He look like Mario from the future 😂

My long journey to Hi-Fi Rush began when I was 7 years old, during the absolutely sweltering summer of 2003. It was one of those weekends where my family and I were "driving into town", because everything good was in Chattanooga and not where we were living. They took me to the local Circuit City (lol) and on the clearance rack they were "pennying out" (selling for a single penny to remove from the inventory system) a variety of cast-off video game and computer merchandise. One of these cast-offs was a little demo disc known as the Nintendo GameCube Preview Disc. It contained four demos, but my parents would have had a shared aneurysm if they saw me playing Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell, so really, it only had three.

- Sonic Adventure DX, which was what got me to pick it up in the first place after playing the absolute shit out of Sonic Adventure 2: Battle.
- A strange game called Billy Hatcher and the Giant Egg, which I had a close eye on because they were talking about it in Nintendo Power and it was from the Sonic guys.
- And finally...a little game called Viewtiful Joe that absolutely blew my little 2nd grader mind.

I played that demo over, and over, and over, rewinding and fastforwarding and slow-moing with my newly-acquired VFX powers, and my parents, bless them, actually cared about and paid attention to what got me excited and passionate, because being inured to child-raising with a then-in-vogue-but-now-outdated pediatric dogma that children with autism are "stuck in their own little worlds" meant they felt an intense pressure to pay attention and reward any sign of neuron activation.
My dad thought it looked promising, because he's always had a fixation on superheroes, and he was online but not extremely online enough to differentiate "superhero" from "tokusatsu", so they preordered it for me.

Maybe I'm overstating it, but what followed on October 7th, 2003, was something of a religious experience. We picked it up from Rhino Video Games (rip, you're excused if you're too young to remember when there were tons of cool video game store chains before GameStop bought them all just for the land value), and I played that game like crazy. Back then I could never get past the absolute brutal boss rush that has you fight every boss you've already fought back to back, ending in a fight with the vicious and cruel boss of bosses Fire Leo, which, if memory serves, sends you all the way back to the beginning of the boss rush if you fail. Pretty far for a 3rd grader though it may be, I didn't quite have what it takes to reach the ending, but that game planted a seed that altered my personality for good. Henshin-a-go-go baby!

A few months later my dad handed me down his GameFAQs.com forum account so I could ask for help being stuck on the opening stage of Sonic Heroes where you play as Team Chaotix. With not a ton to occupy my time, I went on the the online to go "surfing" on this new and exciting ""web"". GameFAQs had this sidebar where they would show game industry news from their sister website, GameSpot. This meant I started paying attention to industry news, and it became apparent to me that Viewtiful Joe didn't just come out of nowhere, it came from a small outfit within Capcom called Clover Studios, that benefited enormously from institutional knowledge imported from other parts of Capcom.
I gobbled up every mention of Clover, they quickly became my favorite of all studios from the moment I even had a concept of developers.
I learned that games were not the subject of immaculate conception but rather an intense process of iteration and cultural feedback, that they existed within a canon.
I learned that Viewtiful Joe was part of a miniature canon of five games for the Gamecube known as the Capcom Five, which was really more like the Capcom Four because one of them, Dead Phoenix, got cancelled before I even heard about it. You know, for a game that never was, its title is so on-the-nose you'd be excused for thinking I just made that up.
I learned that I was supposed to be angry at an evangelical Floridian lawyer named Jack Thompson.
And, most influentially, I learned that Viewtiful Joe was the singular vision of a cooler-than-cool motorcycle-riding custom-Oakleys-wearing 80s John Hughes movie protagonist character of a man named Hideki Kamiya.

The very next year (wow, remember when amazing sequels used to only take a year? what the fuck happened?) I got Viewtiful Joe 2 on release date. I followed every bit of news about Clover Studios, heard about these wild new games they were making called Okami and God Hand, had my little pre-teen heart absolutely shattered by the news that Clover had shut down, and then subsequently kintsugi'd by the news that they had reformed into a new studio fittingly named Seeds. And then Seeds merged with another studio, and became this new studio called PlatinumGames, and that the auteurs behind Viewtiful Joe, Okami and God Hand had went with them, and they signed a contract with Sega to give them a whopping FIVE new games, all of them being next-gen, paralleling the famous Capcom Five.

