It is a miracle that I got to finish this brilliant game, and now people can stop bullying me because I haven't played it before.

My rating criteria for this game are games released in 2010 and prior. 
I had so many technical difficulties. Even by the standards of that time, this game has so many bugs that softlock you, tons of crashes, and buggy graphics settings. Also, controls got bugged, and I couldn't press the ESC key at all. I had to Alt-Tab every time to pause the game. These technical problems made me finish the game in a week, in about 25 sessions.

However, the story was intriguing, and the horror elements were used in such an amazing way that I got scared of my own shadow multiple times. The library part was made because they hate us players and they want us to have a heart attack. Plus. I liked the funny Ulman jokes.

Oh, the ending was also crazy! Here is footage of me during the ending!

Honestly I hear a lot of people trash the shit out of overwatch 2 but I really enjoyed what I played. Now this is coming from someone who never played the original overwatch and I can definitely see where the haters of overwatch 2 are coming from. Blizzard promised a lot of stuff including a campaign mode that they just gave up on which led to the games not so favourable reputation. It does now seem though that Blizzard is trying to turn the game around now with the most recent updates though. Putting all that aside, overwatch 2 still finds a way to be an incredibly fun and engaging team based shooter.

When I first started Children of the Sun, I was expecting it to fall into the category of many other games like it. Where it either tried to stretch one idea for way too long or didn't spend enough time exploring its many possibilities. Shockingly that isn't the case here, and it's all the better for it.

You'll probably have the game beat in about 3-4 hours, but that ironically feels like the perfect length. The dev clearly knew not to overextend their reach, getting a good bit of mileage out of the idea with a small handful of mechanics and new things to consider, but never tried to overuse that and pad itself out.

When it's at its best, using its mechanics to full effect, it's a tactician's dream as you mark all targets on the map and pick the best route without finding your bullet drilled in a random bit of metal or the side of a building. Thanks to some solid sound design to top it all off, it's quite satisfying.

Only problems I had relate to the story and one mechanic being a little finicky. The story isn't necessarily bad, but it's told while being so in love with its obscurity that it can be hard to follow at times. As for the mechanic, I'll try not to spoil it but it can be very finicky with what it defines as a killing shot (you'll know what I mean when you see it).

$20 is bordering a bit on what I'm willing to pay for a game of this length, but it's still one of the better Devolver Digital games. If you like puzzle games or the odd shooter, it's a pretty fun time.

Get ready for the game that mixes Wolfenstein, Bioshock, Fallout, and a dystopian/utopian 1950s-era Soviet Union. From characters that fuck robots to the robots that want to fuck you, this is one of the horniest games I have ever played without the game being explicit. Bombshell robot twins that you can undress via mods. Kinky robot fridge Nora that is good at dirty talk to distract her partner from noticing she is a fucking fridge.

This game both exceeded and fell short of my expectations. Even though I don’t like souls-like-esque(?) games, I enjoyed this one.

For a game of this scale, I would expect the environment to interact with the player in a sufficient way, but this was not what I got during the gameplay. Also, there was a 10-minute shader load when I first launched the game. I am not even going to talk about those long ass elevator rides where I can binge-watch The Lord of the Rings.

Oh, did I mention forced constant internet connection? BECAUSE THERE IS! But fret not! They compensate this with long and boring formal dialogue filled with complex terms uttered by a creepy robot with the most robot voice possible. Hell, even the main character says he didn't understand jackshit.

Enough with the negative aspects, let’s move on to more negative aspects. 5 FPS animations that you see in various cutscenes even if you MAX every setting and have an RTX4090. And to make it 60 FPS, you must alter some configuration files in the game directory. When you think you had enough, the game slaps you across the face with the same tutorial popup that says the same basic shit.

The big brain of a game spoils itself by showing every enemy in its lore category right at the intro. Oh, also you must grind so hard you can’t even call it zero to hero, you gotta call it minus thousand to hero. BTW, the fuck is wrong with these facial animations? Like, everything is buttery-smooth, and you get to a dramatic moment in the story, and the voice actors are doing their best, and then you get the facial expressions of my dead grandmother, WHO IS DEAD BY THE WAY! Totally ruining the whole experience.

There are minimal QTEs in the game that you come across several times in your playthrough. They are minimal, but their impact is huge, like, you can die. You get a QTE and fail it because you did not expect it, then get to that point again and successfully complete it, then a long time passes and you get a QTE again in a critical moment and you have a partial heart attack because you weren’t expecting it, and then you fail again like you did your whole life.
Now it’s really enough with the cons of this game. There are mad fun lock-picking minigames that you generally must complete. Also, there are some puzzles that utilize physics beautifully. It’s nice to see they pulled off placing puzzles in such a game and got away with it. There are not-so-great cars in the open world that you can use to travel between faraway places and run over some robots in the process, but since the car mechanics are so messed up, you might end up in a ditch and have to walk two kilometers to your destination since you can’t find any other car.

