9/10 feels weird to call this "played in 2024" as i started this game on halloween 2022 and have been playing on-and-off all of 2023 and up till march 2024. this is a huge, hostile game, and probably the hardest i've ever beaten, but it feels like a major personal journey to finally complete it, with all 100 archive items. this unique game feels truly special and i really respect how uncompromised the devs worked on their vision. even while playing on-and-off for so long, i always remembered the exact map layouts when coming back and i don't think i'll ever forget them. unhinged game, nothing else like this

9/10 instantly one of my favorite 2d platformers. such a good action game. level design and moveset are incredible. the game is SO fast, i know its main inspiration is wario land but at times also reminded me of 2d sonic. every level has a different gimmick and they're all fantastic. the art is so expressive and funny. pizza time at the end of the levels is exhilarating. bosses are great. unlockable costumes. final level is a culmination of everything and extremely climactic. no complaints. masterpiece work of art

9/10 about a month after finishing pizza tower, i was blessed with a reason to play again. the new character plays similar to peppino with a few moveset differences. rather than a whole new experience, it's sort of similar to playing as tails/knuckles in 2d sonic - slight variation on basically the same playstyle. this is usually how i prefer alternate characters are done in platformers, and i was really happy to play the whole game over again. it was just as fun the 2nd time, although i think i prefer playing as peppino slightly more. there was clearly a lot of love put into animating the noise & giving him a unique identity

8/10 astonishing this was made in a week(ish)! i loved both the open area challenges and also the obstacle course b-side challenges. controls like a dream. the original game's gimmicks like the launch platforms & the feather are so fun and translate great into 3d. final stats: 🍓x30 💀x167 🕒01:26:46

7/10 sometimes cute, sometimes horny, creepy, gross, obsessed with poop and peeing. vibes are seriously crazy, like it wasnt made by people. you can grab a cat and shake it in your mouth so hard it loses all its hair. there are peeing mini games. you can bark as fast as you can press the square button. you can poop and then put it in your mouth. humans talk to jake the dog and he just stares at them with this dead look. the stupid dreamworks one liners he says are so weird. the soundtrack is insane. in spite of this, there are moments when all the stars align, nobody ingame is speaking, and the camera perfectly shifts to a pristine angle of jake the dog running around vibing in nature. these rare beautiful moments amidst the chaos elevate dogs life into a pretty great game. "at last. a peeing game!"

7/10 much more simple than doom but has its own unique charm & fun. killing nazis + hitler is based. the game funny enough is much more scary and tense than doom and there's more of a focus on stealth which makes it pretty unique for a boomer shooter. level and enemy design isn't great, but it was surprisingly fun to get the drop on enemies before they had time to shoot me. thought i'd just play a few levels to see what it's all about, but ended up finishing it and being sad when it was over. not gonna play the expansions, heard they're brutally difficult

7/10 kind of rocks. there are a few sections that aren't great, but most of it was really fun and breezy. i found the proto-cinematic 3d platforming a lot of fun. music, sound, and atmosphere are all top notch. im pretty sure this is the last time we got classicvania aesthetics and mechanics in a game, and it feels like they really put thought into converting classicvania gameplay and deliberately slow pacing into a 3d action platformer. played through cornell's, henry's & reinhardt's stories. played a bit of carrie's to check out her playstyle as well. i will probably keep returning to this game, i felt very drawn to keep playing it

7/10 such a cool game, the combination of 2d mech platforming, ground combat, and overhead shooting works really well and is just so cool. love playing a forward thinking game that accomplishes so much within its hardware limitations. the soundtrack is incredibly iconic, i recognized many of the songs despite not having played the game before. i didnt finish this game, i stopped at the area 5 boss when i was feeling gassed, and this game has limited lives so it was a matter of time before i had to stop anyway, but this is a retro gem i will be revisiting one day

6/10 i enjoyed the game for a while and then got more and more bored until i could barely bring myself to launch it and play more than a few minutes anymore. i appreciate the world building and commitment to the quaint slow beginnings; the stakes being so low gives the setting a comfiness unique to this game where you feel a part of this society rather than a chosen one, but i just got very bored of the combat and these fetch quests. maybe i’ll return to this series one day

5/10 the third suda game i've played, i'll probably give up trying them from here on because i haven't really enjoyed any of them, although this was my favorite of them. the game looks and sounds fantastic but i just cannot stand playing it. everything is so slow, i get so bored. i hate that you can't skip ahead and read dialogue at your own pace. the level design is basically non-existent and the puzzles also basically aren't puzzles. besides the cool aesthetic and intriguing story that i'm sure is something meaningful i'll never know, i don't think this game has anything going for it

5/10 not great, but i had some fun. suffers from quite a few strange problems. the second level is one of the most difficult in the entire game and i wouldn't be surprised if most playthroughs end here, when the rest of the game is mostly easier. the pizza eating contests give me anxiety. however, the controls are just fine, and some of the levels were fun. play it on an emulator so you can save state at the beginning of every level, meaning you can ignore the unforgiving continue system, and it's a decent challenge

3/10 very disappointing. the story, which i've heard is supposed to be strong, is barely here. level design is incredibly flat, it plays more like a dungeon crawler with how you traverse nothing but hallways and box rooms. combat barely changes throughout the game and is way too simple. when you pause theres an rpg-looking stat screen but its all a lie. there are no levels or xp to gain, and there are like, 4 armors in the game, with no other equipable weapons. strong points - music bangs, monster designs are gory and inspired, and the castle is well furnished with cool furniture and other models

3/10

2/10 watched a longplay because i don't have a ps5. the writing is just so bad and cliche. it's hard for me to explain why i disliked this so much other than that it's so soulless and made me feel really cynical about games today, or at least the ones that aren't made by focused and passionate teams. this is such a weak and disingenuous examination on bullying and mental health and it makes me sad this is what we get out of 2024 AAA konami games