In 2003 I played Viewtiful Joe. In 2004 I played Viewtiful Joe 2. In 2005 I played Viewtiful Joe Double Trouble for the Nintendo DS (and Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney! but aside from Shu Takumi's bromance (and possible unrequited love?) for Hideki Kamiya that's not particularly relevant).
In 2008 we were really really poor that year (huh I wonder why) so that Christmas my parents bought me a used PS2 Slim to replace the PS2 that had broke to where it keeps showing that scary red screen, and with it came a newly-released Greatest Hits reprint of Okami, which had me jumping up and down with joy that I had finally found a copy, because it had become low-print-run eBay scalper bait from pretty much the moment it came out. I subsequently do every sidequest and acquire every Stray Bead, leaving absolutely no stone unturned to adequately pay tribute to my idol Hideki Kamiya.

In 2010 I finally find a sunfaded-to-the-point-of-disintegrating copy of God Hand at the local outdoor drive-in theater/swap meet, for the low low price of 5 dollars. I remember it got bad reviews which is why I never played it, that on top of the aforementioned parental-aneurysm-inducing M-rating, but hey, I'm a teenager now, my parents just said they think I'm mature enough for the M-rating, and I end up playing the fuck out of that too. My online Venezuelan pen-pal who ended up introducing me to so, so many games I adored due to South America's vibrant culture of piracy, I mean, he said God Hand was fantastic, and I trust his word, so why not? (we haven't talked in probably a decade but we're friends on Backloggd so a shout-out to you if you're reading this, thank you for everything! thank you for Deadly Premonition! I hope we get to talk again one day, so much has happened!)
God Hand was directed by a man named Shinji Mikami, and word of mouth got around that he was really, really good at designing action games. 4chan-adjacent contrarians exalted it and used the famous IGN 3/10 review as fuel for their paranoid distrust of and superiority complex to game journalists. It became the subject of a meme comic template based on how the game's hidden excellence took everybody who played it by surprise. Tim Rogers then writes a review wherein, among many other extremely colorful metaphors, he compares moments in God Hand to "the feeling of catching a bully's punch, effortlessly uncurling his fist, and snatching out a fifty-dollar-bill". My bullied 15-year-old self nods, agreeing with his assessment.

In 2012, I played Devil May Cry 1 and 3 out of the HD Collection after the sage advice of the net told me to skip 2, and I played Ninja Gaiden Sigma Male, and I played the return of the Mikami and God Hand design ethos, a game called *dramatic title-screen-announcer voice* VANQUISH. I adored Vanquish, and I spent the next 11 years rawdogging estradiol and waiting for, finally, another action game bearing the stamp of Shinji Mikami. Thank you for reading so far into something this personal, you probably get where this is going, yeah? Keep going though.

In 2013, I buy the last game of Platinum's Sega deal, Anarchy Reigns, and I have an excellent, very fun month with this hypermasculine game while its online was still alive, getting my mind off the crippling anxiety of having just came out to my parents. The next month, I play Platinum's Metal Gear Rising, the first game they've made outside their deal with Sega, and like Jack, it rips. In 2015 I finally, finally get to play Bayonetta, because I always heard the PS3 version was bad, so I avoided it until I got a Wii U, and I am reminded of my intense fondness for Hideki Kamiya's trademark embracement of stylish action, camp, and cringe. Meanwhile, the man himself begins blocking basically everybody who speaks English to him on Twitter because most of them are begging for Bayonetta 2 on their preferred system and calling him slurs.

In 2016 I play Furi, a particularly inspired indie game specially crafted for "genetic freaks!" who are "not normal!" such as myself, while living out of a motel, on a Wii U Pro Controller while my dad sleeps in the same room. I finish the game at like 5 AM. The credits give a very special thanks to Shinji Mikami, Hideki Kamiya, Keiji Inafune (lol, I'd put Akira Kitamura if only for Cocoron), Hideo Kojima, Hidetaka Miyazaki, Genyo Takeda (director of Punch-Out), Platinum Games, Grasshopper Manufactures (sic), and Treasure Co, in that exact order, probably close to the order I'd put them in too. Thank you for all the great games and memories! so they wrote.

