Hey. Szymanski. Now, I know you and Mr. Plier are making the Iron Lung movie. But. And hear me out on this... A Chop Goblins Animated TV Series. Think about it, the kids would love that! You could make toys of each of the goblins and they would fly off the shelves, the comedic and marketing potential of these chopping bastards is limitless! This is where true gold-mine is at! Artistic integrity? That's secondary to funny little gremlins!
Chop Goblins gives off the same feel of a Saturday morning cartoon without having anything to do with one visually nor structurally, but the simple comedic stroke of genius that is the enemies being a bunch of world-ending goobers that only want cheese and the short but fast-paced run-time of the game give the same sensation of sitting in the couch watching a funny cartoon episode.
In the span of one hour you go through a museum, watch the goblins chop cars and buildings, travel through space and time, and also fight Dracula which I don't know why but it seems fitting 'cause sure why not. All the levels are pretty small but very concise and creative spaces that explore different visual styles, being both linear and maze-like at the same time, something I didn't even know was even possible but they pull it off so who am I to complain?
All weapons serve different niches, like the starting pistol being slow as hell but a one shot tool for lesser enemies, and the wand being a ''fuck you'' tool to get out of difficult situations, and then there's the dagger. You can hit axes thrown at you and instakill the enemies with it. The dagger is funny. Everyone loves the dagger and dagger loves us too.
It's not the fastest paced shooter out there by any stretch of the imagination but the lay-out of the rooms and the way each goblin behaves are a puzzle on their own that forces you to think fast and react faster, taking cover and considering what weapon to use or if blowing up the car that's 1 meter away from you is a good decision or not (it usually isn't but I do it anyway), and yeah, it's fun!
Chop Goblins is a short and funny little game and that's pretty much it; after beating it you can try the Goblin difficulty and the Remix levels, but that's pretty much it, and it's fun! I wish there was any way to access the options in the pause menu and that it attempted more interesting set pieces like the ones in the second level, but you know, the game wants to be simple, and I’m not gonna knock that against it, go wild you lovable little bunch of gremlins!
For real tho it’s hilarious this came out just after Iron Lung and was even teased on it, I couldn’t think of games more opposite of each other, and I’m just saying, Iron Lung doesn’t have any goblins, it’s clear who’s the one deserving of an adaptation…
Chop Goblins gives off the same feel of a Saturday morning cartoon without having anything to do with one visually nor structurally, but the simple comedic stroke of genius that is the enemies being a bunch of world-ending goobers that only want cheese and the short but fast-paced run-time of the game give the same sensation of sitting in the couch watching a funny cartoon episode.
In the span of one hour you go through a museum, watch the goblins chop cars and buildings, travel through space and time, and also fight Dracula which I don't know why but it seems fitting 'cause sure why not. All the levels are pretty small but very concise and creative spaces that explore different visual styles, being both linear and maze-like at the same time, something I didn't even know was even possible but they pull it off so who am I to complain?
All weapons serve different niches, like the starting pistol being slow as hell but a one shot tool for lesser enemies, and the wand being a ''fuck you'' tool to get out of difficult situations, and then there's the dagger. You can hit axes thrown at you and instakill the enemies with it. The dagger is funny. Everyone loves the dagger and dagger loves us too.
It's not the fastest paced shooter out there by any stretch of the imagination but the lay-out of the rooms and the way each goblin behaves are a puzzle on their own that forces you to think fast and react faster, taking cover and considering what weapon to use or if blowing up the car that's 1 meter away from you is a good decision or not (it usually isn't but I do it anyway), and yeah, it's fun!
Chop Goblins is a short and funny little game and that's pretty much it; after beating it you can try the Goblin difficulty and the Remix levels, but that's pretty much it, and it's fun! I wish there was any way to access the options in the pause menu and that it attempted more interesting set pieces like the ones in the second level, but you know, the game wants to be simple, and I’m not gonna knock that against it, go wild you lovable little bunch of gremlins!
For real tho it’s hilarious this came out just after Iron Lung and was even teased on it, I couldn’t think of games more opposite of each other, and I’m just saying, Iron Lung doesn’t have any goblins, it’s clear who’s the one deserving of an adaptation…
big time for goblin haters
she gob on my lin til i chop
Where is the cheese Szymanski?!
Unironically good DOOM clone, has a lot of charm, a great graphical style, and its called Chop Goblins, how the hell could you hate it?
Those chop goblin bastards will pay...
