(5-year-old's review, typed by her dad)

You get to go on a slide and at the end you gotta beat Bowser, because you get to MOVE and MOVE if there's turns, and also there's a slide in the snowy place!

[Dad's note: She would use the Wii U gamepad to go do the secret slide in Peach's Castle over and over again, every day for the entire summer of 2020]

Loved this game, and hated this game. Everything on the surface is fantastic. The world is incredibly detailed and easily the most impressive looking game I've ever played, from a technical standpoint. There's lots to customize and deck yourself out with, like guns, outfits, horses, etcetera. The world feels incredibly alive, and it always feels like every character and NPC has a place. There are never robotic ones, which is also really impressive. The gunplay is also really snappy, with top notch sound effects and feedback behind it. I played with gyro aim on PC and it made it that much more fun.

Buuuuuuuut, this has the WORST, THE FUCKING WORST mission design and pacing of any game I have ever played. I ended up dropping it for years because it got so boring. Sometimes I can be so moved by amazing writing and characters and not have the motivation to see what happens next. Go to person, talk, ride on horse for 5 minutes, run into a problem, shoot your way out, rinse and repeat. Sprinkle 1 or two wholesome missions in there every 10 hours and you've got your video game. It's genuinely infuriating, and Rockstar needs to shake things up next time.

I love this game and I hate it at the same time. I'm glad I experienced this story, but It's one I'll never come back to.