Umulamahri
111 reviews liked by Umulamahri
ModNation Racers
2010
So here's the thing: LittleBigPlanet 1 and 2 still had a story mode to play through. All of the content from both games were carried over to 3, so it's not lost to time. Modnation Racers, on the other hand, is not a game that works without its online component.
On its own, it's a pretty solid kart racer, but the main selling point of the game is absent with its servers shut down. If my memory serves me right, I think the game tries to add bots to give you the illusion of empty areas being populated? But it's pretty obvious and doesn't circumvent the issue at hand.
The PlayStation 3 has this weird thing of having exclusives that haven't come to other platforms. I know they made an inFAMOUS game on the PS4, but that was made from the ground up for that platform, and the two games (and expansion pack) that came before it can't be played on any hardware but a PS3. If you want to go deeper into the rabbit hole, the same thing applies to Metal Gear Solid 4. Modnation Racers is just another unfortunate example of this, and, as a result, I don't expect any sort of resurgence for this series anytime soon.
It might be fun to look back on for the sake of nostalgia, but that's about the only value it has left twelve years later.
On its own, it's a pretty solid kart racer, but the main selling point of the game is absent with its servers shut down. If my memory serves me right, I think the game tries to add bots to give you the illusion of empty areas being populated? But it's pretty obvious and doesn't circumvent the issue at hand.
The PlayStation 3 has this weird thing of having exclusives that haven't come to other platforms. I know they made an inFAMOUS game on the PS4, but that was made from the ground up for that platform, and the two games (and expansion pack) that came before it can't be played on any hardware but a PS3. If you want to go deeper into the rabbit hole, the same thing applies to Metal Gear Solid 4. Modnation Racers is just another unfortunate example of this, and, as a result, I don't expect any sort of resurgence for this series anytime soon.
It might be fun to look back on for the sake of nostalgia, but that's about the only value it has left twelve years later.
LittleBigPlanet
2008
Certainly not lost on me how shallow my revisit of LBP1 was. This was something of a childhood fave of mine I threw countless hours at; be it in couch co-op with fwiends or alone in my room exploring the avalanche of user-created content people spun together. Neither of which was a factor in me revisiting it for the first time in well over a decade now (jezus farckin christ!!!!), the servers are long gone and I’d need to be the richest man alive to bribe someone to play this with me over a cocktail of Parsec + RPCS3 input lag. Nobody will ever understand the joy of slapping the aztec cock motif on your co-op partners’ faces siiiighghhh…. Still, an illuminating experience that rekindled something in my heart about what LBP1 stood for!
Admittedly, I was always more of an LBP2 kid, these games being modular meant there was very little reason to revisit the first game once the sequel came out. There is a very strong difference in vibes between the two games though, if LBP1 excels at anything, it’s in encouraging the player to go off and create for themselves. It’s kind of wild the extent to which LBP1 offers and explains its tools to the player - its relatively simple levels make no effort to hide the gadgets that make ingame events work. Stages are littered with visible emitters, tags, switches, stuff like only-slightly offscreen circuitry that you can watch move around to inform a boss of its attack patterns and phases. It feels like a child’s art project or something, a simple array of pulleys and string animating rudimentary creatures and swings. It’s all so laid bare, I kind of adore it, and is certainly a handcrafted energy that LBP2 loses in its explosion of visual polish. The constant delivery of decorations, objects, prebuilt things you can make your own edits of, it’s no wonder this game blew up in the way it did - it’s with you every step of the way and always acts as a shockingly good teacher for its own mechanics.
Anyway this was a lot of fun. Unquestionably a hilarious platforming title to insist upon having no-death run rewards when so much of your survivability hinges on Sackboy’s physics-based astrology. You don’t realise how much nostalgia you have for something until the first thirty seconds of a song makes you tear up. This kind of williamsburg scrapbook aesthetic is hard to stomach nowadays but it really works here. Holy shit I can’t believe the racist caricatures this game has in every corner, this truly is a quintessentially British game.
Admittedly, I was always more of an LBP2 kid, these games being modular meant there was very little reason to revisit the first game once the sequel came out. There is a very strong difference in vibes between the two games though, if LBP1 excels at anything, it’s in encouraging the player to go off and create for themselves. It’s kind of wild the extent to which LBP1 offers and explains its tools to the player - its relatively simple levels make no effort to hide the gadgets that make ingame events work. Stages are littered with visible emitters, tags, switches, stuff like only-slightly offscreen circuitry that you can watch move around to inform a boss of its attack patterns and phases. It feels like a child’s art project or something, a simple array of pulleys and string animating rudimentary creatures and swings. It’s all so laid bare, I kind of adore it, and is certainly a handcrafted energy that LBP2 loses in its explosion of visual polish. The constant delivery of decorations, objects, prebuilt things you can make your own edits of, it’s no wonder this game blew up in the way it did - it’s with you every step of the way and always acts as a shockingly good teacher for its own mechanics.
