Portal 2 is a game that means so much to me. It's a game I genuinely believe is as close to perfect as one can possibly be. From its writing, to its gameplay, to its visuals, everything about it is just fantastic.

I've never been able to recover from the time a friend played it for the first time and he said "Oh so you probably based your entire personality around this game in high school" because he was 100% spot on. I even had a Portal 2 backpack in high school. All four years.

Playing it again with the developer commentary is also a great time, highly recommend it.

There are several words I wish I could say about this game. Many of which I will unfortunately be unable to say without threat of legal action, but I shall try my best.

Speaking from my own experience as a hobbyist and aspiring game developer, Garten of Banban feels much like the kind of projects you throw together when you're just getting your feet wet with a new engine, style, or just game development in general. The kind of unpolished, unoptimized mess of various mechanics jammed into each other that you know isn't anywhere close to a finished product, but still feel proud of just on the basis of getting it working at all. The kind that will never see the light of day, aside from maybe a few friends you send it to being like "Check this out, first time doing this, can't believe it actually works.", knowing full well future attempts will start from scratch now that you know what you're doing. And yet, here it is, published, with a merch link on the main menu.

I was fortunate, having the foresight to enlist a dear friend who shares whatever deep-rooted trauma or mental illness draws me to this style of game. Were it not for their company, I likely would have been driven to my breaking point, and for that, I am thankful. I don't often outwardly express frustration in a non-joking manner, so the fact that I let out an involuntary cry of pure rage at one point goes to show this game's ability to get into your head. In a way, it's almost impressive, given the length and quality.

Graphically, this game looks worse than one made in Roblox. And I'm not talking about the Roblox of today, where there's somehow actual money behind the experiences, I mean the Roblox my elderly, 23-year-old self played as a preteen, where a diagonal cylinder seemed like a greater feat of computer engineering than landing man on the moon.

Short aside, cylinder is such an odd word. It's one of the few words in English where it's spelled almost exactly how it's pronounced, and yet I can never get it right because I'm not used to that being the case.

Anyway, back on topic, almost everything in this game is made up of single color 3D shapes occasionally textured; the visual equivalent of plain, slightly-undercooked pasta, which really begs the question: why does this game run so poorly? I admittedly am rocking a decently old ThinkPad from 2018, but even still, I manage to run games with significantly more graphical and computational demands than this realistically should have. For god's sake, I got through decently modded Skyrim on this ol' boy with more consistent performance. I'd love to say I know the answer, but alas, I have not yet managed to use Blender for more than 20 minutes without getting so frustrated I remove it from my computer, so I cannot speak on the intricacies of 3D graphics.

Now, onto the story.

Now, onto the gameplay. Not great, I gotta say. As I was sorta saying above, it's just a bunch of mechanics thrown together. Due to how short the game is, each new, unrelated mechanic is only really used the one time and never again, barring the "press button with drone" or "press button on wall with correct key in possession." The one time you're introduced to a new gameplay mechanic that builds off an existing one, it is only used for the single "silent tutorial" type introduction puzzle and then never again, it's genuinely hilarious.

During the horror chase sequence, I almost lost my mind. You're forced to run along a snaking platform slowly extending from the wall, and the combination of the slippery movement, single-digit framerate and just my general overreation to the idea of being chased led to me dying over and over and over just from falling off the goddamn platform. Thankfully, it seems the devs learned from their mistake, as they implement invisible barriers later in the same sequence to prevent you from accidentally succeeding in a way they didn't intend, i.e. running straight for the exit instead of pressing a random button on the wall first. A button which is next to a near-identical button that does nothing, that I definitely didn't spend too long mashing before realizing my mistake and getting caught, no sirree.

Why am I doing this, why am I writing this? What compelled me to spend more time than it took playing the actual game writing this review? I don't know. I really don't. I had a miserable time playing this, which really begs the question: Why am I going to play the sequel? Who can say.

Those wonderful bastards did it again.

Full disclosure: After my review of the last one, I must have earned myself the status of professional boy-breeding influencer, because I was actually given an early review copy of this entry.

With that out of the way, I can say this is hands-down the title in the soft boy stripping puzzle series so far. Granted, it's a series with two entries, but it shows they know how to improve, and if I add a "so far" it means I can curse God if we don't get a new one.

One major improvement over Otoko Cross: Pretty Boy Mahjong Solitaire is that it uses its different difficulty modes as a ramp, rather than a crutch, providing a far better gameplay experience. I'll admit, it's definitely not as skull crushingly difficult, but the challenge it does provide is still enough to make you really work to see these soft twinks in their plowable state. Hell, this time around I only used the drawing tablet as a controller out of convenience, rather than necessity.

