This is less of a review of Disco Elysium, and more of a small, disorderly, first-impression write-up of the game, but I’ll save you the trouble — It’s a masterpiece, and you should definitely play it. Especially if you’re fucking sad.

The rest of this “review” will contain a lot of spoilers (and personal mushy mushy gross stuff). Be warned.

I’d like to preface this by saying I played Disco Elysium at simultaneously the best and worst time of my life so far. What I mean is that I experienced my first break up while playing Disco Elysium. I’m not going to talk too much about it (Lie), but it really helped me empathise with Harrier Du Bois as well as the rest of Revachol and their relationship with the past (i.e. nostalgia)

Harry regains his memories as if they’re shards of glass. They gently slice his cold flesh as he picks them up one by one. It doesn’t matter. He’ll still scavenge for them. Anything to feel that drunk warmth; A sad, lonely high.

Almost everyone in Martinaise is frozen in time. René proudly displays his uniform and medals, blatantly nostalgic about the reign of the fascist King Frisse. Lillienne, from time to time, reminisces about her deceased husband by the seaside. Klaasje can never truly escape from her crimes — even now she still looks over her shoulder. These people cling to their past as much as they do their ideals.

“Every school of thought and government has failed in this city — but I love it nonetheless. It belongs to me as much as it belongs to you.”

In fact, the whole of Martinaise and by extension, Revachol, is heavily weighed down by its past. Deep craters in the ground, Ruined walls peppered with bullet holes. The scars run deep, but the bodies are buried deeper. What I love about Revachol is how her people interact with her. She is a victim to her people with a troubled past and wounds to show for it, but she’s still here, sleeping peacefully. Waiting for the next war. She loves her people as much as they violently love her.

"No. This is somewhere to be. This is all you have, but it's still something. Streets and sodium lights. The sky, the world. You're still alive."

In a way, Harry and the city parallel each other. The way Harry views the city is not dissimilar to his own mental state: broken and barely hanging on. Dirty and unwashed, but the air is still clear despite seemingly everlasting storms that come and go. I loved seeing this as Harry absorbs the atmosphere, taking in every desolate building and every bullet hole left by a war from another time. He sees himself in the city — and if it can persist, why shouldn’t he?

I also liked the idea of the Pale — what an interesting concept! My friend believes it to be an allusion to climate change and a commentary on the apathy of the people who refuse to address it and how only science and art can navigate and even delay it. It’s a literal and visible end to the world and yet almost no one is freaking out about it. I like to think it’s a manifestation or symbolism of the world’s troubled past — almost everyone can agree on certain facts regarding Revachol’s history but everyone has their own idea of its ‘story’ (i.e. the why) and thus the lessons they can learn from it. Different people cannot agree on the interpretation regarding Revachol’s history and the result is scattered facts across space and time with no one person to put it all together. Eventually, all of Revachol (her past) will be forgotten as a result of her people’s differences and contrasting ideals. Of course, I know about the books and the real lore of the Pale, but I think it’s nice to have your own spin on things once in a while.


At this point I must admit that writing this I have no idea where to go from here, or what to even talk about. There’s so much to say but I’m afraid I don’t have the words to describe my feeling playing the game. Though, I do have one more thing to talk about and it was a subject I was avoiding until now — I think it’s time I talked about my breakup that happened while I was playing the game and how it shaped the way I saw Disco Elysium, and similarly, how Disco Elysium shaped the way I viewed my breakup.

I started Disco Elysium when I was still with my ex. I was pretty happy. I played through the game normally, taking my time to appreciate it. After about a month, I stopped for a while. Life got busy, and I had to serve a mandatory two years in my country, 3 months of which involved being at a regimental camp so needless to say I put my hobbies on hold during that time. During those 3 months, my ex broke up with me. I couldn’t really process it considering I was stuck in a camp and it all happened really quickly. One moment she was there, the next I was alone again. I have had a lot of sleepless nights since then. Then my life felt like shit. I was stuck in a job I was forced to do for 22 months and I had to deal with a crappy breakup on top of that. Many of my friends (who didn’t need to serve) already started going to college and they had their own lives and new social circles to figure out.

I felt left behind. Stuck. Frozen in time.

And as time went on, I slowly had more free time granted to me. I started picking up games and movies again and at the back of my mind was Disco Elysium. I didn’t feel like touching it with a 10-foot pole because I was reminded of my ex everytime I booted it up. Yes, even though I-Miss-My-Wife Harry DuBois was very funny at times I did think that sometimes it hit a little close to home. I felt like I had to confront my emotions a lot whenever I played this game. Not just about her, but also the general feeling of being stuck and not being able to move forward with life. It was a game that very much dealt with issues that I was experiencing, but in return I’d have to face them myself and it was pretty scary. I had already spent so much time trying not to think about all of this and now it was like the game was telling me to undo everything I’d done to shield myself. Despite this, I still managed to play it occasionally.