In 2017, under conditions of more stable housing, I play Nier:Automata from Platinum, and it's great! But this review isn't about how I've been Facebook friends with Yoko Taro since before Drakengard 3 came out. Where are you, Yoko Taro? I miss you.
Also in 2017, Hideki Kamiya's next big effort, Scalebound, is cancelled by Microsoft, making me shake my fist in anger at the Xbox brand and how anything good it produces seems to be in spite of themselves. I make a post online about how they should retrofit it into Drakengard 4.

In 2019 I back The Wonderful 101 Remastered Kickstarter, because somehow I hadn't got around to playing it yet. Surprise surprise, as expected from a Hideki Kamiya joint, it was incredible. In 2020 I buy Vanquish AGAIN, the moment it got released on PS4, and in the midst of intense anxiety over an incoming plague and Bernie Sanders primary results, I finally accomplish the infamous "Tactical Challenge 6", iykyk. Sega has posted a survey for people who bought the Bayonetta/Vanquish collection, I spam every field with "VANQUISH 2 VANQUISH 2 VANQUISH 2". My longing for the return of Shinji Mikami intensifies like a kid on their birthday remembering their dad who stepped out for a pack of smokes and never came back.

It is 2021. I finally play another Capcom Five game from way back when, Mikami and Suda51's Killer7, in 4K widescreen. They never collaborated again, anyone who tells you otherwise is lying. It is everything I was told it was. The m4m craigslist guy was right. I continue to miss Shinji Mikami so fuckin bad

It is late 2022. God Hand is selling on eBay for the high high price of 160 dollars, and people are buying, because it's worth it. I am reading the r/gamingleaksandrumors subreddit, as I am wont to do, even though I don't have a Reddit account. Some guy is posting about Microsoft registering a trademark for a new game called...HI-FI RUSH. They think, via process of elimination, that it could be an unannounced project from Tango Gameworks, Shinji Mikami's studio. They think it might be an action game! I excitedly message my one friend who watches my streams, similarly obsessed with this canon as I am, in the hopes that it could be that fabled second coming of God Hand. Could it be? Do I dare to hope?

It is January 25th, 2023. Microsoft just straight-up drops the game I've been waiting for for most of my life during a presentation I'm not watching, with zero fanfare. I immediately buy it based solely off reflex from my sympathetic nervous system, before my conscious mind can even comprehend what just happened. Despite having been ravenous for this for most of the time I've been a conscious human being, I save it for a rainy day.

It is late 2023. I am on mushrooms. I remember there is a new Shinji Mikami produced action game I still haven't played, and so I boot up Hi-Fi Rush. I quickly realize that by my personal barometer, it is one of the greatest games ever made, and that I would still be feeling this way even if I wasn't on drugs. It means the world to me that this game was allowed to exist, it feels like coming home.
The character action genre is my favorite genre of game, and I’ve always considered it the most pure, joyous, evocative genre of video game, they represent everything uniquely special about the medium while radiating a tangible aura of inspired fun, mechanical depth, flashy setpieces and an effortless sense of “cool” that shaped my personality more than I could ever untangle from myself.

I guess what I'm trying to get at by autobiographizing like this, is that I am glad this game exists at all, and from a young age, younger than I should have been to learn such a life lesson, the shutdown of Clover Studios taught me something really important. Don't be sad because it's over, be happy because it happened. Because it could've been so easy for it not to, you know? Everything about your life and mine only happened because everything landed in the right place, this game only existed because everything landed in the right place, it's so incredibly easy for something to never come together, or get cancelled before we ever even heard about it. With how many minds are warring for supremacy, it's an absolute miracle anything ever gets made at all, let alone a game this good and coherent and visionary. And just like I saw growing up alongside them, watching them rise from the ashes like a (dead?) phoenix with how Clover became Seeds became Platinum became Tango, you can kill a studio but you can't kill their spirit, the influence they have on the family tree of design. Tango will return.

It is February 29th, 2024. Leap Day, a liminal space that only comes around once a presidential term. I am on mushrooms again. I decide now is the time to finish Hi-Fi Rush. I beat the game a couple minutes after midnight, which disappointed me slightly because I wanted the achievement date to say the 29th. My first playthrough was on Very Hard difficulty of course, because this personal history has made me into quite the tryhard. I sit through the credits as a gesture of respect, of course. How could I not? I waited most of my life for this game, it's the least I could do. The director himself starts serenading me. I look around nervously, wondering if I am hallucinating this or something. I am not. Everything I wrote about in this review comes flooding back. It becomes apparent to me that the world is filled with overwhelming beauty, that it is truly beautiful that people can collaborate and make something with so many moving parts, and that it is beautiful that everything I've experienced and the ways those people like Mikami, Kamiya, and now Johanas contributed to a shared lineage made me who I am, and I feel loved and personally spoken to in a way I've never felt before. Of course, of course I cry my goddamn eyes out.