$5 for an hour long FPS (or much shorter if you aren't bad like me) is a big selling point. Fun FPS with a humorous premise executed as well as it could be. Weird that there's no jump command, but I suppose that's to keep things as simple as possible. Also kudos to the flintlock pistol, wasn't expecting the starting gun to be incredibly satisfying with how explosive every shot is, but the long reload makes it so you need to aim each shot carefully. Other weapons are solid too, maybe the shotgun feels slightly underpowered but it's still very useful.
Not much else to say, if you need some time to kill then gibbing cheese-loving goblins ain't the worst way to spend a hour on. And if you're interested, there is a leaderboard for high scores, so have fun beating the dev at his own game if you can.
$5 for an hour long FPS (or much shorter if you aren't bad like me) is a big selling point. Fun FPS with a humorous premise executed as well as it could be. Weird that there's no jump command, but I suppose that's to keep things as simple as possible. Also kudos to the flintlock pistol, wasn't expecting the starting gun to be incredibly satisfying with how explosive every shot is, but the long reload makes it so you need to aim each shot carefully. Other weapons are solid too, maybe the shotgun feels slightly underpowered but it's still very useful.
Not much else to say, if you need some time to kill then gibbing cheese-loving goblins ain't the worst way to spend a hour on. And if you're interested, there is a leaderboard for high scores, so have fun beating the dev at his own game if you can.
i choppa da goblins
i love little games like this where the dev is just experimenting with things. now i have to play daikatana.
i love little games like this where the dev is just experimenting with things. now i have to play daikatana.
Nice and funny little game. Varied levels considering its sub-hour length, and it has the Painkiller stake gun. No mid-game settings menu is weird, though. You have to exit to the main menu to change FOV and whatnot.
LET'S! CHOP! GOBLINS!
LET'S! CHOP! GOBLINS!
Bite-sized arcade FPS fun. I'll admit I didn't really "get" Chop Goblins until I'd finished it once. It's a short play. I went into it knowing full well it'd be over in 30 minutes or less. Then I finished it. Then I peeped the achievements and thought, "What the hell," and played it another two times, first on Once Again mode (essentially NG+) and then again on Goblin difficulty (Hard). I cleared out the remaining achievements in less than an hour.
As for the game itself, the asking price is very generous. There's always been a really annoying vocal subsection of capital-G "Gamers" that like to judge games based on the dollar-to-hours-of-content ratio, i.e. if a game is priced at $60, it should have more content than, say, a game priced at $20 or $30. These same critics will also bemoan any $60 title that isn't as polished as other $60 games such as the Last of Us, or Red Dead Redemption 2, or Skyrim. These "Gamers" will gravitate almost exclusively towards AAA-budget, prestige, or open world games (or roguelikes/lites). Their definitions of what a video game SHOULD be is exceedingly narrow. In my opinion, not every game needs to monopolize your time to such an extent that its length dwarfs every other actual facet of its design. The last AAA-budget/prestige/open world game I finished (besides Elden Ring) was Ghost of Tsushima. I played it on and off between other games for about a year. When I'd finally finished it, I couldn't really remember a lot of my early game experiences. I don't remember the names of the main story bosses, but I do remember some optional bosses hidden away behind the game's many wild goose chases. I remember the seasons changing between islands. The only things I remembered super well were the fun combat encounters and the multiplayer component (both incredibly good by the way). I bring this up because games like these are clearly technical marvels and some of the industry's biggest powerhouses churning out high quality, market-tested cinematic AAA experiences... but although you can sink tens or hundreds of hours into these games, I personally have never found the payoff that meaningful. These games often seem more like mountains when sometimes all anyone wants is a short hike.
Chop Goblins is a dangerously short game. The store page even tells you that you can beat it in 30 minutes, it literally underlines it. That means that a lot of people (evildoers) will likely play Chop Goblins once and request a refund through Steam. Anyone that puts in the legwork of buying and playing a $5 game just to refund it are weird. It'd be like complaining to the manager of a fast food place about their burgers and asking for a refund after you've already finished eating it. Who even cares at that point? It's five bucks. I don't know, I doubt that many people have even refunded this game. After all, Szymanski's quality speaks for itself. Not only is Dusk one of my favorite shooters, but Iron Lung (also released last year) also markets itself as a game that is under an hour long. I beat Chop Goblins this morning over a cup of coffee. 30 minutes is the Goldilocks Zone of pick-up-and-play game design to me.
