Like somebody put Mario and all three of the GBA Castlevanias into the two teleporter pods from The Fly, and turned the teleporter off mid-transformation so their bodies combined into a horrific chimera
It's excellent, the kind of weird fanservice-y thing Nintendo would never have the balls to make, and it feels like if it wasn't so dependent on the two series, they could've justified selling this game on Steam
But it is dependent on those two series, and it's absolutely incredible for it, it's the length of a proper official game and it's properly in-depth with its enemy variety
It has Goombfalloon
It has Luigi in the role of Maxim from HoD
It's a loving homage to every GBA Castlevania, SotN, and the Mario pantheon
A spectacular argument for the abolishment of "intellectual property", imagine the world we'd live in if everybody felt free to create something like Mariovania
Play it if you have a soft spot for one or both the parents of this illegitimate child

Multiple sources on the internet say that Serj Tankian from System of a Down conceptualized this game but I think it might just be one of those lies people repeat
Older shareware games like this, as a child, had a much trippier vibe than I was used to from the relative comforts of Nintendo and Sony
They would make me feel a little strange, a little uncomfortable, a little alone
Speedy Eggbert is all of those things, there is a frightening emptiness to it, but calm, and incidential
As in, it just turned out like that, they were just trying to make A Game, thinking it's weird is on me
Feels like the kind of game that aliens from another solar system would make if they played and were subsequently inspired by Super Mario Bros as a result of an intergalactic cultural exchange

Don't let the title fool you, this game has more in common with a game of curling than it does Burnout, or perhaps one of those coin pusher arcade machines
It shares similarities in its "cause the most financial destruction by shooting a single object into a bunch of other objects" conceit as Sony's PSN-exclusive game "PAIN", but chooses to keep its humor more low-key and less late-2000s random
This game would have been a really good ticket game in the arcades, as in, a game that spits out the yellow tickets you use for the gift shop, or perhaps a phone game
But it's doomed to be abandoned on 7th gen PS3/XBLA shop, as yet another too-different offshoot of a previously thriving and currently dormant series

Servicable and inoffensive remake, but missing almost all of the mechanical and aesthetic peculiarities that make gen 1 interesting, like the chiptune music, the low-fi bichromatic GBC colorized visuals, the primordial off-model monster designs, and most importantly, the terrifying pantheon of the imagination that is glitch Pokemon and glitch interactions
I'd take Glitch City over the Sevii Islands any day, the most important part of gen 1 is the unauthorized feats of alchemy, Missingno multiplying your items, obtaining Mew to finish your dex by leaving a specific trainer alive and going on a fetch-quest, getting your game frozen by an infinitely screaming interdimensional creature with a gender marker for a name, stuff like that
FR/LG is missing all the cool stuff