We somehow made it through

All of this.

Making things is hard,

Things never go as planned.

Too many features, not enough time.

We want the best

But can only do so much

With what we have.

So this is what we made.

We've never been more proud.

A game, a song, a million different pieces working together

Brought to you by all of us.

It may not be what you expected,

Everything

(Everything that you want)

But we did our best

And here it is:

A piece of our heart,

The hard work from all of us.

So please don't complain

And just enjoy.

Because at the end of the day, it's all just a game.

One we spent thousands and thousands of hours

Arguing, building, and polishing.

But hey,

No sweat.
😅

When the Natsume rep was on GameFAQs asking for what RCR games people wanted localized first, I asked for this one because I was personally interested in it, even though I knew full well that nobody would buy it, so you're welcome I guess
....I ended up pirating it because it was a 2017 3DS release and I wasn't about to take my hacked 3DS online, I suppose I'm also part of the problem
....I should've asked for Riki Densetsu or Downtown Nekketsu Jidaigeki instead

Where do I even begin with this game I can't play, that vanished right out from under me?
It kills me that they ported the incredibly underrated Devil's Third multiplayer from Wii U to PC as you see here in the form of the renamed RockShot, and then killed it off in THREE MONTHS, by the time I heard about it, it was already over. In the words of infamous Wanted: Dead filter boss August, is that all?

This is a cry for help shot in the dark tree falling in the forest with nobody around to hear it, but could somebody please reverse-engineer this game?
I'd give anything to play it and host LAN parties with it, [here I'll even give you the URL to install it on Steam] (steam://install/1368430) and yes, that trick I did with the URL there by changing out the app number from the delisted store page, works for LawBreakers, a game that did actually have its multiplayer revived recently (therefore proving that nothing is impossible), and a myriad of other F2P delisted Steam games, and only F2P games.
If it worked with all delisted Steam games it'd be too good to be true.

I found out about that install trick mentioned above because people spread it for acquiring Streets of Kamurocho and the other games from that time Sega released a bunch of freebies for Golden Week and paraded around the corpse of a modern Golden Axe vertical slice from years ago, which they then received backlash for not properly crediting the devs whose unfinished work they humiliated them over, thus ensuring Sega never does a thing like that again. But that's a story for another time, or actually this time, because I did just go off-track to explain it even if it hardly made sense.

I inadvertently expose some facet of my nature when all the multiplayer games I want are the ones that I can't have, I miss you Devil's Third, I miss you Anarchy Reigns, I never even got to play Rumbleverse, that one looked pretty good, the online melee combat multiplayer deathmatch genre, the only genre of online games it seems like I actually enjoy, or OMCMD for short (rolls off the tongue doesn't it) is an elusive species that is not fit for natural selection and would not, could not survive the winter. I love them but they never make it. ...If MMORPG could catch on surely that one should too, right?

And I love Soleil Game Studios too, they're one of my favorite extremely underrated game studios, dare I say they may be the next Platinum (or at least the next Alvion, and if you know who they are without having to look them up, you and I are friends now), formed out of the remnants of controversial Ninja Gaiden I, Black, & II director, difficulty maven, breast-man, and gooner auteur-ner Tomonobu Itagaki's Valhalla Game Studios, they are composed of the people who made Devil's Third operating under a witness protection program and now that I've effectively blown their cover they're going to need to move to the Netherlands, so I'm sorry about that guys. Depending on who you ask, Itagaki either left Tecmo because he didn't get $1.4m in unpaid bonuses for completing Dead or Alive 4, or because he me tooed and his time's up, so he's not traveling with them anymore.
They made Samurai Jack: Battle Through Time, Valkyrie Elysium, but more importantly split from Itagaki and continued to refine their ideas from Devil's Third by forking off in two separate directions, one towards fleshing out their multiplayer in the ill-fated RockShot, towards which they displayed an utter lack of confidence by only giving it three months, and the other towards fleshing out its campaign in the form of Stefaniejoostenlike instant cult classic Wanted: FUCKING: Dead (which, by the way, was basically commissioned by some odd rich dude who almost paid Remedy to make it instead of Soleil), and upcoming instant cult classic Stefaniejoostenlike Vanquishlike, Vengeance is Mine

