COME TO REBIRTH WE GOT THE

- 1 gorillion animation dollar budget
- industry standard setters of cutscenes and environments
- ....
- the worst act of the original game
- far cry tower
- far cry outpost
- far cry crafting
- open world with movement worse than zelda on the n64
- seriously, it's like ps1 tomb raider
- 3(!!) great chapters
- 11 uhhh other chapters
- story reliant on having played evercrisis and the free to play mobile battle royale????
- nojima 😡😡😡
- at least 3 hours spent in the materia menu
- the same bosses you fought in remake 3 times, 3 times
- the worst fucking minigames you've ever touched
- all the most annoying characters from anywhere else in the extended series
- benches?
- every action or animation locking you in for several extra unnecessary seconds
- shipbait
- tifa and aerith randomly deciding to act like harem anime characters for like 2 cutscenes
- fans who only read the title of the game and gave 5 stars on release date (all your reviews and ratings should be deleted)
- cait sith...?
- filler filler boat filler filler filler
- michael bay audio mixing
- bloated combat
- the sphere grid for some reason (but worse)
- "ahh cloud-kun you nearly touched mmy l-l-l-lips baka" yuffie
- crate puzzles you solve in 3 seconds and then spend 3 minutes doing

This is not the worst game I ever played, but it might be the most disappointed I've ever been going blind into a sequel of a game I liked. Before leaving a comment, please read the "Common Copes (CC)" section below. Thanks in advance.

COMMON COPES

C: But the original also had this many mini-games!
A: That was a shit part of the original too.

C: But the original also had this much filler!
A: That was shit too.

C: But in the original you also had to fiddle this much with materia!
A: That was also shit. Please just be normal and don't say all these silly things

C: I think this game is awesome man!
A: You must have Gone Gaga!

CLOSING THOUGHTS

If this kind of Ubisoft remake happened to my favorite RPG my only review would be a LiveLeak video.

Persona 5 Tactica is a weird game. Atlus had a myriad of quirky marketing tactics to stir up hype for it--like sand art and cakes--but even though I found myself pretty interested in the idea of a new strategy title within the SMT franchise, the excitement for it pre-launch was pretty sparse across the internet. A mere hour or two into Tactica was when I started to feel pretty lukewarm about it myself.

A lot of my complaints come down to one root problem; the price. Everything in and surrounding this game feels as though Atlus was clawing for any small justification over the full 60 dollar price tag, but nothing the game has to offer screams 'full price'. Padding is a noticeable issue throughout a majority of its runtime--most of the dialogue seems to either repeat already established plot points, or serve as fluff simply to allow every member of the Phantom Thieves equal opportunity to voice their thoughts. The first of the four Kingdoms--similar to the Palaces of Persona 5--hosts double the missions of any of the remaining three. Even before I knew the average mission count per Kingdom, I felt my interest in the first one slipping. The first and second Kingdoms, by comparison, felt the most interesting, as they seemed to contain the real brunt of the story that Tactica was trying to tell.

And make no mistake, it is an interesting story. Toshiro and Erina are the two new not-quite members Phantom Thieves, and the story centers very much around them both and no one else. When new aspects of their narrative were being revealed, I was definitely itching for more, however they're very stingily sprinkled between large swathes of same-y missions. The worst of this is within the final Kingdom, where you're made to fight through some of the longest missions in the game, and rematch each of the main bosses you've fought so far. There's no new story during any of this, it's just an excessive leadup to the final boss that had no place in being there save to justify the price tag.

Most of Persona 5 Tactica just had me asking... Why? Who is this game even for? It's not for strategy game fans, as the game is far too easy, even on it's harder difficulties. Fans of Devil Survivor will be yawning just as much as I did through most of it's gameplay. Then is it just for fans of Persona 5, and the Thieves? ... Maybe?? I couldn't shake this feeling of it being a middling game simply wearing the flayed skin of P5. The cool UI is there, but any further interaction with the Phantom Thieves is shallow at best. As for the music... When Persona 5 collabs with now dead mobile games have had tracks that go ten times harder than anything in your Persona 5 spinoff game, I think it's time to reevaluate.

I don't hate Persona 5 Tactica, there were fun times I had with it. Toshiro and Erina are likable, the story--when it's moving--is definitely cool. This is just another case of Atlus greed. I feel like if the 3DS were still alive, this could have legitimately been one of the crazier games on it. I just wouldn't pay more than 30 bucks for it, and sadly, I did!
Now more than ever, I think it's time to move onto other Personas. Unless it's another multi-cast game, I'd be happy if I didn't see the Phantom Thieves for another 40 years.

As a story, Peace Walker is a great time. It has characters that you get a good understanding of through the insane amount of conversations there are, as well as some interesting questions on the nature of nuclear deterrence. More than all of that, though, I mainly enjoyed the further exploration of Snake's feelings on The Boss and her legacy.

That all said, the gameplay is miserable, shooting in particular. The more long winded fights felt difficult not because of the encounters, but because wrestling with the controls during it was like having my fingernails yanked out. Maybe the HD port is better in that regard? Who knows.

By the time I had to start grinding meaningless side missions with no real narrative stimuli just to get the true ending, I was ready to clock out. Some sort of remake of this game would probably let it really shine, but unless that happens, I don't foresee myself going back to it, like I could with other games in the series.

I feel like all gacha games eventually fall to the need for constant key jingling and new tedious activities to keep players brainless and open to spending. Despite being one of my favorites of the genre for the aesthetics it offers, Cookie Run is ultimately no different.

When I take a month long break and come back to 20+ popups for an overwhelming amount of new lobotomy-tier activities, it's safe to say that I won't be chomping at the bit to get back into the swing of things.

I'll just keep taking my life sized cardboard cut-out of Affogatto Cookie out to public dinner dates, without worrying about the game. Dropping the 2 hours a day of cookie chores just gives us more time to kiss.