After installing Resident Evil 7, I sat quietly and listened to the somber yet calming piano play through the PS5 menu for a few minutes before finally embarking on my first foray into the Resident Evil franchise.

I had watched a friend play pieces of RE4, so I expected zombies, guns, and some kitsch. I wasn't worried. I wasn't daunted by the divergence of a happy, sweet video into one of fear, and I wasn't taking Mia's warning to "stay away" seriously. As I was treated to what looked like a beautiful fall afternoon in Louisiana, I should've known that my wandering in the weeds, through the beams of sunlight shining through the tree canopy, lackadaisically searching for clues about Mia, would be my last few moments of peace for a long while. Until I entered that damn house.

What followed was nine and a half hours of pure terror-driven tension. Biohazard does an amazing job of throwing you into the deep end from the get-go - pushing you off balance, and using your anxiety against you. The Baker family are a force to be reckoned with, to be sure, but, like any good horror film, so much of the tension comes from the fear of what might happen. The haunting and hostile atmosphere cultivated throughout the game is top-notch and really essential to the success of the experience. Stray noises, flickering lights, and shadows (even your own) work to keep you on edge as you explore, keeping the tension ramped up even when you begin to feel safe. I honestly can't imagine trying to play this game in VR. After all of the terror and anxiety of exploring, finally getting to confront my tormenters in boss fights were intense but cathartic events that were incredibly satisfying to pull off.

The first half of the game is masterful, and I found myself constantly thinking about the game, even after I had put down my controller. The characters were fascinating, the gameplay was exciting, and I couldn't wait to figure out what was happening and where to go next. I do feel like Biohazard reaches its heights around the midway point of the plot, as the latter half of the game eschews the horror pacing and replaces it with buckets of ammo and exposition overload through pamphlets and notes. I still enjoyed the second half - feeling a little more powerful was a nice way to turn the tables, but some of the choices regarding pace were strange. For a game that spends most of its time delivering story through gameplay, the decision to dump answers via text felt cheap, and while thematically the ending sequence makes sense, the execution was incredibly lackluster and somewhat unsatisfying in regards to actual gameplay. Resident Evil 7 would be as close to perfection as possible if the ending sequence lived up to the bar set by the previous segments of the game.

Overall, despite a somewhat frustrating finish, I still felt fulfilled by the game as a whole, and I will never forget my time in the Dulvey Mansion. The characters, mystery, and story-telling throughout the game triumph over the short-comings, and made RE7 one of the best gaming experiences I've had in recent memory.

Having not played the original when I was a kid, I did everything possible to get as close to the child-like experience:

Step 1 - Remove all four of your wisdom teeth

Step 2 - Take painkillers before reverting to baby-state and sleep for 24 hours

Step 3 - After baby-state hibernation is complete, awaken as a young disgruntled adolescent who lays on the couch for days on end while playing Mario RPG and eating copious amounts of jello and pudding

Step 4 - Add in watching some Sopranos and some more painkillers and realize the connections between the New Jersey mob and the Super Mario RPG gang - Mario is obviously Tony leading the gang but still has some issues, Mallow is Christopher who comes along early and immediately you're like ah this fucking guy c'mon bro but then he comes in clutch a few times, Geno is Silvio the right hand man, Bowser is the combo of Paulie and Big Pussy with the fat guy enforcer aesthetic, and Peach is the smokin' hot therapist as evidenced by her first special move being called 'Therapy.' The Smithy gang are a combo of Tony's own family and his fears of losing his kingdom - put a pair of glasses on Exor's sword or Smithy and tell me that's not Uncle Junior in the flesh.

Step 5 - Write this dumbass review and boot up Paper Mario

Developers had a vision, a vision that would never be fully realized. But that vision is clear, and if you pay attention; Choosing to seize from your constant whining about feeling nauseous about the camera movement and janky gameplay, you'll see that vision. I understand the frustrations of many; I stand by every notion that states the issues this game has. But to call it a terrible game is short-sighted. Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither was Kane & Lynch 2. With more time to properly be cooked in the oven, we could've had a phenomenal game on our hands. K&L2 depicts life of crime in a really grim and depressing way. It's not glorious or romantic. It's dirty, it's insane and it's vile. We are playing as two irredeemable psychopaths and the game tries to make no excuses for them. The story is way too short to warrant the full price the game was sold for, but the online content is definitely worth looking into. Too bad in the current day, no one is playing. Because arguably the heist mode of Kane & Lynch 2, known as Fragile Alliance, is a far more interesting game of heist than Payday games ever managed to be.