I might be overselling Wanted: Dead there with the profanity, but despite not being a perfect game by any stretch of the imagination it's a definite improvement on the admittedly not great Devil's Third campaign, and serves as evidence that despite being a game from one year ago, 7th gen nostalgia is beginning to come into vogue, as people yearn for the bygone creature comforts of turning off your multiplayer game to boot into a jank-ass singleplayer game with a title like MindJack or NeverDead or Quantum Theory or Shadows of the Damned or WET or Devil's Third or Wanted: Dead because you were tired of being called a slur by a guy sending you a God of War wallpaper

But they've yet to fully realize their original vision for Devil's Third, which by earlier trailers back when the game was being published by THQ and people were actually hyped for it once, was going to be a much more seamless campaign and multiplayer fusion. Maybe they'll realize it in their upcoming Project EDO, the latest in their OMCMD lineage, which they have nothing but concept art and breathless hype for, proclaiming loudly to the world on their front page that their ultimate goal is to make Project EDO one of the most loved and played games of all time. Big talk coming from a small team under the auspices of Tencent, who keeps repeatedly poaching creators like Yakuza's Toshihiro Nagoshi or Suda51 to then have them work tirelessly on some vaporware game that seems to be perpetually just out of reach like a desert mirage, but I guess sooner or later we'll see if it pays off for them. Eventually. For being what they perceive as a future Fortnite, their new NINJA x High-end Action Online Multiplayer title doesn't even have a Backloggd page, so I have my reservations. Hell, Soleil themselves doesn't even have a Wikipedia page yet!

That was a lot of tangents for a game I haven't even been able to try...in summary, what did we even learn today, if anything?

- The only time I'll ever get to play Devil's Third MP and Ace Combat Infinity ever again will be when my brain is being flooded with time-dilating flashback DMT as I experience multiple organ failure
- You can still download delisted F2P Steam games and if like myself you like multiplayer necromancy, the art of bringing back dead games, you could go play LawBreakers through said method
- Please reverse-engineer RockShot, I'm begging you, it can't be that hard right? Surely one of you is a genius?
- Devil's Third multiplayer was cool, you could parkour off a building and throw a katana through some dude's torso
- OMCMD games are too cool and "niche" to live (honestly, I don't believe in the concept of a game being niche, either you have faith in your concept or you don't, any game can be a success with the right word-of-mouth and marketing)
- Tomonobu Itagaki is attracted to women
- Soleil Game Studios is about to hit it big and is another in the long line of things I caught onto before it was cool
- Herzog, deal with this shit
- Nicely done Cortez

Class dismissed

It's so easy to squint and imagine how earlier Platinum would've knocked this out of the park, how it was probably pitched as a full-fat spiritual sequel to Okami, but they didn't, their worst instincts activated and they put annoying gacha grinding and gear leveling and stripped it down until there was nothing left, superb character/enemy design and music wasted on a nothing game, like a case study on how exactly my favorite studio has fell off
Not a terrible game though, there's things to like here despite its best efforts to make you dislike it, you guys would've been all over this if it came out on the Vita, or the Wii, oh wait it did it was called Muramasa: The Demon Blade and it was boring and without actual meaningful level design that time too
The most exciting moment in World of Demons is when you get to fight Ninetails and she has her own boss theme and your heart swells because you are remembering that sick as fuck boss fight in Okami, and then you are brought crashing back down to reality
Thank god I was able to return my Apple TV to Walmart just in the nick of time, playing this before it shut down didn't cost me a cent

Sonic's spindash is replaced by giving Kirby a fairly useless vacuum ability that sucks in any enemy on the screen, but even after admitting this, there is no catharsis. My punishment continues to elude me and I gain no deeper knowledge of myself. No new knowledge can be extracted from my telling. This confession has meant nothing.

more like 9 Hours of Sleep because I'm fucking bored

I am contractually obligated to inform you that if you take a look at the dumped prototype's name, this game was originally entitled Bioplaything Cop

