Beaten in spirit, not technically (put a pin in that).

As a remaster, barebones. As an original Xbox mecha game with proto-Armored Core 4 controls? Pretty damn fun.

It has some poorly explained mechanics (how investment works isn't really explained in an understandable way) but the core gameplay of fuckin up shit is just enjoyable on such a primal level.

It has some wild difficulty spikes (battleship level and Liberty Island level say hello) but once you have two of the top-tier energy chainguns you can just farm Arizona for an hour and never need to worry about money again.

The writing and voice acting are top tier kitsch, with everyone clearly enjoying their ridiculous lines. Especially the actor for Richard Hawk who is loving every second of playing an over-the-top villain.

The musical score is great, with the main two contributors being FROM's own Kota Hoshino supplying some nice rock jams and contractor Shohei Tsuchiya doing most of the soundtrack. Tsuchiya in particular does all or the majority of the unlockable tracks which are almost all bangers. "Boku no Moku" especially.

Back to the pin. I say beaten in spirit because I basically got to the end. However both times I was either close to finishing Liberty Island, something bad happened. First my computer's hard drive died completely. Then the PS4 kept crashing on victory. My copy is clearly cursed, and I dare not tempt fate.

In closing, I will leave you with one of the strongest quotes I've seen in a piece of fiction recently, from the ending to the Chicago level of this very game:

"I looked up, and saw God. And you know what?

"God is made of steel."

This was a very fun game about blowing things up with a giant robot. The story is hilarious and over the top, the explosions are satisfying, the soundtrack is incredible and unique with its funkiness, the graphics look great for a game made in 2004, and the missions are really fun. However, this game also has some serious issues. The difficulty curve is all over the place. The game is either way too difficult, or stuck on easy mode once you get the higher tiers of machine guns and bazookas. If you grind the early missions a little bit, you'll unlock the best guns in the game by upgrading your research all the way to the top for machine guns and bazookas. This is an automatic way to win the game, and completely neuters the experience. That being said, the game is far too unforgiving without these weapons because it kicks you to the beginning of the level if you fail. There's really no "happy medium" when it comes to the difficulty, so it ends up being as satisfying as a wet fart. This is not the "tough but fair" FromSoft challenge that you'll get with their other games. The final boss was also complete garbage. He's far too difficult to fight fairly, but taking pot shots at him from behind a piece of level geometry makes the boss far too easy. Thus, emblematic of my entire experience with the game. It still gets 3.5 stars because it's still a ton of fun, and the cheesy story and voice acting made this fever dream of a game live in my head rent free. Plus, the game is set around the current year and our next president will be our 47th, so I'm looking forward to president Michael Wilson, 2024!

Metal Wolf Chaos is incredible and terrible in equal measure across every element. The story concept is completely insane and hilarious, but the game feels like it's missing 80% of the cutscenes that explain how anything gets from one point to another. There's a point where you talk to a character, it fades to black, and in the next cutscene they've been kidnapped and ask if you can ever forgive them for betraying you. There is zero explanation for this series of events and it is never addressed afterwards. The voice acting is "terrible" in the best way, but the writing itself is clunky with abysmal broken English and lines of dialogue that get cut off mid-sentence. The action is completely over the top and it feels great to save America by blowing most of it up, but weapons do a seemingly random amount of damage on every shot, anything that's not a rocket launcher is effectively useless, and the bosses have unbelievably cheap attacks that tear through your health faster than an executive order. A total lack of checkpoints guarantees you'll be slogging through entire levels, bracing for the return of a boss' third-phase invisible attack.

To the outside observer, Metal Wolf Chaos is loud, obnoxious, deliriously over-the-top, with explosions and patriotism as far as the eye can see. To the player, it's a series of half-baked systems designed to undermine the entire experience and, in some ways, actively work against its enjoyment.

To put it simply: it's the perfect American game.

it's so unbelievably funny that the game fromsoftware would make for the american xbox to be published by the american megacorporation microsoft was a power fantasy filled with unfeasible amounts of american stereotyping. the excessive craving for hollywood heroism, the cultic obsession with freedom, and the unapologetic use of violence to get what one wants, alongside some other idiosyncracies like the freedom of the press and glorification of the military, metal wolf chaos is like a game trying to appeal to americans from an outsider perspective. and as an american it works because it makes for such a ridiculously funny game. pair that with the terrible voice acting and batshit insane plot, the hyper-american reality of this game's world becomes beyond entertaining. blowing shit up because "im the president of the great united states of america," stomping on tiny army men and rescuing hostages because you "believe in your own justice," saving the country from richard hawk's tyranny because i want him to "suck on my missile punch." the absurdity of its combat scenarios and the stupidity of its dialogue are so good, im probably gonna be quoting this game for a while now and my friends are gonna think my mind's deteriorated more than it has. and that soundtrack? jesus christ. kota hoshino, but also shohei tsuchiya, are fucking insane. the music is so good, ranging from hip-hop anthems to sporadic jazz to inspiring rock music, the ost takes a trip through the musical history of america while providing banger after banger. desperately need to play evergrace more than ever now to hear that soundtrack.

metal wolf chaos is basically as what i see most people describe it as, a worse armored core game. but in the writing and jank of its combat, it's wholly a new experience. a road trip through american iconography. a figurative slice of americana that comes close to being as sweet as apple pie. a must play for anybody checking out fromsoft's older ludography, or anybody wanting to play a game that's "so bad that it's good."

god is made of steel, and his name is michael wilson.

Absolutely fucking stupid game. That's a positive. Fast paced blow-shit-up gameplay with an excellent soundtrack and ridiculous dialogues with absurd voice acting. Port is excellent. Fun as FUCK. Pretty good graphics for its time.

Has some flaws, such as how absurd the final boss can get and how energy pods are usually hidden in random breakables, of which there are hundreds if not thousands in every level (it's not as bad as the spirits in Otogi but it's similar, and I think the Otogi team was responsible for this one too). Also some weapon classes are just straight up useless (actually, about half are).

Can get a bit repetitive but it's super short (6h for me) and doesn't overstay its welcome. Has some sort of NG+, which is nice but idk if I want to deal with that (though I kinda wanna rescue all POWs for the Sword of Moonlight).

I love Jody, I wanna marry her.

As much as I enjoy the cheesy cutscenes and voice-acting, the levels typically either bore me or annoy me. Damage feels inconsistent in that sometimes my bazookas will destroy things in two hits and other times in 10 combined with stomps and machine gun fire. Damage from enemies also feels inconsistent since sometimes I can survive in the middle of a group of enemies no problem and other times i have to run from a couple. This inconsistency combined with the lack of checkpoints gets very infuriating. The levels also just generally feel pretty same-y in both visuals and gameplay with the only differences being some target locations and time limits. I've also had my fair amount of crashes which were very annoying.