I'd never played solitaire before this, and yet I still managed to clear my first game after 20 minutes of random clicking. That's not to say it doesn't outright explain the rules at the start, but Jules was on screen and I was too busy thinking about bending him over a table, so I didn't read it. What's important is that the game is intuitive. It definitely helps that playing cards are easier to process than mahjong symbols for my dyslexic brain, so I didn't have to come up with shorthand like "high heel" and "dragon".

While this game does share a ton of its presentation and assets with its predecessor, you're here because you want to see the twinks again, don't act like you aren't, you don't get mad at a strip club for not providing a groundbreaking, unique assortment of appetizers you goddamn son of a bitch, you're here for the same reason as me, we like seeing soft, weak men in vulnerable positions with some fun puzzle elements. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

That said, it does also mean a couple complaints from the last one carry over, namely, lack of story and a somewhat repetitive soundtrack. It's important to remember we are still in the infancy of otokonoko representation in gaming, brothers, and the normalization of boytoys requires our support. A starving man doesn't leave good food on the table just because it's a small portion, after all.

Overall, very solid entry, if I had my way, I'd say it should be the version of solitaire preinstalled on every computer. Eagerly awaiting the next one already.

What does a man do, when faced with seemingly insurmountable odds?

I bought this game under the assumption that it would be a simple puzzle salad with an otokonoko dressing. As you may be aware, otokonoko are largely underrepresented in gaming, so much so that I've spent the last few months developing my own visual novel with an otokonoko lead. So when I saw this, I knew I had to buy it, anything to support the portrayal of crossdressing boytoys in this medium.

What I wasn't expecting, however, was the hardest puzzle game I've ever played in my life.

You see, while this game may lure you in with the promise of undressing breedable little twinks, it makes you WORK for it. The first boy was easy enough, and I was able to clear his levels without much issue. Once you get to boy two, however, the difficulty truly begins setting in.

The time limit you have is tighter than the boyholes you're trying to uncover. I legitimately had to start using my drawing tablet just to have the speed and coordination to keep up. Even then, dozens and dozens of time-outs and self-inflicted lockouts on boys two and three.

I don't know when it was when it stopped being about cock for me. Had it ever been? Only a God that has long-since abandoned me knows for sure. If I really wanted to see cute boys in skirts I coulda just asked my femboy boyfriend for nudes, or gone on Pixiv, the options are endless. Hell, I probably coulda datamined the assets outta the game myself. But it wasn't about that anymore. I couldn't let the game win. This was a fight to prove my worth, my right to exist in this world.

Boy four is where I was nearly broken. I spent, no exaggeration, over two hours on his first of 12 boards. I was driven nearly mad, it took the director himself directly telling me to switch to easy mode before I finally cracked. But I will return to finish the job on normal, I can't let that bratty doctor win.

Even on easy, the game isn't a cakewalk. In fact, calling it "Easy" is a bit of a disservice, as it gives you a whole new style of gameplay, and needs to be approached with a completely different strategy.

When I finally managed to overcome Boy Five, when that foldable otokonoko was stripped down to nothing but pasties and a thong, the rush was second only to losing my virginity. I had won the fight. That was all I needed. Getting to see their cocks at last was merely boy icing on the boy cake.

And, you know, I think it may have been trying to say something. About the world, about the fight otokonoko have to take part in their entire lives. The fight against the insurmountable weight of social pressures. An atypical beauty so pure, yet shunned by the masses. The fight to just exist. It's profound, in its own way.

Soundtrack was a little repetitive, but hey, anything would be after hours. If they make a sequel, my biggest hope is that they have more of a visual novel/story aspect, flesh out the boys a little more. Otherwise, a fine game that does exactly what it sets out to do, and then some.

Otoko Cross is my Call of Duty, except I've yet to be disappointed.

If by some chance you've gotten this far without knowing what this series' deal is, think Punch-Out!! but instead of punching burly men you woo twinks with your incredible gaming skills until they show you their shaboingboing, much like one would in real life.

Unlike its predecessors, this third entry opts for a more arcade-style game similar to Breakout and Touhou 1, and anyone familiar with either knows their biggest issues was lack of twink danglebits, which are in no short supply here. Honestly, the closest thing I could liken it to would be DSiWare, which I would consider a high compliment. It's a short, simple game with a couple different modes and things to do, without wasting your time with insane padding, which I find refreshing.