Gaelco is perhaps one of the most underrated arcade game manufacturers because they'd make these weird games that feel like they dropped out of a parallel reality, and they don't even feel like arcade games, they feel like arcade-exclusive console games, or perhaps Amiga Eurojank
This would've been pretty successful as a 1995 PS1 longbox release standing along the likes of Rayman or Gex or Johnny Bazookatone, it's better than a lot of the second-stringers like that last one, but that's not how Gaelco rolls, if their games released on console then they wouldn't have that "hazy, half-remembered in a dream, easy to forget until some encyclopedic dork like me reminds you that they existed" quality

Four stars out of five, fun-run-and-gun, weird, wild and memorable art direction that's just fun to look at in a Rayman 1 or Yoshi's Island sort of way, shmup-like enemy placement that demands you force your way through hitstun invincibility frames like a quarterback, protagonist has that iconic era-appropriate Sketch Turner from Comix Zone greasy ponytail, you think this is SLICKED back??? This is PUSHED back.

Play Smashing Drive or I'll smash your nuts

This review contains spoilers

Simultaneously the most unoriginal and the most original game(s) ever made, Lies of P isn't a "Soulslike" game, the term that implies awful student projects made by Full Sail University graduates, armchair game devs with zero understanding of what works and what doesn't, putting slapdash ""cel-shading"" on top of asset flips, no, Lies of P just IS a Souls game, merely by a different hand. IP ownership should never exclude participation in an ongoing design dialogue, mechanics, game feel, all of that belongs to the people, hell, intellectual property belongs to the people but most aren't ready for that conversation yet.
Some may (and do) balk at the way this game carries itself with such unearned pomp, with such cringe swagger, but as a connoisseur of unhinged media I couldn't get enough of what this game was laying down and was marathoning it for days, barely tearing myself away to eat, which is not a reaction I've had in a while

70% of this game is made up of FromSoftware, much like how 70% of Hideo Kojima's body is made up of movies they both commit the necessary social transgression of creating transformative art, but let me tell you, the 30% of this game that doesn't come from From is so wonderfully and delightfully made stranger by incorporating it into the Souls framework
Characters overexplain and exposit in ways atypical of their work, they make their motivations clear, clearly tell you where to go to help them, largely make their quests unfuckupable, and to top it all off the menu design feels like a direct reply to internet brainwormed accessibility discourse that pops up every single time From releases a new game, doing things like pointedly marking when a destination has a character that needs helping
But lest this make you think they decided to go easy on you with this one, I love the way this game innovates on From's pantheon of spectacle bosses, with Leechmonger as a modern two-phase spectacle boss and Nier Automata carnival colliding with Raiden Metal Gear being some personal favorites, when parrying a massive string of freakishly moving attacks from the second phase known as Puppet-Devouring Green Monster, it dawned on me that with the way this creature is moving and lunging at you, this game would terrify children and you absolutely should not play it around them, and when it comes to design in this context it feels like an accomplishment
Level designs aesthetically cool as hell too aside from a couple that feel like padding, the Opera House scared the shit out of me, it almost feels like they developed the game in the order you progress through the areas because it feels like there's a consistent increase in quality as you go, alpha footage from 2021 being exclusively of early areas presented largely unaltered would seem to support this
They take a bold step of making the actual process of playing the game as frictionless as possible, the edges that Dark Souls III sanded off are further sanded down, shortcuts are way up, the elevator goes back on death without pulling the lever, less side paths, key items are within a stone's throw of their locks, everything is in service of relieving the mental strain of navigation and decision-making in favor of reusing the now-freed tension headroom for ramming the boss patterns straight up your ass, parry like your life depends on it because it does
There's something immensely satisfying about the way From's games cast you in the role of archaeologist piecing together 10% of a forgotten history, but there's also something satisfying about the way this game gives you 100% of recent history, you get told everything you want to know
And perfect optimization too! 4K120 and not a hint of a frame drop throughout the entire game

