represents a paradigm shift in the way bad games are produced. gone are the brain melting glitches, interminable gameplay sequences, and actual heart born out of barely functioning custom engines built by 3 people in the basements of office buildings in some of new jersey's most fucked up municipalities. in their place, unity and unreal optimization bugs, cookie cutter models and animations purchased off asset stores, and an endless parade of content creators with names like "uncle fucksticks" or "the silly british twat" ready to declare the latest boring, unfunny piece of garbage the "worst game of all time". that's why this game earns the SlimeEnthusiast official seal of peeyoo! i'd rather put a video game in my arse than play this thing! this is worse than finding bits of shite in your bradbury's jam and toast! 1 star.............................out of 5!

This game has gained quite a reputation for being notoriously terrible, and I went in expecting more of a "so bad it's good" kind of vibe. However, it turned out to be just plain boring after a while. I must admit, though, the opening is surprisingly entertaining and funny, giving a good glimpse of the game's mechanics. Credit where it's due. The game is essentially divided into driving and combat arenas. While there have been many complaints about the driving, I personally didn't find it that terrible. Admittedly, I'm not very familiar with racing games, so maybe my perspective is different. As for the combat, it was more functional than I anticipated. However, Jake's kick move is ridiculously overpowered, repeatedly stunning enemies. Personally, I found shooting the enemies to be much more effective. Although, the continuous slow-motion effect triggered by headshots became particularly annoying over time. So, I was stuck choosing between the incredibly time-consuming melee or the really bothersome slow-motion headshots.

The story is laughably bad, centering around Jake's revenge plot as he tries to take down various gang members who killed his little brother. It's painfully obvious how unfinished this game is. One part made me go, "Holy shit, this can't be real." There was this text that appeared next to Jake saying, "All enemies in this arena have been cleared." Fixing such a simple issue would literally take 3 seconds in the development build. It really puts into perspective the insane production cycle this game must have had. In summary, it's a far more interesting game to learn about than it is to actually play.

What can I say, the allure of being a biker got me interested in this game? I just tried it with no knowledge of it at all, I saw a few screenshots and went for it. The game seems okay at first until you realize something. There are no graphics options in this game, you know you are getting into something bad if it has no graphics options. After playing the broken up, badly done intro, I thought the game would be at least playable, I was wrong.

You play as a biker named Jake who comes back home from serving in the army. Your little brother gets into some trouble and is killed by a rival biker gang. You now have a vendetta against the Devil’s Hand, this all started after they recognized your jacket which is from the Retribution gang. It was your dad’s old gang and now you are stuck with his mess. It seems a bit promising, but everything just falls apart after the first mission. Where do I start? How about quick time events, the X and Y buttons actually aren’t even recognized during these sequences so you always fail them. The X and Y buttons work fine in combat, but for some reason are completely broken during QTE’s…good job guys. Second, the animations and voice acting are just so bad. When Jake is holding a gun his hand doesn’t even go around it properly, the list goes on.

The combat is terrible and boring. Mash X and Y forever, sometimes Y will appear above an enemy to counter-attack. It doesn’t help that the camera is all over the place, but the worst is the shooting. It takes 10 bullets to drop an enemy unless you aim for the head. The aiming is so bad and the acceleration is awful. When you move the reticle over it suddenly speeds way up in less than a second. The cover system is just as bad. Blind fire doesn’t even work, Jake just shoots at the cover he’s in. What kind of pile of crap is this? The game tries to sell itself on the many sex scenes that are in the game, but they are awkward and there’s not even any nudity. It looks like two plastic dolls humping each other. Jake has sex with a female mechanic with her overalls on, yeah explain how that works?

I can’t really say anything good about this game. The screenshots may look good, but the game is really ugly. All the settings are turned all the way down by default and you can’t change them in the .ini file. The game is supposed to support DirectX 11 and other features, at this stage it looks like a first-gen Xbox 360 game. I still wonder how Deep Silver allowed this game to be published. Even the driving sequences are bad, the motorcycle drives at 500 mph and feels like a squirrely boat. There are times when you need to use QTEs to knock down opponents, but again, the X and Y buttons aren’t registered and you always fail them.

There’s really nothing to say about the game that’s good except it has violence and sex. Even that is poorly done. The game is playable, but just barely and only while you wrestle with all the game mechanics that should just work. It’s like the devs started making this game, didn’t like how it was going, but had to release it anyway, so they submitted their alpha build and called it a day. Ride to Hell is the worst game I have played all year, just stop yourself from making the same mistake.

You have to appreciate the characters' stories being on par with watching Sons of Anarchy while you have a life threatening fever.

You have to stand in awe of the gameplay being delayed from when you hit a button to when your character actually performs that action.

Be witness to the the worst cutscenes ever animated and presented, not only having sound effects not load in properly multiple times, but the textures not loading on character models for minutes at a time.

Stand in awe of the worst combat mechanics that pile on literal dozens of weapons you will never care about because you can just kick everyone to death in hand to hand combat.

Be amazed as you will fall through the floor multiple times and cause game breaking crashes that may wipe your save file meaning you have to start ALL OVER AGAIN!

Have your mouth hanging in slack jawed wonder as your main character Jake Conway has clothes-on sex with random women and the game keeps track of that as a collectible achievement!

Hold your arms spread wide and embrace the worst shooting controls that may sometimes cause your aim to jerk up randomly to the sky when you're trying to do headshots on guys that run at you in a straight line like lemmings!

Shit your pants in terror as you realize this was also sold in stores on the Xbox 360 and realize that it had to receive an MSRP rating, meaning somebody else HAD to play this, somebody else HAD to see this!

This game is a masterpiece
A love letter to terrible themes, characters, and gameplay!

The perfect storm of a dogshit video game, nothing like this will ever be released in stores again!

Truly the King of Bad Video Games

Despite my rating, I absolutely beg anyone else that hasn't to play it, or look it up since you can't buy it anymore.

An important lesson in game design was shared in that: Game design is fucking hard, dude.