The telephone scene was a turning point for me. It hit a bit too hard and I sat there for a couple of minutes just mentally going through all sorts of shit. I could see myself in Harry’s shoes doing the exact same thing and probably worse. It was the moment that I realised going through the game was gonna be tough and I started seeing myself in Harry a lot. It feels weird saying that about a fictional character, but whoever wrote this game must have been fucking miserable because I could definitely feel it with Harry’s character and by extension, the author himself. It was agonising to keep playing the game because I just saw myself in so many characters — How stuck they were, their stubbornness to let go, and how desperately they held onto nostalgia as if it made anything better. I’ve never been so invested in a character like Harry. I kept playing because I wanted to see the story to the end, I wanted to see how the author made sense of his pain and maybe I could learn something from it.

And the whole game flew by. It was really good. The tribunal was one of my favourite scenes and the ‘antagonist’ reveal at the end was superb. I loved how they fit into the themes and how they are the epitome of everything wrong with Revachol whilst still managing to invoke such strong sympathy and you can’t help but just feel sorry for them.

But the scenes that really stuck with me were The Creature and the last dream.

To be brutally honest, I cried at the former scene with the creature. My friend was on call with me but he didn’t know I cried but he’s gonna read this now and think “what the fuck” but I’m not gonna lie or deny it. It was a pretty emotional moment.

“I exist.”

”I exist too.”

“Tell me what it’s like for you”

”For me it’s fire, burning”

”Fire? Where?”

”Inside.”
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“I’m glad to be me — an incredibly sensitive instrument.”

“Few of us can begin to imagine the horror of you — with all of creation reflected in your forebrain. It must be like the highest of hells, a kaleidoscope of fire and writhing glass. Eternal damnation. Even when you’re sleeping… And when you wake, you carry it around on your neck. With eyes open that cannot help but swallow more behind the mirror. I feel great, mute empathy for you.”
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“The arthropods are in silent and meaningless awe of you. Know that we are watching — when you're tired, when the visions spin out of control. The insects will be looking on. Rooting for you. And when you fall we will come to raise you up, bud from you, banner-like, blossom from you and carry you apart in a sky funeral.”

At that moment I could barely keep it in. It was cathartic, like I’d been holding it in for so long but somehow at the moment this exchange just started letting it pour out. It was the words I needed in such a sucky moment in my life. And it came from a game no less! How embarrassing is that? I don’t mean to discredit the game though — it had a very, very good buildup to that moment.

Anyway, I thought by the end Harry would move on and get over his ex-something. Weirdly enough, after being so invested in the character, I was kind of feeling the pressure to do the same throughout the game. It seemed like it was going to go in that direction.

The last dream scene was the complete opposite of my expectations. I was almost shattered again. It was so very real to me because it gave me flashbacks to some of the final conversations I’ve had with her, and how I sometimes dream about her following the breakup. About how we’ve talked about everything. About how there’s nothing more to say. About how no matter what I did, I couldn’t change her mind. Honestly, it was the last real kick in the groin before the game ended. A final Fuck you.

“I was someone else then—filled to the brim with love for you. Hanging on your every word. Oh Harry, you were the coolest… But I am no longer that person. This…” She points to herself. “…has taken her place. It will devour you. Harry—I will eat your mind.”
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“But I swore I wouldn’t let you go. You told me — you asked me to be this way.”

“That was someone else. I betrayed her, overwrote her, and am happier for it.”
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“We’ve talked about it a million times. You will get over it, just like I did. People do. Things will get good for you again…”

Rhetoric - Where? in HELL?
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“Oh, yes. This is real darkness. It’s not death, or war, or child molestation. Real darkness has love for a face. The first death is in the heart, Harry,”

“…See you tomorrow.”


Finding closure was never going to be easy. After all, Revacholians are notorious for doing the complete opposite. All this time I assumed he would just get over it, I don’t know — I just wanted to see him win. On the other hand, it just made me remember how hard this “moving on” thing was. And how it’s always been a process. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and I’m not gonna get over my ex because of a video game. I don’t know why I placed that expectation on the author but I was completely (and justifiably) mistaken. And I think that’s for the better.

“I have one more thing to say to you: that woman — turn from the ruin. Turn and go forward.”

Despite the bleakness of Harry’s character and the author's work, I did find a lot of comfort from it. There was also a lot of hope within the world of Disco Elysium. Flashes of silent, wilful optimism were buried deep within the regret of its characters.

I was constantly reminded that I wasn’t the only one when it came to these things, and I’d probably go through it again and again ad infinitum till death. It just so happens that the first time is always the hardest. I don’t think I will forget or erase anything from my memory anytime soon, and I know I still do think about it every so often, maybe more than I’d like to admit. But at the end of the day, there’s still a future and there’s still more to come. It will come to pass and I will laugh about how much I cared and cried about a girl whom I wouldn’t concern myself with in about two, five, ten years’ time.

And judging by those thoughts, I think I’ve already started to move on.