21 Reviews liked by goop_lord
enter marios balls for the balls level
i cannot believe this game supposes that aerith would want to fuck this boot boy
Cruelty Squad
2021
The deep state is conspiring with the Demiurge to prevent me from revealing that this game contains the Gnostic secrets of Super Mario 64; they are hidden beneath controlled-oppositional conspiracy theoretical "Deus Ex" stylings of the game's Surface Level aesthetics, don't be fooled! the truth is out there now and the seekers will always be able to find it, even if I am silenced.
Project Warlock
2018
under no circumstances should you deliberately imitate Wolfenstein 3D's level design
F-Zero GX
2003
Since F-Zero GX, Nintendo has made time to produce three mainline Pikmin games in-house, and zero non-GBA F-Zeros. Every mainline Pikmin game has sold worse than every mainline F-Zero game.
Now don't get me wrong, I like Pikmin. I like Pikmin a lot... but all of those games are highly similar, so the usual Nintendo reasoning that there needs to be some exciting new gameplay justification for a new entry rings pretty damned hollow here, when a Tetris/Mario/Whatever 99 style online multiplayer high speed high fidelity F-Zero seems like the biggest no-brainer technology-enabled gameplay reason for a new F-Zero game one could possibly imagine, but lets assume for a moment that current online infrastructure, even with rollback netcode, simply could not handle such a thing.
Listen. If the world can't handle the online yet, then just let Sega make an F-Zero Yakuza where Falcon pummels alien freaks and has drinks with Samurai Goroh. I don't even care if there's racing it. Please. Just please... somebody do something. PLEASE.
Now don't get me wrong, I like Pikmin. I like Pikmin a lot... but all of those games are highly similar, so the usual Nintendo reasoning that there needs to be some exciting new gameplay justification for a new entry rings pretty damned hollow here, when a Tetris/Mario/Whatever 99 style online multiplayer high speed high fidelity F-Zero seems like the biggest no-brainer technology-enabled gameplay reason for a new F-Zero game one could possibly imagine, but lets assume for a moment that current online infrastructure, even with rollback netcode, simply could not handle such a thing.
Listen. If the world can't handle the online yet, then just let Sega make an F-Zero Yakuza where Falcon pummels alien freaks and has drinks with Samurai Goroh. I don't even care if there's racing it. Please. Just please... somebody do something. PLEASE.
Death Stranding
2019
this game is like if jodorowsky listened to every bjork album at the same time and then said, declaratively: "i deeply respect the US Postal Service"