Despite those accessibility changes (which I must stress I don't think are better so to speak, moreso that they make the game feel tonally different in a way that befits it), my instinct is to say this game is for sickos who played all the """Soulsborkiring""" games prior though, and if that's you and you weren't feeling this game I question if we were playing the same game, and maybe we were! You might've been burnt out, but also patch 1.3 apparently improved the game design pretty substantially with clearer windup animations among other changes
I can't overstate how incredibly funny it is to graft a cynical "I'm putting together a team" "The legendary Pinocchio will return" "Everything is going according to plan Mr. President" stinger ending onto a fucking Souls game, I rolled my eyes so far into my head they looped back around, if that doesn't make you crack a smile I don't know what to tell you
And the game ending on a Crash Bandicoot 1, Sen's Fortress channeling megacastle that conveys its scale to you visually by showing you every place you had been before, while showing you in real-time the entire journey up from the beach to the very peak, you can tell they really paid attention to complaints about From's game design by making sure to end the game on a strong note, and they wait until then throw Malenichiro at you, and then two more 2-phase bosses after that
This can feel like a soulless game at times, sure, but like Pinocchio himself, the game is ensouled by the uniqueness of its soullessness, the way it animates itself in imitation of life captivating if nothing else

The writing is actually very similar to the overly-verbose nonsense time travel version of Dark Souls II that we never got, before Shadow Tower Abyss director and later Elden Ring co-director Yui Tanimura was dragged in to clean up his original co-director Tomohiro Shibuya's mess, and you could argue "they cut that approach because it didn't work", but it's nice to see for myself why it wouldn't have worked, you know?
It wouldn't work for Souls, too off-model, but it works for this game because despite all the Bloodborne memes this game is very much its own thing and synthesizes From's work into a cohesive whole where Sekiro's parrying mechanic and Bloodborne's rallying mechanic achieve a magnificent symbiosis alongside its weird, French-inspired, forgotten mid-80s OVA energy
This game is like an overproduced April Fool's joke made real and I wouldn't have it any other way, feels like a 4.25 basically

do you remember that episode of Spongebob where the Krusty Krab gets bought out, becomes Krabby O'Mondays, and starts serving new synthetic burgers that look just like the old burgers, but once you bite into it, it's revealed that it's actually raw gray sludge that came off a conveyor belt, just painted to look like a burger from the outside

Up yours Tosa Loyalists....we'll see who cancels who!

A very hard, windingly long for the genre, story-based precision platformer with lots of celebrity cameos and a singular artistic vision from its one-man team Paul Helman, former developer on PS1 PAL-exclusive game Terracon, who describes Horace as "his life's work"
Said vision comes off as that of a British Gen X Dad whose sense of humor consists of quotes from 80s movies and who will share his weed with you, his beloved child, even though you're a year or two underage because "it's better you get it here than from some stranger"
Sounds obnoxious I know but it's a lot more endearing if you have people with some or all of those attributes in your life, give some respect to Gen X they only created the entirety of the cancelled future eternal present pop cultural landscape in which you inhabit, therefore it's okay if their sense of humor is mostly composed of "do you remember That Guy from That Movie"

It's Celeste if it was about a robot trying to attain personhood and if you accept the game on its own pretenses and check your cynicism at the door it's just as likely to make you cry, worked on me at least, yeah I said it this game made me cry, it really goes to faraway places from where it starts and achieves its objective of setting out to be a grand journey encompassing the whole spectrum of human emotion, whether it's grief at the inevitability of death, comedy at the way the main character's unshakable morality and robotic bluntness clash with the world around him, and inconsolable rage at some of these level designs, this game truly has every emotion contained within its couple gigabytes
Inspired by the 1979 film Being There, if that means anything to you, it's a coming-of-age story that starts out feeling a little childish at the start because you follow Horace over his entire life with all the ups and downs that entails, as he learns the ropes of the world like an inquisitive child would, and by the end of the game you truly feel like you were right there with him through an entire lifetime of victories and traumas
Maybe Celeste is selling the game's unique approach a bit short, its edge in this genre is that of employing lots of walking on ceilings and walls and spheres with your magical grandfatherly loafer shoes, which is always something that appeals to me, joining the small-but-honorable pantheon of such famous ceiling-walker platformers as Gravity Armor MetalStorm, VVVVVV, and of course Super Mario Galaxy, especially that game's 2D side-scrolling segments
It's also somewhat of a collectathon, with a big open-ended map focused around maximizing the fun factor of the main character's quest to cleanse the world by collecting one million pieces of junk (don't worry, there's not exactly one million item pickups)
Some people might think this game too difficult, with an obvious case of "the programmer mastered the game" difficulty, but games where you're not in a life-or-death struggle all the time bore me, so I really liked this game's difficulty curve