Chop Goblins revels in its brevity. Each level feels fresh and fast. The only downtime comes after clearing a room full of the eponymous Goblins or the backtracking necessary to progress at some points. Every level introduces a new enemy and a new weapon (except for the last level) so there's always new things being thrown at the player. Some weapons can be unlocked early if the player expresses curiosity and scrutiny towards the environment. I actually discovered most of the secrets on my own (except for the Wand of the Corinthians in Level Four, which I did have to look up). At one point, a building explodes and a squad of Goblins going for a joyride in a hatchback blasts into a parking lot, a murderous automobile morphing the city streets into a bastardized bull run. While first-time players will panic and gun down the vehicle from a safe distance, less-cautious players can turn this setpiece into a tool: using the vehicle to launch themselves long and high distances to obtain extra coins, and even find Level Three's weapon (the Impaler) early.
It wasn't until my Goblin difficulty playthrough that I realized just how generous the items in this game were. Almost every room/arena comes with enough health/ammo to keep you healthy and trigger-happy every step of the way. The final level does introduce a steep difficulty spike, although the game ALSO expects you to be using your BFG analogue (the Wand of Corinthians) liberally at this point. The final room hands you an excess of health and ammo and way too many enemies, and players are expected to BFGspam their way to victory, in a sense. It's actually a really fun ending, but on my first playthrough I was a little underwhelmed and confused.
Some of my only complaints might be confined to the final level which, yes, does feel significantly harder than anything before; however, again, it's nothing unfair -- just don't be afraid to use your Wand. Although every level feels very distinct visually and design-wise, Level Five does feel very un-Chop-Goblins-like, starting in a generic post-apocalyptic asset-flip-esque environment (assumedly this is a stylistic choice), before descending into dark, neon hallways. This level doesn't sour the experience but it does feel remarkedly TOO claustrophobic in some parts. The new enemy introduced is just a stronger Green Goblin with more health, which throws laser axes now, and faster. Level Five feels more like a victory lap than a test of strength or endurance though, as one room allows players to kill a bunch of Goblins at work, their eyes glued to their workstations; this moment feels more like a freebie to rack up the score multiplier, and it's well appreciated. The final room is again a treat to experience now that I know how it's meant to be approached.
It's weird that the only boss in this game is Dracula.
As for the game itself, the asking price is very generous. There's always been a really annoying vocal subsection of capital-G "Gamers" that like to judge games based on the dollar-to-hours-of-content ratio, i.e. if a game is priced at $60, it should have more content than, say, a game priced at $20 or $30. These same critics will also bemoan any $60 title that isn't as polished as other $60 games such as the Last of Us, or Red Dead Redemption 2, or Skyrim. These "Gamers" will gravitate almost exclusively towards AAA-budget, prestige, or open world games (or roguelikes/lites). Their definitions of what a video game SHOULD be is exceedingly narrow. In my opinion, not every game needs to monopolize your time to such an extent that its length dwarfs every other actual facet of its design. The last AAA-budget/prestige/open world game I finished (besides Elden Ring) was Ghost of Tsushima. I played it on and off between other games for about a year. When I'd finally finished it, I couldn't really remember a lot of my early game experiences. I don't remember the names of the main story bosses, but I do remember some optional bosses hidden away behind the game's many wild goose chases. I remember the seasons changing between islands. The only things I remembered super well were the fun combat encounters and the multiplayer component (both incredibly good by the way). I bring this up because games like these are clearly technical marvels and some of the industry's biggest powerhouses churning out high quality, market-tested cinematic AAA experiences... but although you can sink tens or hundreds of hours into these games, I personally have never found the payoff that meaningful. These games often seem more like mountains when sometimes all anyone wants is a short hike.
Chop Goblins is a dangerously short game. The store page even tells you that you can beat it in 30 minutes, it literally underlines it. That means that a lot of people (evildoers) will likely play Chop Goblins once and request a refund through Steam. Anyone that puts in the legwork of buying and playing a $5 game just to refund it are weird. It'd be like complaining to the manager of a fast food place about their burgers and asking for a refund after you've already finished eating it. Who even cares at that point? It's five bucks. I don't know, I doubt that many people have even refunded this game. After all, Szymanski's quality speaks for itself. Not only is Dusk one of my favorite shooters, but Iron Lung (also released last year) also markets itself as a game that is under an hour long. I beat Chop Goblins this morning over a cup of coffee. 30 minutes is the Goldilocks Zone of pick-up-and-play game design to me.
