellie couldn't let go of her revenge yet, she still wanted to get closure through it, which is why she didn't go through with healing and only kept "wounding" herself after that, thinking "if Nora didn't heal me Abby would, I need to kill Abby nothing more" instead of letting go of that and heal through her relationship with Dina, while accepting what happened to Joel and how things have ended between them instead of running away from it. Now however, after she did finally let go of it, after facing survivor's guilt to it's fullest and understanding how wrong and shitty it is (that it provides no real solution to her feelings), she now can finally understand how she could actually heal, and how not to, she will get better.

Those same ideas are further established during the last and best scene of the game,
Ellie comes back to her house, after losing everything she had, yet this is the most hopeful scene in the entire game, because she regained herself.
Ellie tries playing Joel's guitar but can't, because she lost her 3 fingers. Then, again, she thinks about her conversation with Joel, now the full context is shown to us. After which she leaves Joel's guitar behind, symbolizing moving on from her regrets, self loathing, shame, anger. The guitar being used throughout the entire game by her trying so hard to play the song "future days" of which first line of the song is "if I ever were to lose you i'd surely lose myself", because that's no longer the case, she had regained herself and now accepts the reality of her feelings and Joel's death, she accepts not being able to play the song and leaves it behind, and most importantly accepts her own worth. (Also the second line is: "Everything I've found here, I've not found by myself", Joel was the one who helped Ellie start finding herself and find what's important for her, love, and self worth, the only reason she was on the path of finding importance to her life and to love is because he saved her, and because of his insistence that she does have value, because of all the moments he shared with her. But then he died which made her lose herself, but again now she had regained herself.) You could also just look at her face and see that acceptance. Instead of avoiding her feelings, not being able to open up, and so avoids their last conversation, cuz it's hard for her to face it, hard for her to forgive Joel and face how everything ended, all her regrets and remorse about how it ended, she now cherishes their last conversation, and Joel's last words would linger in her head, reminding her of her self worth and what's important, that she found meaning in her life, found her life to be meaningful with Dina and does want to allow herself to live, and she always felt that way deep down, It's an understanding that's always been there that just needed acceptance, and now she can finally truly acknowledge it. Not only that, but she could now also instead of viewing their relationship as something that broke, that she messed up, that Joel had messed up, she can instead look at all the moments, like when he took her to the museum, as a reason to understand why she's alive and why she has value. Joel showed her so much love, gave her an unforgettable experience, he truly finds her as meaningful, and she did too those moments meant so much to her and made her life feel valueable, she found meaning in her relationship with Joel as well, no matter how hard she'll try to convince herself, deep down she always found her life to be meaningful, those small moments of life are whats important, you don't have to sacrifice yourself to feel worthy or like you meant something, you can just enjoy life, have those small meaningful expriences with the people you love and let them find you meaningful as well. And so now Ellie can reflect upon these memories, understand that, and this way it's also easier for her to forgive fully Joel and move on. Had she not dealt with her feelings and faced reality, that couldn't have been the case. She would have kept avoiding their relationship, only thinking of the regret she has about it as she had thus far, instead of all the good things that came out of it, like she finally acknowledges. She would keep thinking of their last conversation as a lost opportunity (which also the reason she avoided it this whole time) instead of in the positive light she finally views it now that helps her deal with everything. Her acceptance of Joel's death is also shown through her journal, where she wasn't able to draw Joel's face throughout the entire game, but at the end she finally managed to draw him, at the poarch, the conversation that means so much to her, it's just another way she shows how much that conversation is meaningful to her.
Now Ellie is going out, wearing his jacket, in a way, wearing the good memories she has of him, the ones that helped her understand her own worth, leaves the guitar behind, that representing her regrets and guilt, and now physically is shown to move on to a better path, likely goes on to find Dina to fix what she broke, and by doing so, herself too. (Doesn't have to be Dina, maybe she's not ready yet, but it 100% is to a better, healthier and more meaningful path). To properly heal from Joel's death and everything it led to, and just as importantly, to find meaning in her own life and let herself live a proper life where she finds her own life to be meaningful, because now she understands what gives her meaning and how much meaning she could give others. She understands that she is meaningful, that her life is worth living, she found self worth despite suffering from survivor's guilt. And with that, she finally forgives Joel and can truly move on from everything.

To sum up, Ellie would find nothing by being stuck on the past and being hateful towards herself and others like she was. No matter how hard she'll try to convince herself, no closure and no meaning would be found on that path. Even if she killed Abby, it wouldn't make her self worth any better, what would happen is the opposite. However, what she could do, and what took her a long journey of pain to realize, is that she can find it somewhere else, in love, and that is the real way for her to heal and find meaning/self worth. Ellie's character arc is about finding a purpose in love, because you can't find a purpose in loss. Or even more specifically, finding meaning and value in her own life, and healing, overcoming grief and self loathing through that.

Btw I took some inspirations from: "https://www.reddit.com/r/thelastofus/comments/k6oudg/the_last_of_us_part_ii_ending_explained_a_purpose/?rdt=36143" (mostly gave me a better general idea of the significance of the last flashback, it just added up so well with every other idea I had about it) and "https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THASaV3gqIo" (especially in the section where I talk about putting us in the shoes of Ellie, just found what he had to say about it to be super interesting and true), both are by far the best TLOU 2 analyses i've seen and so I had to include some of their points here. Highly recommend to watch/read them.