225 Reviews liked by Megalon


Compilation of Final Fantasy VII and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race.

When you're running out of soap in the soap dispenser so you add water cause you're broke and you don't wanna buy more soap.

probably the worst controlling platformer i've ever played

BPD girlfriend simulator

Wrote by someone with either A: an immoral fetish or B: a substance problem… That’s a compliment, I think?

Super mixed on this game because while I love the characters and world-building, I hate the lack of strategy. It's a weird halfway between an RPG and an action game that doesn’t fully commit to either, so it never really coalesces.

The combat is fun, but the lack of strategy makes it mindless.
Every FF game has its own different combat system, but they’re consistent in their sense of strategy. There’s a lot of decision making usually. In 16, whatever choice gets you the most damage in a given situation is usually the best one.

This game doesn’t have statuses, party management, item management, prominent elemental weaknesses, and so on. The only party member that you can give commands to is Torgal. Party members can’t even die or take damage, so I find it more apt to just call them followers.

And even though it’s an action game, it still has the bones of an RPG. In a game like DMC, there are things you can do to keep your enemy alive and extend your combo. Because RPG enemies have levels and certain health thresholds, that doesn’t work here. They’ll just die.


The gameplay loop starts to overstay its welcome after the 30 hour mark. No environmental puzzles, no minigames, just walking around and fighting. There is rarely ever a situation where combat isn’t the way to progress.

But the boss fights are amazing! The scale is breathtaking, the music is incredible, and the Eikons feel very weighty and satisfying to control. The story starts strong, before the slavery aspect takes a backseat to killing god because this is an FF game.

This game is confidently more than the sum of its parts. When I reflect, there’s so much I don’t like about the game on paper, and yet I really enjoyed most of it.

giving this a 6/10 before finishing it for following up one of the best boss fights in a video game with an hours worth of fetch quests fuck you

EDIT: i beat the game and had no idea what to think, its sort of a mess that is obviously confused about what it wants to be. theres some great ideas here stuck in a misguided package that isn't particularly good at being an action game and is hardly an rpg, with gameplay dumbed down for a wild goose chase of mass appeal according to a boardroom. i can say i liked the characters but they're let down by not existing within the constraints of a jrpg party, especially jill who is sidelined so pathetically.

at the very least i can say this is better than the absolute nonsense that is 13 and its successor 7R, and could have potentially been great if it wasn't misdirected into being a slightly above average playstation exclusive

Boss fights are amazing, the best out of anything I've ever played. However, everything in between is lackluster. Combat can get a bit repetitive, and the story becomes less interesting as the game progresses.

As much as I love Bernie and dunking on conservatives, this game is about as good as capitalism.

This review contains spoilers

Final boss TRUMP!!!

Are you feeling the BERN yet? This was a shit funny platformer that you'll place once because of memes, then forget it ever existed. Most super politically charged games like this only last as long as the meme does. Don't even both with this one.

Bernie will never win.

I only played this game because of my ex, and even then it was a miserable experience. Then she cheated on me on Valentine's day, of all days. Because of her, I unnecessarily wasted part of my life on this shithole of a game.

Fuck you Evelyn, and fuck you League of Legends.

I didn't feel like editing all my notes so this one's coming in hot

the menus, ui/ux, and maps are nothing short of awful and the emphasis on fast travel, witcher vision, and waypoint markers make starfield one of the least convincing game worlds in recent memory. an endless sequence of vacuum sealed content boxes strung together by constant menus, loading screens, and teleporting, and bolstered on all sides by hundreds of procgen wastelands full of crafting junk

it's frustrating that there's something here I think I could like, but it's completely obstructed by design decisions that only make sense if your first and last priority is scale. aside from some dungeons and sidequests it feels like your only options are to be led by the nose like a dog or left to wander nothing areas for the rest of your life. a critical bug had me chasing my tail for over an hour on one of the essential planets and I was bored out of my brain so I can't imagine how sterile the non-essential ones must be

can't weigh in much on the RPG side of things cos I barely saw it in 10+ hours. it's like a cryptid where people keep swearing it exists but I'm still not convinced. can say that the dialogue options I've seen aren't too far off from the YES / YES (SARCASTIC) / NO (YES) we know and love from FO4 tho. writing doesn't go full head trauma this time around as quickly but everyone's a Quip Bastard or a block of wood so it's kinda six of one half a dozen of the other. the most memorable moment was when heller went chris dorner on the new atlantis police department unprovoked, but somehow I don't think that was what bethesda intended

perks/skills are as lifeless as expected. 10% more damage with shotguns or 10% damage with pistols or 10% damage with energy weapons or 10% damage with rifles or carry 10 more pounds or have 10% more health or..... zzzz

less I say about space and ship combat the better. everyone knows it wouldn't be better handled through a menu, but what this review presupposes is... maybe it would?

all in all it's a mess. bethesda's signature open world fractured and dashed across the stars; a marriage of some of the worst aspects of both pre and post morrowind eras with a slew of new unforced errors added to the mix. modders will fix what's fixable, I'll keep drinking that garbage, and the world will keep on turning

can't wait for skyrim 2