Chop Goblins revels in its brevity. Each level feels fresh and fast. The only downtime comes after clearing a room full of the eponymous Goblins or the backtracking necessary to progress at some points. Every level introduces a new enemy and a new weapon (except for the last level) so there's always new things being thrown at the player. Some weapons can be unlocked early if the player expresses curiosity and scrutiny towards the environment. I actually discovered most of the secrets on my own (except for the Wand of the Corinthians in Level Four, which I did have to look up). At one point, a building explodes and a squad of Goblins going for a joyride in a hatchback blasts into a parking lot, a murderous automobile morphing the city streets into a bastardized bull run. While first-time players will panic and gun down the vehicle from a safe distance, less-cautious players can turn this setpiece into a tool: using the vehicle to launch themselves long and high distances to obtain extra coins, and even find Level Three's weapon (the Impaler) early.
It wasn't until my Goblin difficulty playthrough that I realized just how generous the items in this game were. Almost every room/arena comes with enough health/ammo to keep you healthy and trigger-happy every step of the way. The final level does introduce a steep difficulty spike, although the game ALSO expects you to be using your BFG analogue (the Wand of Corinthians) liberally at this point. The final room hands you an excess of health and ammo and way too many enemies, and players are expected to BFGspam their way to victory, in a sense. It's actually a really fun ending, but on my first playthrough I was a little underwhelmed and confused.
Some of my only complaints might be confined to the final level which, yes, does feel significantly harder than anything before; however, again, it's nothing unfair -- just don't be afraid to use your Wand. Although every level feels very distinct visually and design-wise, Level Five does feel very un-Chop-Goblins-like, starting in a generic post-apocalyptic asset-flip-esque environment (assumedly this is a stylistic choice), before descending into dark, neon hallways. This level doesn't sour the experience but it does feel remarkedly TOO claustrophobic in some parts. The new enemy introduced is just a stronger Green Goblin with more health, which throws laser axes now, and faster. Level Five feels more like a victory lap than a test of strength or endurance though, as one room allows players to kill a bunch of Goblins at work, their eyes glued to their workstations; this moment feels more like a freebie to rack up the score multiplier, and it's well appreciated. The final room is again a treat to experience now that I know how it's meant to be approached.
It's weird that the only boss in this game is Dracula.
I liked the part where i chop goblins
Don't play if you are allergic to fun
The goblins are cute. And dead.
CHOP CHOP
WHERE'S THE CHEESE
AVENGE ME
Utterly goofy game but as always from David, a great time. Cool level designs!
WHERE'S THE CHEESE
AVENGE ME
Utterly goofy game but as always from David, a great time. Cool level designs!
Um bom FPS passatempo para caso você tenha gostado de Dusk.
O jogo é bem curtinho até, tendo apenas 5 fases e podendo durar 30-90 minutos dependendo da sua performance, por causa disso o jogo nunca fica genuinamente repetitivo, pois o jogo é tão curto que ele acaba muito, mas muito antes dele ficar repetitivo, e as fases conseguem ser legais até, com uma temática bem diferente uma da outra, tipo, tu vai de uma cidade para o castelo do Dracula e daí para a Grécia Antiga, e não estou inventando isso.
A gameplay é essencialmente Dusk só que menor, com menor variedade de armas, inimigos, e especialmente fases, tendo umas 4 armas no jogo (sem contar a faca), o bom é que, devido a quantidade pequena, todas as armas são genuinamente úteis. A variedade de inimigos é até que decente para um jogo tão curto, tendo aproximadamente 6 tipos de inimigos diferentes (sem contar os chefes).
Enfim, jogo legalzinho que funciona perfeitamente como passatempo, mas que por ser isso, e também ser só um Dusk menos, não consigo dar uma nota muito maior.
8.5/10 como passatempo 6.5/10 como jogo de verdade
O jogo é bem curtinho até, tendo apenas 5 fases e podendo durar 30-90 minutos dependendo da sua performance, por causa disso o jogo nunca fica genuinamente repetitivo, pois o jogo é tão curto que ele acaba muito, mas muito antes dele ficar repetitivo, e as fases conseguem ser legais até, com uma temática bem diferente uma da outra, tipo, tu vai de uma cidade para o castelo do Dracula e daí para a Grécia Antiga, e não estou inventando isso.
A gameplay é essencialmente Dusk só que menor, com menor variedade de armas, inimigos, e especialmente fases, tendo umas 4 armas no jogo (sem contar a faca), o bom é que, devido a quantidade pequena, todas as armas são genuinamente úteis. A variedade de inimigos é até que decente para um jogo tão curto, tendo aproximadamente 6 tipos de inimigos diferentes (sem contar os chefes).