I think what makes this game work so much on me is the way nobody can accuse it of not swinging for the fences, it earns its characters, endears them to you despite the difficulty in taking seriously its Newgrounds-ass sprite comics-ass cutscenes and the monotone text-to-speech delivery
Everyone is given ample amounts of screentime and plenty of chronological years to grow over and when someone betrays you it genuinely hurts despite being understandable from their perspective

Some people (myself?) have interpreted the "critically mixed" (according to Normal People) film Bicentennial Man as being a trans and/or autistic analogy, whether or not that was the initial intention of the writer, and I think the same can be said for Horace
The both of them are about a character who is built different, singled-out for not looking and acting the same way as others, and an uphill decades-long battle to assert personhood in a normative society that keeps telling you you're not good enough to have that, in the process being very straightforward in how the titular android endures and is alienated by brutal systemic oppression from being part of a group that is legally designated to be less human than those making the rules

It's been a couple years since I played it (ignore where it says completed again, just wanted to leave a real review this time) otherwise I'd quote the game itself or something, but if you want a memorable existential treatise on how horrifying it would be to exist as an artificial humanoid who cannot die in a world suffused by the stench of your flesh-based loved ones' deaths, AND you want to humiliate Twin Galaxies former world record holder Billy Mitchell, then have I got the game for you

Quick go play this game while you can before it gets shut down to evade taxes

so perfectly unfinished in that PS360 sort of way to where you almost have to wonder if it's intentional
a less-smart-but-better-playing version of Binary Domain, seriously if you think this game had a cool world but failed to explore its premise you have to check that game out, the Yakuza people made it and everything
this game should've had a multiplayer mode, Devil's Third multiplayer was incredible and you should feel bad you never got to play it

from HexaDrive, the would-be Japanese equivalent to Bluepoint, artistes who brought you Rez HD, Okami HD and the year-late damage control 2.0 patch for Zone of the Enders 2nd Runner HD on only PS3 that fixed the abysmal framerate and Kojima had to personally fund as an apology, comes their very first original game
checks notes wait, wait, no I'm receiving information that their actual first original game was...uhhhh...The 3rd Birthday? the Parasite Eve game for PSP that seemingly nobody liked? poor guys, they got so critically SLAMMED that they retreated into the shadows to be a support and port studio for the next decade or so, and then their first original IP game was 2022's Voidcrisis, a "tower offense" game with mechs that has mixed reviews on Steam and looks like a visual clusterfuck, both that and this game echoing ZOE2

a decent enough successor to games like Metro-Cross and Temple Run (compare and contrast to Namco's cancelled but leaked also sci-fi successor Aero-Cross that I also reviewed), it's as short-lived as it is fast as it is free (as in free beer), featuring an exceedingly lean four short levels wherein you guide Genji Overwatch through an obstacle course, one of them being a tutorial, once you start it you may as well finish it instead of fritting about to another game in your Steam Library because if you don't care about the S-ranks you can complete it in 15 minutes
if you do care about the S-ranks add another hour or so
atmospheric-enough programmer art visuals, seemingly taking inspiration from the virtual areas in Astral Chain or Metal Gear Solid VR Missions

the title screen has such chill music that it reminds me of the eminently-loungeable soundtrack of a game they ported from 3DS to PS3, the excellent excellent E.X. Troopers, a Japan-only spinoff of Lost Planet that has since received a fan translation, the forbidden result of splicing Vanquish with Monster Hunter and the fastest most technically impressive shooting action the 3DS has to offer

oh yeah, did I mention Bright Tracer is free? and only in Japanese? fear not though, it's one of those imports that are just gameplay and soaked in tons of English text to look cool, so pretty much the only way a language barrier manifests is wondering whether you're changing from windowed to fullscreen or vice-versa

it's Unreal Engine 5 so it looks pretty nice, ran well enough on the Steam Deck OLED to look smooth, but it's pretty evident this is just a test project to get used to the engine, which makes you wonder, could they be making a proper full length original game in UE5? maybe one day we'll find out, or not

it's a weird feeling to miss the PS3 and 360 library of digital only PSN and XBLA games, but it's a feeling I have

anyway here's the URL, it's worth 15 minutes, it's FREE, might as well have it in your Steam library: https://store.steampowered.com/app/2253460/BRIGHT_TRACER/