The story is captivating too, and you get great plot twists in every part of the story. No spoilers.

3.5/5, would fetch the robot maid’s limbs again so that I could go through a simple door.

Muscle Mommy Kassandra
After 125 hours and completely 100%ing the game, I can say that the only good thing about this game is locations/atmosphere and Kassandra. Oh, also the never seen before Isu DLC. Poorly executed but still, it was interesting to experience it. It could have been WAAAAAY better but here we are. I don't even want to talk about animations and the effort put in this game.
It's not even an Assassin's Creed game, too. I just take this game at face value and subtract the "Assassin's Creed" from it and voila! it's a great game :D

Best part of the game: Muscle Mommy Kassandra :3

A weird mishmash of F.E.A.R. and DOOM that feels less than the sum of it's parts.

The gunplay is fast and fun; sneaking up on an enemy while in active camo to deliver a two-footed dropkick to his head will never get old. The maps and enemy designs are pretty interesting and vary from level to level but the story wasn't original or compelling enough to hold my attention.

The horror elements are odd and feel pretty tacked on, as much as the developers wear the F.E.A.R. inspiration on their sleeves. I feel like the main "super-soldier caught in a conspiracy" narrative works well enough on its own, but when you're suddenly facing enemies that look straight out of DOOM 2016 it's pretty jarring and kinda takes me out of the game.

A couple of miscellaneous points - the weapon/character customisation was pointless and feels like it's only there to appeal to COD-bros. The cheat options were a cool addition and add some old-school flair. And as a Yorkshireman I thought the game's interpretation of a Yorkshire castle was pretty funny.

I'd recommend picking this up on sale if you're fiending for a fast, frantic FPS.

What's with that name, anyway?

Me Caveman.

I will Unga and if Sun God willing, maybe some Bunga too. It don’t take much for caveman to have oog oog time, maybe throw rock, hang dong. No brain required. Game give big field for caveman to swing stick but after seeing two or three moons and bludgeon creatures, caveman ended up honk-shoo honk-shoo on hard rock bed.

Game give too many menus about tree with skill and item craft with backpack limit. Too restrictive for caveman. Let caveman have unlimited inventory so caveman don’t lose eyes to the sacred roll when woman caveman ask for new hut. Now caveman has to walk to cold cave and dodge 74th jaguar kitty to pick “rare” weed and skin “rare” wolf with the same brain melt music playing in caveman cranium. Tree with skill only offer caveman simple bonus resource and no damage ups. Make hard for caveman to grubbagrong the other cavemen who come in drove with massive damage stick. Somehow bad caveman see me caveman from too far away and now the country of bad caveman on me caveman ass. Only funny when random mammoth spawn nearby and mammoth kill most of other tribe unprompted. Caveman find tribe infiltration boring, but game kept making caveman do tribe infiltration.

Me caveman found badger, named him Ciabatta. Ciabatta good badger who kill most other cavemen, only cool thing that make caveman unhinge mouth and point at during game. Ciabatta not fair well with bad bosses though, bosses and mini-bosses crush Ciabatta in one swing. Then caveman die. Caveman no like when perish because game say checkpoint, but not load checkpoint upon rainbow bridge traversal. Ciabatta and all other caveman friends stay dead but bad cavemen already killed get revived by Moon Goddess. It feel like Yak ass when happen. Two big bosses in game unimpress caveman. Would rather take nap in Sun than play cat and mouse pot shot with ice man and arrow lady and their mitosis spawning cavemen family. Final fight is butt cheese from oldest mammoth, only amount to playing peek-a-boo with baby while she hide behind door caveman not allowed to smash down for some reason.

Caveman also have to mention that universe would randomly stop moving around him, bringing him back to something called PS5 screen. PS5 screen appear whenever cutscene happen or caveman fast travel, making caveman have to redo thing again. PS5 screen appear many times, now worship him every Sunday sun rise. Cavemen and animals sometimes stuck in crevice then learn to fly due to Physics God drinking too much fermented stew. Caveman know that when boss at 0 HP then boss should be taken away by One Who Kills, yet some bosses still live with empty health bar and take 30 more rock to face before succumbing to weak knees. Caveman clenched butthole too hard wondering if game broken while trying to survive and not redo 30 minute fight with gabagoog.

Caveman think made mistake buying funny caveman game and expecting caveman time. Game not work well and make caveman fun time too much of chore like wife ask. If other Far Cry games like this, caveman would rather have brain matter splattered on rock instead.