Enfim, jogo legalzinho que funciona perfeitamente como passatempo, mas que por ser isso, e também ser só um Dusk menos, não consigo dar uma nota muito maior.
8.5/10 como passatempo 6.5/10 como jogo de verdade
From the creator of DUSK comes this delightfully twisted game, Chop Goblins. It's short, charming, and will only set you back a little to nothing. While it may not reach the heights of DUSK, the game's short duration doesn't diminish its entertainment value, making it a perfect choice for a fun and light-hearted afternoon of gaming.
Well, David, you're an odd fella, but I must say – you chop a good gobllin
>Be me
>they call me chopgoblinboy
>I chop all the goblins
>”hey chopgoblinboy, we need more goblins chopped”
>never happier than when chopping goblins
picture related
>they call me chopgoblinboy
>I chop all the goblins
>”hey chopgoblinboy, we need more goblins chopped”
>never happier than when chopping goblins
picture related
David Szymanski could punch my teeth down my throat and I would pay him $4.99 for the privilege.
Chop Goblins is not a good game in the way that Elden Ring is a good game, but I had fun with this short and silly romp. If you can get it on sale for under $4, I think it's worth it. I have only played a couple David Szymanski's games, but I'm pretty interested.
It'll probably only last you a couple hours if you 100% the thing like I did, but I enjoyed my time here. It's amusing with its nonsensical “story” and love-to-hate goblins. Your arsenal is thematically clashing yet all works well, and I like that you can stab and shoot at the same time. When you're using a two handed weapon, a third hand and arm appear to help you do some extra damage. I don't think it's as memorable as Squirrel Stapler or Iron Lung, but there's also a bit more to see, here.
There's not much to say about this brief boomer shooter other than I'm glad I gave it my time.
I recommend Chop Goblins, especially if you can get it on sale and don't mind the game being pretty short.
It'll probably only last you a couple hours if you 100% the thing like I did, but I enjoyed my time here. It's amusing with its nonsensical “story” and love-to-hate goblins. Your arsenal is thematically clashing yet all works well, and I like that you can stab and shoot at the same time. When you're using a two handed weapon, a third hand and arm appear to help you do some extra damage. I don't think it's as memorable as Squirrel Stapler or Iron Lung, but there's also a bit more to see, here.
There's not much to say about this brief boomer shooter other than I'm glad I gave it my time.
I recommend Chop Goblins, especially if you can get it on sale and don't mind the game being pretty short.
This should be like the poster child for what is actually meant by I want shorter games with worse graphics because this incredibly silly goofy little 40 minute shooter is so cozy and charming and yet still shows the hallmarks of what made Dusk's level design and gun play so satisfying and special, just in a smaller funnier package for 5 bucks
That soundtrack fucking slaps too
That soundtrack fucking slaps too
This is what Stephen King meant by "going goblin" on his Twitter
I want a chop goblin plush
Short (like a goblin) to the point (like the knives the goblins have) and all around great fun (goblins enjoy the concept also)
Varied levels, varied enemies, great soundtrack. It's been a while since a joke game has been this good
Varied levels, varied enemies, great soundtrack. It's been a while since a joke game has been this good
David went and made Chasm: The Rift actually good.
A neat little bite-sized boomer shooter. Pretty basic overall, but it's an entertaining hour or so and does what it sets out to do.
"Bom" talvez seja um adjetivo muito forte, então fiquemos com "suficiente" e pouco divertido. Pode-se dizer que Chop Goblins, em sua pequeníssima hora de conteúdo, trata-se de um lembrete da essência e das características de um sólido boomer shooter, porém, nada mais do que isso.
Acho maravilhoso como a simplicidade me carrega na diversão de boomer shooter... mas não passa disso.
Porém, também, esse jogo não entrega mais que isso.
Autoria e diversão são coisas que estão completamente atrelados em Chop Goblin e isso o torna muito real.
valeu a pena, curto e divertido com set pieces bem inteligentes e divertidos
Porém, também, esse jogo não entrega mais que isso.
Autoria e diversão são coisas que estão completamente atrelados em Chop Goblin e isso o torna muito real.
valeu a pena, curto e divertido com set pieces bem inteligentes e divertidos
Love the part where the goblins said “it’s choppin time” and chopped all over the screen
Goblen
Good rofl/TimeSplitters from shooter`s "Kojima"