Aside from the new boys, the biggest thing that sets this entry apart from its predecessors is how outfits are unlocked. Rather than each outfit being a reward for a specific level, you're instead granted points upon each level completion that you can use to unlock each boy's individual outfit, with the sluttier ones requiring more that the more modest, as one would reasonably expect. While I definitely think this change is a good one, I do have a couple issues with the system as it's currently implemented. While you'd assume the points for spending on outfits are tied to your performance in a level, they're actually fixed on a per-level basis, and the new Eternal Challenge (Endless) mode awards no points at all. Furthermore, your total spending points are only visible within the shop interface itself, which means needing to constantly swap between the actual game menu and dressing room when grinding for all the outfits (and lack thereof). Not a huge inconvenience by any means, but definitely an area that could be improved.

While its progression may leave a bit to be desired and hopefully improved upon in later releases, we both know why we're here. We like seeing frail men whimper with a simple-but-engaging gameplay loop. With that being said, enjoy, and I'll see you when Otoko Cross 4 drops.

I spent middle and high school surrounded by Danganronpa fans, during the peak of its popularity. I played and loved Zero Escape. And yet, somehow, I managed to completely avoid this game, almost all spoilers, and the apparently radioactive fandom this has apparently spawned.

I'm so glad I did.

Going through this blind, without any outside biases clouding my judgement, was a phenomenal experience. Even the things I did know through osmosis were obscured enough within the actual plot that even finding out how said things would be revealed was still great. It also made all the deaths hit that much harder.

The gameplay is great, like a more active, dynamic version of Ace Attorney, oozing with style and personality. All the mysteries were a blast to piece together, and none were so out-there to make a reveal feel bullshit. And, I must admit, while I was never crazy about the art style from what I'd seen online, I was very surprised how good it looks in game. Stills really don't do it justice.

If your only exposure to this game is from people saying "cringe" and nothing else, I highly implore you to try it for yourself, removed from all that. I'm very happy I gave this a shot as an adult without bias, because it really is something else.

I am what many would consider a cock-loving homosexual. Ergo, many of my close friends were were initially confused when they saw me playing this game. It makes sense, none of these women do anything for me in the ways intended.

However, let me ask you this: Have you ever taken a human life? For most, I assume the answer is no. In fact, the very idea of it is absolutely revolting. And yet, you've likely spent hundreds, if not thousands, of hours doing just that in the context of a video game. Can the same not be done for dating women, even if I myself have only and likely will only ever date men? I think so.

Anyway, while the terms "dating sim" and "visual novel" are often used interchangeably within English-speaking audiences, I feel HuniePop is a prime example of how the former can exist without the latter. Much of the actual dialog is just surface-level smalltalk with the girls, with the occasional pep-talk/racist remark from your rizz fairy companion. If you're looking for a complex story, character development, worldbuilding, etc., you're in the wrong timezone, like how did you even think this was the place to find that?

The writing itself is fine, for the most part. Each girl definitely feels distinct enough to where you won't mix them up, at the very least, although I do admit I would have liked a bit more interactions between the girls. The aforementioned rizz fairy, Kyu, is who you'll end up getting to know the most, since she's the mascot/companion, which is somewhat unfortunate considering a lot of her dialog sounds like an edgy high schooler in the mid-2010s. It's not awful, but as someone who was an edgy high schooler in the 2010s, it takes me back to a time I'm more than happy to forget.

Speaking of, there's an undeniable dash of 2010s racist humor that, while not abhorrent or even seemingly coming from a place of hate, definitely caught me off guard. Stuff like Kyu referring to "yellow fever" and "chocolate" when you first encounter the Japanese and black girls, along with the Latina and Japanese girls's "unique gifts" being things like a sombrero and samurai helmet, respectively. (Word of advise: If you value your life and wellbeing, do NOT, under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, give an athletic Latina you just met maracas). They're at least self-aware enough to have the Japanese girl acknowledge it, but yeah, definitely worth noting.

The gameplay is where it really gets interesting, though. The combination of Match-3 puzzles, time management, etc. is actually really engaging, and is why I actually saw this game through to the end. I'm just a sucker for these kinda games, I guess. While I personally found myself playing as an emotionless sociopath, purely seeking the optimal outcome of each encounter, I could definitely see how someone might be able to enjoy this game casually. While the endgame may be a bit of a slog and a grind, made even worse by the menus used to track things not being easily cycled through, I doubt many interested in this game are seeking 100%, so I guess it's a more personal complaint.

Overall, I enjoyed the game for what it was. I'm sure actually being attracted to the girls would elevate the experience, but it's not as critical as it seems.