Anyway this was a lot of fun. Unquestionably a hilarious platforming title to insist upon having no-death run rewards when so much of your survivability hinges on Sackboy’s physics-based astrology. You don’t realise how much nostalgia you have for something until the first thirty seconds of a song makes you tear up. This kind of williamsburg scrapbook aesthetic is hard to stomach nowadays but it really works here. Holy shit I can’t believe the racist caricatures this game has in every corner, this truly is a quintessentially British game.
Quake
1996
"wait - you haven't played quake?"
~almost everyone who i've gushed about this to game in the past few days
a little about me: i'm partial to industrial grit, my favorite doom games favor grimly edgy atmosphere over 80s thrash worship, i'm a big NIN fan and the downward spiral is one of my top 5 favorite albums. so this should be a no brainer, right?
well - yeah, actually. that's exactly right. throughout my playthrough all i could continually ask myself was, "why the fuck didn't i play this sooner?" and rightfully so. i think the reason quake has eluded me for so long is because its holistic reputation is eclipsed at this point by a diehard multiplayer community that i frankly don't give a shit about. i'm not much of a multiplayer enthusiast for anything - let alone tech-y arena shooters - and honestly i probably would've continued ignoring this absolute fucking masterpiece if not for my pressing curiosity towards trent reznor's involvement
that'd have been a huge mistake; quake is easily the best boomer shooter i've ever played
this is where i could talk about how i adore the weapons and their balancing, the general focus on straightforward maps with powerups everywhere, the difficulty being largely driven by how easy it is to kill yourself in tight spaces - or even the god tier ambient score that has just the right amounts of otherworldly screams and metallic chords strewn about - i COULD go into those things and we could be here for a considerable amount of time - but instead of doing any of that, i'm just going to say that the shambler is one of the greatest enemy designs in any fps. in fact, my feeling towards quake 1 can be summarized roughly with my thoughts on the shambler; he's absolutely perfect. i love this giant, dopey, teethy foreskin man in all his fleshy (not furry - fuck you) glory. and i haven't even begun to MENTION his timbs yet
my mans butters be outright otherworldly
~almost everyone who i've gushed about this to game in the past few days
a little about me: i'm partial to industrial grit, my favorite doom games favor grimly edgy atmosphere over 80s thrash worship, i'm a big NIN fan and the downward spiral is one of my top 5 favorite albums. so this should be a no brainer, right?
well - yeah, actually. that's exactly right. throughout my playthrough all i could continually ask myself was, "why the fuck didn't i play this sooner?" and rightfully so. i think the reason quake has eluded me for so long is because its holistic reputation is eclipsed at this point by a diehard multiplayer community that i frankly don't give a shit about. i'm not much of a multiplayer enthusiast for anything - let alone tech-y arena shooters - and honestly i probably would've continued ignoring this absolute fucking masterpiece if not for my pressing curiosity towards trent reznor's involvement
that'd have been a huge mistake; quake is easily the best boomer shooter i've ever played
this is where i could talk about how i adore the weapons and their balancing, the general focus on straightforward maps with powerups everywhere, the difficulty being largely driven by how easy it is to kill yourself in tight spaces - or even the god tier ambient score that has just the right amounts of otherworldly screams and metallic chords strewn about - i COULD go into those things and we could be here for a considerable amount of time - but instead of doing any of that, i'm just going to say that the shambler is one of the greatest enemy designs in any fps. in fact, my feeling towards quake 1 can be summarized roughly with my thoughts on the shambler; he's absolutely perfect. i love this giant, dopey, teethy foreskin man in all his fleshy (not furry - fuck you) glory. and i haven't even begun to MENTION his timbs yet
my mans butters be outright otherworldly
Elite Beat Agents
2006
It was cool to get an English version of Ouendan with its own selection of pop music. I'm not entirely sure the selection of songs is the greatest, but I do really like its version of Jumping Jack Flash as the final boss song.
both this game and saints row 2 are the only games i know where you can be a female in them, but because youre canonically still the person from the first game and in that game you can only be male, you have to be trans. and i think thats beautiful
Halo: Combat Evolved
2001
I completely understand why this game is such a big deal. I never owned an XBOX as a kid, but I would play this game co-op a lot at my friend's house. Had a lot of good times. I've tried playing it through the Master Chief Collection and I find a lot of the level design to be pretty tiring or uninspired. Sometimes the hallways just feel like they drag on forever.
Drakengard
2003
I've jokingly said that "To the Joker, Drakengard 1 is just an ordinary musou" at least twice before playing it and then when I did, I ended up unironically finding the gameplay more fun than any sincere musou I've tried so I guess I powerscale above the Joker now.
Earthworm Jim 2
1995
The good levels are better than EWJ1, but the bad levels are so bad that I think someone should actually be punished for them. Whoever came up with Puppy Love and determined it needed 3 rounds? I want that guy killed, clean shot. Level Ate consantly bombarding you with enemies and salt shakers? The Iron Maiden. The sick fucking monster who brought in the Flyin' King? The Baptist Hell. Suffer endlessly.
I want to rate this higher than Earthworm Jim 1 because there is stuff I love here: the animation is even better and more expressive, the game actually makes me laugh pretty consistently, it's pretty funny! The good levels like Udderly Abducted, Tangerines, Lorenzo's Soil, and Jim Is A Blind Cave Salamander are actually FUN and have INTERESTING GIMMICKS. But the rotten is like a limb blackened by frostbite, functionless and chipping off before your very eyes, and the only thing we need to do is get it to a hospital so amputation can happen.
A game that would gain more stars if content was actively REMOVED. Puppy Love is T.E.R.R.I.B.L.E. I cannot stand by For Pete's Sake being slandered while this nightmare is given a slap on the wrist. The fucking marshmallow you have to bounce the puppies off of has the most inconsistent hitbox in a game loaded with them by a company who is bad at them. It is a level so bad that I actively encourage cheating. If something fucking stinks: cheat. Don't feel bad about it, if it sucks, skip it. Under no circumstance should you beat Puppy Love how they actually intended, because they intended you to be a gaming God who can nail frame precise movements like you are fucking Simple Flips. You are not. I am not. Skip the shitty level.
Love this music though! It's known that Tommy Tallarico did not compose any actual music in his fucking life, and he especially didn't come up with any of the really great original music here. I highly doubt he even had the inspired choice to put Moonlight Sonata in the Salamnder level. It's a very fun soundtrack that once again has its name attached to a ding dong. Can't win with this franchise!
What I suggest is attributing every bad decision to Doug, notorious shithead. Puppy Love? His idea. Flyin' King? He programmed all of it! Level Ate? He wanted MORE Salt shakers! The game goes down so much easier once you do this.
I want to rate this higher than Earthworm Jim 1 because there is stuff I love here: the animation is even better and more expressive, the game actually makes me laugh pretty consistently, it's pretty funny! The good levels like Udderly Abducted, Tangerines, Lorenzo's Soil, and Jim Is A Blind Cave Salamander are actually FUN and have INTERESTING GIMMICKS. But the rotten is like a limb blackened by frostbite, functionless and chipping off before your very eyes, and the only thing we need to do is get it to a hospital so amputation can happen.
A game that would gain more stars if content was actively REMOVED. Puppy Love is T.E.R.R.I.B.L.E. I cannot stand by For Pete's Sake being slandered while this nightmare is given a slap on the wrist. The fucking marshmallow you have to bounce the puppies off of has the most inconsistent hitbox in a game loaded with them by a company who is bad at them. It is a level so bad that I actively encourage cheating. If something fucking stinks: cheat. Don't feel bad about it, if it sucks, skip it. Under no circumstance should you beat Puppy Love how they actually intended, because they intended you to be a gaming God who can nail frame precise movements like you are fucking Simple Flips. You are not. I am not. Skip the shitty level.
Love this music though! It's known that Tommy Tallarico did not compose any actual music in his fucking life, and he especially didn't come up with any of the really great original music here. I highly doubt he even had the inspired choice to put Moonlight Sonata in the Salamnder level. It's a very fun soundtrack that once again has its name attached to a ding dong. Can't win with this franchise!
What I suggest is attributing every bad decision to Doug, notorious shithead. Puppy Love? His idea. Flyin' King? He programmed all of it! Level Ate? He wanted MORE Salt shakers! The game goes down so much easier once you do this.
NO MICROTRANSACTIONS
NO PAID DLC
NO LIVE SERVICE
JUST 100% PURE ASS 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
NO PAID DLC
NO LIVE SERVICE
JUST 100% PURE ASS 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
Unit 13
2012
This is it. This is THE 7/10 game.
The gunplay is SO FUCKING passable. The stealth mechanics HOLY SHIT THEY'RE fine. And that feeling of getting a headshot, DUDE it's SO GODDAMN adequate.
The game also does this thing where for 98% of the runtime, there's NO story whatsoever... BUT THEN IT ENDS ON A CLIFFHANGER. HOW YOU GONNA HAVE A CLIFFHANGER WHEN THERE'S NO CLIFF. OH NO THAT GUY MIGHT HAVE DIED? I have just one question... WHO THE FUCK IS HE
The gunplay is SO FUCKING passable. The stealth mechanics HOLY SHIT THEY'RE fine. And that feeling of getting a headshot, DUDE it's SO GODDAMN adequate.
The game also does this thing where for 98% of the runtime, there's NO story whatsoever... BUT THEN IT ENDS ON A CLIFFHANGER. HOW YOU GONNA HAVE A CLIFFHANGER WHEN THERE'S NO CLIFF. OH NO THAT GUY MIGHT HAVE DIED? I have just one question... WHO THE FUCK IS HE
